How the eff does one approach an attractive women?

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  • DerpdyHerp
    DerpdyHerp Posts: 44
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    don't listen to women, they lie about this topic. this is a game of numbers. It only takes one. Consider them practice girls when they turn you down. You do better next time. Soon you land woman. It happens, just be patient.
  • soehlerking
    soehlerking Posts: 589 Member
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    I was bartending, and my one-day-to-be-husband wrote his number on the receipt with a crappy tip, waited till I was in the back, and ran out the door so he wouldn't have to face potential rejection. It was just so hilariously poorly done, I had to call him. Even awkward approaches can lead to happy-ever-afters. :)
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,358 Member
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    I know where I work I have some really either drunk brave guys or just guys with confidence who will flirt hard with me. I have a regular who comes in every night, he has made it clear he comes in to see me but last Friday I had a friend that was laying it on him hard and he kept checking me out. He knows I'm married lol. So I think it's confidence because while he might not be ALL that to look at, if I wasn't married there is something about him and I'm guessing the confidence that kinda makes me crazy.
  • heidiberr
    heidiberr Posts: 643 Member
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    Be yourself. Be geuinine. Be confident.

    I am a sucker for a guy who can make me laugh.

    The guy I'm dating now--when we first started talking (online) I wasn't sure if I was interested. However, the first time we hung out he made me laugh, engaged me, and made sure I knew he was focused on me (despite working as a bartender as we were talking.) and because he was being himself, nothing has changed :)

    You got this.
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
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    1. Never ask women for advice. Ask men you know who have actually attracted women successfully, who have the type of relationship that you want. As in: if you want a girlfriend, ask a man with one. If you want a wife, ask a married man who hasn't been divorced. If you want a FWB, ask a man with one, or a few. People will give all sorts of ****ty advice when they have no experience or clue.

    2. Be upfront about your intentions. Do not try to befriend her platonically and then wait for feelings to grow. This used to be called "courtship" years ago, but now it's called "creepy".

    3. Expect rejection and accept rejection with a cool, no-problem, see you later, attitude.

    4. Ask her on a cheap, low- or no-cost date. Ice cream. Coffee. Biking. No dinners, movies, or any place boxed in. Be specific about an activity, date, and time. Worst thing you can say: "Would you like to go out with me sometime?"
  • Spartan_Maker
    Spartan_Maker Posts: 683 Member
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    "Hi, my name is ...." usually works.
  • runs4zen
    runs4zen Posts: 769 Member
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    Well, you've got a lot of folks here who have given you great advice on the approach.

    Here's something to think about as well: what have you got to offer a good looking, smart, self-reliant woman? (We're subtracting all women who do not at least fit the self-reliant part here. Stay away from them unless that's your thing.)

    I suggest (and please, it's all my own opinion): Be employed...if you're not in your "career" yet, at least be working on that goal. Have some knowledge of current events beyond sports and entertainment and be somewhat well-read. Be polite and flirty but do not be a scum and start in with the sexual innuendos and do not try to touch her. Be accountable--if you say you're going to call, then call within a couple days. If you're not going to call, don't take her number. Being straight up with women is A-okay.

    If you're over 23 and are not in college, then live somewhere other than home. Grown women aren't looking for boys. They are looking for self-reliant men to partner with whom they do not need to mother. Don't forget to be well-groomed and wear matching clothes in good repair.

    You don't need to be rich, the most handsome guy in the joint, have the fattest wallet or anything like that. You just need to be real, be attentive without being boorish, be neat and clean, have something to converse about, be accountable and be self-reliant.

    That's my two cents and I think I just spent it here! Good luck! You're a cutie-pie and some girl will snap you up in no time if you work a little at it!
  • WeekndOVOXO
    WeekndOVOXO Posts: 779 Member
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    Here's a repost from another thread.

    Reading through the recipe section of MFP message board and there was a question about why this mothers son can't find a girl since he's a "nice and shy guy."

    I can't stand this.

    It upsets me, because I used to be THAT type of guy and at times I still fight with that guy(looking at a girl I'm attracted to, automatically assuming I'm no good.)

    I remember being awkward, shy, nervous, worried, sweaty when being approached or approaching a girl.

    It took practice, but I managed to change myself(primarily after getting dumped by my ex.) Although I was always assured of myself and had some sense of humor.

    Few notes for kiddos out there:



    Be confident. When I say this I mean don't have your head down when she looks at you, have something to say if she talks to you. Do you see a girl that you like? THEN APPROACH HER. Woman want the best, so be the best you can be. Showcase your swagger. You have value, why does she deserve you?

    Dress proper. Looks don't really matter, but if you're wearing something like it came out of your parents class of 79' photo then chances are you crapped the bed. Doesn't mean to wear prada, gucci and $200 cologne. I like vnecks, skinny jeans, toms for casual. Button down/cardigan for clubbing. Still trimming down to get into blazers.

    No girl is special. LEARN TO GET REJECTED. Deal with it. Ask yourself what happened, how I can do better and MOVE ON.

    Don't put her on a pedestal. She's not the end all be all. Your life doesn't revolve around her.

    Practice. Talk to girls. This isn't something that we are born with. It takes time, trial and error. When I mean talk to a girl, I don't mean talk to some girl that you want - right away. I mean talk to the cashier, bank teller, movie attendant, barista, classmate. Build yourself up so you don't get as nervous and transform yourself to a more seductive, charming man. It DOESN'T happen overnight just like a healthy life style. Elevate your social skills. Go somewhere where your attributes can be noticed and feel more comfortable at first. Smart? Library. Buff? Beach. Dancer? Club. Musician? Concerts/Live bands.

    Body Language. Look at her directly, not like a criminal, but with some suave, don't put your hands in your pockets, smile, have good posture(straight, elbows back)

    Talking to her: Be cool. Now I don't mean having the latest apple product. I mean be assertive of yourself, be calm, relaxed, nice, fun, open to new things. This is where confidence really comes into play. This is where your mindset should be saying you're the man, and she's lucky to be talking to you NOT the opposite. Get her to talk. Lead on conversations(making sure you're in control), don't let her stop, unless she asks you a question then you answer it and follow up with another question. A good opener is always helpful. Make her laugh. Backhand compliments are great if you know how to use them. Being an *kitten* helps. Woman enjoy an *kitten* opinion and thoughts because they don't always correspond to theirs and it creates sparks. I don't mean be a ****, I mean be playful. Listen to what she has to say. LISTEN. LISTEN. That's how you have a conversation and follow up on things. Store something she has said and keep it with you. Mention it later on. Woman love that. Stop talking about yourself. Stop bragging. Have flow in your conversation. If she's talking about dogs, don't mention your friends dog died. NO. STOP. I like to mention my name in the end, adds mystery.

    Make sure she's interested. Eye contact. Eye contact. EYE CONTACT. Chances are if she's looked at you a couple times, she's looking for you to talk to her. Girls don't show interest like men. They're subtle. If she's playing with her hair. If she's smiled, a comment, etc. Okay you've now talked to her for a while and it's going well? Don't know if she's willing to give you her number/ interested in you? Few things to look out for... Leaning towards you, starts asking you tons of questions, blushing, tone of voice, posture. You can go for the kill by getting close saying something, if she doesn't reject what you said go for a kiss. If she does reject you. Chin up. Sometimes even with all of these hints she could just be an attention *kitten* or a tease. There's more out there.

    Again don't be desperate, kiss *kitten*, try too hard, and being scared of who you're naturally supposed to be - a man.

    Most importantly be yourself. Be comfortable with who you are. Do some soul searching. Don't live someone else's life. Don't make it all about someone that can hurt you, mistreat, you and eventually break you. Have self-respect. Love yourself because you are so ****ing worth it.
  • nphect
    nphect Posts: 474
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    It really helps if you find a good conversation starter. At a bar, sit near the girl and ask her what kind of beer she's drinking (assuming it's obviously not Bud or Miller) and if it's good, or cheer along with her if there's a sports game on, or say "I overheard you saying _" if she says something you could comment on, ask her to take a picture of you and your friends and then talk to her after... Anything to just get her attention and then get a conversation going. If she very obviously doesn't want to engage you in conversation, move on, but otherwise just start talking to her. If you click, ask for her number.

    Sometimes it's easier to meet someone not at a bar - we feel less like you're trying to get in our pants and more like you may be interested in us. If you see a girl at a coffee shop reading a book you've read, ask her how she likes it. But whatever you do, be friendly and not creepy.

    Girls like free drinks. Money helps.

    the guys are trying to get into your pants because your trying to get into their wallets.
  • ali_b83
    ali_b83 Posts: 324 Member
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    If you can find the confidence to talk to a girl and make her laugh, you at least have a chance. Humor is at the top of the list for every girl I've ever known. Makes a guy so attractive.
  • sportytalldoll
    sportytalldoll Posts: 208 Member
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    if you can make her laugh - you can ask her out....persoanlly for me - sense of humor, eye contact, and a manly voice win me over.
  • annabellj
    annabellj Posts: 1,337 Member
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    Just be you. Walk up to her and strike up a casual conversation. If she's cool and down to earth, she'll talk to you....if she's a complete bit¢h, she'll blow you off (not literally). Trust me, the stuck up bit¢hes aren't worth one second of your time.

    Confidence is key...there is nothing sexier than a confident man. Hey, the worst that can happen is she say's "no thanks"....but don't take it personal...she may just already be involved.

    Anything worth having...is worth sticking your neck out for..or stepping outside your comfort zone

    Good luck:drinker:
    this!
  • charelg
    charelg Posts: 599 Member
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    Just say hi! :)
  • DaphneAtx
    DaphneAtx Posts: 153
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    I am far from a baller ladies man...but I have gotten better with the issue you're not facing.

    A lot of your success is going to come in the form of trial and error my man. Above all else, you've got to overcome the fear of failure. You're going to fail, not all women are going to dig you, you're going to make mistakes...and that's OKAY. They're all learning experiences that you'll reflect and beat yourself up on later. If you really want to get better with women, you'll have to keep putting yourself out there and refining your practice...It's the same principal with all things...You'll never climb the ladder to success with your hands in your pockets.

    Some general tips that I find effective in most situations.

    1. Take up space. You're a man, let your body language show that your comfortable in your own skin.
    2. Keep her talking, but don't interrogate her...be engaging. Find something relevant about the situation and go from there.
    3. Make eye contact when she starts speaking and when you speak...but be sure to take a few glances down towards her feet from time to time.
    4. Take time to digest what she says...Don't be afraid of a pause it shows you actually give a ****.
    5. Punctuate your main points with a subtle tap on the elbow or arm...bridge the physical gap.

    Hope this helps bro.

    Great advice, but you just have to take off your shirt to have the women chasing YOU.
  • ShaeLovelyy
    ShaeLovelyy Posts: 55
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    The key is to get more secure with yourself. Stop fearing rejection so much. Realize that its a part of life..im a decently hot girl and ive been hit on a million times..ive rejected guys and ive been rejected..ya just got keep getting back into it! Theres someone out there for everyone..but until you find that someone..test drivee as much equipment as ya can :laugh:
    Just have fun and be yourself..no cheesy pickup lines dont work..and no walking up wwith your wallet doesnt work unless you want a gold digging *kitten* lol The less you fear rejection and the easier you get over it...the more you will try to talk to girls! And eventually you will succeed!
  • peles_fire
    peles_fire Posts: 501
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    Like you would any other woman.
  • tkcasta
    tkcasta Posts: 405 Member
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    Try "Hi, how are you? My name is ___" And then just wait for a response, any interested party will strike up a conversation. And then offer to buy her a drink. Don't make it a big deal.
  • rozsbluejay
    rozsbluejay Posts: 303 Member
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    Just say hi.
  • SammyLou28
    SammyLou28 Posts: 36
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    Use friendliness and humor. If she acts like she is too good for you, don't sweat it. Don't waste your time pining for snobs.
  • MaintainCats
    MaintainCats Posts: 222 Member
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    It isn't hard. Women aren't scary (attractive or otherwise), just people.

    If she is reading a book ask her what it is about. If she is at a coffee shop ask her what she recommends. If she is outside and it is nice weather comment on that. If it is raining offer up an umbrella share.

    Also, online dating is a thing, a decent thing. Lots of people seem to meet their mate this way now.

    Just be confident but not arrogant and you are fine!

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