either my father's a jerk, or I'm oversensitive
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My mom is like that.
So I just don't talk about it around her.
It's not worth it. I mean, has he ever seriously tried to lose weight?
They don't have a clue as to how much work goes into it.
Share with people who are supportive and will motivate you to keep on going.0 -
Never apologize for your feelings, own them! If it hurt your feelings say so and move on, certainly don't dwell on it...so not worth it!
^^^ this is the best response I've seen so far. People say dumb stuff, and it seems families take the filter off and say things to each other they'd never say to a non-family member. And it may be he didn't even mean it the way it sounded. I don't know your Dad so I can't comment on his true intention, but as this wise woman above me said, say your piece and move on. That's all you can do and it is not worth you getting discouraged after the amazing progress you made.0 -
Do you know for certain that he was saying you will gain it back or is that how you interrupted it? Maybe you should ask him what that was suppose to mean instead of responding with "It comes every year, for fat and skinny people.".
If my dad would have said something like that I would have probably said "I'm excited, new clothes!!!" and played it cool. I think you might have jumped to conclusions. However he might have meant it like that, but now you don't know exactly what he meant by it if you didn't ask him.
Edit to add:// I have had people flat out tell me I'd gain my weight back. I have had my husband recently (we been married 9 years together 10) come in from work and tell me a dress I bought 20 lbs ago was to tight on me and I did ask him "So are you calling me fat?" His response was "Well you and I both know that you put on a few pounds lately." I gained 5 lbs in water weight that week. It's off now lol. I did not gain the 20lbs back when he first said he loved the dress on me.0 -
I personally think your reaction is a bit oversensitive.
The holidays are notorious for being hard for so many, diet wise...I wouldn't jump to assume that my dad doesn't have any faith in my from that comment alone. I would turn around and ask "and...your point?" and see where he goes from there. In moments like these, do not let yourself become a victim. Face it right away, and move on.0 -
[/quote] I eventually figured out is just an abusive ahole's way of blaming the victim.
[/quote]
Love this so much, really made me think Thank You XX0 -
You have no control of the comments...
Unless you take control and believe in yourself. For the longest I have yo-yo'd from 220 to 200 then back. But this time, something clicked. And instead of getting mad, say, "hell yeah christmas is coming and I plan to lose X more by then so I can enjoy Christmas Dinner" and say NO to the emotional eating. It's hard but find something else to do. Go for a drive, workout, or just start cleaning like a madwoman.
you CAN do it and before you know it, those negative comments will turn positive because honestly, as much as your dad is saying that I don't think he thought that his comment would spin you around and take you off chart, and my dad and I are competitive but to see me doing something good for me and proving him wrong I can do it just makes the satisfaction of heaering him say ," wow mariah you're getting smaller," THAT much better because with him, I know I EARNED it.0 -
A lot of you are mentioning that you don't know my father, and our relationship does have a lot to do with it. He jokes all the time, about everything. His jokes are often hurtful but he's just joking, so you can't get mad, right? His cute name for me is "the difficult one". He is not abusive in any way but often makes jokes that are meant to be harmless but actually hit a nerve. Truth is, I'm scared that I'll give up on this weight loss effort and gain it all back. His joke (which I guess you'd have to be there for the context) meant to me "you're just going to gain it back over Christmas" or something along those lines, was a joke about my biggest fear. I don't want to be overweight for the rest of my life. I want to be healthy for my next pregnancy, be active with my kids, and attractive for myself and my husband.0
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Take it as motivation and when Christmas is over say..."How you like me now!"0
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Winter is coming.0
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I wouldn't even know how to take a comment like that, it doesn't make much sense... If you think he meant you'll gain it back from eating holiday food, just prove him wrong.0
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=(
Well, its my mom for me.. When my dad said to me.. "WOW, you look like you lost half of your body!" My mom replied.. "Did you see how long her hair has gotten?" with a smirk.
No, you arent over sensitive.. your dad is a jerk.. and my moms a b*tch. Im sorry love.
What a very odd response from your mother.... really very very odd.... I'm still trying to decifer that one... how very very odd.... LOL
If it's anything like mine, she can't bear the thought of you getting a compliment and will say anything to be negative and deflect.0 -
Christmas does NOT have to equal going crazy with food. Christmas is supposed to be a time to get together and enjoy the company of family and friends....not be a glutton. Your father needs some education.
Not to mention that Christmas is only ONE day. No one is going to gain weight from ONE day of indulgence.0 -
So, it's your fear that is the issue, not his innocent, playful joke. Overcome your fear.His joke (which I guess you'd have to be there for the context) meant to me "you're just going to gain it back over Christmas" or something along those lines, was a joke about my biggest fear.0 -
Could be a few scenarios:
1. He's clueless about how difficult it is for you to lose that weight in that time.
2. He's jealous but doesn't even know it.
3. Maybe he is overweight himself and is just in denial.
4. He is supportive, but doesn't know how to show it.
5. Maybe he's just cynical.
6. I don't know you either, but maybe you've lose weight in the past and then gained it right back...like a LOT of us.
Regardless...just keep doing what you're doing and really try to focus on changing your lifestyle or else the weight could quite easily come back. It is a daily battle. Just make better decisions with food choices and get in your exercise. And track...it may dissuade you from maybe eating some food you don't really need or even want! Good luck!:bigsmile:
^^THIS!!
None of us here knows you, your dad, the relationship you have and HAVE had in the past...so none of us is qualified to make some kind of kneejerk psychological diagnosis. We can't change other people. All we can do is work on ourselves and how we react to whatothers say.
What you could have said: "Dad, I know Christmas is always challenging for dieters, but I hope you can see my by determination and results that I am committed. I may be tempted, and I may make mistakes, but what I'm doign is a lifestyle change. It's not the goal, it's the journey that matters. Out of love for me, if you're interested, I would welcome your help me get through the difficult times like holiday binging. Are you game?"0 -
could he be jealous? or have you done this multiple times before? My aunt said something to that extent about me quitting smoking a long time ago, and she was right that time as i started up again! But i finally did quit, 2 years clean, and that remark has stuck with me ever since. Use that remark your father made as motivation and prove him wrong. I think that it was an ill-timed remark and insensative, but just ignore it and keep it up!
My father has also said stuff like that, but he is 400 pounds, so hence the question about jealousy.0 -
You know your father, his attitudes and his intentions better than any of us do - but it really doesn't matter, it's up to you how you handle the holidays. If he meant ill by it, then show him he's wrong.0
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Christmas does NOT have to equal going crazy with food. Christmas is supposed to be a time to get together and enjoy the company of family and friends....not be a glutton. Your father needs some education.
Not to mention that Christmas is only ONE day. No one is going to gain weight from ONE day of indulgence.
Oh i could gain weight from one day of indulgence
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A lot of you are mentioning that you don't know my father, and our relationship does have a lot to do with it. He jokes all the time, about everything. His jokes are often hurtful but he's just joking, so you can't get mad, right? His cute name for me is "the difficult one". He is not abusive in any way but often makes jokes that are meant to be harmless but actually hit a nerve. Truth is, I'm scared that I'll give up on this weight loss effort and gain it all back. His joke (which I guess you'd have to be there for the context) meant to me "you're just going to gain it back over Christmas" or something along those lines, was a joke about my biggest fear. I don't want to be overweight for the rest of my life. I want to be healthy for my next pregnancy, be active with my kids, and attractive for myself and my husband.
Girl after 121 lbs gone, I still have days where I fear I'm going to gain it all back, that fear is what keeps me pushing harder. The more I fear it, the stronger I keep to it. Let that fear be your motivation to keep going. When I first started, everyone around me thought I was going to fail. My Mother in law had so little faith in me that she even went as far as saying "If you get to 130 lbs, I will give you $300.00 for new clothes." I am currently 129 lbs. Now she's avoiding me because I have told her that I have reached that goal. Now her thing is for me to wait till I hit my ultimate goal. I didn't forget and I knew she didn't believe I would hit it. I don't really care if she gives me the money for clothes or not, I knew deep down she wouldn't, but the look on everyone's face who didn't believe I could is worth it all. I didn't do it for them, I did it for me. The way I feel is more amazing then a shopping spree though that would be nice haha.0 -
Who are you losing the weight for? We are all different with our weight loss and life goals in general. I don't necessarily look to others for support or cudos for accomplishments. I know someone else who needs to report and get back positive feedback constantly. When she doesn't get it, she backslides. We are all different and you need to step back and look at yourself and the whys of your actions. Reality is, we are all different people and your Dad isn't the perfect person and you should not want him to be. Take all comments with a grain of salt and go on with your life. You may never get the comments from him that you want. People are who they are. It makes for an interesting life, doesn't it?0
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This is a wonderful post and something everyone should take in. I am sorry for your loss, but it seems he raised a wise person. No doubt he is proud.He's your ONLY Dad and he loves you!! I say your being too sensitive!
I lost my Daddy unexpectedly back in March and would give ANYTHING even my left leg to talk to hear his voice no matter what he said.
Call him up and tell him you love him (RIGHT NOW!) and thank him for being YOUR Dad. Hug him everytime you see him, because there might be a time that you can't.
And Congrats on YOUR weight loss!!
Aww....Thanks!! 0
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