I don't "look" like I lost 50 lbs, so no one believed me.
sweetalker
Posts: 43 Member
I have had a horrible month.
I was so very proud of myself for losing 50 pounds, I never imagined that possible, I had all these ugly pants in my closet that no longer fit me and it felt GREAT.
So I did a stupid thing. I bragged about my success. And then I went out to publicize my new film.
And because I went from 320 to 280, not 150 to 100, I got these responses from journalists and fans:
"Oh my god, she's still fat, I thought she supposedly had some big weight loss?"
"Sweetalker dear, you look good! You lost what, five pounds?"
"You've been on the diet for how long? Three months, oh my it doesn't look like it's working, let me tell you what you must be doing wrong"
"Fifty pounds? She lost fifty pounds? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA what a liar"
It pushed me back, waaaaay back. I am a binger, and I ate enough to gain 20 pounds in 30 days. I made myself sick. All those ugly pants fit me again. I'm back to not being able to keep food in the refrigerator again, because it WILL get eaten before morning, no matter what it is. I won't even be able to taste it. Just, down it goes.
So if anyone here has suffered a major setback -- what caused it, and how did you "snap back"?
And what do I tell the (more polite) people who don't seem to understand that I won't look "thin" for another 80kg or so, BUT I FRIKKIN LOST FIFTY POUNDS AND I DESERVE RESPECT FOR IT?
I was so very proud of myself for losing 50 pounds, I never imagined that possible, I had all these ugly pants in my closet that no longer fit me and it felt GREAT.
So I did a stupid thing. I bragged about my success. And then I went out to publicize my new film.
And because I went from 320 to 280, not 150 to 100, I got these responses from journalists and fans:
"Oh my god, she's still fat, I thought she supposedly had some big weight loss?"
"Sweetalker dear, you look good! You lost what, five pounds?"
"You've been on the diet for how long? Three months, oh my it doesn't look like it's working, let me tell you what you must be doing wrong"
"Fifty pounds? She lost fifty pounds? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA what a liar"
It pushed me back, waaaaay back. I am a binger, and I ate enough to gain 20 pounds in 30 days. I made myself sick. All those ugly pants fit me again. I'm back to not being able to keep food in the refrigerator again, because it WILL get eaten before morning, no matter what it is. I won't even be able to taste it. Just, down it goes.
So if anyone here has suffered a major setback -- what caused it, and how did you "snap back"?
And what do I tell the (more polite) people who don't seem to understand that I won't look "thin" for another 80kg or so, BUT I FRIKKIN LOST FIFTY POUNDS AND I DESERVE RESPECT FOR IT?
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Replies
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Wait.....you lost 50lbs since September?
Can you describe your diet in detail to us and possibly supply us with before and after photos?0 -
That is unbelievably rude! People are so cruel anymore.
I'm so sorry for your setback, especially when you have come so far! 50lbs is a lot of weight (the average size of an 8ur old child is 50lbs!!) Do not listen to those critics. They have nothing better to do with their time, than to sit & bash other people.
I know what its like for no one to believe you've lost that much weight! I am down 46lbs, but even going from 183 to 138 --- people still don't believe its that much & that I am making up a bigger number for attention. To me I see it, my clothes fit better & my husband is proud of my hardwork. That's all that matters to me. && seeing the difference in yourself & your clothes should be all that matters to you too!
I dealt with binge eating for years, since I was about 15 years old. And even still, 13 years later, I still have setbacks every once in a while, especially when I am not seeing results or when some individual brings me down. But I always jump right back on the horse & start over again. Starting over is better than giving up, no matter how many times!!
Hang in there & focus on you! Who cares what these people say! Its none of their business, nor concern. You will be able to do it again and someday you'll get to where you want to be and you can say "look at me now!"
I believe you
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First, let me say that 50 lbs is a great achievement, no matter what your starting point is. You should feel great about that. So celebrate your successes, and take your setbacks as learning experiences and move on from them.
That being said, there's some ugly truths you need to recognize. About 10% of people will genuinely care about your weight loss and be supportive. 40% will hate you for it, or be jealous of you, and the other 50% could care less unless there is something in it for them.
That's the reality.
I don't know you, and as such, I can't speak to your mental state or capacity, but I can say this, I've been losing weight, or mentoring others for a while now, and one thing I can say is that you need to worry about you, you can't let your feelings hinge on what a bunch of strangers think. The masses are cruel, mob rule is callous and unforgiving, if you put yourself out there, expect the harshest judgement you can think of, then make it worse.
Allow those you love to be your real support, all the others out there should be tiny little marshmallow balls thrown at you, if you like them, have a few (but not to many) and enjoy, if you don't like them, let them bounce off you; because their commentary is only as important as you let it be.
Continue your journey undaunted by the comments of fools, for only a fool would allow others to rule their though.
Best luck
-Banks0 -
Remember you have to do this for yourself, not anyone else! People always want to knock you down for your accomplishments, because major weightloss is hard, and not everyone has the willpower, so when someone does, people get jealous, and try to bring you down.
There is this little book called "The Four Agreements" by Miguel Ruiz (http://www.miguelruiz.com/), and I recommend it to anyone having problems with mean and discouraging comments that people make. The book explains how everything a person says is a reflection of that person, not of the person they say it about. It will change your way of thinking. It teaches you not to internalize anything a person says to you. For example, someone is in a horrid mood, and they are hating the world, and they see you and make a nasty comment... they didn't say it because you deserved it, they said it because they were in a crappy mood and needed to take it out on someone. But then you take their words to heart (as we all tend to do), and let it affect our lives and behaviour.
You lost 50 lbs, that's amazing. OWN IT. When someone says something nasty to you, just remember you lost 50lbs and they can't take that away from you. Seriously, if you want to say it "Hey I lost 50lbs what have you accomplished lately?" The answer will probably be NOTHING, and hence why they bring you down.
And just wait, it will get so much better! Wait till you lose more, wait till you reach your goal weight and see what people say then. Yes, there will always be the a**holes who criticize, but you, especially being in the public eye, will become an inspiration for people who see how you changed your life.
Good luck girl, and remember, the only opinion that counts is yours! You have to be in your own corner, because in this life the only person you can count on 100% is yourself! Love yourself, be so proud of yourself for making a change for your health, own your accomplishments, write off the setbacks (because no one is perfect!), reaffirm to yourself everyday how amazing you are, because when you change your own way of thinking about yourself, no one can touch you!0 -
Thanks guys, and it just occurred to me that at least I'm at a better starting point than I was when I first began this journey, I'm still down 30 pounds from what I was when I first started MFP.
I've just been entirely too embarrassed to even try to keep track of what I ate in November. It was really, really bad.
(And yes I noticed the math mistake in my original post, I got down to 270, now back up to 290 again, give or take a pound depending on time of day.)0 -
Rude behavior is NEVER acceptable! I'm getting close to 60 lbs lost, and people really didn't start noticing until I lost about 30 lbs. Part of the reason, I think, is because people don't want to say the wrong thing...like asking a woman if she's pregnant. You've got to ignor those who are rude and just go on...eventually they'll get it. If you've lost the weight...rejoyce in it ,and keep going...there are penty of positive people out here that will encourage you and give you all the support you need.0
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I'm still curious as to how you lost the weight.
How
Did
You
Do
It????0 -
Some people are arseholes just plain and simple and prey on other peoples insecurities for their own enjoyment (and so they can have a career who's job description is being a snarky gutnut), trust me if you went from 150 to 100 they'd just be splashing headlines like "sweettalker eating disorder, shock horror!" Haters gonna hate, 50 pounds is a massive acheivement and 30 pounds is great too don't let the arseholes of the world derail you, the fact that your clothes don't fit is evidence in itself that you've definatley changed shape and doing fabulous. Don't let em win you can do it! Kick some *kitten*!!!!!!0
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Okay - OMG on what other people said!! BUT - you can't let the heartless comments of idiots derail you so easily. You aren't losing the weight for them, you're losing it for you - although I do get the desire for an "Attaboy" once in a while.
50 pounds is a huge accomplishment, and you should be proud of it! I can definitely attest to the lack of recognition factor because I have meetings with an executive periodically and had lost 85 pounds before she even said anything...and even then it was because it was at a meeting and someone else had to have said to her, "OMG she's lost a lot of weight!" and the exec came over and asked how much I'd lost.
November was a really bad month for me - had 3 birthdays over a 2 week period, a death in the family, Halloween and Thanksgiving. Not to mention my brother-in-law's mother appointed herself to be "the food police" on Thanksgiving and told my mother, "I don't care if she has lost over 100 pounds, she needs to watch what she eats!" I had a HUGE case of "the eats"...scale would go up a little, down a little, stay the same...I was so close to getting under 270, and it was driving me crazy. When people say stuff to me like what she said - makes me want to eat even more just for spite - but guess who it hurts more....ME! I just finally decided that even though it was Thanksgiving week, I was going to hunker down and make better choices, and see what the scale would say at weigh-in. Monday, when I weighed in, I lost 2.4 pounds, and got under the 270 mark.
One other thing I did was I told people at work I was working on my weight - I told EVERYBODY. Some would notice and politely ask how I'm doing, and I'd let them in on that Monday's were weigh-in days and it was okay to ask how it went...or that days I brought in chinese for lunch, that was a clue that I went to weigh-in that day (I shoot for Monday's, but sometimes due to schedule have to do Tuesdays). Once the numbers started getting towards 40-50, it seemed like they were more interested.
If someone says that doesn't sound like much, ask them when the last time they picked a couple bags of dog food and carried it around the store? Sometimes people have trouble equating just how much 50 pounds is.
For what it's worth - and good luck!!!0 -
Here's the secret: I didn't change what I ate - my diary shows pizza, burgers, cake, chips, fudge, milkshakes, cheesecake, eggnog, and worse. I only changed how much. Once I knew that I COULD eat whatever I wanted, that there were no "bad" or "forbidden" foods, I didn't crave them nearly as often.
It was simple math that got me in the end, helloitsdan. GI/GO (garbage in, garbage out).
I figured out how many calories I could eat and still lose weight, and I logged Every. Damn. Bite. Before I even allowed myself to eat it. I would still find myself eating late at night, but I found the best way to deal with that was to write it up on the following day (if I ate it late Monday night, it would go on Tuesday's food diary, etc.) and if I had eaten too much Monday night, it severely restricted my diet Tuesday. I am stubborn, but it only took 4 or 5 "200 calorie days" (because I had binged on 1100 calories the night before) to get me to stop binging.
My schedule is hectic, so I set aside one day a week where I burned off any extra calories I managed to pick up. That one day was spent swimming, doing Pilates, roller skating, and spending the night boogeying on the dance floor (or, ahem, other physical activities). The only rule was "It has to be fun." Again, I planned out exactly how much time I would need to spend on each activity in order to get under my weekly calorie limit. On Exercise Day I could eat as many calories as I wanted, because I could just "work them off" that same day. (Still had to log them, though.)
Wasn't anything too magical about it, really. The hardest part was avoiding the free food at work, but I forced myself to drink two 16 oz bottles of water before I could pick something out to eat - and after 32 oz of water I'd be too full to eat more than a bite.0 -
Congratulations on your progress! Your original post asked if anyone has suffered a setback. I had lost about 40 lbs. I didn't at all try to attract attention because I was still overweight. But the attention I got was pretty overwhelming that in some ways it was sad. I was almost honest when everyone...and I mean everyone would ask how I did it, I would tell them I am under the doctor's care.
I lost the weight by spending a fortune on Meridia. It was the magic bullet and suppressed my appetite and gave me energy. Finally I had to stop because I couldn't afford it and I got over confident and convinced myself I can do it on my own. That was in 2009. Meridia is now off the market. In the fall of 2010 I fell into a depression. It's the strangest thing because I practically remember the day I started to feel badly and completely overwhelmed with life. So in 2011 I became a hermit - a recluse as much as I could raising a child. I still worked. I still was active with the school. I still ran a home. I just treated myself like a prisoner of my weight. Needless to say, I was completely humiliated about gaining the weight again! Everyday I walked into work I cringed and wanted to crawl under my desk and stay there until it was time to go back to my cave! I didn't of course and was very productive, it was just such a push for me every day.
So yes, I've been there. But I started coming out of the darkness and realized I am doing this for me. I control how I feel and I am tired of being sick and tired:)
Keep up the good work!0 -
You lost fifty pounds and you deserve respect from YOURSELF for it. No one else is going to respect you until you just start doing things to make yourself proud, not other people.
On the other hand - you know what - you ARE freaking amazing. You ARE victorious.
But if you dont believe it until other people recognize it - baby girl that is something you are gonna HAVE TO fix before you get to goal weight - or youre gonna have a whole new crop o probs
:flowerforyou:0 -
Tell them to kiss your *kitten*!!0
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Eff 'em.0
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people suck...you are an amazing inspiration...don't let anybody tell you otherwise!0
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Tell them to kiss your *kitten*!!
What ^ said! Seriously, people are stupid. 50lbs is a wonderful acheivement and you should be proud of yoru success!0 -
Tell them to kiss your *kitten*!!
This!!!
People are generally *kitten* and are very vain and into themselves - they are also probably jealous of your success.
I have a roommate that tries to feed me fatty foods because she wants to be thinner than I am.
Either way - congrats on your progress, keep it up! Get some healthy food in there and you'll be golden
I love dogs, people are questionable 0 -
Not everyone's MFP join date is the day they started losing weight.I'm still curious as to how you lost the weight.
How
Did
You
Do
It????0 -
Wait.....you lost 50lbs since September?
Can you describe your diet in detail to us and possibly supply us with before and after photos?
Sigh....
My ticker says I've lost 82 lbs. Because I have. I joined MFP in February of this year. I have not lost 82 lbs since February. I started losing weight in May of 2011. You can change your settings to reflect ALL your weight loss, not just what you've lost while being an MFP member.
Perhaps the OP changed their settings to reflect their total weight loss as well.0 -
That is terrible that anyone would treat you so poorly. I too am a binger (generally w/ emotional stuff) It has been a hard road to stop it. The only word of advice I can give is just to start logging again and get back up on the proverbial horse. Head up young person... u did it before and u can do it again. I know I've falling off repeatedly0
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i was in a terrible meat grinder accident 2 years back....after my right arm was amputated...and the sever brain damage i gained 220 lbs, and thats with the arm missing....i recovered some braiin function but im still kinda retarded...0
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Hollywood is harsh and NOT reality. The reality is your doing good for YOU and that's all that counts. Congrats on the loss and eff anyone that says otherwise.0
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Are you doing this for you or for them? Tell them to shove it where the garbage comes out! And if you really are in the entertainment industry that should give you some wonderful press!0
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No one has been quite that cruel to me, I have to say, but I have had some nasties to deal with. I think I've learned over my lifetime of ups and downs with weight and other issues that people's comments have alot more to do with them than with me. I try to step back and look at why they might say something nasty like that. In your situation, it seems like they are just pre-programmed to be super judgmental in an industry that tends to value the superficial. It might make you feel better to have a witty retort to hand back to them--or perhaps just to smile, ignore and pity them for their lack of depth and understanding. What I have learned is that hurting yourself is not the answer...you know you have lost an incredible amount of weight, you have to know that is impressive no matter what anyone says, and that small people don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Hang in there...pat yourself on the back...and don't expect much from these people...they truly are not capable of it.0
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Did people really say this to your face or are you just feeling like they did because they didn't say anything about how you were looking?0
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I'm so sorry! Congrats on your weight loss! Like others have said, you have to do it for you!0
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i was in a terrible meat grinder accident 2 years back....after my right arm was amputated...and the sever brain damage i gained 220 lbs, and thats with the arm missing....i recovered some braiin function but im still kinda retarded...
EH?0 -
People are downright rude at times. Please don't listen to journalists and fans as difficult as that might be. You're doing this for yourself and that's the only person that matters. It doesn't matter if you said anything about your weight loss or not. At some point someone would notice and then they'd all say, "She won't keep it off". That's just how the media is. Be proud of your success and keep going and prove them wrong.0
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Wait!!! Do NOT let others define your victory! You lost 50lbs!! That is an achievement no matter where you started!! 50lbs is 50lbs and that is excellent!
YOU know you lost 50lbs, YOU know you dropped pant sizes...does it REALLY matter what others think? Because really, this is about YOU, not them....
I have a different issue; people don't want to hear about my weight loss b/c they are still overweight and DON'T want to change their eating habits....so, what do they say to me? Frankly, my dear I think you could use putting a few pounds, you're too skinny! Really? Thanks! I busted my @ss to get this lean, mean body..and you're telling me I'm TOO skinny now? Except, I'm not!
So...people will be jealous, people will be cruel, people will be obnoxious...but do NOT let them DEFINE YOU!!! YOU define you and YOU DEFINE your victory and you success! 50lb is a heck of a lot of weight to lose no matter where you started. And that deserves a pat on the back and high five!!
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That being said, there's some ugly truths you need to recognize. About 10% of people will genuinely care about your weight loss and be supportive. 40% will hate you for it, or be jealous of you, and the other 50% could care less unless there is something in it for them.
That's the reality.
^^ This. Haters gonna hate. Love yourself - laud your efforts - listen *selectively* to the voices that respond, and if they're all negative, get some new people.0
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