either my father's a jerk, or I'm oversensitive
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I don't know your dad, but I know a number of people who think it is funny and okay to push other people's buttons. And this really is a mild form of abuse. Very likely, all you need to do to get him to ease up, is sit him down and explain that you do fear regaining the weight, and you need his positive support. If you do this honestly, sincerely, and without getting mad, most people will respond with support.A lot of you are mentioning that you don't know my father, and our relationship does have a lot to do with it. He jokes all the time, about everything. His jokes are often hurtful but he's just joking, so you can't get mad, right? His cute name for me is "the difficult one". He is not abusive in any way but often makes jokes that are meant to be harmless but actually hit a nerve. Truth is, I'm scared that I'll give up on this weight loss effort and gain it all back. His joke (which I guess you'd have to be there for the context) meant to me "you're just going to gain it back over Christmas" or something along those lines, was a joke about my biggest fear. I don't want to be overweight for the rest of my life. I want to be healthy for my next pregnancy, be active with my kids, and attractive for myself and my husband.
A few will still be jerks and ramp up the nasty comments. I hope your father is not one of those! I daresay you know if he is or not. If he is, you just need to stop sharing things with him.0 -
Not to mention that Christmas is only ONE day.
Oh, if only that were true. While I get that Christmas is technically only one day, the get togethers and food last so much longer than that! The temptations exist for the whole season and not just the one day.
I think you should take the comment that pointed out your fear and use it as motivation. Prove to yourself that you can make it through this season with no gain. Keep on tracking, keep on exercising and realize that part of this time (like already said) is about friends and family also. Remind yourself how incredibly proud you will be of you on January 2nd when you stayed strong - mentally and physically.0 -
HMMM..... that should not have been his first comment after you told him how much u lost..... naturally someone wld congratulate you, or be shocked or something but not that.... but i really cant determine what he was implying.... but I guess you should talk to him.
I also think ur expectiation of how YOU WANTED him to respond has you feeling this way.....you were hoping for something more positive, which is natural and I understand! Dont be discouraged....Keep ur head up
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Some interesting ideas have popped up here. You could choose any one and go with it. I know how you feel however and unsupportive remarks like that have derailed me so many times I can't count. I hope you won't let that happen to you. That comfort food will give you only temporary comfort. Look for the long lasting comfort of feeling good about yourself. And congrats on your progress so far.
The old me would never again mention anything about my weight to this person. Now I would be doing it all the time. Ongoing progress reports and laugh at his rude remarks.
You say his "joking" put downs are not abusive but they ARE psychologically abusive. And the evidence is right there. He affected your attitude and caused you to question yourself. Be strong. Keep up the excellent work.0 -
This is a wonderful post and something everyone should take in. I am sorry for your loss, but it seems he raised a wise person. No doubt he is proud.He's your ONLY Dad and he loves you!! I say your being too sensitive!
I lost my Daddy unexpectedly back in March and would give ANYTHING even my left leg to talk to hear his voice no matter what he said.
Call him up and tell him you love him (RIGHT NOW!) and thank him for being YOUR Dad. Hug him everytime you see him, because there might be a time that you can't.
And Congrats on YOUR weight loss!!
This.....:flowerforyou:
And to the OP, grow up, you are overly sensitive and looking for an excuse to eat...You are in charge of your body - not your interpretation of somebody else's words...0 -
Congrats first off! My dad is the same so i just end up getting upset and hurt when he comments like that. I just keep remebering im doing this for myself not for him! I dont need the congratsfrom someone that cant give it willingly. DO NOT let his neg comment slow you done. And pleae dont believe it. YOU are the one thats doing great and helping your body feel better! Keep up the good work and surround yourself around people that will uplift you and make you feel great! Your dad is your dad ofcourse you will love him just try to get a better group of peopkle who will support you through this wonderful journey 0
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Thank you to those who had helpful comments! Some of them meant a great deal to me. For the record, I didn't binge. I had my smoothie and enjoyed it and patted myself on the back for how far I've come.0
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My dad is in his 60s, and cracks wise about anything and everything, most of the time in bad taste, but I still love him anyway. And sometimes he says the same sort of things your dad does. But like what a lot of other people have said in this post, it's all perspective, and it's all about how you feel about yourself. I used to be made fun of and mercilessly teased, mocked, and judged for being fat, by friends and family. And it got me down a lot, and made me feel powerless to make any changes. But once you start making those changes, and start achieving, you realize that those people teasing and judging have no more power, and you sort of start to feel sorry for them, and wonder what is going on in their own hearts and minds.
When I was at my highest (187), both my dad and my brother would make fun of me for my weight, while my mother would try to be supportive and encourage me to exercise and eat better for my health. My parents had a falling out while I was undergoing my first weight loss journey (I got down to 127), and when I saw my dad again, he was speechless at the change. He always had the attitude that I should just accept that I'm overweight and that I'd always be, and though it hurt at the time, I learned later that he was in fact projecting his own low self confidence, since he, too, is overweight, and feels powerless to do anything about it. Now that I'm back on the health bandwagon, he has been very supportive and encouraging, and though he does still make comments ("Oh, you lost ___? Well (insert holiday) is coming up, better watch yourself!"), I take them in stride. If I react like "Oh thanks, Dad, that's really supportive", his feelings actually get hurt, because he's only joking around. Instead I explain that I know, and that I'm going to work hard, and that these lifestyle changes are for LIFE. Then we actually get into these great discussions about food and exercise, and he's really giving and interested in it. In fact, we're going to be joining a gym together in the winter, since he's just recovering from a really serious illness and would like to inject a little bit of physical activity into his life.
My point, and again, not knowing your dad, is to communicate. In the beginning, my dad didn't think before he spoke, and would poke fun of me, but when I actually sat him down and told him how much it hurt, he understood. The odd crack isn't going to phase me after all my hard work, and the more we talk, the more I know that he is supportive of me, interested in my new lifestyle, and willing to work with me on his own goals. I was resistant in talking to him about anything, ever, for most of my formative years, but now that I'm older, it has really been worth it.
End rant!0 -
I think you should remind your brother of what he said and how it hurt. Then ask him if he still feels the same.
As a guy, I have to admit that we usually just do not understand how some of our comments can make the other person feel. Help him understand so that he doesn't do this to more people.
This is not an "I did it, so there!" moment, but a teaching moment to help him be a better person.0 -
Hi,
You're doing this for yourself, not your dad. I think that 19 lbs. is a whole lot of weight to lose...so CONGRATULATIONS!!! Keep it up, you are doing terrific. I suggest that you need to reward yourself: How about buying yourself a new scarf(it will still fit when you reach your goal), or go out for a walk and admire the natural beauty that is outside your door.
If your dad is the cup is half full kind of guy...please ignore what he says. What you have to say is far more important!
By the way, if you decide that eating is the way to react to your father's unsupportive comment, you are only going to regret it...it is a way of punishing yourself. The way to deal with the negatives in your life(like dad), is by creating positives...lots of them!
Keep up the good work!
Love,
AnaBanana4130 -
The real question is simple. "Does your father know that gaining it back is your biggest fear?"
If he does, then he's an insensitive prick.
If not, and you know he likes to joke (you've said as much), then you're being *a little* oversensitive.
In either case, it wasn't the best thing to say, but it hopefully wasn't meant to hurt you.0 -
Let this be a lesson to you: When men make a simple statement, they always have some deep, complex meaning that they are secretly hoping you'll try to uncover.0
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Sometimes you have to nasty to be nice, he can see u are doing well....but this should push u to loose some mre n stay focussed.0
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All good comments above. My opinion - prove him wrong.
When someone tells me I can't or won't do something I push that much harder just to say "I told you so".
Cheers! 0 -
i dont know you or your dad but i dont think it was meant to be hurtful.0
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But - your dad IS right (sort of.) I think his point was poorly brought across, but it's a point no less. This "time of year" (holiday food) is hard on anyone losing weight. All that seemingly endless supply of delicious food ready to be devoured, and it doesn't stop until New Year's is over. It's a very long month of challenges to your willpower. Can you handle it? I think so, I know *I* can, and I am a huge food addict.
I think this may play, too. Some people have a rather twisted way of "helping" wherein they point out all the hazards and challenges in front of you.
While it may be true, it IS a real downer when you're trying to get your enthusiasm rolling and these people are one giant wet blanket in the name of "protecting" you from potential pitfalls by either highlighting them or otherwise trying to curb your excitement. It's even worse when all they do is point that stuff out without offering to help you find ways around the challenges or otherwise support you through them.
As a parallel from my life: When I bought my house, my mom initially said "well, there goes all your fun money, because it's going into your house" or "there's always something that needs fixing". Both of these statements are true. She was trying to be "helpful" with them by saying that I was going to spend more mone and that I would always have some chore to do. She was trying to "help" me be ready for the reality of home ownership. She was right on all counts. I've been spending money I didn't have to when I was a tenant, and I've got an ongoing to-do list. At the time, however, it felt a bit discouraging (and hurtful, because it made me feel like she didn't think that I might have ALREADY thought about those challenges).
But that time was brief and now she's saying things like "I think it was a really good idea to buy when you did" or "You're right. You have a great house, here." Hopefully, your father will change his tune in a similar way once he appreciates how serious you are.0 -
Judging from your reaction, it seems like he's said some pretty hurtful things to you in the past and your instinct is to get upset. Whether or not he meant it the way you took it, forget about it. Show him this Holiday season that you won't be brought down by food, or petty comments (whether vague or obvious).
You're doing well, and if he can't appreciate what you're doing - don't bother even telling him. Let him watch from the sidelines as you melt the pounds away into a new you.0 -
No no no - don't sabotage your weight loss. I grew up believing all the hurtful things people said to me regarding my weight. I'm old now and wish I hadn't let it get to me so much. Be strong and do what you've got to do for yourself. If anyone makes hurtful comments and you haven't done anything to deserve it - just think to yourself they must be having a bad day and they're taking it out on you. People won't always respond the way you expect and they're not always happy about others success cause it makes them feel less successful.0
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you should tell him how hurtful that remark was because it was.
"christmas is coming" is a hurtful remark?
that is just totally absurd
If her Pop is anything like my Pop, yes it is.
My dad was always really mean to us about our weight (my sister and I).
ages ago I'd lost about 25lbs. He saw me in my swimsuit and said "I thought you lost weight." Thanks dad.
People can be super hurtful with not so "hurtful" comment. I don't think they even know they are doing it
Don't let it screw your day or progress. Haters gonna hate. Even our parents. xoxo0 -
Don't let him sabotage you. Murder him first!0
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Don't let him sabotage you. Murder him first!
but wait till after Christmas...he might get you a nice gift
then....OFF WITH HIS HEAD!0 -
I told my father today how much weight I've lost. (19 pounds in 9 weeks) and was for some reason expecting some sort of congratulations or way to go. He smirked at me and said "you know Christmas is coming, right?" I said that it comes every year, for fat and skinny people and walked out.
I know that I'm probably overreacting but I'm really upset. To me he was saying that I'm just going to gain it back so why bother. So of course now I want to eat, because that's what I do when I'm upset.
Don't indulge in food. You came here to change that and we aim to assist! Remember how eating won't make you feel better but will actually make you feel worse after you indulge.. not THAT you do it but WHY you do it. Don't let his insensitivity bring you down.
This is your dad. I would expect that he means well. While the manner in which he chose his coment was wrong, maybe he meant it as a reminder that the toughest time of year is coming and he hopes you will be able to overcome those tough situations. Eitehr way, communicate with him that you were hoping for some encouragement and feel rather let down by his response. I'm sure he didn't mean to be mean or discouraging.
HOWEVER if he did mean it that way, then I would go as I would were it my step mother. USE THAT COMMENT TO FUEL YOUR SUCCESS. Other family members are bound to see your progress by the holidays and some are bound to be encouraging. Use this to show him you are stronger and his downplaying your effort is only going to fuel your desire to be sucessful SURING the hardest part of the year. Then when you succeed, maybe he will remember some humane aspect within him and become suportive.0 -
Don't eat - if you eat you let your dad win. Plus you will just be more mad at yourself - I have been there, done that.
Show him!!!
That's the mind set I have taken lately with alot of things in my life. I am tired of people winning, time for me to take control of me.
And ps - I would be upset too. I really feel those comments come from their insecurities.0 -
Don't eat - if you eat you let your dad win.
Starvation is the best revenge0 -
I told my father today how much weight I've lost. (19 pounds in 9 weeks) and was for some reason expecting some sort of congratulations or way to go. He smirked at me and said "you know Christmas is coming, right?" I said that it comes every year, for fat and skinny people and walked out.
I know that I'm probably overreacting but I'm really upset. To me he was saying that I'm just going to gain it back so why bother. So of course now I want to eat, because that's what I do when I'm upset.
Don't indulge in food. You came here to change that and we aim to assist! Remember how eating won't make you feel better but will actually make you feel worse after you indulge.. not THAT you do it but WHY you do it. Don't let his insensitivity bring you down.
This is your dad. I would expect that he means well. While the manner in which he chose his coment was wrong, maybe he meant it as a reminder that the toughest time of year is coming and he hopes you will be able to overcome those tough situations. Eitehr way, communicate with him that you were hoping for some encouragement and feel rather let down by his response. I'm sure he didn't mean to be mean or discouraging.
HOWEVER if he did mean it that way, then I would go as I would were it my step mother. USE THAT COMMENT TO FUEL YOUR SUCCESS. Other family members are bound to see your progress by the holidays and some are bound to be encouraging. Use this to show him you are stronger and his downplaying your effort is only going to fuel your desire to be sucessful SURING the hardest part of the year. Then when you succeed, maybe he will remember some humane aspect within him and become suportive.
and incidentally, my doctor was the one who was title King of rude and earned himself the nickname of Dr. Demented when I finally decided it was time for me to change. It was wrong but it has worked for me. I let his rudeness and mean comments of how fat I was and how I was setting myself to die of a heart attack get me to a point of "I will show you!" When I left his office ALL I WANTED TO DO was drive through the nearest McD's and order EVRYTHING and eat it. Seriously. I sat in the parking lot for 20 minutes in hysterics and tears an belittled to nothing. The alter ego I now refer to as the inner goddess became very prominant to me that day. She Flew out of no where in my head on a which's broom cackling like a lunatic shouting "Show that bass-TURD! You show him you CAN lose weight and you DON'T need his stupid HCG diet! You just show him! *more evil cackling*
I took me 4 days to figure out my plan of attack. I've lost 47lbs since May. BTW Dr. Demented earned the title of former doctor to me and has never been given the chance to see my success but I amde CERTAIN that before I changed docs his office got my bloodwork from August showing a HUGE change in stats INCLUDING my glucose being under control by diet ALONE.0 -
I told my father today how much weight I've lost. (19 pounds in 9 weeks) and was for some reason expecting some sort of congratulations or way to go. He smirked at me and said "you know Christmas is coming, right?" I said that it comes every year, for fat and skinny people and walked out.
I know that I'm probably overreacting but I'm really upset. To me he was saying that I'm just going to gain it back so why bother. So of course now I want to eat, because that's what I do when I'm upset.
Congratulations on the 19-pound loss! :flowerforyou: I'm sure it took a good deal of work!
I'm not sure if your dad meant that as some sort of warning about food. I don't think he MEANT to upset you, but that was the effect. Keep on with what you were doing!0 -
There is no shortage of dumb comments from parents.
The first time I hit a ball over the fence my father said "it's about time. you should have done that years ago."
When I was in college he referred to my degree as "whatever the hell you're studying."
If he were alive, I suspect he would say some similar to what your father said (He died a painful death from cancer in 1998).
The best we can do ignore the stupid crap and try not to internalize it. Believe me, I know how hard that is. I also try hard not to repeat the same mistakes with my own children. So far so good.0 -
He's a jerk.
You, on the other hand are not! You are AWESOME! Look at what you are doing, keep that momentum going! BE PROUD!
Be proud of yourself and listen to the people in your life who understand you and are proud of you too. Your Dads comment has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. If he knew how you felt perhaps he wouldn't have said what he did? Pls ignore him. I have let similar types of comments sabotage my success don't let it happen. Th0 -
This is not an easy journey. And you've got this. Good for you!0
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Woman dont understand that men say stuff...anything really just to place you under the false assumption that we are actually listening to what your saying. He broke out the top shelf material though. I haven't used the ol "winters coming" bit for years.0
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