Jealous much?
supertracylynn
Posts: 1,338 Member
in Chit-Chat
I aspire to be an endurance runner and know that a) speed work is important, b) distance/length of time is important, and c) enjoying it is important.
The last 2 days I went to the gym and ran with a guy I met there last week. He's quite a bit faster too and yes, I peeked at his treadmill when I first saw him there (he was running beside me when it was crowded). When I saw him the next day, I struck up conversation and asked him what his fitness goals were. I mentioned running side-by-side on the treadmill to encourage each other. He agreed, we exchanged numbers. I told my Darling about it and that I was excited to maybe have a gym-social-running partner. There was very little interaction between us after that, which was mutual.
I texted him on Tues asking if he was going to run on Wed, he said yes. We met up and ran - he ran double his goal, and almost twice his PR distance util that point, and I ran 2 extra miles. It was pleasant and platonic. He has a girlfriend, I am in a committed relationship. My Darling knew where I was, we have built our relationship on trust and honesty. However, Dude's girlfriend didn't know about me.
Last night I texted Dude and asked if he was hitting the gym today. That was it.
His girlfriend checked his phone this morning and apparently... she's the jealous type.
I told Dude that I'd be fine meeting her, texting her, getting to know her, I'm certainly no threat to her since I am VERY happy with my Darling, that I like the idea of a social running partner for when I'm not doing my longer distances with my Darling. He agreed and said he'd talk to her.
When I got to my van afterward, I immediately relayed the whole thing to my Darling, expressing my concerns and suggestions.
I'm curious how others might've handled this.
The last 2 days I went to the gym and ran with a guy I met there last week. He's quite a bit faster too and yes, I peeked at his treadmill when I first saw him there (he was running beside me when it was crowded). When I saw him the next day, I struck up conversation and asked him what his fitness goals were. I mentioned running side-by-side on the treadmill to encourage each other. He agreed, we exchanged numbers. I told my Darling about it and that I was excited to maybe have a gym-social-running partner. There was very little interaction between us after that, which was mutual.
I texted him on Tues asking if he was going to run on Wed, he said yes. We met up and ran - he ran double his goal, and almost twice his PR distance util that point, and I ran 2 extra miles. It was pleasant and platonic. He has a girlfriend, I am in a committed relationship. My Darling knew where I was, we have built our relationship on trust and honesty. However, Dude's girlfriend didn't know about me.
Last night I texted Dude and asked if he was hitting the gym today. That was it.
His girlfriend checked his phone this morning and apparently... she's the jealous type.
I told Dude that I'd be fine meeting her, texting her, getting to know her, I'm certainly no threat to her since I am VERY happy with my Darling, that I like the idea of a social running partner for when I'm not doing my longer distances with my Darling. He agreed and said he'd talk to her.
When I got to my van afterward, I immediately relayed the whole thing to my Darling, expressing my concerns and suggestions.
I'm curious how others might've handled this.
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Replies
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It doesn't sound like a volatile situation. I would be annoyed though if my boyfriend went to a gym, exchanged numbers with a girl and was texting her to meet up to hang out at the gym together, no matter how benign. He should've been up front with her on what was going on.
But I don't see that you did anything wrong.0 -
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I kinda don't blame her. I wouldn't want my man working out with some chick from the gym. But, that's just me.0
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I'd be irritated too, getting a number from random gym chick and not mentioning it. Even if he wasn't HIDING you, it came off that way.0
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Andy plays tennis with a couple women and it doesn't bother me.. it did when he didn't tell me they were texting him ..at 1st then when he told me he just didn't think it was worth mentioning because they were older women and I would laugh at the thought of him romancing them so he figured why be laughed at..plus I am not really the jealous type.. I am nosy tho so I found out and we laughed about it later. There is a couple younger women that play but they are married and are in it for the sport not the men so I am cool with that. He should have told her right away to spare him the " you are hiding stuff from me!' spiel..0
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Yeah, the dude should have told his girlfriend about you. If he had, she would have no grounds for suspicion. His actions complicate things.
I've been in your position though. I generally get along much better with men and have always had closer/more fulfilling friendships with them. A few times I've had girlfriends that did not like me at all because I've had (totally platonic) relationships with their partners.0 -
I have to pretend to be jealous with my beloved sometimes. I have no capacity for jealousy at all when it comes to our relationship. And he gets to thinking it means I don't care
silly creature 0 -
I'd be irritated too, getting a number from random gym chick and not mentioning it. Even if he wasn't HIDING you, it came off that way.
I agree that the not mentioning thing is where I have the problem. I think this one is his problem not yours.
I'm the jealous type myself and so is my fiance. We trust each other but we ALWAYS tell the other when something like that happens because it's just more acceptable if we talk it out right away.0 -
His girlfriend checked his phone this morning and apparently... she's the jealous type.
How did you know? Did the dude tell you this?0 -
I'm sorry that you might lose your running partner but it is not your problem. He should have told his GF about you, sounds like he didn't. The main problem is with him not his GF and not you. It's not for you to judge if "she's the jealous type" you just met him and you know nothing about their relationship. You shouldn't judge their relationship against yours either that is a very unfair (and bordering on self-righteous) thing to do.0
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It doesn't sound like a volatile situation. I would be annoyed though if my boyfriend went to a gym, exchanged numbers with a girl and was texting her to meet up to hang out at the gym together, no matter how benign. He should've been up front with her on what was going on.
But I don't see that you did anything wrong.
Yeah... exchanging numbers with a random lady and then not telling me about it would get my hackles up too.
Dude needs to work on his communication skills in his relationship. You can't do anything about that. I don't see how you did anything wrong.0 -
Creepiest thing about this is it looks like it was taken from inside a prison cell.0 -
I'm not at all the jealous type so if I were the female partner of said runner friend, it would not phase me one bit. My husband has many female friends and I encourage the relationships (and yes they are just friendships). I have many male friends and hubby is perfectly fine with it.
As for how you handled the situation...I think it was fine.0 -
Okay you either found out that she checked his text messages one of two ways:
1) He told you about it and revealed that his girlfriend has jealousy issues. In this case, he is over-sharing relationship details with a stranger and if he didn't tell her that he's going to be meeting up with a running partner, his judgment is poor.
2) She texted you from his phone. She is going to stab you if she sees you near her man.
You may need to call off this friendship, sorry but people with jealous partners are not worth the trouble0 -
If you are asking us if we would have a problem if this situation took place with our boyfriend/husband then I would say....:
You have to put yourself in her shoes..and if you say that you wouldn't have a problem with it, then you aren't really putting yourself in her shoes (you also don't know how her relationship is like).... Any honest person would have a problem with it because we obviously are unaware of what intentions the "other woman" has in this situation ...it is normal to assume that only women who are interested in men would exchange numbers with them.....Just because you are a woman that has a husband doesn't mean you can't find other men attractive and thus things could escalate from there.... maybe you won't make any moves but you can't control the other person.
I can't honestly see a woman exchanging her number with someone (in the first interaction) if she didn't find one bit of attraction towards them.....just not something that happens for various reasons....not just attraction but for the mere fact that most women don't just give out their number to any guy....and the act of giving out your number to the opposite sex usually shows signs that you are interested them in some way, I know that you would say it was in the interest of having a running partner, but most men may think that it's a door open for possibly more, even if they say they understand ....
But these are just my thoughts on the situation...
If you are asking us if you did anything wrong in this situation:
I think you only have to care about what your husband thinks and it sounds like he doesn't think you did anything wrong. But I would say that as long as you would give your number to any person (female/male/attractive/unattractive) for the sake of having a running partner, then I would think you didn't do anything wrong. I would also like to say that it would not be a big loss if this guy (seems like a stranger still) doesn't become your running partner, as I am sure there are plenty potential candidates ?0 -
I'm not a particularly jealous person; however, having had some past marital difficulties, if I were his girlfriend, he would not be allowed to do more than wave at you from across the gym. (Okay, as a just a girlfriend, I would not have the confidence to insist upon it, so it might fester.)
You did nothing wrong (good communication with your guy keeps you clear of trouble). He was iffy, because he didn't tell her about you. But people do stupid things sometimes, and it can be best just to avoid such situations. I would recommend avoiding more than chance meetings in the gym.
And, yes, I know it is possible to have a completely platonic relationship; I had a male workout partner for several years when I was first married. But sometimes it causes problems, and it might not be worth it.0 -
YOU didn't do anything wrong and told your darling everything, but he should have done the same with his girlfriend. That is on him, not you.0
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I kinda don't blame her. I wouldn't want my man working out with some chick from the gym. But, that's just me.
agreed....I would be angry....but that's how I am too0 -
LOL @ "my Darling"...........................0
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The fault here lies with him and him alone. The day you two shared numbers is the day he should have told his girlfriend about you, just as you told your man about him. I hope he fixes this so you don't lose your running partner.0
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Meh it is one of those things. To us it is no big deal because it isn't we are just working out. However if my husband came home and had a girl text him to come to the gym. Sorry, but I would not believe it one bit. Do I think my husband will cheat on me? No, however people can do anything. I think it was how I was raised. Sort of a respect thing for your spouse. My mother never had a man over, even if it was my dads best friend, in the house if he wasn't home. Now my dads new wife always have guy friends over when he gets home from work. Is she cheating, no, but it does not make my dad happy. It is a very sticky situation and if it is upsetting the girlfriend so much I think (not being mean) you should not text anymore and if you see each other at the gym great if not then maybe next time. My best friends wife is jealous of me so I've backed off because I would feel horrible if I knew they were fighting or she was upset over me.
I know it sucks for you and very happy that your darling doesn't get upset but love does funny things to people ::sigh::0 -
The fault here lies with him and him alone. The day you two shared numbers is the day he should have told his girlfriend about you, just as you told your man about him. I hope he fixes this so you don't lose your running partner.
True that is a good one too.... If the girlfriend is anything like me though you say "Oh sure honey that is fine" then you start thinking and plotting stories out that you know aren't happening but OMG what if they are.... I hate thinking the worst first and ya that is my problem but I forgot the guy should have told her and if she told him she had a problem then he should stop or at least come to a middle ground0 -
Okay you either found out that she checked his text messages one of two ways:
1) He told you about it and revealed that his girlfriend has jealousy issues. In this case, he is over-sharing relationship details with a stranger and if he didn't tell her that he's going to be meeting up with a running partner, his judgment is poor.
2) She texted you from his phone. She is going to stab you if she sees you near her man.
You may need to call off this friendship, sorry but people with jealous partners are not worth the trouble
OMG "She is going to stab you if she sees you near her man" LMFAO not funny but ya stuff like that happens all the time.... or run you over that is popular too0 -
I never had a problem with firends that were girls, and let's just say I learned the hard way. So Yes I would have a problem with it.0
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lmao.... ^^^^
Lose the "Dude" this is already more drama than it's worth.0 -
i would have flipped some extreme ****. i wish a girl would text my bf to workout. crap like that wouldn't end well with me.0
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It's just a running partner. Is it really worth the drama?0
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It's just a running partner. Is it really worth the drama?
Only if she chronicles it in the forums!0 -
Two things here: 1) He didn't tell his girl which is a no-no. 2) His girl was snooping through his text messages which is a no-no.
I would have no problem with my husband having a female running or workout partner even if I found out after the fact. There was a woman that we used to be friends with (the reason we aren't friends with her had to do with her leeching off of society and refusing to get a job after she was laid off) who went to the gym he worked out at. They'd work out and then when they were done they'd go to Panera for coffee and breakfast for an hour or so and I was completely fine with that.
I trust my husband completely. Hell most of the time I HAVE to read his text messages or send texts for him because he can't see the phone and sometimes a mutual female friend of mine will text ME things because she knows he won't get it. Again, I trust my husband and I know that he's not going to go elsewhere to find what he already has at home.0 -
I'd be irritated too, getting a number from random gym chick and not mentioning it. Even if he wasn't HIDING you, it came off that way.
I agree. I don't start drama and I'm not the overbearing jealous type... I've never had to be and I trust my hubby completely - but I too would be irritated or bothered by it if my hubby had some other girl texting or calling him to workout together. You may not mean anything by it - maybe he doesn't either; or maybe it IS something to him. Either way, is it really worth the drama?0
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