either my father's a jerk, or I'm oversensitive

schell81
schell81 Posts: 187 Member
in Motivation and Support
I told my father today how much weight I've lost. (19 pounds in 9 weeks) and was for some reason expecting some sort of congratulations or way to go. He smirked at me and said "you know Christmas is coming, right?" I said that it comes every year, for fat and skinny people and walked out.
I know that I'm probably overreacting but I'm really upset. To me he was saying that I'm just going to gain it back so why bother. So of course now I want to eat, because that's what I do when I'm upset.
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Replies

  • AdrieneJ
    AdrieneJ Posts: 141 Member
    I think he just doesn't know how to respond to this new you. The remark is unacceptable, but don't let him pull your success away from you. Next time, tell him how that made you feel, and that you'd really like to be successful and it would mean a great deal if he could help you out. Maybe he can come for walks with you a few times so he can see how much work you've been put in to this.

    You're doing amazingly well! Good job!
  • supermodelchic
    supermodelchic Posts: 550 Member
    you should tell him how hurtful that remark was because it was.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    I'm not sure what's hurtful about that remark.

    Obviously you know your father and I don't, but if someone said that to me, I'd wonder what they were planning to get me for Christmas.
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
    maybe he was hinting that he is going to get you a new elliptical or something nice....don't go all negative right off the bat
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
    you should tell him how hurtful that remark was because it was.

    "christmas is coming" is a hurtful remark?

    that is just totally absurd
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Oh no, honey, don't do it!!

    My brother made a similar comment to me when I announced 3 years ago that I'd decided to join Weight Watchers again. Wow, that's funny, now I can't even remember his exact words but they were something to the effect of "here we go again" with an eyeroll. It hurt...a lot. I didn't say anything to him at the time, just shook my head. But it stuck with me and gave me the motivation to stick it out when I got frustrated and thought about giving up, as we all do, throughout this process.

    And here I still am 3 years later and almost 90 pounds lost forever. And I'm really tempted to remind him of that moment when I see him again at Thanksgiving - but I'll be the better person and let it go.

    You're doing this for you right? Not for him or someone else...so don't let their comments effect you! This is for you, for your health and fitness and future. Screw him!! Just ignore the comments or if you can't, use the anger to keep you going.
  • Rachielous
    Rachielous Posts: 80 Member
    Your dad's comment was insensitive so you have all the right to be upset about that however.....

    I too have lost 19lb's in 9 MONTHS.

    High five to you for doing it in 9 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Don't let your dad's comment take away for the huge accomplishment you have achieved x
  • Becoming_A_Butterfly
    Becoming_A_Butterfly Posts: 2,534 Member
    It's hard to know what he meant, or what he intended, when I don't know him or his usual personality. He may have meant you could gain it back over the holidays, or he may have meant this is a difficult time to be losing weight. If it is bothering you, ask him what he meant.
  • starjumper12
    starjumper12 Posts: 64
    i think dad's are just like that. mine is anyways. he also gets jealous of some of the things that i accomplish... i forgive him, he's only human.
  • opus649
    opus649 Posts: 633 Member
    Overreacting.
  • MyM0wM0w
    MyM0wM0w Posts: 2,008 Member
    maybe he was hinting that he is going to get you a new elliptical or something nice....don't go all negative right off the bat
    \

    This. That's how I would have responded to his comment. " I know! That means you can buy me some expensive exercise equipment!!"
  • Graceious1
    Graceious1 Posts: 716 Member
    That comment could have meant anything. To that I would reply "Yay Christmas", smile, give him a hug then ask "What are getting me?" :bigsmile:
  • RobinvdM
    RobinvdM Posts: 634 Member
    My dad is a wisecracker -if he had said that to me, I would have been like "Yep, so prepare to spend lots of money on my new clothes!" lmao! (of course thanks to me, my dad has decided to try losing weight himself, yay for him losing 30lbs already!)

    But - your dad IS right (sort of.) I think his point was poorly brought across, but it's a point no less. This "time of year" (holiday food) is hard on anyone losing weight. All that seemingly endless supply of delicious food ready to be devoured, and it doesn't stop until New Year's is over. It's a very long month of challenges to your willpower. Can you handle it? I think so, I know *I* can, and I am a huge food addict.

    I don't pretend to know your dad, but if he is like mine - he didn't mean badly by it. If he is like my mom, and actually does try to imply that you will not be successful, then ignore him, give him a hug and remember that people are going to be skeptical of your efforts. It's just how people are, yes -even the ones who we love.
  • NoleGirl0918
    NoleGirl0918 Posts: 213 Member
    i've had a similar situation with my hubby & i really think that men don't understand sometimes how things they say can come across. When my hubby said something to that effect, i told him right away that i didn't appreciate the negativity & that i was doing this for myself to be a healthier person.

    Bottom line: i don't know your Dad, so maybe he didn't mean anything by it - but i would let him know that what he said upset you.
  • AmbieSweetz
    AmbieSweetz Posts: 72 Member
    He's your ONLY Dad and he loves you!! I say your being too sensitive!

    I lost my Daddy unexpectedly back in March and would give ANYTHING even my left leg to talk to hear his voice no matter what he said.

    Call him up and tell him you love him (RIGHT NOW!) and thank him for being YOUR Dad. Hug him everytime you see him, because there might be a time that you can't.

    And Congrats on YOUR weight loss!! :)
  • whitneyas
    whitneyas Posts: 95 Member
    My first thought was maybe he was going to get you something for Christmas to celebrate (maybe a gift card for new clothes or something!) But you know him better so you might know what he meant. Some people are just jealous of other people's successes- my dad is the same way. When he loses weight he always brags about it and then calls everyone else around him fat. Then he gains it all back... but none of us remind him of this. I would just ignore him and remind yourself of how awesome you are doing and show him who's the bigger (well not bigger in the physical sense :) ) person! Great job!
  • UnoDrea3732
    UnoDrea3732 Posts: 342 Member
    Ehh...some men can be insensitive. It'll be ok. My Mom and my Sister always have something smart to saw about my weight loss. To my Mom is convinced that I've lost 96lbs of water weight and my Sister doesn't understand why I wanna lose weight if I'll have to buy all new clothes. Also can I just say that my sister thought it was funny to nickname me "fatty" when I was 14. Ahhh..family.
  • Enigmatica
    Enigmatica Posts: 879 Member
    Jerk. So was mine. He used to call me "The Crisco Kid" and always had to add, "Because you're FAT IN THE CAN!" He thought that was SO hilarious. I was a 5'4" teenager who weighed 115 pounds at the time. When I let him know that it bothered me he told me I was oversensitive, which I eventually figured out is just an abusive ahole's way of blaming the victim.
  • Pixi_Rex
    Pixi_Rex Posts: 1,676 Member
    maybe a little oversensitive. I would have looked at him and said "I am aware... whats your point?" and then we would have gotten into a long drawn out conversation and ultimatly I would have ended up with this answer from him "not much just christmas is coming how are you going to handle that?"
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    I have no idea why his comment made you upset. He didn't say anything about your weight. He just said Christmas is coming.

    Yeah, you're being really oversensitive. Either give your father a break, or stop telling him about your weight loss. Do you really think he meant to be hurtful?
  • NocturnalGirl
    NocturnalGirl Posts: 1,762
    Prove him wrong! You can do it! Congrats on your progress so far :)
  • OnionGirl7
    OnionGirl7 Posts: 33
    I don't know your Dad, but if you think he was being hurtful, then he's probably said a lot worse in the past and your reacting to it.

    My Mother is the ***** Cow from Hell and now when she makes her "comments" I try and smile and think "you sad pathetic cow, go be jealous and spiteful elsewhere, is this really all you have in your life picking on your kids". It really naffs her off that I no longer let her get to me.

    I've learnt The Best form of Revenge? Just carry on with your life and be happy :)

    You are doing really well and If you start the old comfort eating pattern again then he will have won. Do you really want that??
  • sarahg148
    sarahg148 Posts: 701 Member
    Could be a few scenarios:

    1. He's clueless about how difficult it is for you to lose that weight in that time.
    2. He's jealous but doesn't even know it.
    3. Maybe he is overweight himself and is just in denial.
    4. He is supportive, but doesn't know how to show it.
    5. Maybe he's just cynical.
    6. I don't know you either, but maybe you've lose weight in the past and then gained it right back...like a LOT of us. :)

    Regardless...just keep doing what you're doing and really try to focus on changing your lifestyle or else the weight could quite easily come back. It is a daily battle. Just make better decisions with food choices and get in your exercise. And track...it may dissuade you from maybe eating some food you don't really need or even want! Good luck!:bigsmile:
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
    When I let him know that it bothered me he told me I was oversensitive, which I eventually figured out is just an abusive ahole's way of blaming the victim.

    oh geezuz....now her dad is an abusive ahole? aint you a peach
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Won't he look like an *kitten* when you look amazing at Christmas:bigsmile: It was a rude comment but use it as motivation, not as an excuse to 'cheat' on your diet.
  • RedHeadDevotchka
    RedHeadDevotchka Posts: 1,394 Member
    That would hurt me if someone said that to me without so much of a "hey good for you" or something before saying the Christmas bit. He may have meant nothing by that, but to not acknowledge your hard work, ya that would hurt a bit.
  • AyaKara
    AyaKara Posts: 220
    My mom made the same comment last night about Thanksgiving! My best friend stays with us for the holiday since her family doesn't celebrate & I was telling her how I was going to eat in moderation & remind myself 'there's always tomorrow to eat again'. My mom was like, 'yeah, okay, we'll see when you're piling the plates together!' She also mentioned how I'm going to do the same thing on Christmas. So, I'm just going to show her otherwise for the sake of my health. & you need to do the same, not only for your dad, but for yourself! :smile:
  • Barbellerella
    Barbellerella Posts: 1,838 Member
    I would have been direct and asked "yeah, so what do you mean by that?" Clearing up any confusion and if that IS what he meant by the comment you could have addressed it then. Rather than stuff in your feelings which now makes you want to eat.
  • editnonnalynn
    editnonnalynn Posts: 495 Member
    I hope he meant, "Oh that is FANTASTIC, sweetheart! That means that you will have a healthy lifestyle habit so you will be strong during the holidays!" Either way, I would throw out any real or perceived rudeness/discouragement, and consider any truth in his statement. Use it as motivation to PLAN your holiday eating and enjoy more than just the food of it. But Do Not do it for him.....

    CONGRATS on your FANTASTIC loss, sweetheart!!!! :flowerforyou:
  • jesse1379
    jesse1379 Posts: 239 Member
    Woman.....:huh:

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