Relationship rant

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24

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  • SomeoneSomeplace
    SomeoneSomeplace Posts: 1,094 Member
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    Checked your profile and saw you're very young.

    I agree he has some growing up to do and is immature.

    I think the gym important but you also have to prioritize your life. I'm not saying you aren't. But there are other important things as well--friends, family, school, work, etc life is a balancing act.

    You gotta find a way to make time for all the important things. But it sounds like he needs to realize you aren't the only thing in his life.

    I'm not saying you do this but I think it's important not to constantly blow people off to go to the gym. I had a friend who was so addicted to the gym that she'd miss events, and dinners and stuff constantly, and it lead to a lot of trouble for her.
  • Welshie_girl
    Welshie_girl Posts: 107 Member
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    My husband was always supportive ... When we were dating and I was about to accept a job he didn't want me to do ( correction officer in a very scrappy jail ) he told me he would support me no matter what. Same went with my writing , then losing weight, and any other ideas that popped into my head.... I truly believe that your partner should support you at least to some point if he knows you're passionate about it . Don't be a victim of a guilt trip. You're not hurting anyone, you're not risking your life.... Tell him to kick rocks.
  • almonds1
    almonds1 Posts: 642 Member
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    If you love him, make time for him. The gym will always be there....he may not.

    I don't agree with this at all. Don't let someone hold you back from doing something you enjoy. I dated a girl like that once, needless it didn't last. I am sure there is enough time in the day for him and the gym both.
  • LittleMiss_WillLoseIt
    LittleMiss_WillLoseIt Posts: 1,373 Member
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    I agree with counseling first and if that doesn't work then it's time to go separate ways. Yes splitting up when a child is involved is hard (I know this all too well), but staying together just for your daughter will end up not working (in most cases). *hugs* for you. I hope it all works out the best for you and your daughter.
  • C12254
    C12254 Posts: 198
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    are you making time for what HE loves to do? you cant expect it to go one way. and if he isnt supportive, and hes lazy, blah blah blah... then why are you with him? wouldnt you want someone who shares your passions and dreams? who would at least try to understand them?
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    been and dne with counselling, i think ive given him enoug chances. i was happier with just me and blake.

    You already know what you have to do. Good luck with everything!

    ^ Yep, what she said. Best of luck!
  • C12254
    C12254 Posts: 198
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    If you love him, make time for him. The gym will always be there....he may not.

    i try to make time. but its never good enough. its like i have to make a sacrifice for it to be worth anything to him.
    relationships are give and take. some days we have to sacrifice a little.
  • babyblake11
    babyblake11 Posts: 1,107 Member
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    are you making time for what HE loves to do? you cant expect it to go one way. and if he isnt supportive, and hes lazy, blah blah blah... then why are you with him? wouldnt you want someone who shares your passions and dreams? who would at least try to understand them?

    i support and encourage him every day.
    he gives up on everything.
  • Iknewyouweretrouble
    Iknewyouweretrouble Posts: 561 Member
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    So what if he doesn't get it? We are each individual and like different things. You just have to learn mutually how to meet each others needs while also remaining independent. My gosh no wonder 50% divorce rate.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    So what if he doesn't get it? We are each individual and like different things. You just have to learn mutually how to meet each others needs while also remaining independent. My gosh no wonder 50% divorce rate.

    Sorry, but a guy that won't get off his butt to make his own dinner now and again and whines like a baby gets booted to the curb in my book.
  • KATRENAJ
    KATRENAJ Posts: 318 Member
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    He should be more supportive but if you want to stay in this relationship, you will need to negotiate. For instance, why can't he fix meals 3 days a week and you fix meals 3 days a week. Crock pots are helpful for busy folks and your daughter also gets a healthy meal.

    Does he have interests? If not, he should develop some. They don't have to be the gym, but it would be nice and show support on his part if he shared this interest with you. My husband skeet shoots, I don't shoot but I use that time to pursue my interests.

    In any relationship, both parties need to feel they are important to the other party and they need to spend quality (not necessarily quantity) time together. So why not plan fun things for both of you to do together at least weekly.

    Also, make a schedule of when you will be at the gym and make sure he knows that schedule and can plan activities for himself. If this relationship is going to survive both of you will need to compromise. But you should be able to pursue your dream without feeling guility, unless you are absolutely ignoring him, which I suspect is not the case.

    Your challenge is finding time to pursue your dream, be a loving mother and companion and make both parts work. Without his support this is going to be darn difficult.

    I was once in a dead end relationship (My frend called him an emotional vampire) and I finally came to the conclusion that I would never find Mr. Right, until I got rid of Mr. Wrong. It took a lot of emotional courage on my part, but after breaking up with Mr.Wrong, a year later I met my husband who turned out to be the best thing in the world for me.

    Best wishes to you whatever you decide
  • penith113
    penith113 Posts: 113 Member
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    Sounds like he's not necessarily a bad guy, but maybe not the right guy for you. The sad part is that you have a daughter together and she is the one who is going to have a tough time whether you stay together unhappily or you go your separate ways.
    What you are doing is very time consuming and creates a very restrictive lifestyle, diet wise I mean. You are asking him to make sacrifices to to accommodate your lifestyle. For your current relationship to work, you would both have to make compromises.
    If you're not willing to make more time for him and he's not willing to accept your absence then no amount of counseling is going to make the two of you happy imo anyway
  • mynameiscarrie
    mynameiscarrie Posts: 963 Member
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    You sound like you're getting really defensive about what people are saying which gives the impression that you already know what you want to do. You don't want to work on it anymore. You say he always gives up on everything (which I doubt because that's a gross exaggeration). If you are sick of it, then do what you're trying to convince yourself to do and leave. Having a daughter makes it more complicated, but you sound like you already have your decision made. Good luck.
  • mimi10453
    mimi10453 Posts: 89 Member
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    What you allow is what will continue.

    Focus on your happiness! He can get with it or get loss. Sounds like he's dead weight.
  • babyblake11
    babyblake11 Posts: 1,107 Member
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    just not meant to be together
  • kel665
    kel665 Posts: 401 Member
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    we have a daughter together, and ive left him once before for being aggressive and controlling. but now all he does is whine, act jealous, and apparently im cheating on him!



    Sounds like a lot more complicated than your first post, I'm sorry, I took it the wrong way, the way I read it was that you were at the gym doing what makes you happy and he was home waiting around for you to spend some time with him.

    Might be a good time to seek some counselling to get to the root of the problems then make your decisions from there.
  • fattypattybinger
    fattypattybinger Posts: 337
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    Time to move on but don't put all your time on yourself. Definately have a plan for time. Don't give up your dreams but also make sure you take time for your daughter. It is harder when you are single, so figure out what you need to do. Don't stay with somebody just because you feel you have to. Nobodyhas the right to control you. It sounds like you have already changed your life. Looks like it is time to have a talk with your family so they can help guide you on the right path.
  • mdyorston
    mdyorston Posts: 158
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    google narcissism and see if that's his problem. Sure its normal to want to spend time with his woman but to make you feel guilty about him being too lazy to make his own food smacks of narcissism to me. Speaking from personal experience
  • OspreyVista
    OspreyVista Posts: 464 Member
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    been and dne with counselling, i think ive given him enoug chances. i was happier with just me and blake.

    You need to do what you need to do, and it sounds like he's not understanding at all, or even willing to understand, from your point of view. My man is more than happy to help give me ideas to work out, and even encourages me to work out, even if it takes time from him when he knows it's something I really want. Whoever your partner is, should understand what you desire, and be happy to encourage it.
  • barbaramitchell101
    barbaramitchell101 Posts: 360 Member
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    I agree with most of the others, but you said that he is CONTROLLING...that is a signal for me.....that he may become abusive in the future...I would get away from him....I went thru these type of relationships...they were basically ok, till marriage then all Heck broke loose....I have been hit, strangled, pushed, been sat on..LOL, been thru 3 marriages, all were the same.... had children too, the kids were much happier after I left...I have been divorced now for 30 years, and I will say that it has been hard...but my kids are grown (they went and spent some time with their dad after they turned 18, and decided on their own that they really didn't like him) when I left, he said I'd never make it on my own...LOL I have a good job, with a skill, same job 15 years, I am a homeowner

    actually my first child was abducted by their father when she was 4 and while she was visiting him, at age 5 (she has told me) he started molesting her (she got out of that house at 18, which is when I was able to reconnect with her) ...she now lives out of the country and when visiting the US refuses to go anywhere near him....

    LIFE JUST ISN'T WORTH IT TO STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THAT, and if you don't have a job, then the GOV can help you...any adult (low income) with children can get assisstance....I know, I am a biller...and I deal mostly with Medicaid

    as for relationships, after my divorce.. I didn't have much luck with that because in those days men just didn't want a "ready-made family" it was lonely, but you learn to adapt...untill you find the right one, who will accept you as you are...my current boyfriend and I have been together now 13 years and he supports me in everything I do...he is older than me, tho...so has age in his favor....(he will be 80 in Feb, I will be 61 in Mar)...I took a while to find him, but it is worth the wait...GOOD LUCK TO YOU, please be careful if you stay with him...

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