Non-Traditional Brides - Any Regrets?

kateistoned
kateistoned Posts: 116
in Chit-Chat
Hey there!

So, my fiance and are talking about doing a very non-traditional small, intimate wedding. We had a big engagement party with over 100 people to celebrate with our huge families. It was so stressful and dramatic that we've decided we want just a ceremony and small dinner after for around 30-40 people. Now, my only concern is that I will regret it. I grew up dreaming of a big white wedding just because that is what society instilled in me, not because it actually matters to me.

So, non-traditional brides (eloping, intimate weddings, etc.) - what was your wedding like? Was it worth it to save the time, money, and stress over planning a huge event or do you regret that you didn't have a huge bridezilla style day?
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Replies

  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Wow, i never knew i was 'non traditional' just because i only invited 40 people to my wedding...

    then, no i dont regret it, it was perfect.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    My own wedding had perhaps 20 people at it. It was lovely.
  • rladd6421
    rladd6421 Posts: 455
    i have been married twice, the first was by a justice of the peace with me, him and his friend as the witness. The second was in vegas with my mom, sister, brother in law, my best friend, me and him. i can honestly say i've never regretted not having a big wedding, it's never been my thing.
  • fee2dancesing
    fee2dancesing Posts: 86
    No I don't regret it. My husband and I went downtown to the courthouse and had a small gathering with family later. For our 10 year, we may do a small ceremony (we don't want to call it a re-commitment because we haven't stopped being commited to each other). For us it was the way to go, we saved money and friends, ha. Do what feel right to you and your fiance.
  • Monicamarkt
    Monicamarkt Posts: 22 Member
    It was great. We went to the Courthouse and just had mom, dad, step mom and his mom. Perfect. Then we took a 2 week trip to Jamaica which was amazing.
  • TheBrolympus
    TheBrolympus Posts: 586 Member
    My wife and I had a small ceremony with basically immediate family and small catered reception at our house. It was great. We actually got to spend time with our families on that great day.

    It is YOUR day, make it a good one for you.

    Congrats!
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  • jasonp_ritzert
    jasonp_ritzert Posts: 357 Member
    My wife and I had about 50ish people at our wedding. It did make for a more enjoyable experience because of your "duties" to go around and talk to everyone during the reception. The small intimate wedding allowed us to go on our dream honeymoon of two weeks in Alaska, so I am all for splurging on the experience with the two of you that will have as you begin your new life together.
  • anna0478
    anna0478 Posts: 505 Member
    My hubby and I were married at his workplace. I didn't know anyone there except him. The only things we paid for were the justice of the peace and the marriage license. For years I thought I wanted a big wedding, but after 16 years of being happily married, there really is no need. I actually don't want to bother with the headache of all the planning!
  • Kismet_35
    Kismet_35 Posts: 28 Member
    I have been married twice, both times by a Justice of the Peace. I don't regret it. I didn't want or need that kind of stress in my life. The first marriage we had a small party with family and with my marriage I am in now we got together with our kids after and went and had pizza. Do whatever you want and what makes you happy.
  • ChapinaGrande
    ChapinaGrande Posts: 289 Member
    My wedding was me and my husband and daughter at the courthouse with 5 people and a photographer. It was the perfect day for our family. Not a drop of stress and not a single regret. I couldn't have asked for a better wedding day and easier preparation.
  • tyrantduck
    tyrantduck Posts: 387 Member
    two friends came to my wedding. the rest was mine and my husband's family that could make it that day. we had a very small ceremony by a justice of the peace at a gazebo behind our town hall, followed by a pot-luck reception at the party room of my dad's apartment complex. our DJ was an iPod and a good iHome sound system. I bought all the reception decor (at walmart, believe it or not!). my grandmother made our wedding cake. my aunt took all our pictures. we had no limo... i arrived in my dad's minivan and we left for our night away in my mom's car.

    and for me, it was perfect. the most expensive part of the whole ceremony was my dress, which still only cost $350. i wore white sneakers under my dress, got my hair done by my usual stylist, did my own makeup, and had a simple hair piece of two silk lilies with rhinestones in the center that cost about $25. my mom paid for a one-night honeymoon suite at a local motel and stayed at home with our daughter.

    when the time comes for our vow renewal ceremony (there have been a lot of tough issues in the past 4 years), i want to make it a bigger deal. but for the real wedding, it couldn't have gone any better if i wanted it to.
  • themonkeybum
    themonkeybum Posts: 1
    i got married in june this year.. was me my husband my 3 kids and my best mate and her hubby and kids.. it was perfect x My kids loved every moment, we didnt tell them until a few days before they were 6 (twins) and 2. Do what you want not what others want you to do x
  • trishgrace
    trishgrace Posts: 279 Member
    My husband and I got our best friends to stand up with us and we got married under an oak tree in the middle of the woods by a very wonderful ordained minister friend of ours. It was perfect. No family drama (we had a lot going on at the time) it was just us and perfect.
  • hedgiie
    hedgiie Posts: 1,226 Member
    we where wed twice and both occasions had guest of no more than 15. me and my wife, didn't regret it even after 21 years of being together.
  • KittieLea
    KittieLea Posts: 1,156 Member
    My first wedding was in Cancun. It was just our families and our best friends and their spouses, about 15 people total. It was a blast! All I had to do was show up with my dress, then we met with a wedding planner for a couple of hours and picked out flowers and other *kitten* that I couldn't care less about.
    We are divorced now, but that week in Cancun with our friends and family is still one of my most favorite memories.
  • DoomCakes
    DoomCakes Posts: 806 Member
    Not married, but my boyfriend and I discussed when that time comes, we rather have a small wedding. Big weddings are not so fun, all the weddings I have been to in the past, the smaller ones were more fun and there were more good memories. Smaller weddings give you and your husband more time to actually spend with those you invited, not having 2 seconds per person. It also means you invited people who are happy for you, not what was or was not on your menu. It saves you money and stress trying to plan it, and with your closest friends/family you can't disappoint. I used to think I wanted this huge wedding, but then I realized, I don't want mine and his day to feel like a big job... I want it to be a celebration that we can enjoy WITH our guests! So do what feels best for you and him and don't have a single regret!
  • margojr4
    margojr4 Posts: 259 Member
    We were wed by a judge, quick 10 min "do you.. do you.." Pretty much eloped lol

    No regrets. We had a small dinner with close family and friends (20ppl) after. Plus, the money we saved from a big wedding went towards building our dream home we live in today :bigsmile:
  • sarafil
    sarafil Posts: 506 Member
    My wedding had 50 guests and it was PERFECT, I would never regret the way we did it. This is what I think: taking your vows is a very serious, intimate thing, and I only wanted people that I was really close to and that were important to me and my husband to be there to share in it. We got to have real conversations with everyone who attended, and because we kept the guest list small we were able to afford things like some really amazing gourmet food and drinks. I highly doubt you will regret your choice if you keep your wedding day small and intimate.
  • zenchild
    zenchild Posts: 680 Member
    We went to the courthouse on Valentine's Day and then took our families to dinner at a nice restaurant. Our feeling was that if we did the whole wedding the way we wanted to, it would cost at least $10,000. At least. So we decided to do what we really wanted on a much smaller scale. Excellent food and drinks for the people who matter most.
    My younger brother also went a different route. They reserved a room in a restaurant and had 30-40 people there and did the ceremony and reception there. Full menu and open bar and he got a discount on the tab. They hooked up their iPod for music.
    The day isn't very important in the long run. It really isn't. Whatever you do, don't go into debt for a wedding. It's a terrible way to start a marriage.
  • itsmyvwbeetle
    itsmyvwbeetle Posts: 272 Member
    Only you can decide if you will regret it!

    That said, yes I regret it. We planned a wedding with just the 2 of us. I had the big white dress and we went through the motions. I dont think I would have regretted a small ceremony with all the bells and whistles though.
  • michwinger
    michwinger Posts: 37 Member
    No regrets at all....we had about 25 people and had dinner with all of them afterwards. It was nice, it was intimate...and in the end it accomplished the same thing...and we didn't have to spend thousands of dollars. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't change a thing!
  • WRXymama
    WRXymama Posts: 342 Member
    My husband and I were together for 8yrs prior to getting married...we knew it was inevitable just never in a rush. ;) Neither one of us wanting anything big, nor we are religious either. We married in my parent’s back yard, where our family created a circle around us. For us, it was intimate, and perfect. Congrats!

    Edited to note: Family was IMEDIATE family (both sets of parents, sister, brother, gramma, nieces....total of 12 of us
  • TraciStivers
    TraciStivers Posts: 116 Member
    Been married twice.

    The first it was me, him, a preacher and a witness.
    The second time it was on Lime Tree Beach in St Thomas, US Virgin Islands. The only guests were his parents and his best friend. The pictures are BEAUTIFUL and it was cheap, the wedding, dress, bouquet, dinner, everything only ran $900. That aspect I do like.

    However, I sometimes wish we would have had a big reception when we got back. Just a night of dancing, drinking, and having fun with friends.
  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
    I loved every minute of my wedding...it was beautiful. The reception was a huge party and people still talk about it 3 years later. We had about 80 people at the end of the day, and never once did I feel stressed out and was a bridezilla...tons of happy wedding party goers..

    THe only thing I do regret is the size of the dress I got married in...that dress doesn't stay on my body today...we're going to renew our vows in Aruba on our 10 year and I CANNOT wait to pick out that new smaller dress.

    Whatever you know is best for you....you won't have any regrets if you go with your heart and instincts.
  • DrHeadBang
    DrHeadBang Posts: 22 Member
    I regret nothing. Mine got pretty big but we wore comfy clothes, no serious vows (I promised not to go, "Agh!" when he's driving), and we had a Soul Train dance line during the half time show mid-ceremony. It's better to have a good story and memory than a big mess.
  • Mischievous_Rascal
    Mischievous_Rascal Posts: 1,791 Member
    There was 21 family members at my wedding, including us, at 10 am, everybody got to be in the photos we took until the reception, lunch was at a very cool Japanese restaurant at noon and we were back at the hotel and napping by 230 pm. Everything was SIMPLE - no theme, no colours, not even any decorations - I just wanted to get married, I wasn't looking to create an "experience" for anybody! Everyone plus all our friends were invited to our favorite pub later that night for drinks and laughs. It was OURS and it was perfect. We regret not one thing. (Plus, the whole thing, including the dress, came to less than $8000.)

    (Note: I did do the Vegas thing, first time around, and that I did regret. Having my family there was very important to me. So we stayed put this time round, it just had to be on our terms, since it was our day!)
  • momma3sweetgirls
    momma3sweetgirls Posts: 743 Member
    You won't regret anything if you're marrying someone that makes you happy and someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. It's not the day that matters, it's what happens the rest of your life. Unfortunately, it will be other people that have an issue with what you decide. Their problem really. It's your life, your wedding, your decision. I liked my relatively small (traditional) wedding (80 guests - mostly family).
  • histogal99
    histogal99 Posts: 45 Member
    I had the traditional wedding the first time around. Second one was in the booth at the pub where we had our first date. Save yourself a ton of money and go small.
  • katemateg
    katemateg Posts: 334 Member
    We never got engaged as such, we just booked a date and sent people invites.

    It was small and informal. It was an outside venue over looking the sea. The men and my hubbie wore shorts and flip flops.
    I wore a knee length white dress I bought from Oasis for £160.
    There were no bridesmaids, no posh flowers (my friend picked me up a small bouquet and there were tea lights on the tables), friends and my sis took the photos.
    We a had a buffet and went to the beach to send off paper lanterns at dusk.
    We all stayed in caravans. And the next day we all had a barbecue done on the beach.

    Everything we decided on was done on our first instinct. No regrets whatsoever.
    Still happily married. That was 3 years ago

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