Need help from sarcastic people!

13

Replies

  • johnlatv
    johnlatv Posts: 654 Member
    Happy Bday now go F yourself.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    Happy Birthday.

    Inside: What, you were expecting money to fall out?
  • EvanKeel
    EvanKeel Posts: 1,903 Member
    "Hoping you manage to stave off the entropic forces of the universe from snuffing out the spark of life for another year. Perhaps even more than a year. Happy Birthday."
  • Wooken3
    Wooken3 Posts: 436 Member
    photocopy your receipts from airline, etc., write "Happy Birthday" on them.

    ^^^ This
  • Jimaudit
    Jimaudit Posts: 275
    1. I would have gotten you a present, but am still paying off the expenses of the trip you screwed me on.

    2. Happy birthday, I bet your parents are proud of the way you lie to your friends.

    3. Happy brithday, although if I'm being honest I don't really care if you are happy.

    Oh and add this to any of the above: "be careful what you drink tonight, I have an active bladder and an axe to grind"
  • redfireangel
    redfireangel Posts: 15
    You're another year older
    and i have to admit
    That today on you're birthday
    I don'g give a....


    High quality card like this to just anyone!!
  • zombilishious
    zombilishious Posts: 1,250 Member
    "Ah, another year gone. At least we'll always have Costa Rica!"

    ^^^This. On your expired plane ticket.
  • Maddalen101
    Maddalen101 Posts: 307 Member
    Do you really want/need a "friend" like that?
    I'd cut her loose without another thought.
    If you have to keep in touch with her, then just post "HB" on her Facebook wall, or text HB.
  • hiker359
    hiker359 Posts: 577 Member
    One that went over really well, that has a fun nerd reference, was "Congratulations on the annual celebration of your utereal emancipation. May you never bear the burden of having to go through the ritual of pon far!"

    Yes, I realize that 'uereal' is not a word, but it should be.
  • Francesca3162
    Francesca3162 Posts: 520 Member
    Send a postcard from a tropical warm vacation spot!! Like Costa Rica!!!
  • alishacupcake
    alishacupcake Posts: 419 Member
    I made you a cupcake, but I ate it. Happy Birthday
  • yannethfr
    yannethfr Posts: 18 Member
    Let me give you a background. We were supposed to take a trip to Costa Rica (girls only vacation), after purchasing the airline tix, splitting the hotel costs, bus fares, ect...I spent almost $1K on my part, she emails me and tells me she can't go (b/c she suddenly could not afford it). I found out later that she never bought the airline ticket in the first place...lied the ENTIRE time.

    I didn't get my money back on anything (airline..thanks Continental) and hotels.. So it's safe to say that I'm still a little miffed at her.
    Ah, OK. I was wondering what you meant by typing "friend" in quotes, preceded by "quasi" in your original post.

    Now I see that you simply misspelled "lying *kitten*" - sometimes autocorrect can be tricky on smart phones.


    LMAO! OMG....I love this^^^^. Gotta love auto-correct.
  • n_gal87
    n_gal87 Posts: 85 Member
    Let me give you a background. We were supposed to take a trip to Costa Rica (girls only vacation), after purchasing the airline tix, splitting the hotel costs, bus fares, ect...I spent almost $1K on my part, she emails me and tells me she can't go (b/c she suddenly could not afford it). I found out later that she never bought the airline ticket in the first place...lied the ENTIRE time.

    I didn't get my money back on anything (airline..thanks Continental) and hotels.. So it's safe to say that I'm still a little miffed at her.

    Did you at least get a credit so you can go at some point in the future? (preferably with some less flaky friends).

    As for the birthday card I wouldn't get her anything. In fact I wouldn't even be speaking to her...why would you want a friend that LIED to you and cost you 1,000?? I don't mean to be harsh, if it was a mix up or something came up that changed her plans and she couldn't go I'd try to be understanding but a lie?! who needs friends like that?
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
    grab a peice of copy paper. write with sharpie (no fancy colors, basic black) "It's your birthday". hand it over.

    srsly, this person cost you a thousand dollars. spend no money. i might not even EVER spend time bothering with her.
  • kr1stadee
    kr1stadee Posts: 1,774 Member
    Did you go on the trip?

    "My gift to you is my fantastic tan and my memories!"
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    tumblr_m6k56pcQRj1rys4czo1_500.gif
  • Muddy_Yogi
    Muddy_Yogi Posts: 1,459 Member
    Let me give you a background. We were supposed to take a trip to Costa Rica (girls only vacation), after purchasing the airline tix, splitting the hotel costs, bus fares, ect...I spent almost $1K on my part, she emails me and tells me she can't go (b/c she suddenly could not afford it). I found out later that she never bought the airline ticket in the first place...lied the ENTIRE time.

    I didn't get my money back on anything (airline..thanks Continental) and hotels.. So it's safe to say that I'm still a little miffed at her.

    #1 - I would have figured out a way to go anyway

    #2 - I think this calls for a FREE e-card... something loud & annoying like Hoops & YoYo, or no card at all. GEEZ! lame friend!

    #1Agreed....and #2...I LOVE HOOPS AND YO YO
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    Let me give you a background. We were supposed to take a trip to Costa Rica (girls only vacation), after purchasing the airline tix, splitting the hotel costs, bus fares, ect...I spent almost $1K on my part, she emails me and tells me she can't go (b/c she suddenly could not afford it). I found out later that she never bought the airline ticket in the first place...lied the ENTIRE time.

    I didn't get my money back on anything (airline..thanks Continental) and hotels.. So it's safe to say that I'm still a little miffed at her.
    Silly question.....Why didn't you go without her......
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,855 Member
    I'll go back to my old standy:

    Get a rubber stamp with her address. . Go to the bookstore and stamp that b**ch on every magazine subscription card in the store. . Drop those in the mail then give her a card saying you got her a subscription to her favorite magazine.
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,855 Member
    I'll go back to my old standy:

    Get a rubber stamp with her address. . Go to the bookstore and stamp that b**ch on every magazine subscription card in the store. . Drop those in the mail then give her a card saying you got her a subscription to her favorite magazine.

    Oh. . and you can give her the rubber stamp too. . It's a nice, thoughtful (slightly used) gift :)
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
    I've got the perfect gift for an girl

    QgJUL.gif
  • gingerjen7
    gingerjen7 Posts: 821 Member
    My standard birthday greeting goes something like this:

    Please send my thanks to your mother and congratulate her on the no-doubt challenging task of expelling you from her body. I hope you have an excellent time celebrating the anniversary of your successfully working your way through the birth canal and out of her vagina.

    If I happen to know the mother's name, I'll address portions of it specifically to her.
  • Dsmcgrail
    Dsmcgrail Posts: 75
    Money's tight, times are hard, so here's your f-ing birthday card!
    Happy Birthday!
  • nbhobbes
    nbhobbes Posts: 284
    Let me give you a background. We were supposed to take a trip to Costa Rica (girls only vacation), after purchasing the airline tix, splitting the hotel costs, bus fares, ect...I spent almost $1K on my part, she emails me and tells me she can't go (b/c she suddenly could not afford it). I found out later that she never bought the airline ticket in the first place...lied the ENTIRE time.

    I didn't get my money back on anything (airline..thanks Continental) and hotels.. So it's safe to say that I'm still a little miffed at her.

    Dear XXXXXX

    You would be getting an awesome gift right now but I decided I'm still going to Costa Rica!!

    I'll send you a post card!

    Happy Birthday!
  • nbhobbes
    nbhobbes Posts: 284
    My standard birthday greeting goes something like this:

    Please send my thanks to your mother and congratulate her on the no-doubt challenging task of expelling you from her body. I hope you have an excellent time celebrating the anniversary of your successfully working your way through the birth canal and out of her vagina.

    If I happen to know the mother's name, I'll address portions of it specifically to her.

    Thats great!
  • rjt1000
    rjt1000 Posts: 700 Member
    Let me give you a background. We were supposed to take a trip to Costa Rica (girls only vacation), after purchasing the airline tix, splitting the hotel costs, bus fares, ect...I spent almost $1K on my part, she emails me and tells me she can't go (b/c she suddenly could not afford it). I found out later that she never bought the airline ticket in the first place...lied the ENTIRE time.

    I didn't get my money back on anything (airline..thanks Continental) and hotels.. So it's safe to say that I'm still a little miffed at her.
    That makes it easy. "Since I blew all my money on my non-vacation, all I could afford for your birthday was this crappy card. Happy Birthday!"
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
    Happy Birthday -- cause for celebration somewhere.
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
    Let me give you a background. We were supposed to take a trip to Costa Rica (girls only vacation), after purchasing the airline tix, splitting the hotel costs, bus fares, ect...I spent almost $1K on my part, she emails me and tells me she can't go (b/c she suddenly could not afford it). I found out later that she never bought the airline ticket in the first place...lied the ENTIRE time.

    I didn't get my money back on anything (airline..thanks Continental) and hotels.. So it's safe to say that I'm still a little miffed at her.
    That makes it easy. "Since I blew all my money on my non-vacation, all I could afford for your birthday was this crappy card. Happy Birthday!"

    Send a post card:

    Happy Birthday -- Don't wish you were here, or anywhere.

    (I personally would let it go.)
  • gailmelanie
    gailmelanie Posts: 210 Member
    "You didn't die for a year, congratulations on your amazing accomplishment."
    Hey, I say this quite seriously to a lot of people on their birthday! Not sarcastic at all!
  • wheldar
    wheldar Posts: 42
    My take: I would have bought you a present, but since I lost $1000.00 on the lost trip, I cant afford you at this time...

Categories