Okay, I'm sick of this confusion.

Unfortunately I really believe it's all of the above, and I feel like "eating too much" or "too little" varies a lot by person. I had to do a lot of experimentation to find out what works for me.

What alpine said. Your mileage may, and will, vary. Trial and error, trial and error, more trials, more errors. If something is working, keep doing it. If it stops working, or doesn't work at all, do something else. As a general rule of thumb, if you're looking to shift fat and calories in is less than calories out yet you're still getting enough calories to fuel your body's basic needs then you'll have success. What those numbers are nobody knows. MFP will have a guess, but it is very much a guess.

Unfortunately I really believe it's all of the above, and I feel like "eating too much" or "too little" varies a lot by person. I had to do a lot of experimentation to find out what works for me.

This. Not to add to the confusion. I do think the metabolism slows if a person who is not really overweight chronically restricts calories for long periods. But I think "starvation mode" as in, "if you don't eat every 3 hours your metabolism slows down" is pure myth. Eating too much or too little depends on the person. If a teenage girl who isn't really overweight is here eating 1000 calories, I'm going to tell her to eat more. If a genuinely overweight person believes they are eating 1400 calories but is gaining, I'm going to suggest he go back and be really rigorous about counting just to see if that's the problem.

Unfortunately on an internet forum there's only so much help we can give. We're never really going to know what another person is eating, we only know what they are saying.

Definitely all of the above except the starvation mode thing. I believe THAT nugget is a misnomer.

Weight loss is a unique experience for everyone. What works for me isn't what is going to work for everyone.

The keys to weight loss:
Dedication, motivation, education, will power.

Find yourself the motivation to get moving, dedication to stick with it, educating yourself along the way about your food intake and activity levels and the will power to say yes and no to the appropriate things.

i"If hunger is not the question, food is not the answer."

LOVE THIS!!!

ALSO: Listen to your body. That's the true answer. If you're fatigued, constantly hungry, etc, something is not right. Make adjustments until it works for you.

In my own experience I found that the metrics set out for me didnt help me lose weight.

at 1400 or less without eating exercise cals I wasnt losing. I was actually losing sleep which was strange for me! Then at this intake plus eating exercise calories i was ok.

Then i tried 2000 without eating exercise cals and the loss was very small. I think this is my maintenance based on my current exercise level.

Then I tried 1800 without eating the exercise calories. This is based on 2 days of basketball, 4 days of weights and a general slightly better than sedentiary lifestyle. I'm losing a constant 3lb per week at the moment and feel stronger. Some days i go over by a couple of hundred and some i'm under the same but this is my sweet spot.

Everyone is different. Its a long term goal so why dont you experinment and see how your body reacts. You could find your maintenance zone, your weight loss zone and the things your body does/doesnt like by doing it. Now i feel like i know myself better

At the minimum you should eat your BMR calories, but if you are active at all you will eat above that. So if your BMR is 1500 and you run three miles and burn 300 calories you can eat 1800 calories that day. This way has always worked for me, but ymmv.

There are no certainties in life. Embrace the confusion and do what works for you.

I agree with most on this thread, everyone is different. What I have been doing is trying to stick with between 1200.1300 calories a day and I have been steadily losing weight for the last month or so. Trial and error is really what it boils down to, try sticking with your calorie goal, go a little extreme and stick to a 1200 calorie a day diet, don't starve yourself though, if your hungry drink some water, if your still hungry eat something.

There is a small grain of truth to all of it, I think. I do believe that, yes, IT VARIES BY INDIVIDUAL. Some people are more genetically wired to hold onto weight in times of famine. I think "starvation mode" is taking it to a bit of a ridiculous extreme. I suppose some people do overestimate what they eat, but I think with nutrition labeling, measuring cups and spoons, and food scales this theory gets a bit ridiculous and over-applied. (Unless, of course, you're eating at restaurants. Then throw it all out the window.)

I think all of these issues lose a significant amount of importance when one lets go of a number on a scale and the ideal of being "skinny" and instead puts all of his / her efforts and attention on health and fitness. A dieter restricts calories just to see a number on a machine get smaller, regardless of what it is that's disappearing... fat, water, muscle, etc. Someone who is genuinely striving to be healthier and get his / her body into the best condition it can be works out hard and EATS, because that's what fuels physical effort. You start caring more about the quality of the food and the nutrients you're getting from it instead of just what fits into your calories, macros, etc. You start to get super happy when you see muscles start to poke out and get a little larger and more defined. Everyday things like being able to carry your groceries up a flight of stairs without strain become important and satisfying NSVs. Slipping on pants in the morning that fit is what you're really looking for, not just that scale number.

Don't be afraid to play with calories. If you make a change, like going up, and then insist on using the scale to gauge the effectiveness, give it a few weeks to thoroughly assess the effect it's having on your body. Be aware that water is going to screw with you. It just is. This is especially true if you strength train, which everyone should be doing come hell or high water.

Don't try to "lose weight". I hate that term. Instead, try to "gain fitness". Then none of these areas of confusion is that important anymore.