Favorite Joke

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  • casey882
    casey882 Posts: 291 Member
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    I rang babe station the other nite, a woman answers and says hi sexy what can I do for you, I said ****in hide, my wifes coming and I've lost the remote!
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
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    What do you call a physic midget recently escaped from prison?
    A Small Medium at Large.
  • Tony_Brewski
    Tony_Brewski Posts: 1,376 Member
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    What do you call a cow without any legs?


    Ground beef....

    ha ha ha ha ha


    I hope that was clean enough for your kids........

    Love it!
  • MelisRunning
    MelisRunning Posts: 819 Member
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    My all time favorite for stupid (albeit clean) jokes:

    Question: What's the difference between a duck?

    Answer: One of it's legs is both the same.

    Don't think about it too hard, it's not worth it.
  • gregsonevans
    gregsonevans Posts: 232 Member
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    A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.

    "Morning!" he said.

    The other man replies, "No, just having a ****."
  • casey882
    casey882 Posts: 291 Member
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    Did u no the frist time I had sex it was very scary I was so scared I wasn't sure I could do it boy it was so scary it was very dark and what made matters worse and even more scary is the fact I was on my own
  • HiKaren
    HiKaren Posts: 1,306 Member
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    What do you call a physic midget recently escaped from prison?
    A Small Medium at Large.

    Heeeeeeeee!!:laugh:
  • mjterp
    mjterp Posts: 655 Member
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    A pirate captain calls for his red shirt moments before engaging in battle. After the victory, whilst story telling, the cabin boy asked why the captain called for his red shirts only moments before the battle. See, being a smart lad, he thought it silly to dirty another shirt just before a sweaty battle. The captain replied that he called for his red shirt so that should he get nicked in the scuffle, his men wouldn't notice and thus wouldn't lose heart and would continue battling valiantly.
    The next morning, a whole armada encroaches on the lowly pirate ship. The captain stoically yells to the cabin boy "Fetch me my brown pants!"
  • mjterp
    mjterp Posts: 655 Member
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    Ghandi was thought by many to be an amazing man with tremendous insight. He spent so much time walking places that he had horendous callouses built up on his feet. And unfortunately because of all of his fasting he had horrible breath. This made him a...

    Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
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    Why don't zombies eat clowns?
    They taste funny.
  • mjterp
    mjterp Posts: 655 Member
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    How do you get down from an elephant?

    You don't...you get down from a duck!
  • mjterp
    mjterp Posts: 655 Member
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    How do you get out from inside of an elephant?

    Your run around in circles until your all (wait for it...) pooped out!
  • mjterp
    mjterp Posts: 655 Member
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    Three little piggies go out to dinner.
    The waiter to comes to take their beverage order.
    The first piggie orders Mt. Dew. The second piggie orders Pepsi. The third piggie says "I want beer. Lots and lots of beer!"
    The waiter delivers their drinks and takes their food order.
    The first piggie says "I'll have roast beef," the second piggie orders spaghetti and the third piggie says "I want beer. Lots and lots of beer!"
    The waiter delivers their food and after a suitable time asks for their dessert order.
    The first little piggie orders cheese cake, the second little piggie orders apple pie a la mode and the third piggie orders, again, "I want beer. Lots and lots of beer."
    The waiter delivers their desserts and asks the third piggie "Sir, may I ask why you have been ordering beer all night?"
    The third piggie responds "Well ONE of us has to go "wee wee wee" all the way home!"
  • slrrese
    slrrese Posts: 180 Member
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    An old lady lives in a nursing home and every evening she goes around lifting her night shirt and saying "super sex", she goes from room to room doing this. One night, she happens upon a man she has never seen before in a wheel chair in the hall, she lifts her dress and says "super sex".... a few minutes later the man replies back, "I will have the soup".
  • mmoyer1978
    mmoyer1978 Posts: 124 Member
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    A woman coming out off a coffee shop witnesses a very strange funeral procession: two hearses, followed by a woman walking a dog, followed by about 30 women in single file. Curiosity gets the better of her and she approaches the woman walking the dog.

    "I'm very sorry," says the woman, but I have to know; who is in the first hearse?"
    "My husband," responds the woman walking the dog.
    "Oh my!" exclaims the woman, "I'm very sorry for your loss. Who is in the second hearse?"
    "My mother-in-law," she answers.
    "What happened?"
    "The dog attacked my husband when he was coming in late from a night of philandering. The dog thought he was a burglar. My mother-in-law tried to save her son."

    The woman is quiet for a moment as she processes this.
    "May I borrow your dog?" asks the woman.
    "Get in line," responds the widow.
  • azzkikin
    azzkikin Posts: 458 Member
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    Two muffins are sitting in the oven

    One muffin looks at the other muffin and says "geez sure is hot in here"

    The other muffin says "Oh my god!! A talking muffin!!"
  • casey882
    casey882 Posts: 291 Member
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    I woke up this morning and my wife was out. There was a note stuck to the fridge saying, 'I can't cope, it's clearly not working, I'm going to stay at my mums'. I don't know what the silly cow is talking about, I just felt the milk and it's cold.
  • TropicalFlowerz
    TropicalFlowerz Posts: 1,990 Member
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    Why did the chicken cross the road?????....to get away from K.F.C! - ....LOL..BY MY 7 YR. OLD!:laugh:
  • cndslee
    cndslee Posts: 256 Member
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    How do you wake up Lady Gaga when she is sleeping?

    Answer: Poker Face
  • gzus7freek
    gzus7freek Posts: 494 Member
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    OMG...These are all great!
    My Boys loved them...well most of them.
    There was one or two that I did not share with them! LOL

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