One innocent Kiss and my whole day is ruined...

ldrosophila
ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
in Food and Nutrition
So I need some advice (would appreciate no sarcastic comments, but this is MFP so I'm sure there will be a few)...

I am the worst when it comes saying No to offered food. Especially now that its the holiday and everyone wants to share their treats. I can usually not turn down offers and feel guilty. I mean I'm still the fat girl. I was handed M&M's today, and of course out of obligation and "appreciation" I ate them. I didn't need them. I wasn't hungry, but I ate them despite my internal voice saying NO. I also sometimes use these offer as an excuse to binge because "I'm going to blow it anyways." When it isn't part of my plan it really throws me off track, and I usually feel like I've F'ed up the whole day.

How do you cope with these offers?
How do you keep from letting these unexpected offers, these treasures, these treats from taking you off plan?
Do you accept the offers and limit yourself to a few, or do you completely deny them?

I know this is a just say "NO" type question. But with me this is literally an internal battle and struggle and one stupid M&M or a chocolate hershey's Kiss placed innocently on my desk can set me up for a night of binging and self sabotage. It's like leaving a little crack nugget on a crack addicts desk.

Thanks to all you lovely MFP'ers for your help.
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Replies

  • DaniellaFitton
    DaniellaFitton Posts: 25 Member
    Just tell yourself. Nothing tastes as good as skinny will feel !! Helps me most of the time. :)
  • 0_Lauren_0
    0_Lauren_0 Posts: 1
    This is tough. I've found recently that taking a small portion of something I want (like a handful of M&Ms, or one cookie) and then immediately throwing whatever is left into the garbage has helped. Yes, it's wasteful, but it prevents me from binge-eating holiday treats and sabotaging myself.
  • onyxgirl17
    onyxgirl17 Posts: 1,722 Member
    Yea, I just say no to offered food. I have no shame ;)
  • stephanielindsey
    stephanielindsey Posts: 67
    Honestly, you are going to have to change the way you think. And that is NOT an easy thing to do. I recommend seeing a professional counselor. To start though, when someone offers you something to eat, ask them, "Would it hurt your feelings if I declined? I'm trying to eat better." Also, if you do give in to an indulgence that does not mean you've blown your whole day! A diet/ lifestyle change/ meal plan adjustment (whatever you choose to call it) is not an all or nothing prospect. The sooner you allow yourself to stop being perfect, the more successful you will be.

    I hope that helps! :smile:
  • wolfchild59
    wolfchild59 Posts: 2,608 Member
    Why would a Hershey's Kiss set you up for a night of binging and self sabotage? It's one piece of chocolate, that's about 20-25 calories.

    This time of year I typically allow myself a few extra treats here and there and don't really stress about going over my calories a bit, or even a lot, more than I typically allow.

    But I also plan for some days, like if I know I have a party or a dinner that night, and treats are offered up at work, I'll pass on them in favor of knowing what I'll be having that night. Or I may just stay tried and true and have a great day macro, calorie, and clean-wise. Mostly depends on my mood and what I know I've eaten or have coming up on the various days.

    But back to the one little treat causing a whole day to derail, look at this way. If you ran a stop sign on the way to work would you think to yourself, "Aw, screw it, I already ran one, I may as well just run every stop sign or red light come on for the rest of the day."

    If not, why would you do exactly that to yourself after eating a piece of chocolate?
  • scottbrown78
    scottbrown78 Posts: 142 Member
    Sounds like this runs deeper than the food they offered you. You don't really think they're going to be crushed if you turn down the food they offer do you? Especially pre packed candy. They just got it out of the vending machine, they didn't make them. Come on. And if I have a treat and go over my cal intake I burn it off. Have the candy if you want but go for a walk and burn off those cals. Or make up for it the next day by staying under your limit. Sounds like you hunt for every excuse to "binge" if you do, then you may need to speak to a counselor. It was put to me this way.... "If you drop your cell,do you pick it up or kick it down the street since you already dropped it once.?"
  • Kathy_TheVampireSlayer
    Kathy_TheVampireSlayer Posts: 189 Member
    Just tell yourself. Nothing tastes as good as skinny will feel !! Helps me most of the time. :)







    :smokin: hmm
  • CoffeeNBooze
    CoffeeNBooze Posts: 966 Member
    Yea, I just say no to offered food. I have no shame ;)

    yeah same, i just got used to saying no. Takes some practice and some will power, but as others said I think it is deeper for you
  • JAllen32
    JAllen32 Posts: 991 Member
    Just think about how proud you will be of yourself after you say no and walk away. That is what got me through in the beginning, before it was habit. I was setting a good example for other people and doing something great for myself. A light hearted "No thanks!" made me happy that I was doing the right thing, and others started to see the changes I was making and the weight coming off, and were proud of me too. And stopped offering! lol
  • lovechicagobears
    lovechicagobears Posts: 289 Member
    I log it and go, "Oh, cool. Six M&Ms is about 40 calories." Then I go on about my day. I don't see eating one Hershey Kiss or a few M&Ms as a reason to binge. It isn't blowing it.

    This is the problem with thinking of foods as "good" and "bad".
  • panda305
    panda305 Posts: 1
    I have the same problem. Here's what I do: Just politely refuse to take any treats, or if you have to take one to keep from hurting the host's feelings, just eat part of it and discretely dispose of the rest. If it is like a sit-down dinner, then I will go ahead and eat what I am served, but not eat or eat less the rest of the day. When overeating happens at night, the next morning, I start the day with exercise and then eat only an apple for breakfast. That helps to make up for eating a rich treat the night before. I figure if my weekly totals look good, I should not beat myself up or give up over one bad food. Hope this helps! Hang in there!
  • theberard
    theberard Posts: 25 Member
    Do you remember what an M&M and a Kiss taste like?




    Sometimes the experience is all you want.





    Try envisioning every moment of enjoying an M&M. Is that satisfying enough?



    If not, it may not matter what you are eating, it may be for pleasure of eating, or it may be a worthwhile distraction from something stressing you out or some other chore on your to-do list. This is often the case for me.
  • lilmzritz
    lilmzritz Posts: 176
    Don't feel bad if you have to turn food away because you're only looking after yourself. And don't let one Hershey's Kisses ruin your routine for you. If you ever indulge, just burn it off! What usually works for me is I enter the food/sweet treats on MFP and once I know how many calories and how long it would take me to burn the extra calories off, the cravings would just go away. It's ok to turn down food from someone -- I'm pretty sure that's not going to end their world. Stay strong :flowerforyou:
  • IronPlayground
    IronPlayground Posts: 1,594 Member
    You're on 1800 cals/day. You should be able to fit in a few M&Ms or Hershey's Kisses. Here is what I keep telling folks. You have to learn how to eat and fit just about anything into your day without it causing you to go over you cals. I looked at your diary. Over the past week you only had one day you didn't eat at a surplus. Stop looking at individual food items as good or bad. If you enjoy some things, fit them in. If it takes logging those snacks first thing, before you've eaten them, then try that. Point is, don't deprive yourself. Deprivation will eventually lead to failure because you'll eventually get frustrated.
  • Cranktastic
    Cranktastic Posts: 1,517 Member
    Just tell yourself. Nothing tastes as good as skinny will feel !! Helps me most of the time. :)

    NO!
  • Cranktastic
    Cranktastic Posts: 1,517 Member
    You're on 1800 cals/day. You should be able to fit in a few M&Ms or Hershey's Kisses. Here is what I keep telling folks. You have to learn how to eat and fit just about anything into your day without it causing you to go over you cals. I looked at your diary. Over the past week you only had one day you didn't eat at a surplus. Stop looking at individual food items as good or bad. If you enjoy some things, fit them in. If it takes logging those snacks first thing, before you've eaten them, then try that. Point is, don't deprive yourself. Deprivation will eventually lead to failure because you'll eventually get frustrated.

    :flowerforyou: :heart: :flowerforyou:
  • Taylor2063
    Taylor2063 Posts: 2
    I struggle with the same thing and still haven't been able to conquer it. However, I saw a quote the other day that really hit home:

    "Saying 'I already ruined my eating today. I'll just eat crap.' Is like saying 'Oh I dropped my phone on the floor. I'll just smash it 'til it breaks'"

    That hit home with me. The only thing that's ever helped me is chugging water before I decide to eat. It makes me feel more full faster. Good luck girl. I'm in your same boat.
  • vmekash
    vmekash Posts: 422 Member
    This is no simple matter. I would like to offer the idea that you allow some no. of calories in your day for these treats. Then you can have SOME treats, not feel guilty, and perhaps build up your resistance to treats that fall outside your calorie limit. I know if I allow myself a little something (okay, sometimes 400 or 500 calories worth, but you get the idea), then I'm better and maintaining my limit. I believe that NOT allowing myself treats, one little Kiss would, indeed, derail me.

    Oh, and don't worry about hurting any feelings when you do say No to treats. People can handle it. Really. They can. Really. In fact, I sincerely doubt they will be hurt at all. Really. I sincerely doubt it.

    Good luck. You CAN do this.
  • iiijeniii
    iiijeniii Posts: 82 Member
    Accept it gracefully and then re-gift it! Someone will appreciate it. Or ... put it in the lunch room for the taking.
  • vmekash
    vmekash Posts: 422 Member
    I love this! Thanks for sharing.
    It was put to me this way.... "If you drop your cell,do you pick it up or kick it down the street since you already dropped it once.?"
  • MissJanet55
    MissJanet55 Posts: 457 Member
    I log it and go, "Oh, cool. Six M&Ms is about 40 calories." Then I go on about my day. I don't see eating one Hershey Kiss or a few M&Ms as a reason to binge. It isn't blowing it. ".

    Absolutely! Often when I log what I think is a disaster it turns out it isn't so bad. Knowledge is power.
  • mdonovan
    mdonovan Posts: 44
    I've made it known at work that I am losing weight, so don't try to screw it up for me!! lol...really though, if someone offers you something, just say thanks, but I can't, I'm being careful about what I eat. I find everyone is really supportive once they know.
  • axelorate
    axelorate Posts: 75 Member

    But back to the one little treat causing a whole day to derail, look at this way. If you ran a stop sign on the way to work would you think to yourself, "Aw, screw it, I already ran one, I may as well just run every stop sign or red light come on for the rest of the day."

    If not, why would you do exactly that to yourself after eating a piece of chocolate?

    I like this analogy.
  • iiijeniii
    iiijeniii Posts: 82 Member
    I struggle with the same thing and still haven't been able to conquer it. However, I saw a quote the other day that really hit home:

    "Saying 'I already ruined my eating today. I'll just eat crap.' Is like saying 'Oh I dropped my phone on the floor. I'll just smash it 'til it breaks'"

    That hit home with me. The only thing that's ever helped me is chugging water before I decide to eat. It makes me feel more full faster. Good luck girl. I'm in your same boat.

    This blog post really helped me during my weight loss:

    "If you forgot to brush your teeth last night, did you decide this morning to throw in the towel and never brush your teeth again? Since you're obviously a slob who doesn't have enough self- discipline to remember to brush your teeth, why bother brushing them at all if you forgot to last night?

    Of course not.

    So if you had ice cream for dinner last night, or didn't exercise yesterday, or gained a pound this week, don't throw in the towel! Make a healthier choice for dinner tonight by eating something lean. Go for a short walk. Weigh in again next week.

    Just do NOT give up."

    I was on SparkPeople at the time and the OP was Lisahas2cats.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
    Why would a Hershey's Kiss set you up for a night of binging and self sabotage? It's one piece of chocolate, that's about 20-25 calories.

    This time of year I typically allow myself a few extra treats here and there and don't really stress about going over my calories a bit, or even a lot, more than I typically allow.

    But I also plan for some days, like if I know I have a party or a dinner that night, and treats are offered up at work, I'll pass on them in favor of knowing what I'll be having that night. Or I may just stay tried and true and have a great day macro, calorie, and clean-wise. Mostly depends on my mood and what I know I've eaten or have coming up on the various days.

    But back to the one little treat causing a whole day to derail, look at this way. If you ran a stop sign on the way to work would you think to yourself, "Aw, screw it, I already ran one, I may as well just run every stop sign or red light come on for the rest of the day."

    If not, why would you do exactly that to yourself after eating a piece of chocolate?

    Well said. I used to do that, too...the "eff it" mentality is hard to change, but it is essential. Eating one Hershey kiss (20 calories) shouldn't ruin your entire day, but it can (and will) if you view chocolate as a "forbidden food." Thinking of foods as "good" and "bad" can really derail progress. If you're willing to work on changing your thinking, read the book "Women, Food, and God" by Geneen Roth. That helped me get started on changing my mind. I had to do that before I was able to change my eating and exercise habits.
  • lamilli09
    lamilli09 Posts: 354 Member
    Just tell yourself. Nothing tastes as good as skinny will feel !! Helps me most of the time. :)

    ...That's weird, because today I ate whole wheat toast with Nutella, clementines, apples, a loaded baked potato, steamed broccoli with cheese, and a homemade version of Alice Springs Chicken. Oh, and I had a glass of milk and a cookie for dessert. And it tasted a WHOLE lot better than skinny will ever feel.


    To the OP: I am absolutely an everything-in-moderation type of person. If I restrict my favorite foods, I will binge on them.
    So take a few Hershey's kisses and savor them! If you're needing help with managing the number of "snack size" treats, sometimes I will tell myself that for every extra one over a serving size, I'll do a minute of jumping jacks. I absolutely understand -- chocolate is my crack as well. Best wishes!!
  • anniebelle26
    anniebelle26 Posts: 43 Member
    I just say...god no...if I have a taste of it Ill lose control. Im not lying, I could seriously lose control if I taste something I crave. So I just dont let it touch my lips.
  • gmallan
    gmallan Posts: 2,099 Member
    You could try having a mental plan for the offered snacks. Know in advance that this might happen and mentally set aside a some calories to deal with it (maybe 200-300). Then if you are offered something, stop before you eat it and check how much you can have within your limit. Throw away or give away (or only take) the amount you can afford to have. Then ENJOY what you are eating, savour it and don't feel guilty about it. Continue on with your healthy day as planned. If you don't end up eating any offered snacks you have an extra 200-300 calories to either treat yourself or eat in healthy snacks.

    You HAVE to get out the of the mentality that one small mistake stuffs up your whole day. I read somewhere that if you have a 'bad' snack/meal/day the MOST IMPORTANT meal is your very next one.

    Mental habbits are the hardest to change but keep at it. Remember there are no bad foods if you get the portions right.
  • ElliInJapan
    ElliInJapan Posts: 286 Member
    I totally sympathize, I also have a very hard time saying no to whatever is offered to me and sometimes when I know I ate something I shouldn't have eaten I end up eating even more "because the diet is ruined anyway!" Actually I used to think like that, I hardly do that anymore, and although I can't say I have it completely under control, I'm doing much better now. What helps me is this site: I simply log what I ate, whatever it is, and take into account its calories. This way there is no bad food that ruins my "diet": if I ate a piece of chocolate, I simply have, let's say, 100 calories less for the rest of the day. I eat a salad for dinner and I'm still on track with no effect on my weight loss. This is why I love this site, I can eat everything I like and still lose weight! I'm not following a diet for which I should eat e.g. only apples all day long and I end up failing because I ate something besides apples! This site completely changed the way I approach weight loss and I finally feel free to enjoy everything and live my life *while* losing weight.

    Now, regarding situations in which people offer me things I really don't want to eat, I simply say "thanks, but I'll skip that, I'm trying to lose some weight." What still gives me a hard time is when going out with colleagues and friends and we all share. I find it impossible to keep track of what I eat, I sometimes can't remember everything and it's impossible to log, especially if we have a lot of small tapas-like dishes. I had 3 meals like that over the past weekend and I completely gave up logging. On Monday I started logging my food again and I'm back on schedule. But I suppose these things happen, I try not to overdo it and get back on schedule asap.
  • jojo37696
    jojo37696 Posts: 93 Member
    If it's really going to be that bad than just lie. Tell them no thanks. I seem to have developed an allergy to chocolate or nuts or whatever it is that is being offered. No one needs to know that it's not the complete truth and if they find out then you can explain that you are trying to stay away from that stuff to lose weight. That is of course if you want to explain.

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