QUESTION OF THE DAY:

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pipinana
pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
in Chit-Chat
If you had all the money in the world, would you give your children everything they wanted?

** This just came up at work. A co-worker was complaining that she had to buy her son a new truck... I asked how old he was and she said 32. Now, my boss meanwhile, is asking 'how do you cut off your children' His oldest is 24, and is just finishing up collage, he's wondering if she's going to continue to need help after she graduates, until she gets married - and even wondering if he should help her out after marriage!

I made the statement "well, if I had all the money in the world, I wouldn't give my kids everything they wanted! I think it's important to teach your children how to work for what they want." another co-worker said "well, you just wait till you have kids and then come back and say that"

What do you say? Would you spoil your children like that?
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Replies

  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,293 Member
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    No way, I know people who were spoiled when they were younger and they expect things given to them all the time and have no work ethic. I believe kids should get what they need, and only some of what they want, and this would occur mostly on birthdays and X-mas.
  • karmasBFF
    karmasBFF Posts: 699 Member
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    Its very difficult to say no to your children when you are able to do it. But there are lessons that need to be learned so that you do not HAVE to take care of them. One day you will be gone, and that can be when your child is a measley 20 years old. What then, if you've never taught them those lessons?

    so, no, I do not give them everything, even if I can.
  • BetterVersion
    BetterVersion Posts: 459
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    Absolutely not. He would have to earn it just the same.
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
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    Good Lord, I thought I was like all alone in thinking that only bad can come of giving your kid everything they ever wanted... Nice to know there are other sensible people out there! haha
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
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    No way, I know people who were spoiled when they were younger and they expect things given to them all the time and have no work ethic. I believe kids should get what they need, and only some of what they want, and this would occur mostly on birthdays and X-mas.

    Exactly... My boss is one of those too! And he's created three women who are exactly the same as him. Could you imagine supporting your child even after they got married?! It's craziness I tell you!
  • mama22girlz
    mama22girlz Posts: 291
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    If I had all the money in the world, I would give my children alot of things (more then they have now) BUT I would also give them responsibility, an allowance (which they MUST EARN) and the knowledge that not everything in life is free.
  • suziblues2000
    suziblues2000 Posts: 515 Member
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    If I had ALL the money in the world I'd probably give them what they wanted. The way I figure is that it isn't the STUFF that spoils them, it's when you replace the STUFF with your TIME.
    Like, people who get their kids whatever they want just to shut them up: spoiled.
    People who spend time with their kids, teach them, show them how to live right by setting examples etc., plus give them what they want: okay.
  • rjpowell636
    rjpowell636 Posts: 1 Member
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    I agree with you that you don't want to give your kids everything they want. It builds character and appreciation when your kids have to work for what they have.

    To the one that said wait til you have kids and see if you would help. There is a difference between helping and enabling. Even when your kids are grown we want to be able to help our children and sometimes there is still a need to help them even after they are married. The difference is however that just because you help them doesn't mean that you can't still hold them responsible to pay it back.

    We had to borrow money from our mother-in-law to help pay back some bills. We give her checks to pay it back every month. I think as long as your kids are working hard and still need a bit of help to get through some tough times then we as parents are responsible to help when we can.

    But for the kids out there reading this, notice the word "help". Don't take advantage of your parents just because they are your parents. We ourselves have worked hard to get to where we are so that we can be able to help if needed. don't disrespect your parents by just taking what they give and expect it to occur just because you are in difficult times.
  • PaulaDygert
    PaulaDygert Posts: 148 Member
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    I think you have the right idea, mind you my kids are only 2 and 4 right now, but I believe if you teach your children the value of money they will have more respect and appreciation for what they have in life. It is hard not to give them what they want, but as their mother the best thing I can give them is the wisdom to live without me. The bible says leave, cleave and become one flesh, leaving should be done in the context of honor to one's parents but it also means establishing independence from your parents, physically, emotionally and financially.
  • lilchino4af
    lilchino4af Posts: 1,292 Member
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    Growing up I got an allowance ONLY IF I did chores around the house. No chores, no allowance. If I wanted something that wasn't the basic needs (food, shelter, necessary clothing) then I had to save my allowance money and buy it myself. I didn't have a cell phone until I was a Junior in HS and it only had 15 mins per month. It was only to be used in emergencies as I was expected to call from work when I was heading home (I worked the closing shift). They had the house I grew up in built specifically so that it wasn't wired with telephone, internet or cable. And we didn't have wireless internet for my room until I was a sophomore in college. I worked for what I wanted and needed and because of that I appreciate what I've got more and love my parents to death for the lessons they taught me both financially and ethically.

    On the flip side, I new a girl in HS that was given a brand new Ford Mustang for her 16th birthday. I won't own a Mustang for as long as I live because of her and how she acted because of how she was raised and was given everything for nothing. I have little to no respect for people like that.
  • khskr1
    khskr1 Posts: 392
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    I used to know a guy many years ago who made a couple of mil a year, but he still made his son earn his allowance in order to teach him how to properly manage what he had. Obviously he spoiled his kid to a certain extent (christmas, birthday's etc), but other than that, he had to take the trash out just like every other kid adn earn money for toys and material items. I always admired them for that!!
  • Triquetra
    Triquetra Posts: 270 Member
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    Definitely not! You are setting them up for failure if they are unable to maintain their lifestyle and you'll be supporting them forever. Even though I can afford plenty for my children I still bring home used clothing "which they call New to Me clothes" and are just as happy to see as the designer brand name stuff. I have taken them to donate items/toys to the shelter so they can see how other people live and they get an allowance for their extras. I prefer to make sure my kids will be able to make choices/budget to thrive no matter what their future income vs getting them accustomed to having the newest, latest and greatest all the time as this is something they may not be able to afford to sustain on their own in the future....and I don't plan on supporting them once they are able to work (ie done school, have a career or their own place).
  • gabi_ele
    gabi_ele Posts: 460 Member
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    I think we are doing our children a dissevice if we give them everything they want.
    1) they get so used to STUFF, it's nothing special anymore to get a new game or toy
    2) since they get anything they want, why take care of it
    3) if the family situation changes( job loss, health problems and other) it's like a double whammy because they now have to
    adjust to even more changes
    4) a lot of children that are given everything are selfish
    5) we take away the satisfaction of earning something and being proud of themselves for accomplishing a task
    6) when they grow up they don't know how to handle money
    OK there are a lot more things I think are wrong with that picture but I have to put my soapbox away anf go do my dishes....
  • mstanley
    mstanley Posts: 121 Member
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    My husband seems to go back and forth on this issue. He wants our daughter (age 7) to have more than he had, but he doesn't want her to be spoiled! I do spoil her some, but she doesn't get everything she wants (she says I only know how to say NO!, but that's not true). For instance, she wanted a Nintendo DS for Christmas, but I knew her grandparents were buying her a Wii. I did not want her to get both, but I had already bought the DS, and I wanted her to have it for long trips. So, she did not get the DS for Christmas, but she still wanted one. Therefore, I made her save her allowance each week until she had saved up enough money to buy it (she did not know I already had it), and she just recently was able to get her DS.
  • shellee9tj
    shellee9tj Posts: 221 Member
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    Absolutely not!! I have 3 kids and if I had all the money in the world I still wouldn't give them everything. I was brought up to earn what you get and I am happy that I was so I am raising my children the same way!!
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
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    If I had ALL the money in the world I'd probably give them what they wanted. The way I figure is that it isn't the STUFF that spoils them, it's when you replace the STUFF with your TIME.
    Like, people who get their kids whatever they want just to shut them up: spoiled.
    People who spend time with their kids, teach them, show them how to live right by setting examples etc., plus give them what they want: okay.

    STUFF is what spoils them though! All it teaches them is "oh mom and dad will just get me another toy (if it broke), or they'll just get me the next greatest thing that comes out..." I just feel like this country has become a country of need need need, want want want... The more you give the more they want... If you give a person a fish they'll eat for a day... If you TEACH them to fish, they'll eat for a lifetime.
  • ican♥and♥iwill
    ican♥and♥iwill Posts: 176 Member
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    If I had all the money in the world, I would give my children alot of things (more then they have now) BUT I would also give them responsibility, an allowance (which they MUST EARN) and the knowledge that not everything in life is free.

    This.
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
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    I agree with you that you don't want to give your kids everything they want. It builds character and appreciation when your kids have to work for what they have.

    To the one that said wait til you have kids and see if you would help. There is a difference between helping and enabling. Even when your kids are grown we want to be able to help our children and sometimes there is still a need to help them even after they are married. The difference is however that just because you help them doesn't mean that you can't still hold them responsible to pay it back.

    We had to borrow money from our mother-in-law to help pay back some bills. We give her checks to pay it back every month. I think as long as your kids are working hard and still need a bit of help to get through some tough times then we as parents are responsible to help when we can.

    But for the kids out there reading this, notice the word "help". Don't take advantage of your parents just because they are your parents. We ourselves have worked hard to get to where we are so that we can be able to help if needed. don't disrespect your parents by just taking what they give and expect it to occur just because you are in difficult times.

    Oh yes, I totally agree! helping and enabling are two totally different things. If you need help when you're in a jam, and plan on paying them back, totally fine.
  • Vallandingham
    Vallandingham Posts: 2,177
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    I know that the politically correct answer is to say no; that I want them to earn their way and learn responsibility and go their own way, etc. Build character...whatever.

    I have three daughters, 28, 26 and 16. They are already the persons I had hoped for and can be proud of. So...the answer is....if I came into unlimited wealth now, I would certainly give them everything that I could. New homes, cars, vacations, etc.
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
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    I think we are doing our children a dissevice if we give them everything they want.
    1) they get so used to STUFF, it's nothing special anymore to get a new game or toy
    2) since they get anything they want, why take care of it
    3) if the family situation changes( job loss, health problems and other) it's like a double whammy because they now have to
    adjust to even more changes
    4) a lot of children that are given everything are selfish
    5) we take away the satisfaction of earning something and being proud of themselves for accomplishing a task
    6) when they grow up they don't know how to handle money
    OK there are a lot more things I think are wrong with that picture but I have to put my soapbox away anf go do my dishes....

    I agree with all this! =)

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