Depressed about my starting weight.

I hopped on the scale for the first time in ages and I'm super depressed about the number. I joined the site a few weeks ago and didn't weigh myself because I was afraid what the numbers would say. Turns out I was right to be afraid because I was 20 pounds heavier than I thought I would be, at 240 pounds. I'm super depressed about it. Anybody who can offer encouragement? :-\

Oh yes I felt the same way 3 years ago! Totally. In fact I wouldn't get on the scale until I lost some weight first and when I finally did it was so discouraging. But it also made me DETERMINED. Set your goal. Make a calendar and put stickers on it, put up inspirational pictures with quotes, statues, catalog pictures of clothes you want to wear someday, write your goals down, track progress, symbolize what ever your can that keeps you motivated, and NEVER GIVE UP.

We are all human. We have good days and bad days, all of our lives. The tools you find and use to get out of a funk will serve you the rest of your life, and you will always need them. I call it sharpening your sword for battle and you will always need to keep your blade sharp for the rest of your life. We may get to relax at times for a few moments, but life is a bit of work until the end.

There is nothing easy about this journey. Don't give up. Keep your eye on the prize. You do not have to be perfect to do this. You just have to have more good days than not. A bad day is not the end of the world. Tomorrow is a new day. Just pick it right up again. Be kind to yourself at all times and never beat yourself up.

Being on a calorie deficit is hard. You can't do this journey on will power alone. You must set up your environment for success. Have a team around you in your real life, not just online. Get trigger foods out of the house. It will take some sacrifice and it's not easy.

There is no mystery to weight loss, everyone thinks something is wrong, their metabolism is broken, they have low thyroid, they have menopause or whatever issue, they are as unique as a snowflake, whatever. I thought a lot of these things once too but once the doctor helped resolve the health issues for me I learned there is still no magic pill. Most people eat more than they need to and are not at good at estimating calories as they think they are. Most people have a lower BMR than they think they do. The only way to know for sure is to go to a lab and have it tested. It doesn't seem fair to have to eat less and feel a little hunger. It's hard to face the truth of it, very hard. It's not fun. It's drudgery at times. But if you learn to enjoy your smaller amounts of food (necessary to lose weight, since the reason we got fat in the first place was eating too much whether we knew it or not), and rejoice in your victories it can be done.

Your body loses weight in chunks, not linear. I have found that you can do everything right and your weight loss seems to plateau but if you are patient and keep exercising and eating at a deficit (however slight) you will lose it, it will suddenly "whoosh". There are so many variables for the scale; water retention, digestion, hormones, allergies, sodium, carbs, water intake, DOMS, inflammation, the list goes on. People mistakenly think they lose or gain weight when they eat more or less because of these fluctuations.

Losing weight requires tremendous patience. You will not lose it when you want it or where you want it. The body does its thing. Some apparent plateaus can last a month or so. You cannot make it happen faster. You must focus on two things; calories and exercise. Nothing else matters. Scales and metrics don't matter. The day in and day out grind of exercise and calories are all that matters. It is not very exciting until things fall into place. You get your victories and you ride one victory to the next.

The scale is a trend tool. The scale is good but put it away and only check once a week and only use it as a trend tool. It will fluctuate, it does not matter. Take front side and back progress pictures at least once a month. You will see differences that the metrics won't tell you and it's that little bit of NSV that will keep you going until the next victory.

As far as calories…

To say eat more is wrong.

To say eat less is wrong.

If you plug in all your info (typically age, gender, height and weight) into one of those calculators what you get is the average metabolic rate of a group of people who share your age, sex, height and weight. What you DON’T get is YOUR EXACT calorie needs. It's a place to start.

To find the exact calories needed for YOU to be in a healthy sustainable calorie deficit is the right answer. Wait, if you need to adjust by 100 do it, wait, adjust, wait, adjust, wait. The tortoise wins this race.


You want to eat as healthy as you can because it makes you feel better and perform better, and makes you healthier. There are a bunch of tricks and clean eating; reducing sugar (especially HFCS), fiber, white flour vs whole grain, low carb, low fat, on and on. All that matters is calories for weight loss. If you need to eat a certain way for health reasons or to feel better do it, but extensive good food and bad food lists will drive you insane at some point, it’s a constantly moving target. Just eat what you like, mostly healthy, mostly balanced, within a calorie budget. We all know what healthy is by now, just do it.

Also people play mental accounting games with calories just like with finances. Make steps to make sure you are making accurate measurements. Packaged foods can have MORE than they say but not less (they get in trouble if less so they would rather error with MORE).

If you typically intake sodium at a certain rate your body adjusts, but if you make a sudden change then you will see a spike.

Exercise is for making your lean body mass pretty (especially lifting weights) for when the fat is gone. Losing fat with no muscle is ugly and cardio alone will not make you pretty. You cannot out exercise too many calories.

Everyone needs resistance training to improve their health and bone density and this will especially improve your quality of life when you get older. But you will not gain all that much lean body mass as fast as everyone thinks. Guys of course will gain more. A DXA scan will prove the point. There are lots of stories about changing size but no one REALLY knows unless they do a DXA scan. Here's more about that --> http://bradpilon.com/weight-loss/intermittent-fasting-and-bulking/ this is true whether you IF or not. My DXA scans proved that I really didn't gain that much lean body mass yet I look very muscular for a female. I have very high bone density from over 30 years of lifting yet my lean body mass is still only 104 lbs and my RMR is still only 1380.

I recently had my DXA scan done and at 51.5 years of age I have the bone density of a super athletic 30 year old. That is a direct result of lifting for over 30 years. Now if that is not scientific proof that lifting weights keeps you younger I don't know what is! Also I believe it is why most people think I look much younger than I really am. Because of this I don't have to worry about osteoporosis. If you wait until you are older and your bones start to deteriorate it's a bit too late, you can't get back what you lost, and you can only start a resistance routine that will prevent further damage.

Cardio is good for you but it is optional. I love cardio, but you can't out exercise too many calories. Of course you burn calories, but not near what all the HRM's say. I learned the hard way, running marathon after marathon (yes even multiple runs during the day), as well as hitting the gym hard, martial arts, staying active all the time, not eating while watching TV, not binging, not mindlessly eating, not pigging out, not having emotional eating issues, yet I gained weight year after year, each decade putting on the pounds. I worked harder and harder, not able to figure out what was wrong. It didn't seem like I ate too much, but for my small size I did and didn't realize it until just a few years ago when I finally started losing weight by eating less.


Everyone is different, but it's very easy to do a lot of cardio and think you can eat more than you really need, especially when you need to lose weight. It is also easy to think that you are burning more fat than you really are. Just do cardio if you enjoy it and because it's good for you.

Too many changes at once can be hard on some people. I've always eaten healthy so it easy for me to simply eat less. Eating at a calorie deficit is hard on people; even a small deficit puts your body in a state of flux with hormones and such. Everyone is different. Some people can handle a deeper calorie deficit than others, this is not right or wrong, it just is. Stress in your life affects your hunger hormones; lack of sleep, fatigue, job stress, family stress, financial stress, etc. Add in emotional eating issues and it gets even more complicated. Most people can only handle so much change/stress at once, they try to do too much and fail. Sometimes it might be a better strategy to eat at maintenance and make some small changes first, it really depends on how much stress you are taking in at the moment.

What is the exact number of calories for you?

We’ve been trying to figure out an exact NUMBER of calories that everyone should be eating, without recognizing that everyone is slightly different. In truth, the calories aren’t the end game. Your body is. So the EXACT amount of Calories that are right for you is the EXACT amount that will allow you to maintain your ideal bodyweight no matter what some calculator or chart says.

In other words, an online calculator might tell you that you need to eat 2,500 calories
per day to maintain your ideal bodyweight. But the only way to know for sure if this is
the right amount for you is to test it out. If you gain weight or can’t lose weight eating
that much, then you know you need to eat less to lose weight no matter how many
calculators and text books say otherwise.

This doesn’t mean your metabolism is broken, it just means the estimate of your needs
was just a bit off.

-John Barban (The Body Centric Calorie Guide from the Venus Index and Adonis Index Manuals)

The good thing is you don't have to worry about the starvation mode myth if you are fat. Only skinny people have to worry about starvation mode. It does not mean you have the capability to eat at a large calorie deficit if you have emotional eating disorders or other issues going on, but at least you don't have to be afraid of it anymore.

I am short, petite, small; my RMR is low compared to others. With my doctors approval I had to eat less than or right around 1000 calories to lose weight. We are all different. There is no one size fits all. Even people my height and gender are different and some need more calories than I do. My doctor checked my hormone levels throughout my 60 lb weight loss journey (from obese down to 10% body fat) and everything was fine. I got stronger and stronger at the gym, my running and weight lifting strength improved even while eating on a significant calorie deficit. My DXA scan proved I did not lose lean body mass or go into starvation mode.

Also you do not have to eat the same amount of calories every day. You can think of it as a weekly calorie budget. You can eat low some days and high some days. You can be flexible. You can find what is sustainable for you.
While you don’t have to worry about starvation mode when you have significant fat on your body, as you get closer to your goal you do need to increase your calories slightly as you get leaner as here’s why:

The Theory of Fat Availability:
•There is a set amount of fat that can be released from a fat cell.
•The more fat you have, the more fat can be used as a fuel when dieting.
•The less fat you have, the less fat can be used as a fuel when dieting.
•Towards the end of a transformation, when body fat is extremely low you
may not have enough fat to handle a large caloric deficit anymore.

At the extreme low end, when your body fat cannot ‘keep up’ with the energy deficit
you've imposed on your body, the energy MUST come from SOMEWHERE. This is
when you are at risk of losing lean body mass during dieting (commonly referred to
as ‘starvation mode’). This happens at extremely low levels of body fat, under 6% in
men and 12% in women [Friedl K.E. J Appl Phsiol, 1994].

-Brad Pilon and John Barban (from The Reverse Taper Diet in The Adonis Index and Venus Index manuals)

For me it's all about a calorie budget. I had less of a budget available when I was losing weight, more to spend now that I'm maintaining and all the tools I used for weight loss come into play for the rest of my life maintaining.

When you have accumulated excess fat, you have accumulated a debt. It is hard to pay off the debt (you have less calories to spend). If you are sitting next to someone your same gender and height and they are not overweight and you are, they get to eat more than you (have more calories to spend) because they are debt free. You have less calories to spend because you are paying off your debt.

Wishing you the best! -Bobbie

just starting makes many of us feel that way..i was at the top end of obese for my height, and it was scary, but there is so much to look forward to the more you are on this journey, so focus on the friends you will make, and the losses you will have, and soon enough you will see how strong this can make you, and you will look back on that 240 and say, i got past it..best of luck doll !:flowerforyou:

Aren't you glad you stepped on that scale now? Before it was 245, 250, or higher? Now you have a number, and it is just a number, to work down from. Keep focused, stay determined, and pretty soon, you;ll be able to say things like "Oh, I've lost 40 pounds!"

HA! I love that train of thought: the higher the number you start with, the more you get to see on the ticker as it comes off. I was embarrassed at first that I had to see 45 pounds as a goal, but it is going to be a fantastic "winning number"!!!! Thanks for sharing that!

As hard as it may be (and I know that it IS hard), take some pictures and measurements so that in a few weeks, when things start changing, you'll really be able to see the difference. Don't let where you are now stop you from starting...things will just get worse. You CAN do this!:flowerforyou:

everybodys deppressed about there starting weight thats why we joined the site. atleast ur doing something about it find the motivation in urself dont depend on others for your motivation it works sometimes but it may eventually fall off. im restarting this tommorrow because i fell off cause i moved and dont have a stove to cook with at the moment but im gunna try anyway i bought a hotplate to work with haha but feel free to add me if ya want to

Last February after a long overdue physical, I was forced to see that I weighed about 30 lbs more than I thought I weighed. It happens. After a few abortive attempts at losing weight, I finally got serious in July. It isn't easy, but if you log your food, weigh yourself regularly, eat at a deficit, and get some exercise, the weight will eventually come off.

So you weigh more than you thought you did....you're on the right track because you've signed up for MFP.

Use it as a motivator; focus harder on staying within your calories, get some exercise, drink lots of water, watch your sodium...you'll be surprised at how much you'll lose in the first few weeks. It will, however taper off and be more around 2lbs per week but start off strict and stay strict....you CAN do this....HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT???? You CAN lose the 20lbs you didn't realize you had in 10 weeks...then you can move on to the reason you signed up for MFP....don't let it get you down...you just have a little more work to do; but you CAN DO IT!!

I remember stepping on the scale and seeing 218. I felt my heart sink.

The best thing you can do now is try to figure out what went wrong along the way and work on relearning how to eat and live so you can maintain a healthy and fit lifestyle forever. Set some non-scale goals for yourself and work hard to achieve them. Setup a moderate calorie deficit (losing 1-2 lbs per week max), eat all your calories (don't starve yourself), and be patient.

It is SO worth it!

What incredible support you have here. I can't wait to follow your progress--you are completely capable of doing this, and you are going to do this! It's exciting to be at the start. It's been said that we don't change until we feel uncomfortable. Makes perfect sense. I felt uncomfortable when my 120 lb self hit 170 very quickly. It hurts--physically too. This place has led to change -not only of weight- but of my mindset. It's the first time in life I feel like "I've got this." You will too. Have a wonderful day!

It better to know where you are starting at. Dont sinnk into old habits cause it wil only make that number go up more. You can do it. I started my journey with 2 30mins a walk a day. In that month I had lost 10 pounds just by that. I also ate my favorite junk foods too for a long time. I couldnt change everything overnight. Just if you do eat a junk food make sure you drink a glass of water before hand and that it is in your calories you can eat that day

I'm another who understands how you feel. Under my profile pictures, there is one taken a few years ago when I weighed 300+ pounds. I don't know how much more because I refused to get on a scale once I hit 300. I lost some weight and got down to 165, then got discouraged and ate my way back up to 206. I joined MFP last September. I weigh 185 now and this time I'm not giving up until I get to my goal (140).

I get discouraged easily when I lose weight so slowly. I feel deprived giving up things I like to eat. I'm giving myself the gift of time. If it takes longer to get where i want to go, then so be it. And I allow myself some treats-- a piece of chocolate, a piece of pie-- instead of punishing myself and thinking I'm a failure.

There's lots of good tools on this site and lots of supportive people. You WILL succeed!

I feel you, but hey-you are here to change, dont you?!

My start weight was about 220lbs after having my 2nd baby. Of course I was happy to have a gorgeous and healthy baby girl, but I was gutted that I had put on so much weight in pregnancy. But I just said to myself that I would not be this weight this time next year and I'd be in my gorgeous Summer dresses in 2012, so I just had to get on with it and work hard and this weight wasn't going to be forever.

So now I am 168lbs and a UK size 12/14 (US 8/10) and around 12lbs from my first goal, and maybe 20lbs from my ideal weight.

Just take it month by month and take measurements as well as weighing yourself. You will get there.

Hang in there!

I did exactly the same.. Got on the scales and literally cried. I'd put 2st+ of weight on since March this year, for nothing. Found out 8 months later I had low thyroid levels :ohwell: It's difficult, but I'm definitely not going to give up.

If you need some inspiration, I recommend checking the Success Stories section regulary for before and after pictures, it really helps me stay on track and boosts my 'can do' attitude.

Best of luck! :flowerforyou: