obese brother

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thatsillyshana
thatsillyshana Posts: 141
in Health and Weight Loss
I know that in order to lose weight you have to want it for yourself, but I am super worried about my brother and his fiance. They are probably both over 300 pounds the last time I saw them and it was so sad. I'm worried about their health and wedding and everything. My parents have given up talking to my brother about his weight, but I'm still concerned. I'm going to be visiting him this month and I'll be in charge of paying for food. What would you suggest I do? Do I talk to him? Do I buy only healthy food and see what he does? The last time I visited and was in charge of food, I gained 6 pounds.
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Replies

  • now_or_never12
    now_or_never12 Posts: 849 Member
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    I wouldn't talk to him about it even though you have good intentions. It will only make him angry, upset and feeling worse about himself.

    He needs to want to change on his own.

    When you go and get food you can buy what your normally would however you need to be mindful of what they normally eat. Are you going to buying food just for you? If so, get what you want. If you are buying for everyone you can't expect everyone to eat how you do.
  • T1mH
    T1mH Posts: 568 Member
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    Any radical change you introduce will not be welcomed if they don't want it. You can still make healthier choices and you don't have to eat the way they do.
  • sleepygirl38
    sleepygirl38 Posts: 114 Member
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    bring your own food. but donnt be a snot about it. For me my sister was always so judmental of my weight and I hated she was so skinny. I enjoyed eating mcdonalds in front of her because it felt like she was judging me and not wanting the best for me. You cant push the issue on them. Dont say anything to his fiance about her weight that will put her off. Just when you are alone with him. she gently, "I love you and I want you to llive a long healthy life. I am always here for you if you need anything." Leave it at that. anything more you seem to be pressing your own agenda and butting in
  • thatsillyshana
    thatsillyshana Posts: 141
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    I'm buying for everyone. I just want him to be healthy and have a good life which I know he doesn't have right now. I just wish there was some magic fairy dust or something to get him motivated.
  • murphey05
    murphey05 Posts: 23
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    I agree with everyone else, as bad as it is for your brother and fiance, they have to make the change and want to do it. You can do everything you want to encourage and motivate them, but in the end they have to be the ones that want to change. I give you props for looking out for your brother and fiance and only wanting the best for them. You are a good sister!
  • harpercutie
    harpercutie Posts: 118 Member
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    dont talk to him about it...at least not yet. it really depends on the person but some people get discouraged when they know they are fat and feel helpless and give up before even trying to start the weight loss process...so figure out how your brother reacts to things..


    i personally would make him think that weight loss was HIS idea. like you said, the person has to want it for themselves.

    so start talking about you are helping your friend lose weight with the buddy system. (or that you use mfp)
    use the statistic that one is 4times more successful at weight loss when they do it with family and friends.
    mention how you have lost weight and how doing it with another person is way more fun.

    if hes into cooking show him all the fun tasty healthy recipes.

    also tell him to cut out grains. if he does he will lose about 6 lbs without even trying.

    tell him to start slow. go on 20 min walks every day walks also help lower blood pressure and distress people.

    you buy healthy food and show him that healthy food can be tasty too!

    show him the tools he needs so he can continue after you leave.

    also if you catch him eating something healthy acknowledge him.


    he justs needs a shove in the right direction
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
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    I'm buying for everyone. I just want him to be healthy and have a good life which I know he doesn't have right now. I just wish there was some magic fairy dust or something to get him motivated.

    I hear you. I have family members who have been doing the crash diet and yo-yo thing for years, and I feel the same way. It's very frustrating, but in the end, they have to want it. You just can't make people want to be healthy and live well when they don't want to.

    My advice is just to set a good example, work on being as happy and content as you can in your life, and offer as much loving support to them as you can.

    As for the food, just choose a variety of items and make sure you get some lighter options for you and others that don't want to overindulge alongside food items you know they would enjoy. Try to do a balanced approach.
  • RDawn7
    RDawn7 Posts: 38
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    Hi, I wouldn't talk to him about his eating habits. By now he's very much aware and is choosing his lifestyle. I would suggest that you take care of yourself and talk to him about each of buying your own foods, since your tastes are way different.
  • slrrese
    slrrese Posts: 180 Member
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    I feel your pain!! My brother is obese and has had many health issues! The last time he had a "scare" my sister (his wife) in law encouraged us all to talk to my brother. She lives a healthy life style and exercises and tries to encourage him to do so as well. My sister, other brother and I gingerly talked to him about exercise, watching his diet and tools like MFP; we encouraged him and shared with him what we do and then dropped the subject. The reality is that unless HE wants it there is nothing we all can do but encourage him. I WISH he would do something about his health but beyond encouraging him there is nothing else that can be done.
  • thatsillyshana
    thatsillyshana Posts: 141
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    Thanks everyone! I really like the idea of not being judgmental and also getting a variety of foods. He's a super picky eater and once threw a tomato slice at me because i hid it in his sandwich! If he brings up weight, I'll talk about it. I just want to be super encouraging but at the same time, I don't want to see him kill himself with food.
  • bradwwood
    bradwwood Posts: 371 Member
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    all you can do is lead by example. I have a daughter in law that is in the 400lb area and when they visit (they live in another state), we just make sure there isn't a ton of crap for her to eat. We can't really control her portions, but we can control what those portions are. They usually visit for Christmas and we learned a long time ago if there was anything "yummy" in the house, it would disappear overnight.
  • christinet8504
    christinet8504 Posts: 108
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    I have the same issue with my best friend. There's really not much you can do besides lead by example. If they don't want it for themselves, it wont work.
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
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    He's a super picky eater and once threw a tomato slice at me because i hid it in his sandwich!

    Yikes, what a jerk move!
  • thatsillyshana
    thatsillyshana Posts: 141
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    He's a super picky eater and once threw a tomato slice at me because i hid it in his sandwich!

    Yikes, what a jerk move!


    It was pretty funny though! I got the ladies at the local supermarket to hide it in his sub. The next day when I told them what happened, they laughed. I learned to never try that again.
  • CyberEd312
    CyberEd312 Posts: 3,536 Member
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    I was that guy 3 years ago and my family tried for the better half of a decade with interventions, but every time they tried it did only one thing Pissed Me Off!!! because in my mind I didn't have the problem, they did.... Until I realized they had decided to move on with life and had resided to the fact I was going to eat myself to death was the only time the light actually came on... It was a 50/50 chance that it would happen and at 560 lbs, and homebound I had one hell of a road to travel but until it was something I wanted to partake in there was nothing anyone could have done to sway me... Best advice lead by example, love them unconditionally and don't harp at them about anything dealing with weight, food, etc... It has to be their choice, I know that sucks but trust me I know.... Best of Luck....
  • shirleygirl910
    shirleygirl910 Posts: 503 Member
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    all you can do is lead by example. I have a daughter in law that is in the 400lb area and when they visit (they live in another state), we just make sure there isn't a ton of crap for her to eat. We can't really control her portions, but we can control what those portions are. They usually visit for Christmas and we learned a long time ago if there was anything "yummy" in the house, it would disappear overnight.

    So right, Lead by example, don't buy crap. You have been put in charge of the food. You might want to compromise some, like baking a pumpkin pie using Equal. (my family still doesn't know about the equal).

    My "little" brother once lost all his weight. That's when he met his now ex-wife. He decided he wanted to eat what they were eating, but he didn't watch his portions and gained it all back within a couple years. He went from 350 down to 200 and is now close to 400 lbs. She was always on him for his weight, and finally gave up on him. Now they are divorced. You would think if he still wants to be with her and his weight is a major obsticle, he would do something about it. He says he's not motivated. My husband wonders if a heart attack will get him motivated. He's the only one who can make that choice.
  • love4fitnesslove4food_wechange
    love4fitnesslove4food_wechange Posts: 6,897 Member
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    quick question: has he always been overweight? are your parents overweight?
  • thatsillyshana
    thatsillyshana Posts: 141
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    I was that guy 3 years ago and my family tried for the better half of a decade with interventions, but every time they tried it did only one thing Pissed Me Off!!! because in my mind I didn't have the problem, they did.... Until I realized they had decided to move on with life and had resided to the fact I was going to eat myself to death was the only time the light actually came on... It was a 50/50 chance that it would happen and at 560 lbs, and homebound I had one hell of a road to travel but until it was something I wanted to partake in there was nothing anyone could have done to sway me... Best advice lead by example, love them unconditionally and don't harp at them about anything dealing with weight, food, etc... It has to be their choice, I know that sucks but trust me I know.... Best of Luck....

    Wow! thank you for this! I guess the consensus it to back off and just do what i do. :smile:
  • AZKristi
    AZKristi Posts: 1,801 Member
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    All you can be in charge of is yourself. I wouldn't say anything. I'm sure he knows he's overweight or obese and knows the dangers, he doesn't need you to point it out for him. Eventually, he'll find that he can't do things he wants to do because of his weight. When that is the case, and he wants it bad enough, he'll change.
  • thatsillyshana
    thatsillyshana Posts: 141
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    quick question: has he always been overweight? are your parents overweight?

    when we were younger he wasn't, but then my parents started gaining and we didn't eat very healthy. the only drinks we had were soda and lunch was always bologna sandwiches. When I was in 6th grade I dropped the soda and bologna and sweets. My dad started working out and losing weight and I followed his example while my brother and mom just kept eating and making excuses.

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