How do you ignore hurtful comments?
fitforlife34
Posts: 331 Member
I've been off and on this site for over a year. I lose weight, I do good for a month, then I go back to my old eating habits and gain it right back. Recently I posted on facebook how it is hard for me to find the right man. (I can get dates all the time, but I'm talking a good man, a husband.) A guy, I thought was my friend, responded how I can't get a man because I'm "fat" by men's standards, and that I need to get my stuff together and go to the gym if I want to lose weight. Now this dude has hips 2 times my size. And he admitted he's been going to the gym to lose weight too. He's a real honest guy, brutally honest, and I took him off my friends list.
HE is right though. I do feel fat, main reason why I"ve been so depressed. So I have a new motivation to go back to the gym and my diet on myfitnesspal.com. I lost 10lbs last Novemeber, I can lose 30-40 this time! Sometimes when people say harsh comments it spurs me back into motivation to "show them." however, this comment cut so deep I feel like I don't want to live. And I know women who are two times my size, have a good man, and married. How do you combat these hurtful comments?
HE is right though. I do feel fat, main reason why I"ve been so depressed. So I have a new motivation to go back to the gym and my diet on myfitnesspal.com. I lost 10lbs last Novemeber, I can lose 30-40 this time! Sometimes when people say harsh comments it spurs me back into motivation to "show them." however, this comment cut so deep I feel like I don't want to live. And I know women who are two times my size, have a good man, and married. How do you combat these hurtful comments?
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Replies
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That is stupid. There is an *kitten* for every chair and shame on him for painting all men with the same brush. No offence but your friend is an idiot and you should not take what he said to heart. If you want to lose weight you do it for you, not to land a man!
You are beautiful!0 -
I took a look at your photos and you are gorgeous! Perhaps you need to come up here to Alaska (where the odds are good but the goods are odd -- ha ha)? Screw those people and their hurtful comments -- rock those curves! And, if you want to work out to have more endurance and be healthier do it...0
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First off he's no friend. But also posting a pity party on facebook about your lack of a man isn't making you look good either.
Secondly I see fat women all the time with wedding rings on, your weight has no baring on whether or not you can have a man. I have skinny single friends. I see unattractive women out with their boyfriends. Shoot the other day I was on the bus and a woman in a wheelchair was complaining about her boyfriend. There's someone out there for everyone! I would spend time adjusting your attitude and trying a new approach/location to meet men and just be patient.0 -
Start understanding that this is HIS issue. I'm not going to say that there isn't a double standard out there in the world because there certainly is. But this is one guy's opinion and it sounds to me like he was just looking to knock someone down. Maybe he feels deficient in some way because of his weight and chose to take it out in you. Don't buy into that. Any man worth having is the one who accepts you for who you are and that includes your weight. You want to lose weight and get healthier, that is great, but do it for YOU!0
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That's nonsense. I was at least 100lbs heavier than my bf when he asked me out. Weight doesn't matter, confidence does. And every man is attracted to a different type a woman. SO maybe he didn't think you were attractive, but there are those who do.
Let it roll off you and know that you are getting healthy because you matter. You are gorgeous no matter what (seriously I'm super jealous of your hair too), and you don't need jerks like him to validate you.0 -
First of all, you distinguish whether or not you are mad at him, or mad at you. You do have the power not to allow his words to offend you, you also have the power to change your mindset and change your life style.
Treat your body with kindness, love it and treat it well. This means giving it the proper food, exercise and sleep. You will be amazed at what comes next. I am of the opinion this is a life long journey of body, mind and spirit. Having balance in all three, well great things happen then.
Seriously, have you ever known a person who was at peace, got exercise and ate healthy that was just plain miserable? It takes a lot of work but it is worth it. A woman with the balance of these three things has men beating down her door and is capable of obtaining and maintaining a long term healthy relationship. I know for me, it was not until I was capable of being a wonderful partner before I got a wonderful partner.
Good luck dear. Set your mind to it and do it, do not be a victim, be an empowered woman who makes the right choices, by choice.0 -
That is stupid. There is an *kitten* for every chair and shame on him for painting all men with the same brush. No offence but your friend is an idiot and you should not take what he said to heart. If you want to lose weight you do it for you, not to land a man!
You are beautiful!
What she said!0 -
I also think that you look stunning.
And also, there is no such thing as being too fat to have a guy! Everyone comes in different shapes and sizes, and people have different preferences!
Also, there is nothing wrong by being motivated by people saying dumb things.
I got motivated when a guy told me that he didn't want to date me because my arms were bigger then his!0 -
That is stupid. There is an *kitten* for every chair and shame on him for painting all men with the same brush. No offence but your friend is an idiot and you should not take what he said to heart. If you want to lose weight you do it for you, not to land a man!
THIS!0 -
If you think he's right then why are you upset?..
I don't understand why people post things not wanting HONEST opinions. I do agree that he's wrong, it's not because of your weight.. but still. If you're putting yourself out there like that then you should expect people to tell you how they honestly feel.0 -
I just don't see you as being fat. Your so beautiful. I'd kill for your smile!0
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I looked at your pictures and you are beautiful! He was a jerk for saying this. Try to take his Rude/Hurtful comment and use it for your motivation!0
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The harsh comments don't spur motivation, you spur the motivation to get back at them like "I'll show them I can lose it" and then get mad at yourself when life happens. Look, you are closer to the finish line than those that never showed up to the starting line! I've always been a victim of hurtful comments from those in my "circle" and guess what, that circle has gotten awfully small now because you can't allow negativity to derail you from you main goal and that is being healthy, happy, and HOT! Most of the time the negative ones are truly unhappy and can't find their own motivation to get started so it's easier to de-motivate someone.
So to answer your question, How do you ignore the comments, you don't! You respond with grace and keep on with your journey knowing that some will NOT see the end with you, they'll just have to stare at your REAR END in the dust as you keep it moving.
Good Luck with your journey to better health!0 -
First off you're ****ing gorgeous! When it comes to guys weight isn't everything confidence exercise to get your mood up and you'll feel good in no time!
Honestly some people are so insecure that they have to knock peoples confidence well **** them! You can loose weight but can he get a personality transplant because he sounds gross ugh nasty haha!0 -
There's always gonna be someone who is going to be mean and this is mostly out of their own insecurities. It's hard to brush it off no matter what the reason though, I understand.
But you're so beautiful!! And you really don't seem 'fat' to me. Looks like you're naturally curvier and I know a lot of guys who love that!
Please keep your chin up, that guy isn't worth beating yourself up over.0 -
Thanks ladies. I'ts so nice to hear these replies from such beautiful ladies too. Yeah, It hurt me for a moment, but sometimes critcism just makes me try harder. Even the guy I've dated for a year and a half says I look fine, I'm big boned but not fat. But still.......I know eating right and healthy will help.0
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He's taking out his issues on you, not being brutally honest. I just wanted to make sure that you knew that there's a difference. If no one liked heavy set women, BBW adult movies wouldn't be as incredibly popular as they are.
Having said that, a lot of men are attracted to confidence and you must love yourself before you expect anyone else to love you. Saying you don't know if you want to live because of his comment does not smack of confidence or self love. You are absolutely beautiful, but if you're not happy with your appearance, you can change it. Still, your body does not, or should not, define who you think you are. I know plenty of skinny women who can't get dates either because they don't realize that the inside really and truly does count.0 -
That's stupid. Maybe he's more talking to himself about why he doesn't have a girlfriend!
You should not lose weight to get a guy, you should lose weight b/c you know you need to...for you! And if you find a guy who only wants you b/c you're "thin" then what about if you get pregnant? Or just gain 10 pounds over the year!? Ugh!
My husband loves me as much (maybe more) at 170 (and as much as 226 when preggo!) as he did at 135 when we married.
Best wishes on losing weight and on finding the man of your dreams. Not the man who wants a "dream".0 -
Maybe he wasn't trying to make you feel bad, maybe he was giving an honest answer. Maybe you're angry/sad because deep down you know there is SOME truth in what he said?
Taking it as a personal attack and deleting him from your friends hasn't achieved anything, you still feel bad enough to make this post.
Are you motivated enough to make a change, and do it for you? Last November you lost 10lbs and stopped, I started last November and I've lost 85lbs to date, you could be where you want to be if you'd stuck with it, but you've got to be ready and not give up, it's not "too hard" you just have to stay motivated :flowerforyou:0 -
I've been off and on this site for over a year. I lose weight, I do good for a month, then I go back to my old eating habits and gain it right back. Recently I posted on facebook how it is hard for me to find the right man. (I can get dates all the time, but I'm talking a good man, a husband.) A guy, I thought was my friend, responded how I can't get a man because I'm "fat" by men's standards, and that I need to get my stuff together and go to the gym if I want to lose weight. Now this dude has hips 2 times my size. And he admitted he's been going to the gym to lose weight too. He's a real honest guy, brutally honest, and I took him off my friends list.
HE is right though. I do feel fat, main reason why I"ve been so depressed. So I have a new motivation to go back to the gym and my diet on myfitnesspal.com. I lost 10lbs last Novemeber, I can lose 30-40 this time! Sometimes when people say harsh comments it spurs me back into motivation to "show them." however, this comment cut so deep I feel like I don't want to live. And I know women who are two times my size, have a good man, and married. How do you combat these hurtful comments?
Umm, if you are THAT sensitive that you can't handle the truth from a friend (and someone that is that honest, is a REAL friend) then you have no business thinking about a husband, marriage, relationship, etc.
Women........from one woman to another, stop being so sensitive. Take the honesty and use it to better yourself instead of looking for a woe is me pitty party.
That is pathetic and weak. Yeah I said it............It is weak.0 -
Was this your first clue that said "friend" can be rude?
Always consider the source when you evaluate a comment. Some people enjoy inflicting pain; it's pretty easy to ignore them.0 -
You are beautiful, you have just been looking in the wrong mirror. All of the posts here are right about the man who made the hurtful comment but maybe he meant it as a call to action for you. Stand up for yourself and get moving in the direction you want to go. Be the person you want to be, don't wait for any man to make you happy. I hope you find that special person who sees how beautiful you are inside AND outside. Best wishes.0
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I get the same thing, that I'm too "big" to even get a date. But I get these comments from my mother of all people. I do my best to ignore it. Just because one person doesn't see your beauty doesn't mean everyone feels that way. I'm not only working on my weight to get healthy but I also want to have confidence and good self esteem. What matters most is what you think of yourself.0
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Awesome post!!Maybe he wasn't trying to make you feel bad, maybe he was giving an honest answer. Maybe you're angry/sad because deep down you know there is SOME truth in what he said?
Taking it as a personal attack and deleting him from your friends hasn't achieved anything, you still feel bad enough to make this post.
Are you motivated enough to make a change, and do it for you? Last November you lost 10lbs and stopped, I started last November and I've lost 85lbs to date, you could be where you want to be if you'd stuck with it, but you've got to be ready and not give up, it's not "too hard" you just have to stay motivated :flowerforyou:0 -
f-em
Do what you want to do for you..and not what some dude says..or what a magazine tells you is the ideal..we are not cookie cutter body types...not that I see anything wrong with your body type at all! Good luck cutie! And push the trash people.. to the side..and move on! 0 -
You are beautiful!! Seriously this guy sounds like he's just tryin to show off on FB. Which makes him super lame and he's probably single. There are plenty of men out there who love women of all sizes! Focus on making yourself happy, and in time you'll find the right man to compliment that!0
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I think about what an idiot that person is and laugh. Having the "I'll show them" attitude is a great motivator, but in the end, you have to do it for yourself too.
As far as men are concerned, lots of different guys prefer lots of different women. Think about the types of guys you like. Do you have set rules? Of course not. You might have preferences, but maybe weight isn't one of them. Guys are like that too. Some really don't care about weight; others do. You just have to find the man you click with on all different levels, not just physical.
I know it's cliche, but sometimes he shows up when you aren't looking. My boyfriend and I were hellbent on not dating anyone when we met each other, so we were friends for a year or so before we finally caved and admitted we were attracted to each other. We fought that for a long time, though. We were perfectly happy being single, and it took us a while to adjust to the idea of dating again. We've been together for three years this January. Additionally, he always dated skinny girls, so I was a little afraid, but now that I know him I feel pretty silly. He isn't picky; it was just a coincidence. He told me he loved me at 315 (when we met), and at 357 (my highest) because, to him, I was still ME, no matter what I weighed. That's the kind of person you want.
He's been a big motivator throughout this weight loss, but not because he wants me to be thinner for looks sake. He knows how unhealthy and miserable I was at 357, and it made him sad to see me cry when I couldn't do something. So he's really into my weight loss because he loves me and wants me to be happy, not because he wants a lingerie model. I'm back to 315 now, and I'm excited for him to see what I look like under 300, at 250, etc. He's seen pictures from high school and stuff, but I want to show him the real thing.0 -
I've been off and on this site for over a year. I lose weight, I do good for a month, then I go back to my old eating habits and gain it right back. Recently I posted on facebook how it is hard for me to find the right man. (I can get dates all the time, but I'm talking a good man, a husband.) A guy, I thought was my friend, responded how I can't get a man because I'm "fat" by men's standards, and that I need to get my stuff together and go to the gym if I want to lose weight. Now this dude has hips 2 times my size. And he admitted he's been going to the gym to lose weight too. He's a real honest guy, brutally honest, and I took him off my friends list.
HE is right though. I do feel fat, main reason why I"ve been so depressed. So I have a new motivation to go back to the gym and my diet on myfitnesspal.com. I lost 10lbs last Novemeber, I can lose 30-40 this time! Sometimes when people say harsh comments it spurs me back into motivation to "show them." however, this comment cut so deep I feel like I don't want to live. And I know women who are two times my size, have a good man, and married. How do you combat these hurtful comments?
Honestly, what spurred me to make a change in my life were hurtful comments.
1. My fiance's father thought I was "too fat' for my fiance. Of course he didn't say that to my face, he said it through my fiance who supported me and said that he loved me regardless. He is my greatest supporter right now in my weight loss.
2. I appeared in the news paper, and got mocked for being huge. I moped around in the house for awhile until I realised I need to pull my socks up.
I realise that the more I exercise, the better I feel, losing weight made me feel even better! Since I have lost some weight, I realised that I could do more, and I just feel more confident. So I have adjusted my motivation from those negative comments, to just how good I feel.
I am glad you took him off your friendslist. You don't need people like those. You need people who accept you for who you are and support you even more in this journey because it makes you feel good about yourself.
All the best, and just brush those comments off. Your progress will show those people with negative comments that you can change your body, but their personality / ideals will always be ugly.0 -
Honey I am so sorry that *kitten* said that. First off, he was saying his opinion not facts. Some men love women with curves and meat on them... Some men don't.
Going to the gym will definitely help your self confidence and if you watch your eating and eat more lean meat and tons of frets and veggies.... You will be losing weight thus your sexiness will start to show through....
You got this. Keep going girl! Add me if you want! I'll tell that ****er to **** off!0 -
First of all, he's not right. You may need to lose weight for health or personal reasons, but this is not why you can't find a good man. Any man that will only date you if you lose weight isn't really that "good".
The depression you speak of is more likely a factor. Most people, reagardless of size, are more attractive when they have a positive attitute and exude confidence. Don't tie your self worth to a scale or tape measure. There are plenty of skinny db's out there who also can't get a man.
Second, there is no way to totally avoid hurtful comments. All you can do is choose how long to dwell on it. What's done can't be undone, so it's best to just forgive and move on. Even if the offender doesn't ask for or accept your forgiveness (though hopefully they will). But the bottom line is that you can only control you.0
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