Bank Accounts & Your S.O.
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love4fitnesslove4food_wechange
Posts: 6,897 Member
in Chit-Chat
So...I was talking to my s.o. about this yesterday and it got me curious...
1. How do you and your s.o. handle bank accounts?
2. Are you currently married? If so, did marriage change your feelings about how you would handle money?
3. At what point in your relationship did you decide how you would deal with bank accounts?
4. Did you ever fight/disagree about your this?
1. How do you and your s.o. handle bank accounts?
2. Are you currently married? If so, did marriage change your feelings about how you would handle money?
3. At what point in your relationship did you decide how you would deal with bank accounts?
4. Did you ever fight/disagree about your this?
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Replies
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1 right now we have separate accounts, we probably will until we have the same zip code.
2 we aren't yet... I'm sure as soon as he's living here it will be joint.
3 We've discussed it since we've discussed him being here. He's in finance, so he's in general just much better with money than I am.
4 yeah, sometimes. Just because he is in finance and he wants me to save more. I don't think he realizes how hard this is...0 -
1. We have our own separate bank accounts and share 1 checking/savings account
2. Marriage did not change anything. We both work and she should have the liberty to use her money the way she sees fit and the same goes for me. I told her that I never want her to feel like she needs my permission to buy a pair of Blahniks like she would need if we shared our accounts. She works hard, go ahead and play hard. I work hard, I like my toys too.
3. We decided early on. Probably 2-3 years into our relationship.
4. We've had a few fights on it. Sometimes she'll say that not sharing means that we're being selfish and not wanting to be completely open with each other. And then I'll ask her if she wants to be like her girlfriends and have to ask their husbands permission for every expenditure....or be granted an allowance. Then she's quiet.0 -
1. Shared (he works, I spend....errr, pay bills)
2. Yes; no - we both had similar ideas so it flowed naturally
3. Well we had been together for several years before getting married - so it was already kinda assumed and worked out. After marriage - just opened a joint account. I kept a separate personal account for stuff like ebay sales/paypal.
4. Nope0 -
Seriously, my wife handle ALL the money both for our household and our business. I would never be able to handle it I'm awful with $$ so we decided early on she would take care of it... I tease her al the time too about her secret account she is padding because I honestly couldn't tell you what we have or where it goes beyond our life is adequately funded and everyone has what they want and need...0
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We have a shared account. Last year sometime we made it an official joint account. But for a year before that both his check and mine were direct deposit into my account. I manage the money and pay bills, he can't tell you what's in our account at any given time or what bills are due when lol. Which is why I handle it, and were happy with that. We both have an unspoken agreement to not spend dumb money or make big purchases without speaking to eachother about it. It works for us
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We both have our own checking/savings accounts and then we have a joint account that portions of our paychecks go into to pay the mortgage, car payment, and other minor expenses. Eventually I'd like to get us both at the same bank and everything be in one place but we're not in any hurry.
We don't fight about this...it's just how it is and it works well for us at the moment.0 -
1. We have our own separate bank accounts and share 1 checking/savings account
2. Marriage did not change anything. We both work and she should have the liberty to use her money the way she sees fit and the same goes for me. I told her that I never want her to feel like she needs my permission to buy a pair of Blahniks like she would need if we shared our accounts. She works hard, go ahead and play hard. I work hard, I like my toys too.
3. We decided early on. Probably 2-3 years into our relationship.
4. We've had a few fights on it. Sometimes she'll say that not sharing means that we're being selfish and not wanting to be completely open with each other. And then I'll ask her if she wants to be like her girlfriends and have to ask their husbands permission for every expenditure....or be granted an allowance. Then she's quiet.
This is pretty much our relationship also.
We did have a joint account until my husband took money out of the joint account to surprise me with a gift and he got cussed out royally because I didn't know what he did with the money...............
Then I felt like a real *kitten* and had to apologize. We kept a joint account for household stuff and opened separate accounts for ourselves.0 -
We do not share finances. We have never shared finances. We will never share finances. We have been together four and a half years, married since June. (Living together for three years). From the very beginning we have split everything 'down the middle' or at least what feels 'even' to us. My money is mine, his money is his, we work together to reach our common goals. We have also never fought about money.0
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1. Currently we share everything. "What's yours is mine, and what's mine is yours". One bank account. Cars in both names. I pay all bills out of joint account no matter who's name on it. Any debt is paid off in order of highest interest rate not name on the account.
2. I think we started then when we got engaged and bought a house. We got married a year later.
3. When we first moved in together we got a joint account. We both put the same amount of money into it (even though he made slightly more) and paid all joint bills out of it. At that time we still maintained separate accounts for our separate bills.
4. No, not really. It works for us. I've had a couple times where I've bounced checks (dumb mistakes) he got annoyed with that but that was it.0 -
We have 1 joint account (checking/savings) and we also each have our own accounts... Checks get deposited into our separate accounts and then we both transfer a set amount into our joint account... We give ourselves an allowance each payday so that we can buy & do whatever we want with that money no question asked... All bills, mortgsge, grocery, & entertainment comes out of of our joint account... We've been together a total of 5 years, married for 2 and decided to have a joint account when we bought our house right after we were married... My husband created an excel budget sheet for us that we update and send back/fourth, very helpful!!! He's an engineer and loves that kind of stuff... Lol... As for ever fighting about our joined account we did in the beginning when we were figuring things out, but I've basically told my husband as long as we're saving, investing, and paying our bills I'm good with whatever... If there's a big purchase either one of us want we just make sure we talk to each other about it first...0
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Interesting read here. This isnt exactly your situation, but I really fear the inevitable conversation someday. I think it is MUCH simpler when there is some earning parity between the two partners. It has always been an issue with me and ex's (GFs, never married) as there always seems to be a significant gap in earnings. I am all about the "mine is yours" from the moment we are engaged forward, but savings (retirement in particular) is scary to think would be divided in half should things fall apart. I have worked the last 13 years abroad in order to get ahead and save. Is it selfish to be so protective of that nest egg I have worked so damned hard for? It scares me to think someone has rights to half of that as soon as I would ever be married.
Am I shallow or selfish?0 -
Interesting read here. This isnt exactly your situation, but I really fear the inevitable conversation someday. I think it is MUCH simpler when there is some earning parity between the two partners. It has always been an issue with me and ex's (GFs, never married) as there always seems to be a significant gap in earnings. I am all about the "mine is yours" from the moment we are engaged forward, but savings (retirement in particular) is scary to think would be divided in half should things fall apart. I have worked the last 13 years abroad in order to get ahead and save. Is it selfish to be so protective of that nest egg I have worked so damned hard for? It scares me to think someone has rights to half of that as soon as I would ever be married.
Am I shallow or selfish?
I think that I can relate in a lot of ways--I saved a lot of money from aged 14-22 and I felt protective over MY EARNINGS--I worked my butt off and will have the earning potential for 160k straight out of law school. BUT...and this is what I never thought would happen...NOW I DON'T CARE. I can't enjoy one quality of life while my spouse enjoys another--we are in a partnership, a union, and that means we are equals. Whatever I earn is for our family--not for myself. I love him as much as I love me--and that means I'm willing to give him all that I have.0 -
1. How do you and your s.o. handle bank accounts?
We have separate accounts, at different banks in fact. (Though we have a joint mortgage)
2. Are you currently married? If so, did marriage change your feelings about how you would handle money?
Yes, and no, we kept our original accounts even after we married
3. At what point in your relationship did you decide how you would deal with bank accounts?
When we move in together we decided on all money matters
4. Did you ever fight/disagree about your this?
Never.0 -
Interesting read here. This isnt exactly your situation, but I really fear the inevitable conversation someday. I think it is MUCH simpler when there is some earning parity between the two partners. It has always been an issue with me and ex's (GFs, never married) as there always seems to be a significant gap in earnings. I am all about the "mine is yours" from the moment we are engaged forward, but savings (retirement in particular) is scary to think would be divided in half should things fall apart. I have worked the last 13 years abroad in order to get ahead and save. Is it selfish to be so protective of that nest egg I have worked so damned hard for? It scares me to think someone has rights to half of that as soon as I would ever be married.
Am I shallow or selfish?
No, I don't think your being selfish or shallow.
There are women that prey on men that have done exactly what you have done just to reap the rewards without having to put in the work in any shape, form or fashion.
That is why pre-nups are a good idea. Share while the relationship lasts (if it lasts, then great!!)................if it were to fall apart, then you each part what you came into the marriage with.0 -
Interesting read here. This isnt exactly your situation, but I really fear the inevitable conversation someday. I think it is MUCH simpler when there is some earning parity between the two partners. It has always been an issue with me and ex's (GFs, never married) as there always seems to be a significant gap in earnings. I am all about the "mine is yours" from the moment we are engaged forward, but savings (retirement in particular) is scary to think would be divided in half should things fall apart. I have worked the last 13 years abroad in order to get ahead and save. Is it selfish to be so protective of that nest egg I have worked so damned hard for? It scares me to think someone has rights to half of that as soon as I would ever be married.
Am I shallow or selfish?
I think that I can relate in a lot of ways--I saved a lot of money from aged 14-22 and I felt protective over MY EARNINGS--I worked my butt off and will have the earning potential for 160k straight out of law school. BUT...and this is what I never thought would happen...NOW I DON'T CARE. I can't enjoy one quality of life while my spouse enjoys another--we are in a partnership, a union, and that means we are equals. Whatever I earn is for our family--not for myself. I love him as much as I love me--and that means I'm willing to give him all that I have.
I don't have much, but this is how I feel. If he DOES get laid off in a month and I am the sole breadwinner for a while I really don't care. As long as I have him.
That said. if somebody has been burned I can understand their thoughts differing.0 -
Interesting read here. This isnt exactly your situation, but I really fear the inevitable conversation someday. I think it is MUCH simpler when there is some earning parity between the two partners. It has always been an issue with me and ex's (GFs, never married) as there always seems to be a significant gap in earnings. I am all about the "mine is yours" from the moment we are engaged forward, but savings (retirement in particular) is scary to think would be divided in half should things fall apart. I have worked the last 13 years abroad in order to get ahead and save. Is it selfish to be so protective of that nest egg I have worked so damned hard for? It scares me to think someone has rights to half of that as soon as I would ever be married.
Am I shallow or selfish?
No, I don't think your being selfish or shallow.
There are women that prey on men that have done exactly what you have done just to reap the rewards without having to put in the work in any shape, form or fashion.
That is why pre-nups are a good idea. Share while the relationship lasts (if it lasts, then great!!)................if it were to fall apart, then you each part what you came into the marriage with.
I don't agree--if you can't weed out the women who are "preying" on the man that has worked hard then that's rather sad. I'd hope that you did enough soul searching and learning about the other person to know whether/not it's right. If you're not willing to risk it all then MAYBE you're with the wrong person--going in with doubts and the need for the security of a pre-nup is probably not a good sign. At least--that's my view. No hard feelings.0 -
Interesting read here. This isnt exactly your situation, but I really fear the inevitable conversation someday. I think it is MUCH simpler when there is some earning parity between the two partners. It has always been an issue with me and ex's (GFs, never married) as there always seems to be a significant gap in earnings. I am all about the "mine is yours" from the moment we are engaged forward, but savings (retirement in particular) is scary to think would be divided in half should things fall apart. I have worked the last 13 years abroad in order to get ahead and save. Is it selfish to be so protective of that nest egg I have worked so damned hard for? It scares me to think someone has rights to half of that as soon as I would ever be married.
Am I shallow or selfish?
I think that I can relate in a lot of ways--I saved a lot of money from aged 14-22 and I felt protective over MY EARNINGS--I worked my butt off and will have the earning potential for 160k straight out of law school. BUT...and this is what I never thought would happen...NOW I DON'T CARE. I can't enjoy one quality of life while my spouse enjoys another--we are in a partnership, a union, and that means we are equals. Whatever I earn is for our family--not for myself. I love him as much as I love me--and that means I'm willing to give him all that I have.
I don't have much, but this is how I feel. If he DOES get laid off in a month and I am the sole breadwinner for a while I really don't care. As long as I have him.
That said. if somebody has been burned I can understand their thoughts differing.
We have been in this situation on both sides of the coin.
When there is a reduced income, the other one steps up until the other person gets back in the working game again.
For instance..........
I got laid off in March 2012. I filed my unemployment, which of course is only a fraction of what I was previously earning.
My husband contributed a greater % in our joint account until I got a full time job again. Then we went back to our normal arrangement that we have had for years.
Compromise and change must always be considered whether you have a joint or separate accounts.0 -
1. How do you and your s.o. handle bank accounts? Joint and seperate accounts- joint is for spending, we each have bills that come out of our seperate accounts
2. Are you currently married? If so, did marriage change your feelings about how you would handle money? Yes I am, and no it didnt really change how I felt about $$, have always been very careful with it
3. At what point in your relationship did you decide how you would deal with bank accounts? Well we loved in after 3 months of dating and I think at that point we basically started sharing money...but we didnt open a joint account until right before we got married
4. Did you ever fight/disagree about your this? yes0 -
My SO and I have our 8 year anniversary next month. We've had a joint account for about 5 years. Since we've been together we've shared money. There were long times where I was the only income, right now he's the only income and I stay at home with our kids. In the future, I'll be the main wage earner again as I have a college degree. All of our money is our money, we don't divide anything.0
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1. How do you and your s.o. handle bank accounts?
we have a checking acct with both our names on it
but, our pay checks get deposited to pay cards (he puts his money in the bank to the cover certain bills)
2. Are you currently married? If so, did marriage change your feelings about how you would handle money?
we are married and have been together 13 years ... since I am working again, I help pay a couple bills and he pays bills, but tech. our money is separate but if either needs money, it is there
3. At what point in your relationship did you decide how you would deal with bank accounts?
once we moved in together
4. Did you ever fight/disagree about your this?
I get annoyed, if I think the bill(s) hasn't been paid on time (the bills I agreed to pay, I know gets paid)0
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