Advice on helping my 11 year old lose weight
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Kids learn from what they are told but more importantly from what they see and the examples his parents set - it's got to be a whole family thing.
He's a big lad for his age in height as well - are there any sports he LIKES where size and strength are an asset? He's got to enjoy them or he will view it as a punishment. Rugby, American Football, Martial Arts?
Boys often have a huge growth spurt which is a perfect opportunity to lose some fat while he gets taller.0 -
If he is sneaking food, it goes under lock and key. I have a friend that had to paddle lock their refrigerator because their son was on the same path.
I did this for a while but in the end I decided against it. I wanted my son to work on the self discipline of watching what he ate and I saw it having damaging effects on him
i also was concerned he would go to school and say my mom locks the fridge and I would get a call from child services LOL #kiddingnotkidding
He is eleven and overweight, Time is of the essence.
I wholeheartedly agree with this, you have to do it now or one day it will be too late0 -
You said you get him involved with sports but he won't stick with it... this is what the doctor's mean by enabling. I have my girls enrolled in dance class and every time they have new challenges and they don't learn the move right away they whine about how hard it is and want to quit. I, as the parent, say NO, and remind them that they have mastered skills they thought were too hard in the past. If you're not able to find something he might like and make him participate then trade him time for those things he wants to do... 1 hour of TV, or video games, etc, for every 30 minutes of running or fast walking or jumping jacks or whatever. If you can't control what he's putting in his mouth, and I do understand this, you have to be the bad guy with exercise. Who cares if he hates you for it in the short term or even the long term its your job and your rewards will come. Just don't sweat it if you feel like you are working as hard as he in in the beginning, think of it like potty training. You have to take them to the potty and put them on it a lot before they start telling you they need to go and then there is still some time you'll be there at the sidelines holding the tissue and encouraging them to get it done.0
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just get the kid moving. Diets are a set up for failure.
You must lead by example.
No junk food in the house!0 -
Everyone here has said exactly what I'm thinking....control the house, NO junk, no pop, no options.....and lead by example. Walk to the store, walk to get the paper ect ect...Another thing I'd like to throw in. Children really are most greatly influenced by their same sex parent. So, basically you can "talk" as much as you wish, if he sees dad sitting and drinking pop, your words are having no impact. In my house, my husband drinks pop with dinner... I do not, I only drink water. My 2 year old has never had pop touch her lips and she is NEVER interested in what daddy's drinking at dinner, but she is always up in my lap drinking out of my water glass and constantly at the water filter wanting water like mommy has.......so definitely something to keep in mind! I also strongly agree with cutting out the word "diet".....it has such a negative connotation. Sit him down, tell him that you have decided the 3 of you deserve better....your going to stop filling your bodies with foods that make you tired and start making choices that are going to give you tons of energy and help all of you live a long healthy and happy life.....tell him it's going to be hard and that you've all made mistakes but this is a new chapter for everyone, get a calendar and stickers or something and let him mark off every day you've all been "junk" free....let him have a treat every now and then but explain they are meant to be "treats"...not fuel for you body.....Good luck!0
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I was overweight/borderline obese in grade school, was bullied by peers as soon as I entered middle school and quickly developed an eating disorder. That lasted until I found a sport I actually liked: swimming (ironically) on a team. My parents put me in everything from basketball to tennis to soccer and I hated/quit them all, but without that searching, I would never have found swimming.
Maybe your 11-year-old isn't a traditional team player, so AS A FAMILY, try biking, hiking, rowing, yard-work, etc. until you find something active he enjoys. Don't single him out. You need to change habits together. Teach by example, which I know is easier said than done.
I'll never forget the thousands of sit-ups my mother made me do as a 4th grader which didn't help (you can't target fat loss) and only made me turn to more food for comfort. If she had switched off the TV and said, "We are all going for a bike ride," I would have actually enjoyed that.
Oh, I should say, my parents were health nuts before it was cool (early 80s) and we never had junk-food, processed food or :sad: sugar cereal in the house. And I was still fat.0 -
Honestly, sometimes it takes a low blow to the self-esteem to get things in motion. Self-esteem can be rebuilt, and will be stronger when he's worked to get himself to a healthy place and a place where friends/peers will be more accepting of him. Sometimes a shock is the only way to light the fire.
That being said, The other suggestions about family exercise time and trying to make foods he loves is a good idea. Portion control is more important than just what foods he eats. Try leading by example that when you're full, stop eating, Treats are just that, treats and should be eaten every now and then in the correct serving sizes0 -
If he doesnt have a problem with his weight then you should just leave him alone... Its his body.0
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Enroll him in after school sports!!! Football, wrestling, SOCCER, or something he chooses! He has got to play sports as well as eat right to lose the weight.
Agreed! He has to like it in order to participate. Just get him moving. Start with Wii Fit competitions!0 -
If he doesnt have a problem with his weight then you should just leave him alone... Its his body.
YOU have got to be kidding me. This child is going to have a miserable diseased life if he does not get in order NOW. Just "letting it go" would amount to child abuse and endangerment.0 -
I only do homemade food now, very little processed food and although I monitor what he easts at home he sneaks and will eat crap at friends houses or places I cant control as much. I had type2 diabetes and high blood pressure and have just recently gotten off all medications. My husband is still on both. We have a history of obesity, diabetes, HBP, and heart disease that runs through both of our families. I did get the info from our nutritionalist and have stuck to it at home as best as our budget will allow. We have tried getting him to walk, play a sport or get off his butt and move around and like I said before he will do great for a week then stop. Both my husband and I work 40+ hours a week and have switch shifts so its difficult for us to keep at it with him as well.
I havent had time to read through most of these but, check out Ricki Lake's website on this topic. I saw her show the other day and thoughts this was awesome. AND, like you said about your childhood, dont attack him for it. He needs support and CONSTANTLY. Understandably, with your schedules it makes it difficult but, jsut like when we are trying to lsoe weight, we have to have a schedule and STICK WITH IT!!
Here is the website: www.allstride.com This is an amazing program and the kids that were on it did amazing and have so much gained self esteem. Find something he DOES like and go with that.
GOOD LUCK!!!!0 -
If he doesnt have a problem with his weight then you should just leave him alone... Its his body.
Oh honey, no. You're so young and I'm guessing not a parent yet, so it will be hard for you to understand this whole situation. But parents are responsible for making sure that their children are healthy, fit and prepared for life outside of the home. Even if we don't want to, and even if our kids resist it, we have to do the best we can for them.
And 11 year olds are not capable of making decisions that will impact their lives. They can't recognize the long term health consequences of weight and inactivity. Their brains are not fully functioning yet. That's why 11 year olds can't vote, drive cars, have jobs, etc. He needs his mom and dad to take the reins. That's how it works - and why most kids stay at home with their parents until they are about your age.0 -
I have a friend who had a dtr that was overweight, about your sons age. She took her to the dr, a nutritionist, enrolled her sports, the girl was still sneaking food. She quit buying anything that was pre made, started going for walks with her, it takes time, but she is closer to normal weight. Just like an adult, it doesn't happen overnight. Good luck!0
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Would he be willing to track his food on MFP? If not to lose weight, then to maintain? I suspect that if he is that heavy at 11 he will continue to gain unless he begins to monitor it very carefully.
I also have to agree with the tough love on physical activity. I have a family friend who made his daughters take track in high school - they hated it at the time but that changed and they continued to run for exercise into aduthood. I wish that someone had forced me in to seeing the importance of regular physical activity when I was young and impressionable - it's a constant battle that I usually lose as an adult.0 -
Please don't talk to him. If you've been going on and off of diets as a family for a year, he's well aware that you think he's fat and want him to change and telling him yet again (no matter how nicely) can only further damage his self esteem.
My thoughts are that if the food in the house is all healthy, it seems unlikely that he's really doing THAT much damage at school/friends. Getting him to be active is key, and signing him up for a sport would would be ideal (depending on his temperament).
However! Please rely more on your pediatrician/nutritionist than the advice of those of us on here (including me). They are the experts and the ones who know your family and your son. Follow their advice.
I can tell that you're concerned about your son and just want for him to be healthy and happy, but please tread lightly. I don't think a heart-to-heart is really what he needs here.0 -
How does your son feel? What does he want to do...sports etc. What about the Wii Fit? or Skiing games etc for the Wii...Its a start?0
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If he doesnt have a problem with his weight then you should just leave him alone... Its his body.
Seriously? That would be the WORST thing to do.0 -
Would he be willing to track his food on MFP? If not to lose weight, then to maintain? I suspect that if he is that heavy at 11 he will continue to gain unless he begins to monitor it very carefully.
I also have to agree with the tough love on physical activity. I have a family friend who made his daughters take track in high school - they hated it at the time but that changed and they continued to run for exercise into aduthood. I wish that someone had forced me in to seeing the importance of regular physical activity when I was young and impressionable - it's a constant battle that I usually lose as an adult.
mfp is NOT for children.
at 11 years old he does not need to be counting calories and dieting.
smh0 -
Thank you so much for starting this topic my son is 13 and 268 lbs and I desperately need to help him. All the comments here were super helpful for me. I hope you find something that works for your child as well.0
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Would he be willing to track his food on MFP? If not to lose weight, then to maintain? I suspect that if he is that heavy at 11 he will continue to gain unless he begins to monitor it very carefully.
I also have to agree with the tough love on physical activity. I have a family friend who made his daughters take track in high school - they hated it at the time but that changed and they continued to run for exercise into aduthood. I wish that someone had forced me in to seeing the importance of regular physical activity when I was young and impressionable - it's a constant battle that I usually lose as an adult.
mfp is NOT for children.
at 11 years old he does not need to be counting calories and dieting.
smh
Agreed - he doesn't need to be on MFP and he doesn't need to count calories.
It really can be as simple as mom & dad serving him less with no junk in the house for snacks and being more active. At 11, that's all it will take.0 -
Get him in sports! Anything that will keep him moving. My parents had me in soccer, martial arts and wrestling. Id suggest wrestling. It is a very tough sport but it burns $hitloads of calories and is an individual as well as team sport.0
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I completely agree that 'dieting' is not for kids. Teaching them how to monitor their nutritional intake to feel healthy and strong is something completely different.0
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I've always thought that the best way to talk to kids is with absolute honesty. When my mother told me something I didn't want to hear, she always did it in a way that expressed her concerns and reiterated the fact that she wanted the best for me.
Explain it to your son the way you explained it here. You've struggled with weight issues your whole life, and you want a better life for your son. Explain to him that you don't want him to deal with low-self esteem, and so you want him to take up a physical activity to stay active. Let him pick the activity, but tell him that you want him to stick with it. Encourage him by taking walks with him...going for a bike ride, etc.
Even better, tell him that you're all working on getting healthier as a family, and make it a family project!
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I think getting him involved with cooking a few nights a week, planning lunches etc can make a big difference for many people. He'll be learning a new skill which is always good for confidence and he can be proud of whatever he makes and hopefully enjoy it more than if he thought he was being forced into a "diet".
Hope you can find a sport that he likes and can stick with. There are so many options I truly believe there is a sport for everyone. Could you maybe set up mini goals for him, like if he goes to a sports class every week for a month then he can get X. Three months in a row he can get Y. They don't have to be expensive incentives, could be a pair of new trainers for the sport or agree to make home-made pizzas at the end of the month as a treat?0 -
Please know that your heart is in the right place...work from there.
As others have said, you need to eliminate first, then as he loses, make sweets an occasional treat.(for you
and your entire family too)
Buy a Wii Fit and some of the dance games and play them together.(No sit down video games and don't
let him isolate himself)
Let him help you cook, and as he learns to do it, buy him a cookbook for kids and let him make a meal
for you and your family sometimes. This will be a real accomplishment for him.0 -
At 11 he has no job or independent source of income does he? You buy the food, you control the food. He can't eat what's not there. Buy no junk food, period. No pop/soda. Make as much of your meals as possible from scratch. For snacks, let him have as many fresh veggies and fruit that he wants. I guarantee you, he is not going to overeat apples and carrots and cucumber slices. Air-popped popcorn is another good snack, as are nuts. Don't even call it a diet, just this is what is for breakfast, lunch, etc.
He will likely still find a way to eat junk at school i.e trading with other kids, but even still there is only so much over-eating he can do at school. If you change the way your entire household eats, he will slim down before you know it.
^^This - double time.
If you control 80% of his food choices, if nothing else, it will be hard for him to gain more weight. If he starts in a sport of some kind, that will help.
Focus on Fruit for dessert, and even for snacks. Everytime I eat an apple, I am happy - I love how sweet and crunchy they are. No, I am not lying or exaggerating. I acutally considered having 2 apples as my dinner last night LOL! because they taste soooo good to me now.
8 months ago, would I have said this ? NO.. Because I was used to eating junk. If he starts eating fruit at home as the only sweet thing, eventually, he'll start enjoying it. From there, it's not a hard jump to then begin seeking out those healthier alternatives outside of the home. You have to start somewhere.
Lastly, set a designated day once a week or every 2 weeks, that he can eat whatever he wants. Not all Day, but a meal. (I'm all for cheat days, but until someone understands the benefits/ramifications of a full cheat day, it might be best to start with just one meal). one of the keys to long term success, is learning HOW to eat the foods you like or miss, on a day to day, week to week, basis. If you don't learn that NOW, all the dieting in the world won't help, because once you STOP dieting after reaching a set point or even giving up, you go back to your old habits - not really having learned anything, and the weight just comes back.
Incorporate normal food days throughout, and you learn how to eat when you are OFF plan/diet/etc so that when you reach that point, it's not an END but a transition - and an easier one.0 -
I completely agree that 'dieting' is not for kids. Teaching them how to monitor their nutritional intake to feel healthy and strong is something completely different.
Doesn't need to do that 11 years old. He is still a child.
He can be taught healthy habits from his parents by watching what they eat, learning about what he eats, help cook the food, and other activities. Looking at calorie content on mfp is NOT the same thing. A good way to cause a lot of problems later.
Healthy eating and exercise is all he needs. Rules from his parents.
Also mfp is not set up to the nutritional needs of an 11 year old.0 -
If he doesnt have a problem with his weight then you should just leave him alone... Its his body.
are you serious, he is 11 year old he does not have an understanding of the consequences to his current or future health. That's why parents are there to guide and care for their kids well being. I don't have kids, so not much help but I know the above is the worst advise ever.
I agree with all the other advise given so far, you control what comes in / out of your household, food being one of the items as well as spending money he has. If he is spending his 'allowance' (not sure if he gets one) on junk food then stop giving him one. If he eats junk & friends place talk to their parents and tell them your concerns.
But I will say 11 is not so young that you can't just sit down and talk to him honestly about concerns.0 -
I got my 11yo an account on here...he needs to put on weight and eat more..so we began tracking it. He was a bit amazed at the whole calorie etc...I think you'll find that as your 11yo has some small successes it will help the self esteem and lead to more successes...same as us adults.
Yeah, I had to lie about his age for the account..and the only friend he is allowed is me. And usually I'm helping him doing the tracking...0 -
At 11 years old the balls still in your court. You control what money he has to buy outside of school. You control what food he eats at home. Really IMO you should be making the changes not him.0
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