Binge eating - anorexia's best friend, it seems
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I know it's hard to change the eating habits of a lifetime, but you really are doing the right thing trying to eat more. You might hate yourself now and feel bloated and guilty, but over time it will make you stronger, healthier and happier. Your idea of a binge might not fit into the same category as many others - it might just be your body's way of showing you that it does want and need the extra sustinence rather than the greed/gluttony you perceive it as.
Anorexic/bullemic friends I've had in the past generally have one thing in common - they lose perspective in what their body looks like in comparison to others. They see fat that really isn't fat when they have no point of comparison. Plenty of small regular meals will help with the bigger binges, but you are on the right track and I do understand how difficult it must have been to start on this road and how tempted you are to go back to the old ways. You really can break the cycle and succeed in your goals0 -
I have never been underweight
For as long as I can remember, I'd had an unhealthy relationship with food though, so I have an idea of the anxiety you're dealing with. With anything, the first step is admitting you have a problem, seeking help and talking to people about it.
To be honest, I probably still have of a bit of an issue with food - love/hate - logic VS feelings
Anorexia is about control right? Maybe maintaining a food schedule and planning out meals might help ease your anxiety
You are NOT pathetic or weak either....the fact that you're talking about it and taking this seriously proves so
I wish you nothing but the best
((HUGS))
Many thanks! I too wish YOU the best - we are stronger than we know.0 -
You are NOT weak or pathetic.
I have never been where you are, but my heart simultaneously aches for your struggle, and soars at the thought of the courage you're displaying in tackling the demon.
I think you need to define a "binge" vs. what a healthy adult eats, as a starting point. I would also look into your specific cravings and what they could signal about nutritional deficiencies. If you're craving sugar specifically, it could signal low adrenal function which isn't a stretch based on the fact that you're recovering. Could you talk to your dietitian about that? Maybe specifically discussing your cravings, what they're signaling and possible mitigation would help you tackle that specific issue.
Discussing and defining binge vs. healthy amounts of food with your therapist would be a great next step.
Please don't stop fighting. You are courageous and you have everything you need to overcome this in you.0 -
You don't know how good it is to hear this. Your misfortune is by no means a comfort to me, don't get me wrong. I's just nice to know that the fight isn't easy but it's worth doing. Good luck to you - please stay strong.You are on the right path because you recognized that there is a problem and that takes a lot of courage! You can do it! You seem like such a sweet and humble girl, I wish you the best of luck!
I am a recovering bulimic and to me it's a forever fight. I don't know if I will ever be ok but portioning, planning and working out - discipline and routine, are the things that are helping me get through each and every day.
Hugs!:flowerforyou:0 -
I know it's hard to change the eating habits of a lifetime, but you really are doing the right thing trying to eat more. You might hate yourself now and feel bloated and guilty, but over time it will make you stronger, healthier and happier. Your idea of a binge might not fit into the same category as many others - it might just be your body's way of showing you that it does want and need the extra sustinence rather than the greed/gluttony you perceive it as.
Anorexic/bullemic friends I've had in the past generally have one thing in common - they lose perspective in what their body looks like in comparison to others. They see fat that really isn't fat when they have no point of comparison. Plenty of small regular meals will help with the bigger binges, but you are on the right track and I do understand how difficult it must have been to start on this road and how tempted you are to go back to the old ways. You really can break the cycle and succeed in your goals
No truer words spoken. Thank you, friend.0 -
You are NOT weak or pathetic.
I have never been where you are, but my heart simultaneously aches for your struggle, and soars at the thought of the courage you're displaying in tackling the demon.
I think you need to define a "binge" vs. what a healthy adult eats, as a starting point. I would also look into your specific cravings and what they could signal about nutritional deficiencies. If you're craving sugar specifically, it could signal low adrenal function which isn't a stretch based on the fact that you're recovering. Could you talk to your dietitian about that? Maybe specifically discussing your cravings, what they're signaling and possible mitigation would help you tackle that specific issue.
Discussing and defining binge vs. healthy amounts of food with your therapist would be a great next step.
Please don't stop fighting. You are courageous and you have everything you need to overcome this in you.
Thank you! This is something I will definitely talk to my dietician about. I will not stop fighting - onwards and upwards! Thank you for your kind words.0 -
You seem to have gone downhill quite radically since you were added on my old account.0
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You are strong, you are reaching out for support. Stay strong and remember you are not alone. It is okay to eat and it is normal for your body to crave high calorie foods. This is how our ancestor survived 100's &1000's of your ago. You will learn control/moderation and you will stumble along the way. Celebrate your success and put your failures where they belong, in the past. Remember your therapist is there for you, be honest.0
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I am completely overwhelmed by the number of responses I've got in this thread and I am thankful for each and every one! I am trying to stay strong, and it is so much easier with the help of people on MFP.0
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Perhaps 2 hours apart for meals would work much better for you, then. Mine are 3 hours apart, which is just about right. Since I was overeating for so long and never really felt hungry, it's kind of a pleasure to be hungry for a meal now.
It's something I'm going to try. Even three meals and three small snacks, but sticking to them religiously as opposed to skipping them if I don't feel hungry. Perhaps my body is craving a routine.
Perhaps. I came back to apologize for trying to give advice when I really have no experience with what you're going through, other than the fact that I ended up obese from disordered eating, although a completely different manifestation than your disorder. Having a routine is really helping me distinquish between appropriate times to eat and the all-day grazing I used to do. Now when I sit down to eat, I can actually feel good about it.
I really hope the same for you, that you find a routine that works and a happy balance with food.0 -
I don't post very much here, but couldn't read and run......you are so hard on yourself in your posts, but so generous and giving towards others in all of your replies. You have a lovely open heart, and amazing inner strength and courage to have come this far, to WANT to change, and to be right here talking about it with us.....
Turn some of your kindness and generosity towards yourself, you really deserve it. I wish I could help you more, all I can say is I genuinely wish you all the best in beating this. I sense that you WILL achieve it.
S x0 -
So your concern is that you are overeating? Or is it poor choices in food? Why can you not just stop buying the bad foods? This is coming from someone who admittedly is on the opposite end of the spectrum, and has no medical training. But...if I avoid bad food to lose weight the right way, why can't you avoid bad food to gain the right way? Does it matter if we avoid the temptation in the store or in our homes? Honestly, it is much easier for me to say "I don't need that" while shopping than it is to say "I don't want that" when I have something really tasty...but really bad for me looking me in the face at my house. So for me, that would be the absolute first thing I would think to focus on. Again, I couldn't possibly understand what you are dealing with...but if the problem is your inability to stop eating it, then I think the obvious decision should be to stop buying it. At least in any quantity that you could really get bad with. Nothing wrong with having a little treat now and then, even when you are my size, but if you keep the house stocked with it, knowing you have trouble stopping, you are asking for disaster.
Best of luck to you, I really really really hope you beat this. I am sure you can. :-) Hang in there!!! Keep working on it, and everything will be ok.
Unfortunately with E.Ds telling yourself not to eat certain foods is never a good idea. You spend all your time obsessing over "bad" foods and food rules and breaking one of these rules can be what causes binges. In an ideal world in recovery you are taught to eliminate all food rules, and include everything in your diet, but it's a slow process, it's hard and it won't happen overnight. I still have to make sure I eat certain types of foods, but sometimes, when I'm likely to lapse, it's better if they aren't in the house. But I absolutely cannot avoid them. If I've eaten too clean for a while we intentionally have a junk meal or something because if I don't eat it for a while it feels more naughty and I might start to enforce rules again.
To the O.P (I'm sorry I forgot your name by the time typed all that) bingeing is usual in recovery, usually it isn't as big as it seems, and during recovery your body actually needs body builder calorie numbers to repair and restore leptin levels. The fact that you are seeking help is the biggest step you will ever take, you are doing amazing, just take it a step at a time with your support team and if you ever just want to vent do feel free to add me and message me any time. You CAN do it! x 0 -
You are NOT weak or pathetic.
I have never been where you are, but my heart simultaneously aches for your struggle, and soars at the thought of the courage you're displaying in tackling the demon.
I think you need to define a "binge" vs. what a healthy adult eats, as a starting point. I would also look into your specific cravings and what they could signal about nutritional deficiencies. If you're craving sugar specifically, it could signal low adrenal function which isn't a stretch based on the fact that you're recovering. Could you talk to your dietitian about that? Maybe specifically discussing your cravings, what they're signaling and possible mitigation would help you tackle that specific issue.
Discussing and defining binge vs. healthy amounts of food with your therapist would be a great next step.
Please don't stop fighting. You are courageous and you have everything you need to overcome this in you.
Thank you! This is something I will definitely talk to my dietician about. I will not stop fighting - onwards and upwards! Thank you for your kind words.
First, you're incredibly strong, nothing about you is weak or pathetic. I'm not an expert, but if you can't talk to your nutritionist immediately, in the meantime eat when you're hungry. Instead of reaching first for the sweets, reach for something nourishing. Eat the sweets afterwards. I wouldn't wait for meal time, I would just eat. Your body needs the calories, and if you're putting something good in there as well as satisfying your cravings, I would think this is somewhat positive until you can talk to your nutritionist. This way you can at least say, yes I'm really full, but I've got good things that my body needs in my stomach, its not all sugar. But I'm no expert. I hope you get well!!0 -
I definitely know where you are at. It's defintelythe most chalenging step. I'm at the part now where I am at a healthy weight but I feel huge and nothing anyone says can make me see it differently. The best practical advice I can give is to eat a lot of small meals throughout the day, esmecially things packed with protein. Things like nuts, granola bars, and fruit are all good starters. Good luck and I am here if you need support.
-Denelle0 -
That's what I was wondering. I know it can be hard to remove those things when you have a family that won't/can't really do the same. I also know the feeling of not wanting to make my family sacrifice what they like to appease or help me...It's terrible. And it can be really hard for me, so I can only imagine how hard that must be for you. I'm just hoping that you are getting some good help from people who have been in your shoes. I hope I do not come off as condescending or anything, that would never be my intention. I am no expert (in fact, quite the opposite) on anorexia's causes and effects, so hopefully my lack of knowledge doesn't come across as anything other than that.So your concern is that you are overeating? Or is it poor choices in food? Why can you not just stop buying the bad foods? This is coming from someone who admittedly is on the opposite end of the spectrum, and has no medical training. But...if I avoid bad food to lose weight the right way, why can't you avoid bad food to gain the right way? Does it matter if we avoid the temptation in the store or in our homes? Honestly, it is much easier for me to say "I don't need that" while shopping than it is to say "I don't want that" when I have something really tasty...but really bad for me looking me in the face at my house. So for me, that would be the absolute first thing I would think to focus on. Again, I couldn't possibly understand what you are dealing with...but if the problem is your inability to stop eating it, then I think the obvious decision should be to stop buying it. At least in any quantity that you could really get bad with. Nothing wrong with having a little treat now and then, even when you are my size, but if you keep the house stocked with it, knowing you have trouble stopping, you are asking for disaster.
Best of luck to you, I really really really hope you beat this. I am sure you can. :-) Hang in there!!! Keep working on it, and everything will be ok.
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I wish I could remove all binge triggers completely (confectionary is currently my biggest weakness) but in a house with 6 other "normal" eaters it's just not an option to stop buying these things. I even moved my snacks to another cupboard in the kitchen but tonight I wound up back up in that poxy cupboard again. It's just not fair to ask others to sacrifice stuff because I'm weak and pathetic.
Also, I truly hope you come to realize that you are not weak or pathetic. You are neither. You are struggling with something, and you deserve any help you can get. If there is one thing I know I can say to you with 100% certainty, it is that you DESERVE help, and you DESERVE to pull through this. I know you can do it. Hang in there
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Hi- add me- maybe we can help each other out. Im a recovering anorexic wtih b/p tendencies. I've been in recovery for about 9 months. It has ups and downs and I mess up a lot of the time but I am so much happier than I use to be. I am at a healthy weight, but I am just trying to lose a few pounds to be where I was before this whole crazy disease took hold. Be very very careful with mfp friends though, there are a lot of pro-ana pro-mia girls on here with goal weights like 65lbs and 200/cals a day food goals. Its soo triggering for me. Hang in there though love! If I can do it, you certainly can too!0
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When I was a junior in high school I was first anorexic, then also bulimic. Over the course of three years I got to the point where I lived on a can of coke and some coffee each day. And I'd binge and purge up to 3 - 5 times a day. I saw blood in the toilet.
My parents were too freaked to help me, so I sat down one day and made a list of every food I could think of that did not make me feel fat. It wasn't a long list at first.
I gave that to my mom and told her that's all I wanted to eat. Feeling food remain in my stomach felt really bad at first, but over time I got used to it. I'm 42 yrs old today and pretty healthy.
All I can encourage you to do is to do what I've done. There has to be something on this planet that will sustain you, but doesn't trigger the 'I'm fat I'm fat' alert in your head. Maybe broccoli. Celery. Almond milk.
I actually joined MFP because I recently found the old anorexic ways creeping back into my head. If you look at my diary, I'm still not eating enough - but it's over 1,000 calories a day which it wasn't when I first joined.
Like all recovery, this is a daily thing, and a lifelong battle. I'm sorry you have to have this on your shoulders. But each day, just say to yourself 'Let me do the right thing today - I can go back to my bad habits tomorrow." And then tomorrow, say the same thing.
*big hugs* You can DO this.
Message me any time you like.0 -
I dont have a lot to offer, but a LONG time ago I had a friend who felt as if food was the enemy. She would eat tons and tons of food, then purge.. and i never understood, as she was so thin.. her hair started falling out, she stayed sick, and was admitted into the hospital. Eventually, she did get better.. years later I asked her how and she told me peanut butter.
Her mother tried everything, and nothing worked, but what she was able to do, at least until the binging was able to be controlled was to try to get her healthy.. to she gave her 2 tablespoons of peanut butter every half hour every single day. Over a typical 12-14 hour day, she was consuming about 4500 calories, in addition to what other foods she was eating. This was temporary, but it allowed her to put some weight on. She also was of course, seeking treatment.
She firmly believed this is what saved her life. Now, i dont know if this is healthy, or even remotely close to the right thing to do, but she was able to gain some weight so she didnt waste away..
Im so proud of you for taking the time to speak out about this and to admit your issue. Please never be ashamed of yourself and stand tall!! You have so much courage to ask for help! ((((hugs)))) from me to you! I will keep you in my prayers and hope to hear of your success very soon! 0 -
......you are so hard on yourself in your posts, but so generous and giving towards others in all of your replies....
Turn some of your kindness and generosity towards yourself, you really deserve it.
This is what I was thinking too. I hope your therapist helps you in getting rid of some of those negative thoughts towards yourself, because you don't deserve them! Good luck with your recovery.0 -
I love that you have had the guts to write up your story and share it with us all, it shows maturity and respect for your body, things which many people will never have. It's testament to the fact that you do want to get better, as hard as I know it is. I've been what you are going through. You need to rely on a good support system, be it your fam or mfp or doctors or friends. Take each day as it comes. If you're like me, snack throughout the day on healthy things. If you're like my anal bf, organist your meals a week ahead or plan/make them the night before and have them sitting in the fridge ready to go for the day. I wish you luck xxx
Edited to add - I just looked at your diary. I found that allowing myself to eat all healthy throughout the day and letting myself have one treat a day was a good way to ease myself back into a healthy diet and weight range. So have a choc chip cookie, but eat
It slowly and savour it and enjoy it. And then it is done, and you can move on to the next healthy meal0
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