Need some help with Self Sabotage

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Replies

  • jesss5885
    jesss5885 Posts: 187 Member
    same problem here - listening in!
  • malmbr
    malmbr Posts: 26
    OMG - I'm so glad someone else out there has this same fear! I hate when people start focusing on my appearance, so I tend to not even say anything about being back "on the wagon." Good luck with your struggle!
  • cbrrabbit25
    cbrrabbit25 Posts: 384 Member
    allow yourself the junk food WHILE you diet or your body will crave it in the end. I try to have a dessert once a day ;-)
  • EvanKeel
    EvanKeel Posts: 1,904 Member
    This seems to be an EXTREMELY common problem. Here's why I think that is...

    The most common method for losing weight is to eat at a deficit; to DENY YOUR BODY WHAT IT DESIRES. Your body craves the calories from food to fuel your body because of the exercise you do, burning calories.

    And all the "diets" out there are just methods to try to make eating at a deficit EASIER. But honestly, any way you look at it, eating at a deficit just makes you feel like crap and makes you frustrated and you just crave sugar and carbs and it sucks.

    Eating at a deficit just isn't sustainable.

    So here's the conclusion I've come to on that...

    How can I look awesome in a bikini/be healthy/be proud of my body/be sexy/whatever goal anyone might have, without making my life suck? Well... I feel great when I lift weights. And you need to eat plenty of food to build muscle, and then the muscle helps you burn fat... so how about trying that?

    I'm enjoying this method a lot more. It obviously takes longer and you need a lot of patience... but I don't hate my life, so I'm okay with it taking a while :P

    Your body doesn't really have a need to burn fat if you're not eating at a deficit...

    Sure more muscle mass requires more energy to sustain, but if you're not eating less than you burn (a deficit) then the body has no reason to burn your accumulated fat. I'm not suggesting people shouldn't lift or try to build muscle. Please do so. I'm just saying that at some point if you want to slim down by burning fat, it's going to include a deficit.

    Back to the OP:

    Suggestions on helping you disrupt your self-sabotage are going to depend on what the cause is. Some people have listed possibilities. You could eat b/c of depression as a way of coping. You could feel deprived due to a restrictive diet. You could be neurotic and obsessively change your plan because you're impatient, leaving you feeling deflated and eating a bunch of crap. I might speak from experience for all of those...

    Finding some way to help yourself stay stable and accountable might be a good start. Try making yourself go through some effort to eat things you know are outside of what you planned for. You want that apple fritter? (damn you apple fritters!) Then make yourself make an overly long special trip to get them. Better yet, walk there.
  • scrapaway
    scrapaway Posts: 1
    I have read alot of good things on this topic. (except the nothing feels as good as skinny feels) :) I came here looking for some help too and this reply really made me feel good. I am like everyone else here. I know I'm not alone and I've been around the the ups and downs long enough (first diet when I was 11 and I am now 57) I know what is healthy what is not. I know I not only want to live, but live well and play with the grandchildren. I know that it is a deep rooted issue for me. What I want to know is what will it take (and I know you can't answer this) for me to stay motivated? What will it take for me to care 95% of the time? I hope it's not a heart attach or worse. Why when I grap something I don't just say oh well or not even think about it.
  • jkestens63
    jkestens63 Posts: 1,164 Member
    bump
  • katepsher
    katepsher Posts: 10 Member

    self-sabotage is about fear.
    Find out what the suppressed fear
    -afraid that you won't succeed?

    This is exactly me. This over all topic has been helpful to me even though I thought I had myself figured out.
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
    I redirect my energy toward sabotaging others. Vaseline on the toilet seat at midnight. Unplugging alarm clocks. Turning shirts pink in the laundry. So much more fun, and a little extra activity as a bonus!

    Please find a way to have fun somewhere in all this.
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
    Just to illustrate a point: go back through this thread and look at all the responses that say something along the lines of "I do the same, I know what I should and shouldn't eat but...", or "I know what is good and bad but...".

    The longer I'm on this site, and the closer I get to getting my own yo-yo'ing under control, the more convinced I am that this dualistic thinking is one of the root causes. Should/shouldn't -- good/bad -- cheating/not cheating -- watch out for things like this in your own thinking... they are unskillful paths to take...
  • ChantiC
    ChantiC Posts: 137
    Wow I guess I am definitely not alone in this. I want to thank all of you for all your feedback. Some very very helpful tips.

    The funny thing is that its the first time in my life I am not looking at this as a "diet". I eat what I want in moderation, I eat all my cals, good with water, freggies etc. I like healthy food and I do plan for my treats too :) And I can agree that during PMS I do tend to have more cravings for chocolate. But otherwise there's no excuse. I used to be a real bad binge eater a few years ago, like every night. I am happy to say that I don't binge like that anymore. But when I am in the sabotage mode I see my past habits coming back and it scares the crap out of me! When I say I used to binge eat I am talking like every night eating a loaf of bread, dozen cookies, chips and dip etc. All in one night! Sometimes get out of bed and eat like that. So when I "binge eat" now, its not even close to what that was. But its still sabotaging my efforts. In my house I do have tons of healthy options. But my husband also has his treats too and I find it hard resisting that. When I am in sabotaging mode its like I don't care and I actually go out and buy food like pizza, mozzerella sticks etc. And what makes it harder is that I work at a place called M&M Meat Shops that sells tons of yummy processed foods lol. So I get to look at that all day. If you see my journal, I try to eat as healthy as I can, and then in the afternoon or evening I just give up. I need to find what is causing this and get to the root of the problem and maybe I do need more support. I don't come on the message boards really. And some of you have become some friends now :) Again Thanks! Its good to hear that I am not the only one with this issue, yet it sucks that so many of us struggle with this because I know how hard it is. :flowerforyou:
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    stop thinking about it and talking about it and just put your money where your mouth is already
  • ChantiC
    ChantiC Posts: 137
    stop thinking about it and talking about it and just put your money where your mouth is already

    Yes very helpful, thanks.....:ohwell:
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    stop thinking about it and talking about it and just put your money where your mouth is already

    Yes very helpful, thanks.....:ohwell:

    everyone else covered all the other kinds of help. info, hugs, empathy, sympathy, pity, shared experiences... figured you could use one that didnt mind kicking your butt too.

    shrug

    guess im wrong
  • ChantiC
    ChantiC Posts: 137
    LOL true....
  • malmbr
    malmbr Posts: 26
    allow yourself the junk food WHILE you diet or your body will crave it in the end. I try to have a dessert once a day ;-)

    Me too - I keep a box of Schwans LiveSmart Ice Cream Sandwiches in the freezer at work. Sometimes the only thing that gets me through the afternoon is knowing my snack is waiting for me!
  • dorkyhippy
    dorkyhippy Posts: 36
    I applaud your honesty. I almost wrote the same post. I hit my first goal, then decided ordering Domino's and drinking wine several nights a week was a great idea.

    I have self destructive tendencies overall and realizing this is causing me to get a better handle on myself.

    To be honest, only *you* can know what's best for you. The best advice is to forgive yourself and move forward. <3
  • malmbr
    malmbr Posts: 26
    I wish I could offer some well sound advice, but I suffer from self sabotage, too. I am struggling to over come it. I do find however that when I sit down (whenever you have time) and plan my meal for the day (or week) that I can look on here and say, Oh, I can have this. And when it's planned out I don't snack unless it's planned. But as the old saying goes "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail." it's never been truer in my life!

    I try to plan in advance too. It's probably one of the best tools in my weight-fighting arsenal. Of course, I'm also a little OCD, so if it isn't on my list for that day, I can't eat it!
  • malmbr
    malmbr Posts: 26
    i have the same issue.. i know what i need to do i know what i should and shouldn't eat or how much i should or shouldn't eat but i choose to stay the same. i've gotten better lately.. before i would binge and eat so much junk until it hurt then wait a bit and eat a buunch more. it's finals weeks so i haven't been making the best choices lately but i haven't been seriously binging so i suppose that is progress. gotta take it one day at a time!!

    That's GREAT progress! Congrats and hope your finals go well!!!
  • SabrinaLily
    SabrinaLily Posts: 121
    I posted a topic about self sabotage too and people told me to get psychiatric help! Don't listen to anyone who tells you that- I can't believe some people can be so negative! Anywho, I do it too. If I have one bad day, I'll eat my *kitten* off and make it a bad week. I punish myself. Then once I've gained, I do it some more until I fall off the wagon completely. My advice? It's not earth shattering but I just try to pick myself back up and log in again. MFP is great for that and I have a few friends on here I can turn to and vent or whine without being judged. I just don't want to ever be the same weight I started at and even if I gained back all but one pound (which happens more often than not), I tell myself that I still don't weigh what I used to. Not ALL is lost. I just recently got to the 169 mark which was big for me, finally got out from being in the 170s and what did I do? Over celebrated and now I'm back in the 170s. I'm picking myself back up today and counting but the big thing I'm NOT doing is weighing myself. I KNOW I gained, I don't need the scale to tell me that cause I'm just gonna freak out and go off the deep end. So I'm going to stay on the wagon for a week or two, weigh myself and hopefully be back at 169 again. When that happens, it will be pleasurable motiviation to get me through the holidays. So long story short, just pick back up, no matter where you fell off and perhaps withhold stepping on the scale till you've been back on the wagon awhile so you don't freak out.

    Best wishes, Jenn :)
  • kerriann4
    kerriann4 Posts: 36 Member
    :huh: at all the smart a$s answers. (there needs to be an eye-roll smiley)

    I do the same thing, I self-sabotage after weighing in at a new low weight for me. I'm not on a damn "diet". I don't think I am afraid of change because I am BEYOND ready for this change. Afraid of other's perception? Maybe. I lost a lot of weight before and got a great deal of attention from it, and I couldn't handle it. It freaked me out, and it made me sad that all those people were only paying attention to me after I lost the weight. But I was a different person back then, 10 years younger in a lot of ways. However I think I still struggle with that way of thinking, which makes it hard to get to my goal.

    One step forward, two steps back.

    I am so glad you posted this! This is EXACTLY my problem, I just didn't realize it! I l am in my mid 30's and in my early 20's I lost a bunch of weight. I could not believe how much attention I got. Like you, it made me so sad, because I was the SAME damn person as before, just not fat. I think that's why I am sabotaging now.
  • ChantiC
    ChantiC Posts: 137
    I posted a topic about self sabotage too and people told me to get psychiatric help! Don't listen to anyone who tells you that- I can't believe some people can be so negative! Anywho, I do it too. If I have one bad day, I'll eat my *kitten* off and make it a bad week. I punish myself. Then once I've gained, I do it some more until I fall off the wagon completely. My advice? It's not earth shattering but I just try to pick myself back up and log in again. MFP is great for that and I have a few friends on here I can turn to and vent or whine without being judged. I just don't want to ever be the same weight I started at and even if I gained back all but one pound (which happens more often than not), I tell myself that I still don't weigh what I used to. Not ALL is lost. I just recently got to the 169 mark which was big for me, finally got out from being in the 170s and what did I do? Over celebrated and now I'm back in the 170s. I'm picking myself back up today and counting but the big thing I'm NOT doing is weighing myself. I KNOW I gained, I don't need the scale to tell me that cause I'm just gonna freak out and go off the deep end. So I'm going to stay on the wagon for a week or two, weigh myself and hopefully be back at 169 again. When that happens, it will be pleasurable motiviation to get me through the holidays. So long story short, just pick back up, no matter where you fell off and perhaps withhold stepping on the scale till you've been back on the wagon awhile so you don't freak out.

    Best wishes, Jenn :)



    Really people told you to get psychological help? Ok I know its in our heads, yes. But I also think that is why so many try to lose weight over and over again. I truly do think that when losing weight its 95% food and 5% exercise. And with food comes the mental part. So many of us relate food with emotions and it makes it so hard. But you are right and thats what I have been doing, picking myself up and try try again. I now know what does not work for me and that is "dieting". I try to make healthy options every day and with all the great tips I have been really trying to look within at what triggers this self sabotage / binge eating episodes and yes its very much mental. I think that seeking psychological help probably can help, but I also think that really paying attention and trying to break old not so great habits helps too. For some losing weight is harder than others. Sorry you didnt get all that great positive feedback when you posted. I am so surprised by all the great feedback this post has received and hopefully it has helped some other people too who has read some of the posts :) keep up the fab work and keep on trying. :flowerforyou:
  • ChantiC
    ChantiC Posts: 137
    :huh: at all the smart a$s answers. (there needs to be an eye-roll smiley)

    I do the same thing, I self-sabotage after weighing in at a new low weight for me. I'm not on a damn "diet". I don't think I am afraid of change because I am BEYOND ready for this change. Afraid of other's perception? Maybe. I lost a lot of weight before and got a great deal of attention from it, and I couldn't handle it. It freaked me out, and it made me sad that all those people were only paying attention to me after I lost the weight. But I was a different person back then, 10 years younger in a lot of ways. However I think I still struggle with that way of thinking, which makes it hard to get to my goal.

    One step forward, two steps back.

    I am so glad you posted this! This is EXACTLY my problem, I just didn't realize it! I l am in my mid 30's and in my early 20's I lost a bunch of weight. I could not believe how much attention I got. Like you, it made me so sad, because I was the SAME damn person as before, just not fat. I think that's why I am sabotaging now.

    I have to say that I agree with both of you. The exact same thing happened to me about 10 years ago too. I lost all my weight and I got lots of attention too. Some positive and some not so much and it overwhelmed me. Maybe thats what I am scared of? So many people were like wow you are beautiful now ( I guess i wasnt before?). Or people would stare as I ate to see what "diet" food I was eating to lose weight. Or they would say, can you eat KFC on your "diet"? Drove me nuts! I lost that weight on WW btw lol. And after doing WW 10 years ago, and with all that attention thats when I started to become obsessed with eating, dieting and then the binge eating came. I went from 145 to 240 in just over a year. I look back now and its funny how your family and friends who are supposed to be supporting you, become different towards you once you look smaller. Maybe out of jealousy? I dont know, but my family really did treat me different and even though I felt good about my weight loss, it made me sad. Because I come from a family that loves food, but they are all naturally thin. So I have always been bigger and then once I was small, they all suddenly told me how pretty I was etc. So i get what you are saying for sure! Mind you now that i am older and I want to lose weight for me. I really dont care what they will all say once I reach goal. But maybe this sabotaging thing like someone else said in a nother post is about fear....... All these posts have really made me start thinking, Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it.
  • Amberlynnek
    Amberlynnek Posts: 405 Member
    Hi there!

    I'm sorry but I did not have time to read all the posts prior to me and I hope some of this information is not repetitive. I have had the toughest time with Self Sabotage up until the past 6 months. Its a very hard thing to overcome and from time to time, I still experience it in lesser effects. But the best thing to do is break it out in chunks. First step is understanding your relationship with food - then, break up with it. You would do the same thing with a bad relationship with a man/friend wouldn't you? It is your job to protect yourself and arm yourself against those things which are a danger to you. Make this your primary thought to battle the overeating compulsion. Then, tell yourself - you are not doing this for anyone but yourself, its all about YOU. You shouldn't be losing the weight for the attention or lack of it, you're doing it for how you feel and your own health. Before diving in, stop, breath and repeat these thoughts to yourself. Understand this will be a slow life transformation so start with little things at a time. Start by overhauling breakfast for two weeks, then overhaul lunch and finally dinner or reverse it. Slowly building up to a complete overhaul of your eating habits. It is all a psychological thing but not a problem that negates a psychiatrist. Just a little change in process. Good Luck and I wish you the best in your goals!
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
    I'm doing the same :(

    Here's a hug for you *hug*
  • 0tfm0
    0tfm0 Posts: 1
    You say you've tried lots of diets, but have you tried intermittent fasting? You sound as if you might be the kind of person to find it easier to avoid temptation than to resist it. If so, then try fasting - completely - for 2 days a week (or, if you must, eat 500kcals max on your "fast" days). Eat normally on the other days. See what happens after a couple of weeks.

    Tim

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