Anyone else feel bad when people comment on their loss?

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bella1381
bella1381 Posts: 4
in Motivation and Support
This may sound strange, but I feel bad when people say I look great now and they notice I have lost a lot of weight. I know most people would love to hear that, but when I was 40lbs heavier I was very depressed and didnt even like to hang out with friends. I lost the weight and feel like myself again but wherever I go people comment on how much weight I lost. And for some reason that makes me feel bad that they are bringing up the fact that I use to be fat. I know they dont mean it in a negative way but it feels like they are saying " you use to be fat but now your not". Maybe its just me, but I just wanted to rant lol.
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Replies

  • morticiamom
    morticiamom Posts: 221 Member
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    I know what you mean. We know that they are trying to be complimentary and supportive, but we hear, 'I always used to notice how fat you were.' *hugs* I hope everyone gets used to the 'new you' soon, and finds something less personal to talk about.
  • ihateroses
    ihateroses Posts: 893 Member
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    " you use to be fat but now your not"

    Isn't this a good thing?
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
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    You don't need to feel bad for having been fat. It's okay to have been fat. It's okay to be fat. It's okay to not be fat. It's all okay.
  • morticiamom
    morticiamom Posts: 221 Member
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    It's not much better knowing that people think of you as 'the one who used to be fat' as knowing that they think of you as 'the fat one.' But keep your chin up, eventually they'll get used to your new shape and not think about it at all.
  • erinxo13
    erinxo13 Posts: 892 Member
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    i'm the opposite. I realize that I'm chunky and now that I'm losing I get upset when people don't notice or say anything. I've worked really hard and it sucks not having people notice...three people in the last six months have said things about it to me...so it'd be cool if there were more. I don't know. I don't think like you, but I would be proud of your compliments and weight loss because you are doing awesome.. I don't think they are saying 'you used to be fat!' i think they're just noticing that you look differently now.
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
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    I hated it because it was the first thing people would say, before 'Hello!' even, sometimes! Is that all they see? How big or small I am? I was really quite disappointed in my friends.
  • Tunia85
    Tunia85 Posts: 212 Member
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    i'm the opposite. I realize that I'm chunky and now that I'm losing I get upset when people don't notice or say anything. I've worked really hard and it sucks not having people notice...three people in the last six months have said things about it to me...so it'd be cool if there were more. I don't know. I don't think like you, but I would be proud of your compliments and weight loss because you are doing awesome.. I don't think they are saying 'you used to be fat!' i think they're just noticing that you look differently now.

    I agree 100%
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
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    I hated it because it was the first thing people would say, before 'Hello!' even, sometimes! Is that all they see? How big or small I am? I was really quite disappointed in my friends.

    Yes, that's pretty disappointing indeed. I don't really think people should comment on weight unless they KNOW you're actively trying to lose weight and are okay with those kind of comments. :/ And wow, before even saying hello?
  • msshiraz
    msshiraz Posts: 327 Member
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    You don't need to feel bad for having been fat. It's okay to have been fat. It's okay to be fat. It's okay to not be fat. It's all okay.

    Please clarify why you would say this? Its ok to be fat? I hate the term fat and its stereotype- so lets translate- what I am hearing is you are saying on here, MFP forum that its ok to be overweight, or not, whatever you choose.
    No, its not ok to be overweight, its not ok to be unhealthy as long as there is ability and desire to seek better life. To do nothing - is to give up. Its actually incredible selfish and pathetic to have this attitude. I know because I had it too- and my kids were embarrassed of my weight when I was so heavy. And they were scared to lose me- just like they lost their grandfather- to weight related issues at 63 yrs old. This is not ok- its not a quality of life- this is a quantity of time left in an hourglass. Our bodies can only take so much abuse before they give out

    Your moral compass for physical fitness needs a revamp- mine did too. Are you here to help?
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
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    You don't need to feel bad for having been fat. It's okay to have been fat. It's okay to be fat. It's okay to not be fat. It's all okay.

    Please clarify why you would say this? Its ok to be fat? I hate the term fat and its stereotype- so lets translate- what I am hearing is you are saying on here, MFP forum that its ok to be overweight, or not, whatever you choose.
    No, its not ok to be overweight, its not ok to be unhealthy as long as there is ability and desire to seek better life. To do nothing - is to give up. Its actually incredible selfish and pathetic to have this attitude. I know because I had it too- and my kids were embarrassed of my weight when I was so heavy. And they were scared to lose me- just like they lost their grandfather- to weight related issues at 63 yrs old. This is not ok- its not a quality of life- this is a quantity of time left in an hourglass. Our bodies can only take so much abuse before they give out

    Your moral compass for physical fitness needs a revamp- mine did too. Are you here to help?

    I don't have the spoons to educate you. Google Kate Harding and "fat acceptance".
  • msshiraz
    msshiraz Posts: 327 Member
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    I hated it because it was the first thing people would say, before 'Hello!' even, sometimes! Is that all they see? How big or small I am? I was really quite disappointed in my friends.

    Yes, that's pretty disappointing indeed. I don't really think people should comment on weight unless they KNOW you're actively trying to lose weight and are okay with those kind of comments. :/ And wow, before even saying hello?

    Yes- but this is a forum of support- for weight loss. I don't know you, and I don't judge you- and if you are 400 lbs I don't either - but who we are here is not what it is in the real world. Now, there are some less than tactful individuals out there, cocky, arrogant- not sure why they stay on MFP except to terrorize ...........rest assured, that is not me.

    Hello- thats out there. Now, focus on the problem
  • tacticalhippie
    tacticalhippie Posts: 596 Member
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    yes, then my husband is around.
    he got hurt at work and gained back ALOT of weight.
    so it makes me feel bad when they do it in front of him.

    also...
    the people who say it EVERYTIME i see them.
  • lbmore33
    lbmore33 Posts: 1,013 Member
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    isnt this the reason you joined mfp for help/support to acheive what you wanted....too lose weight. I wont try to understand your psychological reason as to why you feel the way you do but you lost 40lbs...you should feel good abt urself no matter what ppl think. You obvious wanted to lose the weight...hell if anything they might be a tad envious of your acheivement....(((embrace it)))
    :drinker:
  • BrandynGettinFitOnYall
    BrandynGettinFitOnYall Posts: 8
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    Everybody is different so i cant tell you how to feel but i would feel great if someone made those comments to me...losing weight is hard...im actually working just to hear those same comments
  • msshiraz
    msshiraz Posts: 327 Member
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    You don't need to feel bad for having been fat. It's okay to have been fat. It's okay to be fat. It's okay to not be fat. It's all okay.

    Please clarify why you would say this? Its ok to be fat? I hate the term fat and its stereotype- so lets translate- what I am hearing is you are saying on here, MFP forum that its ok to be overweight, or not, whatever you choose.
    No, its not ok to be overweight, its not ok to be unhealthy as long as there is ability and desire to seek better life. To do nothing - is to give up. Its actually incredible selfish and pathetic to have this attitude. I know because I had it too- and my kids were embarrassed of my weight when I was so heavy. And they were scared to lose me- just like they lost their grandfather- to weight related issues at 63 yrs old. This is not ok- its not a quality of life- this is a quantity of time left in an hourglass. Our bodies can only take so much abuse before they give out

    Your moral compass for physical fitness needs a revamp- mine did too. Are you here to help?

    I don't have the spoons to educate you. Google Kate Harding and "fat acceptance".

    I am not interested in being educated by a child- keep your spoons, you need them for yourself.
    I don't accept fat acceptance- its a lazy excuse for a slow death- and it will happen.
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
    Options
    I hated it because it was the first thing people would say, before 'Hello!' even, sometimes! Is that all they see? How big or small I am? I was really quite disappointed in my friends.

    Yes, that's pretty disappointing indeed. I don't really think people should comment on weight unless they KNOW you're actively trying to lose weight and are okay with those kind of comments. :/ And wow, before even saying hello?

    Yes- but this is a forum of support- for weight loss. I don't know you, and I don't judge you- and if you are 400 lbs I don't either - but who we are here is not what it is in the real world. Now, there are some less than tactful individuals out there, cocky, arrogant- not sure why they stay on MFP except to terrorize ...........rest assured, that is not me.

    Hello- thats out there. Now, focus on the problem

    I'm pretty sure she was referencing in-person interaction. Comments on your MFP are obviously different.
    I'd address the rest of what you're saying but I honestly have no idea what you're on about.
  • Aviva92
    Aviva92 Posts: 2,333 Member
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    I like it when people comment on my weightloss, but if I wind up gaining it back that will really suck.
  • lisamarie327
    lisamarie327 Posts: 77 Member
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    I think she was just trying to say that you should be ok with yourself whether or not you're "fat." This seems pretty reasonable to me, probably not a cause for attack.
  • maryd523
    maryd523 Posts: 661 Member
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    You don't need to feel bad for having been fat. It's okay to have been fat. It's okay to be fat. It's okay to not be fat. It's all okay.

    Please clarify why you would say this? Its ok to be fat? I hate the term fat and its stereotype- so lets translate- what I am hearing is you are saying on here, MFP forum that its ok to be overweight, or not, whatever you choose.
    No, its not ok to be overweight, its not ok to be unhealthy as long as there is ability and desire to seek better life. To do nothing - is to give up. Its actually incredible selfish and pathetic to have this attitude. I know because I had it too- and my kids were embarrassed of my weight when I was so heavy. And they were scared to lose me- just like they lost their grandfather- to weight related issues at 63 yrs old. This is not ok- its not a quality of life- this is a quantity of time left in an hourglass. Our bodies can only take so much abuse before they give out

    Your moral compass for physical fitness needs a revamp- mine did too. Are you here to help?

    Sorry, but I agree. It's not okay to be fat. It's not okay to abuse anything...animals, children, the environment...and this includes your own body. There might be reasons for getting to that point, but come on. There is no excuse to stay that way.
  • Umeboshi
    Umeboshi Posts: 1,637 Member
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    I like it when people comment on my weightloss, but if I wind up gaining it back that will really suck.

    It'll be okay even if you do gain it back. I gained back 30 of my 62 pounds lost, but they'll come off again in time. No need to stress about it. And if people judge, that's their insecurities and issues. :flowerforyou:

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