One innocent Kiss and my whole day is ruined...

I am a former binger and the way I healed myself was learning how to recover from a binge. You've lost a lot of weight so far, so it seems you may have lost your way, from looking at your diary. If you do binge or eat a very large lunch like you did on Sunday, you have to make up for it with a small dinner or just a snack to stay close to your calorie goal. This site makes it as easy as possible. Log your binge and you see how much you have left over (if any) for the day. You've been successful in the past, so just recommit yourself every single morning. Saying no isn't the problem here. You could benefit from a great book called 'Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating' by Geneen Roth. It really helped me move beyond the binges.

Many people said it - you have to change your thinking. You see yourself as having an addiction, so in recovery, you have to change your "stinkin thinkin" - the thinking that "I've ruined my diet today anyway, I might as well just throw in the towel and binge" is the stinkin thinkin and I have had that and done that for years. But I changed it when I started this program (don't do it all the time or I'd be more successful) but I have changed the thought to "I used to eat that, now I don't" if I know it is something that I will binge on, like peanut M&Ms.

And if someone offers me something, I often say, oh no thanks, I can't eat just one of those!! " in a light hearted manner. They laugh with me and think I'm just politely turning it down, but I know in my own mind, I really can't and it reinforces for me that I need to stay away from them. If they give me something without really the opportunity to turn it down, I was going to suggest (becasue I have done it) what others said and give it to someone else or to the break room where it really will disappear.

Now, because of the addiction part of your brain, if you are like me, you will get that food item in your mind and think about it throughout the day, think about how it will taste and how good it will be, and eventually you will stop on your way home from work (or I have even gotten redressed at night and driven out to a 7-11) and get a bagful of them and eat them all. But that is also part of addiction thinking. You have to come up with ways to not obsess over it, not allow yourself to indulge your mind in it - and find other things to think about. If you can call a friend who understands this - all the better. Talk with them about what you are thinking about, what you are really thinking or feeling, because it is usually something underlying that you aren't dealing with, or that you have difficulty dealing with all the time, that is really the reason you are thinking of bingeing, not because of the food itself - it's the relief you want to feel when you overindulge and serotonin is released and you feel numb for a while - then you aren't thinking about that other problem or issue. You have to find other coping mechanisms to deal with those feelings.

I am speaking from personal experience and have not solved this myself yet, but know that it is true. And I know some of what you are dealing with right now - and that is the real reason that a "kiss" puts you over the edge. Someone suggested a counselor - and that wouldn't be a bad idea right now.

This is hard - I struggle with it too. The hardest part for me is saying no to a gift. I feel like I'm being an ungrateful jerk and hurting the person offering, but I also feel resentful that they are sabotaging me (even though they have no idea.)

Some things that help me:

1. Say no thank you and suggest they offer it to someone else. This redirects their impulse to give and keeps me from feeling as bad.

2. Say "I'll save it for later" and then either do save it for later or throw it away on my way home.

3. Say "thanks but I just ate." For some reason this will put off insistent people when a plain no won't always do it.

Remember, you are doing this to be healthy. You don't have to hurt your own healthy to make other people feel a teeny, teeny bit better. And you aren't hurting them by saying no.

Especially pre packed candy.

If someone offered me something they had made then I would accept a small serve and eat it - as they made it - otherwise, I tell them I am on a diet....usually my line is...

I'm on a diet...but since you made it yourself, then I will accept But if it tastes like poopoo then I will not finish it

Lollies from a machine....only in desperation....

"YOUR WHOLE DAY IS RUINED?" :sad: .....AW Geez cut the drama you big sissie. Eat the damn things, log it in your diary, and plan out the rest of your daily meal plan. Aint no big deal unless you make it one.

I eat a Butterfinger (fun size, 85 cal) every day and I enjoy the hell out of it.....In fact, I just might eat another one now cuz Im irritated. :laugh:

I dont restrict myself from too much. Check out my diary - Im losing weight with one hand tied behind my back...just dont get on my bad side, I have a big bag of Butterfingers and I wouldnt hesitate to eat a few of em in front of you :drinker: .....

Really??? Really???? Insults?????? This is pathetic

I agree with those who are looking at the bigger picture. The first time I read your post and a couple of the answers, I saw you ate the M&M's and Kisses and then you skipped dinner. I thought GREAT, this girl is taking responsibility for eating that junk. I saw you were still getting responses and looked now and saw you ate a dinner of over 1000 calories. Oh, honey. You have just got to eat a small salad or some scrambled egg whites or go for a long walk when you eat something that takes you near or over your calorie limit. No one wants you starving yourself, but If candy or junk takes you over your goal for the day, you have to limit yourself in other areas. If you do this every day, then this becomes unhealthy and you won't see the weight dropping off, but the other way around. I think you should look into some sort of counseling or see a dietitian about your cravings, binges and other issues. They can really provide some insight or tips on how to find balance, which would benefit you greatly.

I politely pass on the candy. I am not a people pleaser so It doesn't bother me to say no. And besides, if they are offended because I am making healthy choices then its their problem! If you haven't got it in you to say no then maybe take this month off and re-commit after the holidays? You'll probably be good until Valentines Day hits:) then comes St Pattys Day and Easter. Then we are getting into Memorial Day and summer BBQs, 4th of July etc. best of luck to ya! I will say a prayer for willpower for you:)

You need to read Overcoming Binge Eating by Christopher Fairburn.

I know how you feel, food is also a very 'social' tool for me as well as I am a stay at home mum who thrives on coffee groups! I don't refuse them, I have found (for me) just having one or 2 works because if I always say no that's when I fall off the wagon a few weeks later. Remember, healthy eating is a lifestyle and you should allow yourself treats, EVERYTHING IN MODERATION(I have the tendency to put on weight but keep slim by allowing myself treats and sticking to this moto) good luck, you have support

Someone gave me a piece of homemade banana bread the other day. I thanked her, told her it looked yummy (which it did), and said that I was going to save it for later. Later... I took 1 bite, enjoyed it and then carefully threw the rest away. We can still be nice to people without ruining our diets.

"YOUR WHOLE DAY IS RUINED?" :sad: .....AW Geez cut the drama you big sissie. Eat the damn things, log it in your diary, and plan out the rest of your daily meal plan. Aint no big deal unless you make it one.

I eat a Butterfinger (fun size, 85 cal) every day and I enjoy the hell out of it.....In fact, I just might eat another one now cuz Im irritated. :laugh:

I dont restrict myself from too much. Check out my diary - Im losing weight with one hand tied behind my back...just dont get on my bad side, I have a big bag of Butterfingers and I wouldnt hesitate to eat a few of em in front of you :drinker: .....

Really??? Really???? Insults?????? This is pathetic

A little off our feed today are we? Try deep breathing.

Something I've learned: how to have a plan before going to gatherings where food will be served.

Will you
Resist (have none)
Moderate (have a little)
Delay (wait till later)
or
Indulge (have handfuls)?

Will eating something before going to these places help? You won't want to eat what's offered if you've already eaten. :happy:

If its someone who knows you well, they should know better than to offer, try talking to them!

If its someone you dont know really well, try saying "I don't eat those" instead of "I cant have those", psychologically it feels a lot different to say, and it feels like a choice not a restriction. If you need to make something up - go for it... say that sugar upsets your stomach, say that your eating gluten-free (if its carb-related), say that you just had lunch and your stuffed. What ever you like:)

Good luck!

Honestly, I don't particularly like candy and such anymore so it is not a major problem if I do take one or two... (I do love granolas and such and have to watch those closely. That being said, in your case, binging is a major issue; you may HAVE to hang tough and choose to not fall to the temptation. All things in moderation; however, if you simplly cannot moderate then you may just have to say no...best wishes in overcoming these addictions.

You just have to do it. When I was dieting way back when at a manufacturing plant, they had homemade cookies, donut saturday, birthday potlucks every week, and I sad no every single time. I'd even leave at lunch, get a subway sammich, and head back and eat with the rest of them.
At first they thought I was weird, or were slightly offended, but as the months passed and I shrunk, they all shut their yaps!