Dieting with a skinny spouse!!!

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Trying to diet with a skinny spouse is very tough. Since I met my husband 13 years ago I've gained 113lbs. Over the years I've lost a few few lbs then gained a lot. As soon as I'm doing great he wants to go out and eat. I tell him he can eat whatever he wants but I'm going to stick with the more healthier options. Sure enough he picks a place with zero healthy options then stress the fact that he would not eat unless I eat as well. He's underweight for his height so of course I want him to eat so I give in. I tell him I think he's trying to keep me fat. He denies it. I started MFP last week and I have lost 5lbs so far. I told him because I was so excited. He turned around and bought chocolate covered raspberry filled donuts and basically shoved them in my face. Losing weight is hard enough. Anyone with a similar situation? If so how are you dealing with it? Feel free to add me as a friend.
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  • Jamcnair
    Jamcnair Posts: 586 Member
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    My husband isn't skinny, but he has quite the appetite and doesn't give a second thought about eating whatever he wants! And then he brings home candy, soda, etc.!!! Sometimes having calories to count helps keep me in check, but I'm still trying to figure out how to practice restraint with this crap around.
  • Marina_Love
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    You gained all that weight simply because you went out once in a while?

    You can eat pretty much anything as long as you burn it all. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I think you're making excuses. In every relationship everyone learns something from other partner. Some good, some bad. You have not learned the good from your partner to eat moderately and are now blaming him

    Also, did he literally shoved them in your face? Because if so, might wanna look at your relationship. If not, ask him to take it away since you're trying to lose weight and him bringing all these goodies is not being supportive. You have to remember us ladies put the guys in a tough spot. They try to show affection, we label them unsupportive. Explain to him why a particular action of him is being unsupportive.

    Eat, be active, be healthy
  • JRT3sMom
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    Before I met him I walked daily with my friends. I would park my car and just walk around city. After I met him I moved in with him out in the country with no friends and no where to go. We ate out everyday. He do not eat anything in moderation he just have the metabolism of a teenage boy.

    Re-read my post I did not blame him for my weight gain I blame him for sabotaging it. And FYI you do come off as harsh. I asked for comments from people with similar situations not for someone to criticize my situation. Do me a favor and just get lost.
  • JRT3sMom
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    You gained all that weight simply because you went out once in a while?

    You can eat pretty much anything as long as you burn it all. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I think you're making excuses. In every relationship everyone learns something from other partner. Some good, some bad. You have not learned the good from your partner to eat moderately and are now blaming him

    Also, did he literally shoved them in your face? Because if so, might wanna look at your relationship. If not, ask him to take it away since you're trying to lose weight and him bringing all these goodies is not being supportive. You have to remember us ladies put the guys in a tough spot. They try to show affection, we label them unsupportive. Explain to him why a particular action of him is being unsupportive.

    Eat, be active, be healthy


    Before I met him I walked daily with my friends. I would park my car and just walk around city. After I met him I moved in with him out in the country with no friends and no where to go. We ate out everyday. He do not eat anything in moderation he just have the metabolism of a teenage boy.

    Re-read my post I did not blame him for my weight gain I blame him for sabotaging it. And FYI you do come off as harsh. I asked for comments from people with similar situations not for someone to criticize my situation. Do me a favor and just get lost.
  • sleibo87
    sleibo87 Posts: 403 Member
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    I have a husband who probably could lose 10 pounds but for his height hes basically normal size. He loves eating out and fast food. I spend $100 on groceries and hear 'there's nothing to eat' hahah basically cause its healthy and doesn't sound good to him. I just do me. He can go get food and eat what he wants and I just say no. No one can MAKE you do anything you don't want to. Yes it would be nice to have a husband who wants to eat healthier with me and everything but he is supportive of my choices...and I am the one who gained not him, plus I am a foot shorter so i can't eat near as much as him. It may not be easy but you just have to do whats best for you. My husband says come the new year hes going to be right there with me, yes that would be great but It doesn't change my goals.
    Just make better choices and don't let anyone decide for you. As far as restaurants, don't do it often, get a workout in and make better choices. Most restaurants you can customize anything, get a sandwich on whole wheat no mayo and eat half with veggis. I mean its doable anywhere you go. Plus if you workout a lot you get those extra calories for a reason.
    I just had to realize along the way, it was MY fault I gained weight..no one else. Once I accepted that and stooped making excuses (husband wanted food, boss brought burgers in, friend wants to meet for dinner) I started making changes.
    Good luck.

    PS! and trust me I KNOWWWW its hard. And its soooo easy when he says 'hey babe lets go get food, you look great you can cheat one night' ... Just keep at it girl!
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
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    Well done you for losing 5lbs so far.

    Sometimes people can just eat and eat and eat and don`t put on weight ( I wish I was one of them) and sometimes people don`t like to see the people around them change, they worry that it may affect them.

    Sometimes you can be with someone and they are like those comfy slippers and you worry that if they get a new pair of slippers they may just waltz off in them.

    Maybe you need to give him some more reassurance. He obviously cares about you whatever size you are.

    But all that is his problem not yours. Do it for yourself and explain to him your reasons why you want to do it..maybe be a bit harsh with him` support me or not, but I am going to do it`

    PS Marina was being a bit harsh in the way she worded it but on the forums sometimes you won`t get everything `sugar coated` in your favor it it just the internet.

    But good luck and keep working at it x
  • Marina_Love
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    You gained all that weight simply because you went out once in a while?

    You can eat pretty much anything as long as you burn it all. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I think you're making excuses. In every relationship everyone learns something from other partner. Some good, some bad. You have not learned the good from your partner to eat moderately and are now blaming him

    Also, did he literally shoved them in your face? Because if so, might wanna look at your relationship. If not, ask him to take it away since you're trying to lose weight and him bringing all these goodies is not being supportive. You have to remember us ladies put the guys in a tough spot. They try to show affection, we label them unsupportive. Explain to him why a particular action of him is being unsupportive.

    Eat, be active, be healthy


    Before I met him I walked daily with my friends. I would park my car and just walk around city. After I met him I moved in with him out in the country with no friends and no where to go. We ate out everyday. He do not eat anything in moderation he just have the metabolism of a teenage boy.

    Re-read my post I did not blame him for my weight gain I blame him for sabotaging it. And FYI you do come off as harsh. I asked for comments from people with similar situations not for someone to criticize my situation. Do me a favor and just get lost.

    Re-read the bolded area and judge for yourself how defensive you come off as...

    He has the metabolism of a teenage boy because he's active. You started that post by saying "before I met him". Sounds like blaming to me. Once again, I'm sure you can still walk around. Maybe make some new friends or since you live in the country, you can walk around and explore the new surroundings!

    I'm sorry that you felt the need to get defensive. I won't take offense to your rude behavior since, once again, you are trying to blame somebody else. However, I personally find it offending when people blame their spouses for their failures.

    Once again, be active, eat well, be healthy!
  • kittychan91
    kittychan91 Posts: 13 Member
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    hey, my hubby is like that. hes 6"2 and weighs like 150 maybe. [so really tall and thin] and he eats like its going out of style. me on the other hand, im 5"7 and 195 lbs, trying to lose weight, and he eats instant stuff all the time. its really hard cuz hes the one who can cook in the house, so alot of the time he makes dinner
  • Mokey41
    Mokey41 Posts: 5,769 Member
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    My husband isn't skinny but he eats anything he wants and loves to go out to eat. That has nothing to do with me. It's called willpower. He can bring home 10 dozen donuts if he wants, I don't have to eat them. We go out, I make the best choice, eat the portion I want and have them box the rest.

    You'll never get control of your weight until you take responsibility for yourself. He's not sabotaging you, you're sabotaging you. You're making excuses for your failure before you barely get started. Unless he literally is holding you down and shoving food in your mouth (to which I'd suggest a divorce) then he has no bearing on your weight. You may think it's harsh but it's the truth. You can either make excuses or you can do what you need to do. It's in your hands.
  • JRT3sMom
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    My husband isn't skinny but he eats anything he wants and loves to go out to eat. That has nothing to do with me. It's called willpower. He can bring home 10 dozen donuts if he wants, I don't have to eat them. We go out, I make the best choice, eat the portion I want and have them box the rest.

    You'll never get control of your weight until you take responsibility for yourself. He's not sabotaging you, you're sabotaging you. You're making excuses for your failure before you barely get started. Unless he literally is holding you down and shoving food in your mouth (to which I'd suggest a divorce) then he has no bearing on your weight. You may think it's harsh but it's the truth. You can either make excuses or you can do what you need to do. It's in your hands.

    You're right. I rarely ate out before I met him and when he's away for work I lose and maintain, but as soon as he get home I fall back into old habits with him. I know I have what it takes to make healthy choices I just need to stick with it. Willpower is my main focus right now. So early in my current journey it's hard to stay focused with temptation all around you. But I know I can do. There's nothing like a big dose of reality lol.
  • GymChick8
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    I'm in a similiar position with my husband. He frustrates the hell out of me though. Goes on how healthy he is, trains 6 days a week ( don't get me started there either! ). Yet smokes, whinges if I pack lunch when we go out, rather than driving through somewhere, complains there's nothing to eat- translate to there's no junk food in the house, I'm going to starve.

    In the last 15 months I'm completely changed my life around. Now in the last 4 months or so, I've gotten stronger though. I just refuse now. If he wants to get Mc Donalds, that's fine I'll either pre-pack my food ( which I do 99% of the time anyway). With eating out, I just refuse to go, unless it's somewhere we can both eat. It seems that I'm willing to comprise at times, but he won't budge.

    All I can suggest is to remain strong, remember how great you feel when living healthy. And just suggest to eat at places that you can both get something you want. Or do what I do, bring out my chicken, brown rice, beans and broccoli in the middle of Mc D's, while he's scoffing his face. He's only ever done that once lol.


    Mel
  • Mokey41
    Mokey41 Posts: 5,769 Member
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    My husband isn't skinny but he eats anything he wants and loves to go out to eat. That has nothing to do with me. It's called willpower. He can bring home 10 dozen donuts if he wants, I don't have to eat them. We go out, I make the best choice, eat the portion I want and have them box the rest.

    You'll never get control of your weight until you take responsibility for yourself. He's not sabotaging you, you're sabotaging you. You're making excuses for your failure before you barely get started. Unless he literally is holding you down and shoving food in your mouth (to which I'd suggest a divorce) then he has no bearing on your weight. You may think it's harsh but it's the truth. You can either make excuses or you can do what you need to do. It's in your hands.

    You're right. I rarely ate out before I met him and when he's away for work I lose and maintain, but as soon as he get home I fall back into old habits with him. I know I have what it takes to make healthy choices I just need to stick with it. Willpower is my main focus right now. So early in my current journey it's hard to stay focused with temptation all around you. But I know I can do. There's nothing like a big dose of reality lol.

    Do the best you can as much as you can. It gets easier with time and believe it or not after awhile the appeal of a lot of those "bad" things goes away. Last week my hubby wanted to eat at McD's. They had a 2 can dine for $9.98 on Big Mac's. I don't remember the last time I ate one but I had it with him. It didn't taste nearly as good as I remembered and I felt so bloated and crappy afterwards I won't do it again. Once your body gets used to eating healthy and in proportion it seems to just come natural. Hang in there.
  • mygrl4meee
    mygrl4meee Posts: 943 Member
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    My husband is skinny and might be under weight. I think the only thing keeping him from being too thin is that he likes his sweets. We don't go out often together but I always eat what I want out and still do okay with losing weight. He used to put cookies and such in my hand and it took a couple times asking him not to do that before he finally stopped. He still eats his sweets and at times asks me if I want some. It really varies if I say yes or not. Its not his issue to worry about so I just use moderation when I really want something sweet. He is very proud of me and I don't feel like he is trying to keep me big or anything. Good luck with going forward with your diet.
  • minionofevil
    minionofevil Posts: 79 Member
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    My husband is skinny - he's around 5'11 and between 155 and 160, tops. And i am jealous of how he can eat without gaining weight.. The other day, he had 3 hot dogs w/ 3 pieces of bread (110 cal each bread) and that was just a snack! I checked out his daily totals, he ate a whopping 2900 cals, and the next day, he was only 2oz heaver than he was the day before. Lucky jerk. I so much as look at cheesecake and I gain 10lbs.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    My husband isn't skinny but he eats anything he wants and loves to go out to eat. That has nothing to do with me. It's called willpower. He can bring home 10 dozen donuts if he wants, I don't have to eat them. We go out, I make the best choice, eat the portion I want and have them box the rest.

    You'll never get control of your weight until you take responsibility for yourself. He's not sabotaging you, you're sabotaging you. You're making excuses for your failure before you barely get started. Unless he literally is holding you down and shoving food in your mouth (to which I'd suggest a divorce) then he has no bearing on your weight. You may think it's harsh but it's the truth. You can either make excuses or you can do what you need to do. It's in your hands.

    You're right. I rarely ate out before I met him and when he's away for work I lose and maintain, but as soon as he get home I fall back into old habits with him. I know I have what it takes to make healthy choices I just need to stick with it. Willpower is my main focus right now. So early in my current journey it's hard to stay focused with temptation all around you. But I know I can do. There's nothing like a big dose of reality lol.

    There are a few things that you can do to get some habits changed. I don't know your schedules, but maybe if he's off at work, start cooking dinner before he gets home. That way, you have no need to eat out.

    If he has a work one week off one week type of job, pre cook a few reheatable meals like lasagna, spaghetti and meatballs, soup, chicken fajitas and such. Add a huge side salad and you have meals for every day of the week.

    I buy a lot of quick and easy meals to throw together. Frozen fish filets I throw in a pan of lemon and pepper, canned vegetables I heat in a pot, A LOT of sandwiches, salads, eggs and tortillas. I almost always have bread, eggs, tortillas, vegetables, fruit and cheese. Add a bag of chicken breasts and you have a combination of ingrediants you can make 100 different meals from.

    My BIGGEST change had to be having the patience to come home and make food, rather then say fvck it and go through the drive through or out to dinner. Once you come to terms with its going to take time to prep and prepare fresh meals, it'll start getting a bit easier. You'll take 3 minutes to put a few slices of turkey breast on a piece of bread with a small serving of chips, rather then run to mcdonalds and get a big mac because you realize its just not worth it.

    Keep in the mindset of healthy lifestyle. A lot of people on this site that have lost 100 pounds have had periods where they fall off the wagon for weeks and even months but the most important part? They always get back to it. It takes YEARS to cultivate a healthy lifestyle that rids you of those extra pounds. Don't let one meal or one day get you down, but you ALWAYS have to get back up.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    My husband is skinny - he's around 5'11 and between 155 and 160, tops. And i am jealous of how he can eat without gaining weight.. The other day, he had 3 hot dogs w/ 3 pieces of bread (110 cal each bread) and that was just a snack! I checked out his daily totals, he ate a whopping 2900 cals, and the next day, he was only 2oz heaver than he was the day before. Lucky jerk. I so much as look at cheesecake and I gain 10lbs.

    If he does any type of work that's hard work, that's what most guys his size would eat for maintenence.

    This is a generalization of course*
  • minionofevil
    minionofevil Posts: 79 Member
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    He works at a convenience store.. It's semi- laborious, but not crazy exercise. I did the same job when I was pregnant with our son. Tonight, he had 3 chicken burgers, and an entire mixing bowl of mashed potatoes. I don't get how he can eat so much!
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
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    I think when you have the type of situation you do, it makes you stronger, because they challenge your desire to improve so often. I know it is hard to manage...but if you keep resisting, it will eventually be easier and every success you have makes the next raspberry donut (or whatever) easier. You will be strong over time. I say thank him and try not to be offended by it. It must be he just doesn't get it...

    Keep at it - you will be hugely successful!
  • 1sisrat
    1sisrat Posts: 267 Member
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    I know how you feel. my husband is not overweight, and barely has an ounce of fat on him. I was 125 when we met, I'm 140 nos (7 months postpartum). I've been working hard to lose the weight, it's coming off slowly. BUT! once a week or so, he brings home donuts or bagel for breakfast after dropping our daughter off for daycare. He has this grin like "look what a nice gesture I did for you!" so I feel guilty by not eating what he brings me.... so I try to balance out the rest of the day's calories. Also, he eats ice cream every night and has at least 1 beer every evening after work. I have a desk job and a 2 hour commute (all together) every day... so it's tough. Not to mention that when he cooks (i'm so lucky he cooks) it's usually a big pasta dish or casserole that is mainly pasta. He means well, I know, but his habits aren't changing any time soon.
  • 20shan08
    20shan08 Posts: 219 Member
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    My boyfriend eats like a pig as well. I try to avoid going out but if I do, there are lower calorie options. Even a burger without a bun, with a side salad or veggies. It doesn't take much. I've been at this for almost a year and a half but I'm at the point where I can say no, for instance there's two boxes of chocolates on my coffee table, a bag of my favorite spitz, Pepsi in the fridge. Just think, is it really worth the 30 seconds of pleasure? Just don't over indulge, if I really have a sweet tooth, I'll eat a chocolate. But I log it and it usually means I have to cut back on something else. Also I try to think of it this way: one single chocolate is 53 calories, which is equivillant to like 25 or 30 grapes!