bullies...

MireyGal76
MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've been reading through a few threads today, and over the past few months.

A common thread is about certain people who are responding in a harsh, mean, or bullying manner... And when I read their responses (and yes some of my own) I see strength and power, but not *usually* bully.

I've been thinking.. *dangerous I know*... But try to stay with me.

This whole "getting a fit / hard body" thing is tough work. If you want to get to a certain level of fitness, you have to push and push hard. You have to keep going when others want to quit.

In my quest, I've had to fight with my mind a lot. When running, my mind tells me to quit, to stop, its hard, it hurts. Sometimes I succeed by telling myself "you can DO this".... Sometimes I have to give myself a verbal kick in the head "shut your whining, you're doing it anyway".

When I challenge myself HARD... I have to often talk hard to myself. To push thru the pain. It builds character and determination.

I have laid on the floor crying "I can't do this" and then rallied and said "f that YES I CAN" and DID.

Sometimes those who have been there, see others laying on the floor, and recognize the fight, but we've fought so many we're used to pushin through. And sometimes we use words to push others just as hard.

I challenge you... When you feel someone is "bullying" you... Instead of staying on the floor crying, see it as a challenge and rise to it.

Also... Check the street cred of the person challenging you. I'd bet they've come a long way and done some amazing things.


We ALL want to be better. And we're not all mean...
Unless we haven't eaten enough, that is! Haha

Good luck!

Eta... To those of you who HAVE been there (myself included), maybe sometimes we need to remember that we wouldn't tell a child learning to walk to '"quit your whining and just do it damnit"!
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Replies

  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    VERY well put!!!

    We must remember that the greatest challenge in getting healthy is the one in our mind!!
  • Crankstr
    Crankstr Posts: 3,958 Member
    disagreeing =/= bullying


    ..some people have a hard time seeing that
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    disagreeing =/= bullying


    ..some people have a hard tome seeing that

    A wise first post, wise indeed!
  • wjkfloyd
    wjkfloyd Posts: 125
    Encouragement is the best tact.

    Being frank leads some to be ashamed they can't measure up to thers and quit.
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
    Word.

    I welcome anyone that wants to bully me in to running faster and lifting more weight.
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
    you're the right kind of bully. you're a pusher :drinker:
  • gailmelanie
    gailmelanie Posts: 210 Member
    So tell me... what is the pay-off for the pain? I don't like pain and so far I have not found the benefit to the suffering. I just am in pain. I have strength and stamina but pain means injury for me. Why should I keep doing what hurts?
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
    I agree with this wholeheartedly.


    People whine and complain because no one reaches out to hold their hand and coddle them.


    I didn't get where I am through coddling. I got here because I told myself I was done being a "lazy, whiny *****". I told myself that it was my ****ing fault I gained so much damn weight, so I was going to have to deal with the sweat, tears, and even the bit of bloodshed that it took to lose it.

    Some people told me I couldn't do it, that I should just learn to be "fat and happy." The joy that accompanied seeing their looks of shock and awe when they saw that I could, and DID, in fact lose ALL of the weight gained, and then some....well that made all the tears worth it.
  • liesevanlingen
    liesevanlingen Posts: 508 Member
    Personally, I find that being kind and supportive "You can do this! Go for it!" far more motivating than "Quit your whining and just do it!" But maybe that's just me.
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
    So tell me... what is the pay-off for the pain? I don't like pain and so far I have not found the benefit to the suffering. I just am in pain. I have strength and stamina but pain means injury for me. Why should I keep doing what hurts?

    You should probably talk to a doctor or physical therapist about how to set up an appropriate plan to manage your pain.
  • Rum_Runner
    Rum_Runner Posts: 617 Member
    I've seen both - I've seen words that may sound harsh to the OP, but are words meant to encourage and challenge. There are times I read a story about someone who just wants to give up. I'm sorry - you came here for a reason I'm not going to coddle you. I can not hold your hand and make your work out. But you better believe I'll be your biggest cheerleader and there to push and motivate you in any way possible. Don't take my words as "bullying" my words may not be exactly what you want to hear...but such is life.

    However on the flip side I have seen some responses that do cross the line and are uncalled for. Those are far and few between and people need \to understand this is the internet and don't take anything personally. Get up and move on!!
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
    I think some people want or are looking for a support group for quitters and are upset when they don't find one.
  • chocl8girl
    chocl8girl Posts: 1,968 Member
    26379681.jpg
  • VorJoshigan
    VorJoshigan Posts: 1,106 Member
    I think a lot of people just need to suck it up. Nobody has a right to not be offended.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    I promise to only give a kick in the pants to people over 18 who are spewing excuses and BS who I can tell have it in them to get off the damn floor.

    I apologise in advance if I tell someone to stop being a child, and I don't realize that you can't. I don't mean to accidentally give anyone more credit than they deserve.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Encouragement is the best tact.

    Being frank leads some to be ashamed they can't measure up to thers and quit.


    Being frank also saves people. We can't possibly know ahead of time which category everyone complaining falls into. Thankfully there are several kinds of motivators. Hand holding coddlers, matter of fact info distributors, ball busters, change your whole lifers, mommies, trainers ... tons.

    Pick the one that works for you and run with it.

    OR pick out all the ones that don't motivate you, ignore the one that does, and scream at them on the internet for two hours so you don't have to exercise.

    :)
  • PetulantOne
    PetulantOne Posts: 2,131 Member
    Most of the "bullying" I see on here, is someone giving an answer that no one wants to hear. I've learned so much by listening to the "bullies".
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
    I agree with the OP, which is why shes one of the faves on my fl. You can be supportive and still bring it and expect others to bring it as well. Personally, I think there is far more whining on here than bullying. Some people on the internet are trolls or just your average douchecanoe but it is the internet. To the whiners, if you think you can't then you won't. Secondly, you can have your goals accomplished or you can have your excuses. No one can do this for you. How bad do you want it?
  • sandradev1
    sandradev1 Posts: 786 Member
    Most of the "bullying" I see on here, is someone giving an answer that no one wants to hear. I've learned so much by listening to the "bullies".

    This^^^^
  • seonf
    seonf Posts: 24 Member
    I've been there, not literally on the floor but I almost gave up heaps of times. But when I did a voice inside me told me to just give it a go or try something else and I ended up loosing 55 kg. Anyone can do it.

    As for bullies, I found the best revenge is sucsess...
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    So tell me... what is the pay-off for the pain? I don't like pain and so far I have not found the benefit to the suffering. I just am in pain. I have strength and stamina but pain means injury for me. Why should I keep doing what hurts?

    Not talking about real pain. It's more a pain that says, "this is hard. I want to stop now." That's not real pain because you can usually push through it.

    If you get real pain, like sharp pains, or things really do hurt, that's different and you should stop.

    Sorry, I don't know how else to describe it. It's like the difference between a small child that is whining abotu something, and a child that is actually crying in pain. They are different things, and all parents know the difference in their kids cries. It's the same thing in your body. There's whining, and there's real pain. Ignore the whining.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Revenge for what?
  • pithynutritionpun
    pithynutritionpun Posts: 17 Member
    So well said. Pain or tiredness are readily challengeable by the mind, so long as the person is willing to rise to the challenge. A kick in the rear to do it anyway, even if it hurts, even if you're tired, is always very well placed. The test of whether a person is ready to change is whether they will stand up and push through it, or whether they go looking for other answers and coddling.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    So tell me... what is the pay-off for the pain? I don't like pain and so far I have not found the benefit to the suffering. I just am in pain. I have strength and stamina but pain means injury for me. Why should I keep doing what hurts?

    Not talking about real pain. It's more a pain that says, "this is hard. I want to stop now." That's not real pain because you can usually push through it.

    If you get real pain, like sharp pains, or things really do hurt, that's different and you should stop.

    Sorry, I don't know how else to describe it. It's like the difference between a small child that is whining abotu something, and a child that is actually crying in pain. They are different things, and all parents know the difference in their kids cries. It's the same thing in your body. There's whining, and there's real pain. Ignore the whining.
  • Constant_Nova
    Constant_Nova Posts: 108 Member
    I guess maybe it depends on the person? a person who is looking to have someone hold their hand would be offended if they got "motivational bullying" from someone who told them to suck it up. Someone who is looking for some tough love would find that if they got advice from someone who is a personal cheerleader, it might be a waste of time. Maybe if it were tailored? based on the persons personality it might not seem as though they are being bullied?
  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member
    I really like the way you put this!!!

    I completely agree with (and identify in other aspects of my life) the whole having to be your own hardass, and appreciate how sometimes someone else being that hardass can be beneficial. However, I think that really only works when the person who's handing you your rear is someone who means something to you, who you respect. Like, say, a loved one.

    The approach I prefer to to take when I have a criticism, suggestion or think i have an answer/opinion, is a constructive one. I try to do so in a way as to facilitate an openess to what I'm saying. If I turn you off and you tune me out, I've just wasted my time, which I find frustrating.
  • Rachaelluvszipped
    Rachaelluvszipped Posts: 768 Member
    Love ur post, girly...

    I too, get myself motivated to going...and totally, start whining & groaning in my head....saying why am I doing this, lets slow down...then I get a quick dose of..."what the heck is wrong with me" and go harder..and in the end...I'm happy with my exhaustion and I made it through...but to me it's a nonstop occurrence almost every time...lucky for me, I have awesome friends on & offline...otherwise I'd probably fall hard at times..
  • DoriGaga
    DoriGaga Posts: 96
    So tell me... what is the pay-off for the pain? I don't like pain and so far I have not found the benefit to the suffering. I just am in pain. I have strength and stamina but pain means injury for me. Why should I keep doing what hurts?

    Depends on the pain really. If you are injured or getting injured, then you should do something about that, rest, heal, etc. You don't want to hurt yourself, there is no benefit in that.

    But working out can be painful. When I run on the treadmill, my lungs hurt, sometimes even in my throat, my legs hurt (from lactic acid, that nasty burning sensation that everyone hates!)... but the pay off is next time I run, I can go longer and faster before the pain starts.... and one day the pay off will be running 5k, 10k, who knows maybe even a 26.2 marathon... and when that day comes, I will look back, and I'm not going to remember the pain, I'll remember the pay off.

    Along the same lines, strength building exercise hurts. It's supposed to hurt, if it doesn't hurt, it's not working. The way I learned to lift 10 years ago is the method I stuck with: lift until your muscle fails (ie the rep when you try and literally you can not physically do it), yes it hurts, and yes it continues to hurt the next day, but that's how it works. Muscle grows bigger when you cause microscopic tears in the muscle fibers, and your body is forced to create new muscle fiber to "patch" the tears, and then your muscle grows. It hurts, but the pay off is I get stronger. So it's worth it.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Love this.

    And it's damn true. The only reason I succeeded is because I pushed myself beyond the whining and the excuses and the blame.

    It wasn't a crappy metabolism. It wasn't my age. It wasn't my birth control or antidepressant. It wasn't that wasn't capable. It wasn't the donuts my boss brought into work. It wasn't genetics. It wasn't lack of support. It wasn't anyone offering me a cupcake or a glass of wine or a plate of brownies.

    It was me. It was my habits that got me where I was and changing those habits was the only thing that got me where I am.

    It wasn't easy. It wasn't comfortable. But it was so, so worth it.
  • wisebadger53
    wisebadger53 Posts: 382 Member
    I love this post! Yes, many of us have been there time and time again. If we keep saying "I can't do it", we won't...but tell yourself "I CAN DO THIS", and see what happens. Sometimes you can even be impressed by your own awesomeness! :drinker:

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