Dating a morbidly obese person....

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  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
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    I say, be his friend. If something more develops so be it. Sounds like he could use some friends who are willing to show him that healthy changes are possible for anyone of any size.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    Getting in a relationship thinking your are going to change him, what could possibly go wrong?

    what woman DOESNT think that going into a relationship? even if it is the smallest thing....

    The ones that are looking for a life long relationship. "Changing a man" never works. Just like changing a woman never works.
  • crazyellybean
    crazyellybean Posts: 999 Member
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    Dating is the art of getting together and doing things with the potential of one day being together and having a romance... it does not mean you have to walk down the aisle with said person, or go any farther at any given time.

    If you have so much in common - what's to hurt? your not committing to marrying the guy, your just going on a date.

    Have you talked to him about the fact you are on a journey to a healthier you?

    I say, go on a date, see how it is, maybe plan something active.... bring up the fact that you are on a journey to a healthier you and see how he feels about it... Maybe he will shock you and ask to join you on your next walk.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    if you like him and he makes you feel good...date him....

    but make it clear that you are on a path to a long life and want a long life....and that he's welcome to join you.....

    but that you will be making choices for you...and your health and you would appreciate it if he would support that....

    if you find that he's not making it easy for you to continue your health goals, then talk to him about it again....

    but don't push it on him...just make sure he stays out of your way....

    however, if you guys are dating and he always has to consider your health needs when planning a date, he may find himself eating and acting healthier by association....

    example...if you say, I can't go to or eat KFC (not saying you do) then he knows he can't suggest that as an option at any point, otherwise he's sabotaging you....and he has to make a healthier choice....what he does on his own time is up to him...

    just don't have any expectations from him in regards to his own health....only have the expectation that he needs to respect yours.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Getting in a relationship thinking your are going to change him, what could possibly go wrong?

    what woman DOESNT think that going into a relationship? even if it is the smallest thing....

    If you feel the need to change the person you're with, it's the wrong relationship.

    The best relationship I ever had was with a man I didn't want to change at all. Things didn't work out for reasons unrelated to the two of us, but if he came back into my life. I would probably jump right back into it. He was perfect (in my eyes).
  • iFeelBrandNew
    iFeelBrandNew Posts: 263 Member
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    Getting in a relationship thinking your are going to change him, what could possibly go wrong?

    what woman DOESNT think that going into a relationship? even if it is the smallest thing....

    The ones that are looking for a life long relationship. "Changing a man" never works. Just like changing a woman never works.

    this was meant to be a joke. obviously it didnt go over well... LOL
  • BeingAwesome247
    BeingAwesome247 Posts: 1,171 Member
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    I don't think a person gets to 300 or 500 pounds by having a healthy relationship with food. Just like two anorexcs (especially if one is just starting to get better and the other isn't even trying) will tend to fuel the unhealthy fire in each other, I would think it happens on the other end of the scale, as well.

    Or even two alcoholics.

    My advice is not to do this. Your own well-being is at stake and I doubt he will change just because you are changing.

    Have to agree with this....
  • terra32903
    terra32903 Posts: 185 Member
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    I don't think a person gets to 300 or 500 pounds by having a healthy relationship with food. Just like two anorexcs (especially if one is just starting to get better and the other isn't even trying) will tend to fuel the unhealthy fire in each other, I would think it happens on the other end of the scale, as well.

    Or even two alcoholics.

    My advice is not to do this. Your own well-being is at stake and I doubt he will change just because you are changing.

    It's a struggle for me to admit but I agree with this. It's not about the superficial appearance stuff . It's about wanting a partner that can go out and enjoy participating in the things that I do (and vice versa).

    You have to do what is right for you. If you can see yourself happy when you reach your fitness goals with a person that is content weighing 500 lbs that is your choice. For me though...that person isn't going to be able to come along on the journey of doing all those things that I have always wanted to but couldn't cause I was overweight like parasailing, kite surfing, etc.

    Best of luck to you in your decision.
  • iFeelBrandNew
    iFeelBrandNew Posts: 263 Member
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    Getting in a relationship thinking your are going to change him, what could possibly go wrong?

    what woman DOESNT think that going into a relationship? even if it is the smallest thing....

    The ones that are looking for a life long relationship. "Changing a man" never works. Just like changing a woman never works.

    this was meant to be a joke. obviously it didnt go over well... LOL

    im terrible at jokes...
  • njgirl50
    njgirl50 Posts: 62 Member
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    It is difficult to lose weight if you are dating or involved with someone who does not share your outlook. My boyfriend lost some weight, but then stopped & at times he is supportive, but at times he is not & when he gets to that point it can be really hard to lose. You need to be upfront with him & see what he says. Perhaps you can be an example for him & get him motivated to get healthy with you.
  • christinet8504
    christinet8504 Posts: 108
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    I don't think a person gets to 300 or 500 pounds by having a healthy relationship with food. Just like two anorexcs (especially if one is just starting to get better and the other isn't even trying) will tend to fuel the unhealthy fire in each other, I would think it happens on the other end of the scale, as well.

    Or even two alcoholics.

    My advice is not to do this. Your own well-being is at stake and I doubt he will change just because you are changing.

    Have to agree with this....

    I do as well....you could end up hurting yourself.
  • indygal76
    indygal76 Posts: 283 Member
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    You may be what he needs! I would start out slow with talking about how you are making new lifestyle changes in your life to get healthier. He may say he wants too also and you two can start the change together. If he is sweet & a all around good guy, his weight shouldn't matter. The inside is always better than the outside. But I can see how you are worried about his health. Best wishes on your decision!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Getting in a relationship thinking your are going to change him, what could possibly go wrong?

    what woman DOESNT think that going into a relationship? even if it is the smallest thing....

    The ones that are looking for a life long relationship. "Changing a man" never works. Just like changing a woman never works.

    this was meant to be a joke. obviously it didnt go over well... LOL

    im terrible at jokes...

    It's OK. Tone on the Internets doesn't always come across. :-)
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,291 Member
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    just break up \m/
  • allifantastical
    allifantastical Posts: 946 Member
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    just break up \m/

    Winner.
  • blueimp
    blueimp Posts: 230 Member
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    If you really like him, Id tell him how you feel. You are trying to live a healty life style and you need to be with somone who can support that.

    ^^ This. You need to let him know that you want someone who can support what you are doing.
  • 1shauna1
    1shauna1 Posts: 993 Member
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    This could be me! My last boyfriend I met through a friend on Facebook (well, my friend I've known for 20 years; she met this guy in college and he had seen me on her FB and thought I was pretty; eventually we chatted and met). When I saw him, I was surpised; he was definitely heavier than anyone I've dated; I'd say over 300 lbs. But he was cute, and I gave him a chance. We dated for four months (and were FWB for another year, lol); we didn't break up because of that but it kind of helped because we both wanted to lose weight so we would try to eat healthier together.

    I would say don't count him out because of that. And as you say, maybe he is trying or wanting to make changes himself. If you do it together it's not as hard. There's no harm in at least going out with the guy once; maybe in person you won't click anyways. But if you think it would be too hard (i.e. he just wants to eat corndogs all the time and sit on the couch) then maybe your lifestyles wouldn't mesh anyways.
  • allifantastical
    allifantastical Posts: 946 Member
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    Thanks for the advice everyone!

    You all have valid points. I think I will just take it super slow and keep it in the friend/date zone for now. I haven't told him about my goals but I plan on it. Worst case scenario, I end up with a friend. :happy:
  • pinky_pie
    pinky_pie Posts: 127
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    You won't really know how it will be until you get to know this Jim person better. Right now, you're just going on the impression that your friend has built of him.

    You know what is best for you. Also, in my experience, losing weight and dating are difficult to do together. You're already trying to lose weight, which is a full time job on top of every thing else going on in your life.

    Good luck!
  • Pixi_Rex
    Pixi_Rex Posts: 1,676 Member
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    if you like him and he makes you feel good...date him....

    but make it clear that you are on a path to a long life and want a long life....and that he's welcome to join you.....

    but that you will be making choices for you...and your health and you would appreciate it if he would support that....

    if you find that he's not making it easy for you to continue your health goals, then talk to him about it again....

    but don't push it on him...just make sure he stays out of your way....

    however, if you guys are dating and he always has to consider your health needs when planning a date, he may find himself eating and acting healthier by association....

    example...if you say, I can't go to or eat KFC (not saying you do) then he knows he can't suggest that as an option at any point, otherwise he's sabotaging you....and he has to make a healthier choice....what he does on his own time is up to him...

    just don't have any expectations from him in regards to his own health....only have the expectation that he needs to respect yours.


    Very well said.

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