Lost that loving feeling/co-habitation.
So, I moved in with my Man Friend in September. Things are great with our relationship, no complaints really except.
When I lived in my own place, we had sex at least 5x a week. Now that I live there, it's 2x a week and weekends only. Last night, he told me he wanted to do sex to me (yes, he's romantic) but then fell asleep.
I tell my best friend Odus and she informs me that I got married (no, not really. but figuratively speaking) and that's how it is. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. So c'mon. Tell me your stories and that my life isn't going to be a sexless desert from Mon-Thurs. And yes, I've spoken with him about this and he says "Aww, I'm sorry honey. I was just tired last night. I'll take care of you tonight." And no, he's not the type to just take me and have his way with me and yes.
He will turn me down. Did I just get husband upped and I didn't realize it?
When I lived in my own place, we had sex at least 5x a week. Now that I live there, it's 2x a week and weekends only. Last night, he told me he wanted to do sex to me (yes, he's romantic) but then fell asleep.
I tell my best friend Odus and she informs me that I got married (no, not really. but figuratively speaking) and that's how it is. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. So c'mon. Tell me your stories and that my life isn't going to be a sexless desert from Mon-Thurs. And yes, I've spoken with him about this and he says "Aww, I'm sorry honey. I was just tired last night. I'll take care of you tonight." And no, he's not the type to just take me and have his way with me and yes.
He will turn me down. Did I just get husband upped and I didn't realize it?
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Replies
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I've never turned my wife down, and I could have written what you just wrote...0
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Maybe he was actually tired. At least he didn't fall asleep during.0
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Sorry but sex life doesn't dwindle just because you get married or move in together.
He really could have been tired. You did say he went to sleep after suggesting it.0 -
Move out. Ta da.0
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Yea you got married. Thats how marriage is, thats why married people have boy/girl toys.0
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...just break up.0
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Just break up0
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My man and I live together (about 1 month and 1/2 now) and have sex every day - sometimes 2x, which is more than we used to before because he lived across town. Sorry, Charlie, somethings really wrong...0
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*grumbles* - together with my man for 14+ years - I'm lucky to get laid on the weekends. I'd take it everyday if I could. Ohhh if I'm a realllly good girl (or pretty much just "take it") - I might get a mid-week romp. Marriage sucks (and guys - sorry, but it's not always the women who are "too tired, have a headache, wah wah wahhhh" - sometimes its members of your own group). :P0
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we are going through the same thing! we've been living together for quite a bit longer but it is both of us we are just too tired sometimes!0
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So, I moved in with my Man Friend in September. Things are great with our relationship, no complaints really except.
When I lived in my own place, we had sex at least 5x a week. Now that I live there, it's 2x a week and weekends only. Last night, he told me he wanted to do sex to me (yes, he's romantic) but then fell asleep.
I tell my best friend Odus and she informs me that I got married (no, not really. but figuratively speaking) and that's how it is. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. So c'mon. Tell me your stories and that my life isn't going to be a sexless desert from Mon-Thurs. And yes, I've spoken with him about this and he says "Aww, I'm sorry honey. I was just tired last night. I'll take care of you tonight." And no, he's not the type to just take me and have his way with me and yes.
He will turn me down. Did I just get husband upped and I didn't realize it?
Be lucky you get it twice a week. I think the last time my guy and I had sex was four months ago.0 -
*grumbles* - together with my man for 14+ years - I'm lucky to get laid on the weekends. I'd take it everyday if I could. Ohhh if I'm a realllly good girl (or pretty much just "take it") - I might get a mid-week romp. Marriage sucks (and guys - sorry, but it's not always the women who are "too tired, have a headache, wah wah wahhhh" - sometimes its members of your own group). :P
aw man this makes me sad
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Move out. Ta da.
^^ This. It's all about supply and demand. If its always potentially available, then it's less desirable. Living apart means you always see each other at your best.0 -
*grumbles* - together with my man for 14+ years - I'm lucky to get laid on the weekends. I'd take it everyday if I could. Ohhh if I'm a realllly good girl (or pretty much just "take it") - I might get a mid-week romp. Marriage sucks (and guys - sorry, but it's not always the women who are "too tired, have a headache, wah wah wahhhh" - sometimes its members of your own group). :P
Um wow. :noway: Don't blame it on the marriage. There could be something else wrong with your husband. Have you talked to him about it?
Sorry but I hate it when people say "Oh once you get married you just stop having sex!" That's a load of crap.0 -
Some of the side effects of living together, like him coming in to pee while I'm brushing my teeth or lazing around with his hairy belly sticking out between the top of his sweats and the bottom of his t-shirt, really can put the old sex life to sleep or in a permanent coma.0
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Move out. Ta da.
Actually, this could be good advice. There are some times that I wish that my fiance and I lived separately. I enjoyed my old apartment and when he visited, it was lots of fun making dinner together and watching movies.
Now, we just don't have the money to live separately anymore. And we have our dogs that neither of us want to be parted with. Don't get me wrong, we love being with each other in our own house, but I still kinda miss my own place
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You have to make it a point and not just wait for it to happen spontaneously. I started to feel that way a bit, but we had a conversation and came to the realization that sometimes "GET IN THE BEDROOM" is exactly what needs to be said. Works like a charm.0
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It is perfectly normal. However, I have found that a see-through red teddy and some sexy black heels go a long way to helping him find that loving feeling again ...0
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You have to make it a point and not just wait for it to happen spontaneously. I started to feel that way a bit, but we had a conversation and came to the realization that sometimes "GET IN THE BEDROOM" is exactly what needs to be said. Works like a charm.
Or schedule it like any other activity that you do. To say that the lack of sex is because you're living together or married is a crock. You made time for it before you moved in/got married so why can't you make time for it now? Hell it's easier now because you're in the same house!0 -
Living with someone's a grind, even if you love them. Housework's not sexy, and neither is discussing bills. I think there's no way around *some* reduction.
If he's a weekends-only guy, maybe his head's just not in it in the routine of the work-week. Like maybe he has to make a leap into 'sex brain', and he could do that at your place, but now it's back to 'regular life'. My ex was like that, I couldn't find a way around it. Maybe you could schedule Wednesdays for 'date nights' or something, people talk about that sometimes.
Did he really say he wanted to 'do sex to you'??0 -
You need to snap yourself out of it. It sounds like you just got too comfortable. If you want it, you'll make it happen.
Make it a point to spend time together. Just because you're in the same house, doesn't mean you're together. If one of you is on your laptop and the other one is watching TV in the evenings, you're not together. You still need to "date"... if you loose the boyfriend/girlfriend feeling, then you have to work to get it back.
Being married or "married" as absolutely NOTHING to do with a lack of sex. That's self-inflicted and the spouse is just being used as an excuse. I've been married for almost 8 years, together for 10 and we have an awesome love life. We've had rough patches but we've never gotten *that* sort of comfortable where it's just like "Meh... sex is there if I want it." That's no good.0 -
Did he really say he wanted to 'do sex to you'??
lol yes. But honestly, that doesn't bother me at all. It's nothing new, he's always said that to me. So don't hone in on that one comment.0 -
Um wow. :noway: Don't blame it on the marriage. There could be something else wrong with your husband. Have you talked to him about it?
Sorry but I hate it when people say "Oh once you get married you just stop having sex!" That's a load of crap.
Oh yes...we've talked...and talked....and talked. Lots of issues there. Marriage sucks for the sex department because once you have kids, and the house needs maintenance, and work wants you 20 hours a day, etc....(aka: being responsible, overworked, and stressed out) - there is rarely anything left to give to the one whom you love and know won't leave you because you are just too tired. So you have to deal with it. And yes, I'm a bit of a negative nancy right now because this has become a HUGE issue in my life the past eight months and I'm not ready to just settle for being an undersexed "trophy" wife. blah0 -
I just had this conversation with my sister. My husband and I been together for 12 years. We have 3 kids and are busy. The first few months out the relationship you can't keep your hands off eachother and then he can't keep his hands off of you and then its no one is putting hands on eachother. Then he is cranky from not getting any so you as the women have to put everything in motion. I finally told him if he wanted it he needed to get on me. Things have really changed in the last week. I for sure have a husband who is way more horny and in control. And yes its ok to take control and put things into motion. Also to change it up!!0
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Being goofy friends makes for the best relationships.Did he really say he wanted to 'do sex to you'??
lol yes. But honestly, that doesn't bother me at all. It's nothing new, he's always said that to me. So don't hone in on that one comment. ... as long as you know when to take each other seriously and when to goof. :laugh: That's kind of important too... 0 -
Nothings wrong.....its not married life. Its just life. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years. Living together 7. We go through phases where we can't take our hands off eachother. As well as phases where we really are just too exhausted from life to do anything but veg on the couch. Then again there are other ways to please people without going the distance!!! Which we take full advantage of during those times. If you love him and he loves you going without sex for even a month won't kill the relationship. Its the over thinking it that will eventually eat you up.0
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Did he really say he wanted to 'do sex to you'??
lol yes. But honestly, that doesn't bother me at all. It's nothing new, he's always said that to me. So don't hone in on that one comment.
I can't imagine you in a relationship with a man who wouldn't say something like that! lol0 -
Move out. Ta da.
^^ This. It's all about supply and demand. If its always potentially available, then it's less desirable. Living apart means you always see each other at your best.
Very true. I believe you hit the nail on the head with this one.0 -
Um wow. :noway: Don't blame it on the marriage. There could be something else wrong with your husband. Have you talked to him about it?
Sorry but I hate it when people say "Oh once you get married you just stop having sex!" That's a load of crap.
Oh yes...we've talked...and talked....and talked. Lots of issues there. Marriage sucks for the sex department because once you have kids, and the house needs maintenance, and work wants you 20 hours a day, etc....(aka: being responsible, overworked, and stressed out) - there is rarely anything left to give to the one whom you love and know won't leave you because you are just too tired. So you have to deal with it. And yes, I'm a bit of a negative nancy right now because this has become a HUGE issue in my life the past eight months and I'm not ready to just settle for being an undersexed "trophy" wife. blah
I'm married too and although I have no children I get the whole 'responsibility" thing however sometimes you just have to make time for sex, even if it means scheduling it in your sexy time. In all honesty it sounds like the two of you need therapy and I'm not saying that to be rude either. If this is an issue and you've talked about it then perhaps some professional intervention may be what you need or perhaps it's something else. He could have low testosterone or some other underlying issue that you're not aware of..0 -
Um wow. :noway: Don't blame it on the marriage. There could be something else wrong with your husband. Have you talked to him about it?
Sorry but I hate it when people say "Oh once you get married you just stop having sex!" That's a load of crap.
Oh yes...we've talked...and talked....and talked. Lots of issues there. Marriage sucks for the sex department because once you have kids, and the house needs maintenance, and work wants you 20 hours a day, etc....(aka: being responsible, overworked, and stressed out) - there is rarely anything left to give to the one whom you love and know won't leave you because you are just too tired. So you have to deal with it. And yes, I'm a bit of a negative nancy right now because this has become a HUGE issue in my life the past eight months and I'm not ready to just settle for being an undersexed "trophy" wife. blah
To me all those reasons you listed are a reason to have sex, At least in my opinion it is a major stress reliever. I also can't imagine a man saying no if he was thrown onto the bed and undressed. Don’t give him the option refuse….take it, or give it I guess would be the better way to put it.0
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