No support from family or boyfriend...
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we've been together eight years...so it's like we're married, and I call his mom my mother in law and variate between calling him my husband and my boyfriend depending on if I am mad at him or not...
Why would you call someone your husband if you aren't married? Time together is not the same as marriage, and I say that as someone who's been in a relationship for three years. I can't imagine calling my boyfriend my "husband" just because we live together. That's just crazy.
its not crazy. i call my SO who ive been with my husband all the time even tough we arent married. to me it symbolizes that we are life partners and have been together more than like...3 months...
Oh more than 3 months, every boyfriend I've had since I was 12 I went out with for over 3 months. I guess I've been married a hell of a lot...I'm due a staggering amount of alimony.....0 -
I guess I"m failing to see why your mother in law wanting to pop through the drive through for fast food has anything to do with your choices. I personally don't consider support to be everyone around me changing their lifestyles for my benefit. This is my thing...I own it...it's not anybody elses responsibility. I don't expect my wife to stop eating potato chips just because I'm not eating them...I don't expect her to stop drinking sodas just because I'm not drinking them...etc, etc, etc. Support is, "hey...you're doing a good job....that's great...keep it up," etc, etc. Sometimes support is also, "what the hell are you doing?"
Something you might want to consider is sitting down and planning out your meals and snacks for the week...then you hit the grocery store on one of your mother in laws fast food runs...but you have all of your nutritious goodies for the week at home.0 -
I know how you feel to some extent.. I mean I'm on MFP with both my sisters and none of us live in the same place so we rely on this site and phones, I'm the biggest of the 3 of us and my boyfriend can quite often just want to gorge on junk and he's tiny. REALLy skinny and never puts on a pound which makes it harder to avoid it. I've also been off work the last 9 weeks due to a back injury and i know i've put on weight due to lack of exercise and my boyfriend cannot cook which means we've had microwave meals and take out most nights
but i think after talking to him and telling him how i feel things are going right... so i think the best thing to do is talk to them. tell them this is something you need to do for yourself and their help and support would make it a lot easier for you. They'll understand... might just take time... 0 -
I completely disagree with alot of the negative posts in this feed. This is supposed to be a supportive community and here go some other members being judgemental and plain old rude. Don't post if you can't be nice, people! Weightloss is a challenge and it's even harder when those around you aren't supportive. And, it can make you want to give up. Keep your eye on what your reasons are for taking care of yourself. Take it one day at a time and you will find that it gets easier. Just focus on you and your goals. Don't beat yourself up. It's all about balance and you need to set small goals for yourself. Your story makes me think of that movie Fried Green Tomatoes. One of the main characters struggled with fitness and a very unsupportive husband. In the end, she found all the strength she needed inside. Tuwanda!
Sometimes support comes in the form of "tough love." Sugar coating everything rarely gets anybody anywhere.0 -
we've been together eight years...so it's like we're married, and I call his mom my mother in law and variate between calling him my husband and my boyfriend depending on if I am mad at him or not...
Why would you call someone your husband if you aren't married? Time together is not the same as marriage, and I say that as someone who's been in a relationship for three years. I can't imagine calling my boyfriend my "husband" just because we live together. That's just crazy.
its not crazy. i call my SO who ive been with my husband all the time even tough we arent married. to me it symbolizes that we are life partners and have been together more than like...3 months...
Oh more than 3 months, every boyfriend I've had since I was 12 I went out with for over 3 months. I guess I've been married a hell of a lot...I'm due a staggering amount of alimony.....
you know what I mean. i just threw 3 months out there as a rather new relationship where not alot has been tied together as of yet.. 17 years is a long time... even if we choose not to spend the $$ to officially get married at this point. what would change??0 -
You just have to decide that you are going to do this regardless of what anyone else thinks, says or does, and then do it.
Choose some things off the fast food menu that you can eat, and log it. Get the chicken and don't eat the bun to save some calories. Get the side salad and chili off the dollar menu. Or don't eat there at all, have all your meals planned for home.
Exercise more. You don't have to join a gym, you again just have to decide you are going to do it. There are tons of free resources on the internet.
Willpower, you just have to find it within yourself and start using it, and the more you use it, the more you will develop.0 -
Wow, so the title of the thread of "no support from boyfriend," the first post talks about how there's no support from the boyfriend, then a later post goes on about how wonderfully supportive her boyfriend is. There are some serious issues here, but I don't think the boyfriend is the problem...
The issue is she is putting the blame for her failure to lose weight on everyone else but herself. This reminds me of the 22 year old who whined about how her parents don't cook anything healthy. How they take her out to eat at fast food places. Are they holding you down and shoving that food down your throat? NO! Then get moving and stop making excuses. Gess your old enough to take care of yourself. Unless you have a medical reason for not having a drivers license then go get it. Stop depending on everyone else for everything. Gess I was married with kids at your age and worked full time plus took care of a house. Get moving girl and stop pointing fingers.0 -
I was simply expressing my thoughts on how crazy it is to call someone your husband when you aren't married.
One wonders how you make it through a day in the real world0 -
I completely disagree with alot of the negative posts in this feed. This is supposed to be a supportive community and here go some other members being judgemental and plain old rude. Don't post if you can't be nice, people! Weightloss is a challenge and it's even harder when those around you aren't supportive. And, it can make you want to give up. Keep your eye on what your reasons are for taking care of yourself. Take it one day at a time and you will find that it gets easier. Just focus on you and your goals. Don't beat yourself up. It's all about balance and you need to set small goals for yourself. Your story makes me think of that movie Fried Green Tomatoes. One of the main characters struggled with fitness and a very unsupportive husband. In the end, she found all the strength she needed inside. Tuwanda!
One of the most important parts of weight loss, certainly pertaining to calorie-counting, is holding yourself accountable for what you eat and being honest with yourself.
It's not cruel to help someone realize that she is taking the wrong approach by making other people responsible for her goal.0 -
I completely disagree with alot of the negative posts in this feed. This is supposed to be a supportive community and here go some other members being judgemental and plain old rude. Don't post if you can't be nice, people! Weightloss is a challenge and it's even harder when those around you aren't supportive. And, it can make you want to give up. Keep your eye on what your reasons are for taking care of yourself. Take it one day at a time and you will find that it gets easier. Just focus on you and your goals. Don't beat yourself up. It's all about balance and you need to set small goals for yourself. Your story makes me think of that movie Fried Green Tomatoes. One of the main characters struggled with fitness and a very unsupportive husband. In the end, she found all the strength she needed inside. Tuwanda!
Sometimes being supportive means telling the truth. It does no one any good for anyone to have his or her "friends" reinforce the reasons why they keep failing to succeed. The fact is that numerous studies of how people have managed to lose a substantial amount of weight and keep it off have proven that people who refuse to stop making excuses for their failures (medical issues, lack of support, etc.) are not nearly as likely to succeed. If I ever start making excuses, I expect my MFP friends to tell me the truth - that I need to stop it! No one can keep me from meeting my goals EXCEPT ME!
My wife and kids have not changed their eating habits one iota since I started this journey in May and most nights I have to buy groceries and cook or buy dinner for the rest of the family because my wife doesn't have time - and at the same time I have to shop for and cook every single one of my own meals day after day. It's not fun. And no one goes to the gym or on a run with me (although one of my sons did for awhile). I do get frustrated about it occasionally - but I refuse to stop eating what I know I should be eating or to break down and eat the same "tasty" crap the rest of the family is eating just because it looks good and would be MUCH easier to do. I tried that approach for years and all it got me was morbid obesity, hypertension, and diabetes.
If the OP is looking for "friends" to tell her that she would be perfectly justified and might as well give up because her boyfriend/husband and mother-in-law aren't supportive enough, she can't look to me. I'll try to be as supportive as I can by telling her she can still love them but that she can't let their bad choices have ANY impact on her choices - and that she can find the strength to make good, healthy choices, no matter how hard her circumstances are. And then cheer her, encourage her, support her, help her get back up when she inevitably isn't perfect, etc. That, to me, is what MFP friends should do, not support self-defeating pity parties without giving real help and advice.0 -
My two cents - I wouldn't let any boyfriend/husband/significant other get away with teasing me about my weight. There's honesty (I'm proud of you for working to get healthy) and then they're non-supportive talk (you're chunky, etc). That's disrespectful and hitting you where it hurts. For me, that's rude and inconsiderate and I personally wouldn't tolerate it.
If he can't turn things around, then I'd dump him and that solves the MIL problem. I don't know you or the particulars of your situation, so this is only my opinion. But yes, you deserve support from those closest to you.
If you can figure out alternate transportation, that would be best for you. And stay firm. You are doing this for you, so its up to you to make it a success. Plan ahead, ignore the criticism, and find some better supports (even if that means another boyfriend).0 -
girl i was so there at one time where i had no support and i keep falling back on bad habits, but this time ive gotten to the point that its to bad if they dont want to support me. I have issues with my husband all the time when he makes dinner about not telling me what hes making or how hes making it and then gives me attuide for it. U know what i do i just tell him if he want a healthier sexier wife he needs to stop acting like an *kitten* and help me out. I guess what im sayin is be more assertive with it dont take anything from anyone. if u dont want to eat it dont figure out something else. Ive always been told that no one is making u eat that u r making that choice. Feel free to invite me girl ill help supports u 100% that what we r here for to help when no one else will.0
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I can relate to this as my boyfriend is the same way. Sadly I don't have any awesome inspiring stories about getting past it and losing the weight, because as my ticker shows, I've only lost 3 pounds (after losing 23 and gaining 20 back)
For a long time, I would be very bitter and blame my boyfriend. He would constantly come home with fast food. I convinced him to sign up for a gym with me, but he has only used it 3 times in the 5 months span he's had a membership even after asking him almost every day to go to the gym with me so I recently cancelled his membership. I was on the verge of ending my relationship of 2 years with him because I felt like he was not supportive enough of my goals and was hindering my performance by bringing in junk food.
I had a huge slap of reality, though. I'm not sure what brought it on, but I realized that I needed to start being responsible for my own actions. Does it suck being tempted with fast food? Sure does, but nobody is forcing me to order something. Is it a bummer that he doesn't want to work out with me? Of course, but that doesn't mean I can't drag my butt to the gym by myself.. At the end of the day, he does not have a weight problem, so why should HE have to change his habits? I realized I was the one being selfish. It's not that he's not being supportive of my goals, it's that he is content with his lifestyle habits and felt intruded on when all of a sudden I wanted that to change. You have to want it for YOU, nobody else. When you have determined that you want it for YOU, the rest will come quite naturally. Fast food won't even be as tempting, especially once results start showing. Best of luck to you!0 -
OMG right?
You should totally go make another thread about how everyone here is so mean....
she did.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/821857-lame0 -
I don't know what to do...
I feel like I am failing...
I lost 15lbs when I first started and have gained 6lbs back...
And it's because my mother in law always wants to go eat and we always go driving through somewhere...
Plus fast food makes it hard by making all the healthy stuff super pricey...
It really sucks....
Especially when my mother in law starts complaining to me that she has gained weight.
I tell her "Come to the gym with me, stop drinking soda, and stop eating fast food every day"
She says she will....
But then she doesn't ..
and that makes it hard for me, since I can not drive, I rely on other people to take me where I need to go.
And then my boyfriend always teases me for being chunky, and tells me I need to do something, but never wants to go to the gym with me either....his problem is he's lazy...but he could use the diet and excersize as well...
v.v.....Help?
I know I can't force them to change, but it would be nice for them to at least try to support me...
Anyone else dealing with this?
OM gosh, it is your life and your choices/decisions if they choose to eat unhealthy then do you have to follow...NO of course you don`t!
You are your own person do this for yourself x0 -
I know I can't force them to change, but it would be nice for them to at least try to support me...
You don't want them to support you, you want them to do it for you. Decide to make it a priority and gain the willpower to make your own decisions.
I needed to hear this today as I keep blaming "going home" as the reason I eat bad...no it's because I didn't plan and eat before or bring my own food. It really is easier to blame others than yourself
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I was simply expressing my thoughts on how crazy it is to call someone your husband when you aren't married.
One wonders how you make it through a day in the real world
By being sane enough to realize not married = no husband. I really don't see what all the ruffled feathers are about anyway. Just because I think that's kind of nutty doesn't mean I'm actually *bothered* by it. I forgot all about this thread until someone was crazypants enough to email me. Some people are taking this way, way more seriously than I am.0 -
I was simply expressing my thoughts on how crazy it is to call someone your husband when you aren't married.
One wonders how you make it through a day in the real world
By being sane enough to realize not married = no husband. I really don't see what all the ruffled feathers are about anyway. Just because I think that's kind of nutty doesn't mean I'm actually *bothered* by it. I forgot all about this thread until someone was crazypants enough to email me. Some people are taking this way, way more seriously than I am.
what size are "crazy pants" ?/?/?/? they sound fun!0 -
I can relate to this as my boyfriend is the same way. Sadly I don't have any awesome inspiring stories about getting past it and losing the weight, because as my ticker shows, I've only lost 3 pounds (after losing 23 and gaining 20 back)
For a long time, I would be very bitter and blame my boyfriend. He would constantly come home with fast food. I convinced him to sign up for a gym with me, but he has only used it 3 times in the 5 months span he's had a membership even after asking him almost every day to go to the gym with me so I recently cancelled his membership. I was on the verge of ending my relationship of 2 years with him because I felt like he was not supportive enough of my goals and was hindering my performance by bringing in junk food.
I had a huge slap of reality, though. I'm not sure what brought it on, but I realized that I needed to start being responsible for my own actions. Does it suck being tempted with fast food? Sure does, but nobody is forcing me to order something. Is it a bummer that he doesn't want to work out with me? Of course, but that doesn't mean I can't drag my butt to the gym by myself.. At the end of the day, he does not have a weight problem, so why should HE have to change his habits? I realized I was the one being selfish. It's not that he's not being supportive of my goals, it's that he is content with his lifestyle habits and felt intruded on when all of a sudden I wanted that to change. You have to want it for YOU, nobody else. When you have determined that you want it for YOU, the rest will come quite naturally. Fast food won't even be as tempting, especially once results start showing. Best of luck to you!
Post of the month! You have it exactly right and you stated your point extremely well!0
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