Dieting with a skinny spouse!!!
Replies
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Ouch I dont know what I would do without the support of my fiance. He has cout out his favorite Dr. Pepper and replaced it with diet and has tried to eat more vegetables. I couldnt do it if he was bringing home crap. He even threw out a bag of candy that he got for XMAS0
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I'm in a similiar position with my husband. He frustrates the hell out of me though. Goes on how healthy he is, trains 6 days a week ( don't get me started there either! ). Yet smokes, whinges if I pack lunch when we go out, rather than driving through somewhere, complains there's nothing to eat- translate to there's no junk food in the house, I'm going to starve.
In the last 15 months I'm completely changed my life around. Now in the last 4 months or so, I've gotten stronger though. I just refuse now. If he wants to get Mc Donalds, that's fine I'll either pre-pack my food ( which I do 99% of the time anyway). With eating out, I just refuse to go, unless it's somewhere we can both eat. It seems that I'm willing to comprise at times, but he won't budge.
All I can suggest is to remain strong, remember how great you feel when living healthy. And just suggest to eat at places that you can both get something you want. Or do what I do, bring out my chicken, brown rice, beans and broccoli in the middle of Mc D's, while he's scoffing his face. He's only ever done that once lol.
Mel
Same for me!!0 -
Ouch I dont know what I would do without the support of my fiance. He has cout out his favorite Dr. Pepper and replaced it with diet and has tried to eat more vegetables. I couldnt do it if he was bringing home crap. He even threw out a bag of candy that he got for XMAS
Teensy of topic, but I got a giant load of candy in a gift exchange, just about lost my mind. It is sitting, sealed, in my house... who brings candy to a gift exchange where 1/2 the people involved are on diets! *ACK* Talk about an unsupportive friend doing something mean
But you do bring up a good way for her hubby to support her, even if he makes minor changes like that it can help you
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My husband has always been 30 to 40 pounds lighter than me. Our entire marriage. He could eat and eat and eat and keeps 8% body fat. I am not like that at all.
When I decided to eat healthier and get in shape, I sat down to have a "serious conversation" with my husband. I let him know my goals, why I wanted to lose weight (to have more energy and to have all the positive health benefits that come with losing weight!), and what would be changing in our house. I let him know that I would be cooking dinner more regularly, and I would be trying healthy options. I told him that if he needs to have junk food, if he could keep it at work so I didn't have access to it. We talked about his favorite meals, and I researched how to make them healthy. After sitting down and talking to him, not only did he see why I was doing what I was doing, but he encouraged me (even when his food choices continued to be unhealthy).
After a few weeks, I was able to make the choices on my own, and he has been able to get some junk food back in the house. We go out to restaurants, but I order the healthiest thing I can, eat half, and give the other half to him (or take it home for lunch the next day). Once you start making your own choices, you will feel empowered that you can be healthy, even if those around you aren't.
If you don't feel empowered, your healthy habits won't stick. You can do it!!0 -
i have the same problem...my partner is 140lbs...and at 1030pm she wants to go to Mcdonalds or Taco bell? The other night it was Dairy Queen...Um really???0
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SQUAT!
among other things.
Get into a good weight training program.
Hit your macros, get enough protein, AND make room in your day for the donut!
You wont be sorry! I am sure not!
:flowerforyou:
http://startingstrength.wikia.com/wiki/The_Starting_Strength_Novice/Beginner_Programs
http://stronglifts.com/stronglifts-5x5-beginner-strength-training-program/
Also, I creeped your food diary...looks like you are eating WAY too little...depriving yourself in order to get where you want in a hurry is setting yourself up for failure.
If you want to chat about it, feel free to PM me..I started off the same way, but learned a TON here about how to eat AND enjoy life.
I try to get all of my calories in for the day. If I'm busy I don't think about eating so when I finally sit down to eat I try to keep it healthy but in turn I end up eating too few calories. I'm working on adding more smaller meals into my day. Any suggestions on healthy choices for on the go? Please don't say veggies in a sandwich bag lol.0 -
THIS IS NOT A PLACE FOR JUDGEMENT OR BRINGING SOME ONE DOWN!! THIS IS A PLACE OF ACCEPTANCE AND CHEERING EACH OTHER ON!! I AM DISGUSTED WITH YOUR RESPONSES MARIA_LOVE!!!!! BE SUPPORTIVE OR (pardon my words Im about to use) F**K OFF!!!!You gained all that weight simply because you went out once in a while?
You can eat pretty much anything as long as you burn it all. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I think you're making excuses. In every relationship everyone learns something from other partner. Some good, some bad. You have not learned the good from your partner to eat moderately and are now blaming him
Also, did he literally shoved them in your face? Because if so, might wanna look at your relationship. If not, ask him to take it away since you're trying to lose weight and him bringing all these goodies is not being supportive. You have to remember us ladies put the guys in a tough spot. They try to show affection, we label them unsupportive. Explain to him why a particular action of him is being unsupportive.
Eat, be active, be healthy
Before I met him I walked daily with my friends. I would park my car and just walk around city. After I met him I moved in with him out in the country with no friends and no where to go. We ate out everyday. He do not eat anything in moderation he just have the metabolism of a teenage boy.
Re-read my post I did not blame him for my weight gain I blame him for sabotaging it. And FYI you do come off as harsh. I asked for comments from people with similar situations not for someone to criticize my situation. Do me a favor and just get lost.
Re-read the bolded area and judge for yourself how defensive you come off as...
He has the metabolism of a teenage boy because he's active. You started that post by saying "before I met him". Sounds like blaming to me. Once again, I'm sure you can still walk around. Maybe make some new friends or since you live in the country, you can walk around and explore the new surroundings!
I'm sorry that you felt the need to get defensive. I won't take offense to your rude behavior since, once again, you are trying to blame somebody else. However, I personally find it offending when people blame their spouses for their failures.
Once again, be active, eat well, be healthy!
The poster you are swearing and yelling at was giving sound advice. Cheering each other on is often not a constructive way to help someone meet their goals.0 -
Handful of seeds or nuts I hear is a good alternative, higher in calories and crude fats, also unfortunately higher in sodium, but will get you closer to your calorie goal without too much thought.
If you are like me and have a nut allergy, spiced chick peas are a great alternative. I tend to keep berries or melon on hand, or green beans. Green beans are actually pretty good, have a satisfying crunch and are easy* to take around with out. It's like super healthy chips.0 -
SQUAT!
among other things.
Get into a good weight training program.
Hit your macros, get enough protein, AND make room in your day for the donut!
You wont be sorry! I am sure not!
:flowerforyou:
http://startingstrength.wikia.com/wiki/The_Starting_Strength_Novice/Beginner_Programs
http://stronglifts.com/stronglifts-5x5-beginner-strength-training-program/
Also, I creeped your food diary...looks like you are eating WAY too little...depriving yourself in order to get where you want in a hurry is setting yourself up for failure.
If you want to chat about it, feel free to PM me..I started off the same way, but learned a TON here about how to eat AND enjoy life.
I try to get all of my calories in for the day. If I'm busy I don't think about eating so when I finally sit down to eat I try to keep it healthy but in turn I end up eating too few calories. I'm working on adding more smaller meals into my day. Any suggestions on healthy choices for on the go? Please don't say veggies in a sandwich bag lol.
Some suggestions for 'on the go' snacks:
- trail mix
- nuts and seeds
- protein drinks/milk/juice
- dried edamame0 -
I'm in a similar situation. My fiance eats almost exclusively junk food. He wants to eat out for most meals, though he is a fabulous cook. And when he does cook, he specifically says he's not a short order cook and will not modify anything to make it healthier. He also gets very offended if I don't eat what he makes. Most evenings when I get home and am tired & hungry, he says "let's go to McDonalds" or similar places. In the past, I would give in to his pressure, eat junk, gain weight and feel awful. But I do understand that this is my own choice and lately have really begun to stick to my goals to have a higher standard for what I eat. Sometimes it's tough, but I know I feel better physically and mentally when I stick to my healthier way of eating. Just try to keep your food around and good luck!0
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I am the skinny, athletic fiance. ^_^ Everyone situations is unique. I help my fiancée with her lifestyle change by demonstrating techniques I use.
Some of my techniques:
1) We have eliminated all "trigger foods" from the household. If either of us wants a triggered food, we go out to a restaurant and get it. No trigger foods are kepted in the household.
2) Before becoming a Software Engineer, I was a professional baker. Therefore, I have eliminated a lot of processed foods from the household. I made a chose to strive and make everything from scratch (even getting up early in the morning).
3) I love being a short order cook. ^_^ To me, joining me at the table is important to me, not what she eats. I don't care if either of us eat separate meals or not eat at all. The company, conversation, and closeness are what are important to me.
4) I encourage eating lots of low starchy vegetables over high starchy vegetables (and grains). Eating lots of low starchy vegetables will fill you up quicker with their low calories and high fibers.
5) We weigh and track everythjng.
6) Once a week, we good out to eat.0 -
You gained all that weight simply because you went out once in a while?
You can eat pretty much anything as long as you burn it all. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I think you're making excuses. In every relationship everyone learns something from other partner. Some good, some bad. You have not learned the good from your partner to eat moderately and are now blaming him
Also, did he literally shoved them in your face? Because if so, might wanna look at your relationship. If not, ask him to take it away since you're trying to lose weight and him bringing all these goodies is not being supportive. You have to remember us ladies put the guys in a tough spot. They try to show affection, we label them unsupportive. Explain to him why a particular action of him is being unsupportive.
Eat, be active, be healthy
a little judgmental there I would say. Unless you have walked a mile in someones shoes you have no right to judge that person.
OP does you husband have poor self esteem. I think some partners are afraid if their significant other looses weight then they will leave them. Sound like you need to have a long talk about what you need and what he needs as well.0 -
I don't think the OP was blaming her spouse, she was just expressing that she has a challenge to overcome.
My boyfriend would like to lose a few pounds as well, though not nearly as much as I need to lose, but he likes to eat pasta twice a week, pizza once a week, and Chinese food a couple times a month. I struggle with willpower and most days it's beyond me to watch him eat spaghetti while I have black beans, plus we like to prepare meals together. Basically, I watch my calorie total and have the pasta and pizza, just stick to what really is ONE serving. I actually pre-weigh the dry pasta and cook mine in a separate pot - he can have thirds if he wants to but I just have the one serving. We make veggies on the side. Also, we now get whole wheat pasta and I started making whole wheat pizza dough. I weigh out the cheese that goes on it and we both like plenty of veggies on it, it's not that bad. I have 1/4 of a small pizza, he has 3/4. I make tofu fried rice at home, too, so I know what's in it. I stay in my calorie goal, it's all good.
Basically, we try to turn the unhealthy habit foods into healthy versions. He wants to support me in losing weight (in fact he really wants me to) but he wants satisfying meals - and so do I. Now, I have to say I'm not trying to give up wheat, or gluten, or eat completely "clean." I just watch my macros and stay in my calorie goal and enjoy our meals together.
I have started making one-cup desserts for him. I'll make a chocolate mug cake or a mini blueberry tart or apple crisp (all very easy, in the microwave). I'll have a small bite and he eats the rest, NO leftovers, everyone's happy. I have to take willpower out of the equation and if there are sweets just sitting in reach it is very, very, very hard for me. It's like crack.
I have to say, I was surprised how willingly he ate the tempeh meatloaf I made the other day! He is open to new things and your husband might be also.0 -
My boyfriend is skinny and can eat as much or as often as he wants and gains nothing. After dating him for a few years and then we moved in together, I fell into the habit of eating the same portion sizes as him, unhealthy food, and especially pop (I used to mostly just drink water and had an occasional iced tea). Then I realized I was an idiot after I went on the scale (hadn't been on a scale in years, unless in the doctor's office) and after calculating my bmi, realized I was obese. What made it worse was that after I started my weight loss journey, he wanted to start gaining weight and muscle since he's so skinny and has trouble gaining weight...boohoo. We now eat out less, I cook healthier for us but just make larger portions for him and sometimes just substitute some of the more fattening things I make for him to easier, healthier options for me. He still gets some of his junk food, I just opt not to eat it. He's pretty good at not trying to influence me to sabotage my hard work because he knows I want to be healthier and he wants me to be happy.
It's difficult, but have a good chat with him and have him understand. Good luck 0 -
Since I started watching what I eat and amending my portions I've come to notice that my [thin] SO is looking at the sweets whenever we go grocery shopping. I joked with him yesterday [while he stopped and stared at the cookies in the bakery section] that it's like we've changed places.
He has a physical job, so he can pretty much eat whatever and not gain an ounce.0 -
I can relate to your problem. I've beaten it..and given in to it..so here's my advice; The bottom line is this..the more you say no to those tempting foods..the stronger you get. It takes the hard rough road of saying no a few times..and each time it gets easier and easier. Before you know it..you are totally in control. You will make the connection that you are in control of your weight loss. YOu've been given some good advice here.. I would..
1. lovingly talk to hubby ask him to help out by not brining so much bad stuff home.
2. keep some low calorie portioned out frozen desserts and tasty meals in the freezer to eat when you feel like giving in. They're only 150-300 calories..they taste good.. and you won't blow it. ( I find if i have tasty alternatives.. I can resist the hubbies take out fast food..my go to is Smart Ones Enchiladas..mmm so good 300 calories).
3. when you start losing even more weight...you're strength to say no gets stronger..you just have to keep seeing results. you can do it!0 -
understand your problem...just get tough..It can be more work but just remove it from sight even if he shoves it in your face. he will get the message..do it with a smile... he might not be taking your diet seriously.. good luck..your strong you can do this..0
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I have a tall, thin, active spouse who can lose weight eating junk food and laying on the couch (I've seen it happen, the payback is that all the lost weight is muscle that he has to work hard to put on). However, he is supportive of what I need to do to maintain and even lose weight. I ask him not to bring large amounts of certain foods in to the house, and he doesn't. I also accommodate his need for additional calories (e.g. veggies alone are not dinner for him, he needs brown rice, millet, etc. to get enough calories). Because my husband can pretty much eat whatever he wants, it is easy for me to fall into bad habits, so I have to watch that, but that is on me, not him. As others have said, you may want to explain to your husband why you see certain behaviors as unsupportive, then if he continues, he's a jerk. Either way, it has little to nothing to do with him being skinny, a fat husband could engage in exactly the same behaviors.0
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I hope this helps:
(I have a skinny spouse who loves meat and potatoes and pizza and beer)
I believe that for most people the hardest part is changing the way we think. For example, I used to believe that it isn't possible or extremely difficult for me to change my weight. Some of us believe the plethora of dieting strategies that are designed to make money. Money based on the aforementioned fears we have about our fate. Other people focus more on blaming society, genetics, or family members for sabataging their efforts. All these thoughts influence our behavior. I know it sounds simple but at the end of the day, we are completely responsible for what we eat, how we think and when we move.0 -
I know it sounds simple but at the end of the day, we are completely responsible for what we eat, how we think and when we move.
100% correct.0 -
Hello! I can totally relate, been married to a thin man for years, and he never has to worry with what he eats. My problem was not so much fast food or junk food, but portion control. I had no idea of calorie counting, just cooking and when making plates, started eating too much, going back for seconds.
The good thing is that we are both really into eating, but GOOD eating. No fast food, just good food. We love to buy snacks at Trader Joe's, they make their snacks without artificial ingredients, so he can buy his chips or other snacks, I get some snacks for myself, but the key is I now count and measure what I'm eating, and save some calories for a treat, usually about 100-200 cal a day.
You mentioned ideas for snacks to take on the run: my absolute favorite is yogurt, especially Fage Greek yogurt. Its only about 130 cal, has protein, and keeps hunger at bay. My other go to snack is hummus with a few crackers. Hopes that helps 0 -
My husband isn't skinny but he eats anything he wants and loves to go out to eat. That has nothing to do with me. It's called willpower. He can bring home 10 dozen donuts if he wants, I don't have to eat them. We go out, I make the best choice, eat the portion I want and have them box the rest.
You'll never get control of your weight until you take responsibility for yourself. He's not sabotaging you, you're sabotaging you. You're making excuses for your failure before you barely get started. Unless he literally is holding you down and shoving food in your mouth (to which I'd suggest a divorce) then he has no bearing on your weight. You may think it's harsh but it's the truth. You can either make excuses or you can do what you need to do. It's in your hands.
You're right. I rarely ate out before I met him and when he's away for work I lose and maintain, but as soon as he get home I fall back into old habits with him. I know I have what it takes to make healthy choices I just need to stick with it. Willpower is my main focus right now. So early in my current journey it's hard to stay focused with temptation all around you. But I know I can do. There's nothing like a big dose of reality lol.
When you eat out, you don't have to eat off the menu. Even places with nothing decent on the menu will usually serve you plain chicken breast and veggies. It's boring as heck, but you gotta do what you gotta do... It's just a matter of changing your habits... but you know that. As for your spouse sabotaging you... that's normal too... he probably isn't doing it intentionally, but partners get threatened when they see any kind of change in their partner... it's normal.0 -
I hope this helps:
(I have a skinny spouse who loves meat and potatoes and pizza and beer)
I believe that for most people the hardest part is changing the way we think. For example, I used to believe that it isn't possible or extremely difficult for me to change my weight. Some of us believe the plethora of dieting strategies that are designed to make money. Money based on the aforementioned fears we have about our fate. Other people focus more on blaming society, genetics, or family members for sabataging their efforts. All these thoughts influence our behavior. I know it sounds simple but at the end of the day, we are completely responsible for what we eat, how we think and when we move.
I don't know what pizza and beer have to do with the rest of your post. But I agree.
I also have pizza and liquor twice a week.0 -
THIS IS NOT A PLACE FOR JUDGEMENT OR BRINGING SOME ONE DOWN!! THIS IS A PLACE OF ACCEPTANCE AND CHEERING EACH OTHER ON!! I AM DISGUSTED WITH YOUR RESPONSES MARIA_LOVE!!!!! BE SUPPORTIVE OR (pardon my words Im about to use) F**K OFF!!!!
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You gained all that weight simply because you went out once in a while?
You can eat pretty much anything as long as you burn it all. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I think you're making excuses. In every relationship everyone learns something from other partner. Some good, some bad. You have not learned the good from your partner to eat moderately and are now blaming him
Also, did he literally shoved them in your face? Because if so, might wanna look at your relationship. If not, ask him to take it away since you're trying to lose weight and him bringing all these goodies is not being supportive. You have to remember us ladies put the guys in a tough spot. They try to show affection, we label them unsupportive. Explain to him why a particular action of him is being unsupportive.
Eat, be active, be healthy
a little judgmental there I would say. Unless you have walked a mile in someones shoes you have no right to judge that person.
OP does you husband have poor self esteem. I think some partners are afraid if their significant other looses weight then they will leave them. Sound like you need to have a long talk about what you need and what he needs as well.
I had those same thoughts. I received a lot of attention when I was smaller and he did not like that. I'm sure he don't do it on purpose. He's very supportive. He walks with me in the morning before he goes to work. I don't want people thinking he's this horrible guy. It's just the things he want me to eat or the things he bring into the house makes my journey difficult.0 -
O_o
He can eat more than you. Deal with it. It's not sabotage unless he's forcefeeding you.0 -
I think its far time that we stop blaming others for what we have created in our own lives. My husband is thin, and has never had a problem with weight, while I always struggled. I also used to say this same thing as the OP, whaa whaa whoa, Its so unfair, blah blah blah.
Well guess what I figured out this year:
1: he is WAY more active than me. on his feet most of the day.
2: He doesn't eat as much as I THOUGHT he did. Although he can appear to eat a lot, he balances it out and eats much less at other times.
3: He doesn't emotionally eat. He eats when hungry, stops when full. What a concept.
4. He doesn't have a surplus of fat on his body to use as energy. He has to eat, and a lot more than I do to fuel his body because he is LEANER.
I think you need to suck it up, and go after what you want in life. No one sticks anything in your mouth. YOU DO. Good luck!0 -
Last time I went on this journey I had a husband who shoved (literally) cookies in my mouth. That is extreme, but I have talked to others who their hubys seems to be sabotaging their weight loss. Not sure why it happens. I know how hard it is for me, because honestly I have a food addiction. Especially in the form of carbs. For me if I give into the temptation I crave the crap for weeks.
We were talking about this earlier (my s/o and I) and agreed the reason food addictions are hard is because you can't quit eating cold turkey. lol We have to learn to have a healthier relationship with food. I keep saying I want to eat to live not live to eat.
Hang in there you can do it. Even with my X I was able to lose 90lbs.0 -
My boyfriend also stays slim whatever he eats and wants to put on weight... so we have conflicting goals, which can make things difficult. We both really love good food but he definitely has a healthier approach to it than me and is really supportive, reminding me to stop if I'm getting greedy, but sometimes I find it just brings out my rebellious streak and makes me want the food even more!
If I cook something low cal for dinner he snacks in front of the tv later and I usually end up caving in and eating more too. I guess a big problem with trying to lose weight in a relationship is the habits you share... you have to break your own bad habits and then have the temptation waved in front of you (in most cases unintentionally) by your partner!
Just like the OP and eating out - it's a shared habit, making it even harder to break. Just got to be firm with yourself and your partner and find ways to work around it so you're both happy, even if it means they have to make some concessions to you and change their own habits a little... after all remind them that they'll be rewarded in the end when you end up looking even hotter!0 -
So your husband shoves donuts literally in your face? He's a feeder? He has fat fetishism?
Or you just don't have any self control around donuts? You know you can say no to him, don't you?0
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