Advice on helping my 11 year old lose weight

My son is 11 years old and weighs 225lbs. He is 5'7. Both myself and my husband have had weight issues our whole life as well as medical problems caused by obesity. I don't want my son to grow up like we have. But I also dont want to hurt his self esteem and self image of himself like my family brutally tore mine up my entire life. Can anyone recommend a way to talk to him and do it in a way that's not going to be mean. I have tried before as well as my husband and it just doesnt seem to stick. We have tried talking to his pediatrician, who recommended a nutritionist, who told us basically. Yes hes fat, cut out the junk food, get him involved in sports, stop enabling him. We have done that and he will stick with it for a week then give up and say he cant do it. We have started and stopped diets for the last year but he just doesn't think there is anything wrong with being a big kid. He gets straight A's is basically a wonderful, social child but I am so worried about what kids will do and say to him in middle and high school. I grew up with bulling constantly over my weight in high school and learned to fight my way out of the humiliation to where no one said anything out loud to me again. I had very few friends because of it and turned into a unsocial loner. I don't want this for him. Anyone that can offer advice on how to talk to him without his self esteem getting funked up in the process?

if there's no junk in the house, he can't eat it. that's the first thing. i have an Aunt who was obsessed with her daughter's weight. my Aunt was skinny and the daughter was chubby. my Aunt was constantly on her about her weight and forcing her to eat different dinner items than the rest of the family. her daughter (my cousin) must have felt like she was being punished because of that. here's the rub. My Aunt would still have all sorts of snack/junk foods in the house for herself, my uncle, and my other cousin. of course, the overweight daughter would eat those too when my Aunt wasn't around. i watched them struggle and battle each other over that for years. it never was resolved. my cousin ended up having gastric bypass and i'm sure she's got lots of emotional scars from the struggle. she used to cut herself in her teen years. it was not my place to get involved in that when it was happening (i was late teens/early twenties), but now i'd pull my Aunt aside and tell her to knock off the criticism. don't buy junk food. don't have it in the house. lead by example. something like that i think is the best way to go. the child should NEVER know that the rest of the house has different eating rules than they do. at 11, they can't understand that and will think of it as punishment and the parents not loving them the same as other kids.

but i'm not a therapist or anything like that, so take this opinion for what you paid for it... exactly $0.00.

At 11 it is going to be hard as hella to change a child's habits without some serious dedication. He is now used to the 'old way' and won't want to change - he will fight you tooth and nail but YOU are the parent and that weight is not healthy at his height at any age! Now..he's 11, so he hasn't hit his growth spurt yet, there's still hope he will lean out a little but this will not save him if his habits aren't under control by then.. I'm sure I'm going to get it for this but..

If he is buying junk food then stop giving him money.
If he is eating junk food at home then stop buying it.
If he sneaks it somewhere else then do not allow him to go there.
If he has a medical condition that is causing the weight gain then he needs medical help.

You can't force him to do anything but you need to stop enabling the behavior.

I agree with this. Also, talk to the other parents and let them know he should not be eating a bunch of junk there (don't know how that will go over, but if you know them well it might work).

I think the first thing to do is to be a good rolemodel for him. If you don't want him to eat it or drink it then you and your husband shouldn't either. if you don't want him eating certain things, make sure you are grocery shopping weekly for fresh fruits and vegetables. Get him involved in cooking and baking with you. Cut out video game and tv time to a specific amount per day and go for family walks, bike rides, etc.

Buy bikes for the whole family and do things together on the weekend. If you can't make a regular sports schedule and don't have help getting him places find something that has various time slots that he can attend (like martial arts or a boxing gym . . . how cool would a boxing gym be to an 11 year old?). He has friends, see what his friends are doing and if their parents can help when you and the husband just can't get him to things. Food is only part of a healthy lifestyle and if you don't instill movement now he'll really have issues down the road. As far as "diet" it's not a "diet" it's your family's life style. You eat as a family and eat healthfully as a family, no crazy snacks laying about, but having healthy and yummy snacks available is an important part of the process. A little lemon juice helps fruit stay fresh and pre cut fruit or bite sized fruit and veggies (for some reason) seems to go faster with kids then whole fruits and veggies. My mom always kept convenient food around the house, but never convenience foods. If he's eating right at home by having the right foods available for him at home it shouldn't matter that he's having a little x, y, or z one or two days a week at a friends house. Also, you need to pre plan for when he's going to friends homes, talk to the parents before hand and find out what they're serving so that you can adjust what you're providing him accordingly. He's 11, he shouldn't have to stress about it, but he does need to learn about nutrition and movement. Everything is difficult when you're 11, persistence and consistency is your job not his.

I think you already know the answers just seem to have a problem with following through. As a mom to a 12year old who weighs 170 and has ADHD I agree with what the nutritionist said. You need to get him involved with sports and give him more nutritional stuff. I myself have substituted alot of the snacks and stuff we use at home for less calorie ones. I do not like to make my son feel deprived but I do teach him that there needs to have self control. My boy plays football every year if he didnt he would definitely be over 200lbs he has decided this year to join basketball and after trying out he decided to follow through and go for it.

I say remove any junk food you have around the house and substitute. Instead of ice cream, freez yogurt, instead of regular chips every once in a while get the light jays or baked ones, try healthy life bread instead of regular bread if you do sandwiches, etc. Every little bit counts. I do understand you do not have control of him when he is else where ( I go through the same thing) but if you start at home that little bit you do does help.

If he is sneaking food, it goes under lock and key. I have a friend that had to paddle lock their refrigerator because their son was on the same path.

I did this for a while but in the end I decided against it. I wanted my son to work on the self discipline of watching what he ate and I saw it having damaging effects on him i also was concerned he would go to school and say my mom locks the fridge and I would get a call from child services LOL #kiddingnotkidding

He is eleven and overweight, Time is of the essence.

I wholeheartedly agree with this, you have to do it now or one day it will be too late

just get the kid moving. Diets are a set up for failure.

You must lead by example.

No junk food in the house!

I was overweight/borderline obese in grade school, was bullied by peers as soon as I entered middle school and quickly developed an eating disorder. That lasted until I found a sport I actually liked: swimming (ironically) on a team. My parents put me in everything from basketball to tennis to soccer and I hated/quit them all, but without that searching, I would never have found swimming.

Maybe your 11-year-old isn't a traditional team player, so AS A FAMILY, try biking, hiking, rowing, yard-work, etc. until you find something active he enjoys. Don't single him out. You need to change habits together. Teach by example, which I know is easier said than done.

I'll never forget the thousands of sit-ups my mother made me do as a 4th grader which didn't help (you can't target fat loss) and only made me turn to more food for comfort. If she had switched off the TV and said, "We are all going for a bike ride," I would have actually enjoyed that.

Oh, I should say, my parents were health nuts before it was cool (early 80s) and we never had junk-food, processed food or :sad: sugar cereal in the house. And I was still fat.

If he doesnt have a problem with his weight then you should just leave him alone... Its his body.

If he doesnt have a problem with his weight then you should just leave him alone... Its his body.

YOU have got to be kidding me. This child is going to have a miserable diseased life if he does not get in order NOW. Just "letting it go" would amount to child abuse and endangerment.