How do you accomplish your own dreams while married..?

I'm divorced and raise two kids on my own while having a full time job. I am also going to school to finish my Master's in Psychology and I will be competing in a bodybuilding competition in April. I am able to accomplish my dreams because I want them that bad. I spend my lunch hour in the gym. I stay up late and do homework after the kids are in bed and my weekends are packed with activities like soccer tots, grocery shopping, gym and homework.

I can't tell you how to accomplish your dreams because when you want it bad enough you'll find a way.

I can't tell you how to accomplish your dreams because when you want it bad enough you'll find a way.
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^^^This. Well said!

It's all about talking and communicating. I've been with my boyfriend almost my whole adult life (9 years and bit) but it hasn't held me back. He similarly doesn't often act on self improvement the way I like to but we plan things out so we can both experience new things we enjoy.

Just make it clear that you want to accomplish these things and it's important to you to prioritize them as a couple. Make lists of what they are, ask him if he shares any of those desires. Then plan out which you *can* afford and when you can afford them. Even if it's just one a year or something, you will get things done.

This is a major issue in my opinion. Not because you have different ways of going about things or different goals. Moreso, because if someone loves you, and it's within their power, they will want you to be the best YOU that you can be and they will compromise.

I'd push it and push and do the things anyway. You can offer to cut back on things (to buy) that you have control over that don't effect him in order to save the money to do things like horse riding or travel.

I travel a lot without my hubby and 2 kids because it's part of who I am and my husband 100pc supports this.

I supported my husband through 2 masters degrees and 6 moves for his job. Then the midlife crisis came. He got the sports car, boat, and younger woman in that order. I was a 45 year old stay at home Mom without a resume and no spousal support.. All the women on here should be prepared to support them selves at the very least. Trust me, in 20 years you will not be sorry for the things you did. You will be sorry for the things you didn't do.

Signed, Older than dirt in CO

It's about compromising. I married young at 18 and now 33. I dealt with this issue and continue to. It's normal to want more and better for yourself. My husband was reluctant to change & it almost lead to a divorce. We had to sit down, talk it out and come up with a solution. I wanted to go back to school to finish my masters, but I couldn't expect him to change his work hours, primarily be responsible for household task & attend my kids games by himself. In order to compromise, I am taking classes online. It's about giving and taking. He has dreams, he may not speak of them, but I promise you he does. He may be a little afraid of losing you or himself. My husband was, but he supports me 100% b/c he now understands that it takes a team and neither one of us can expect to do it alone. I continue to grow and change, but I find a way to get it done. I want it that bad!!

Can you be physically separated while you go to UNC? By the way, I love that area.

I am married with 3 kids. 2 of my kids have autism and 1 also ADHD I work full time and my husband also works full time, I work nights he works days. I also workout 6 days a week because this is important to me, in the past year I have successfully completed a number of 10ks and a half marathon. My husband rarely works out saying he doesn't have time, but physically and psychologically I need to workout my husband doesn't get it and will occasionally have a go at me because the house isn't tidy or a shirt not ironed but this is my priority. I make sure my family are sorted of course but everything else can take a backseat. When I didn't make my health a priority everyone suffers. If you don't follow your dreams you -may end up resenting him. You need to talk to him about this and make sure your feelings are heard.

I just go for it! Most of your dreams are more than achievable (and don't seem to require much money, so his excuse isn't valid). I just started going back to school this year after putting it on hold, and my husband is supporting me. He has no determination to follow his own dreams, but that doesn't mean he can hold me back from achieving mine. I always wanted to write my own book, and I did that this year too while he cheered me on. Tell your husband how you feel about this: does he know that you feel like he's holding you back? I know it'll be a tough conversation, but you said he knows how important these things are to you.

I wanted to go back to school to finish my masters, but I couldn't expect him to change his work hours, primarily be responsible for household task & attend my kids games by himself. In order to compromise, I am taking classes online. It's about giving and taking. He has dreams, he may not speak of them, but I promise you he does. He may be a little afraid of losing you or himself. My husband was, but he supports me 100% b/c he now understands that it takes a team and neither one of us can expect to do it alone. I continue to grow and change, but I find a way to get it done. I want it that bad!!

This. After marrying, I found out that I could finish my degree online after leaving school 6 years before due to money issues. It took a lot of compromise from both my husband and I in order to make it work, and it is taking longer than if I was on campus, but I found a way to do it. My husband isn't always supportive, but he knows how much this means to me and he would never think of making me quit. Just talk to your husband and be willing to compromise. Maybe for know, doing school online would be a compromise in order to prove to your husband how committed you are to do this.

Have you thought about sitting down and making a 5-yr plan? Fulfilling your dreams can cost money, it's a matter of picking an choosing what's important to make them happen.

Two years ago my husband and I both felt trapped in jobs we hated. When an opportunity came up for me to move cross-country, we sat down and looked at what the choice would mean, and what the next 5 years would look like. I'm learning and developing in a job that pays enough for him to work part-time and return to school. We acknowledge the sacrifices made for this to happen, but know the long-term reward will be worth it.

You've been given a lot of great advice here - at the end of the day it's your life and your dreams and only you can make them happen.

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I can't tell you how to accomplish your dreams because when you want it bad enough you'll find a way.

^^^This. Well said!
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Totally agree, 100%. I wanted to travel, and I found a way to make it work. I applied to various programs when I was 24, and was lucky enough to be accepted to a program to study abroad in Europe for a full year, all expenses paid.

I was unemployed for a year after I moved back to the U.S., so I didn't have much money. Staying in all the time was not fun at all. I ended up working part time for a dance studio and getting free classes in return.

Honestly, some of your goals seem attainable, like learning how to play the guitar. My friends would always ask how I had enough money to travel. The thing they didn't realize was that I had a very strict budget, always packed my lunch, and lived at home with my folks for a couple of years to save on rent. You'll find a way if it's that important to you.

You've got to make a way to be your own person. If it requires a job, education, whatever it's up to you to do it.

There must be compromise though. Asking him to move so you can attend the college of your choice may be a stretch. Pick a school close to home.

I think skylark has really summed it up. I got married young at 21 and will be celebrating 22 years of marriage this June. In that time I dropped out of school to move for his job because we both knew it was the best decision and I don't regret it one bit., I dropped back in to school, tried learning guitar only to find that it really wasn't for me after all and have had many failures and successes in trying out those things we had always dreamed of doing for ourselves..

We have both worked with eachother through decisions to follow our own dreams and that has been the key. When we have dreams we want to share with eachother we try to negotiate. My husband dragged me onto a horse for the first time in my life last year because he had been wanting to ride and I loved it. I dragged him to a ballroom dance class tha we both ended up hating lol.

You have the rest of yor life together to find and follow your dreams, remind yourself that you don't have to do everything now but at the same time don't sit back and do nothing at all. If you really want something badly enough you will find a way, I would highly recommend talking over the big stuff with your husband because he just might offer you some perspective or alternatives that you hadn't thought of. That is the kind of stuff that cements a relationship, when you find a way to work as a team.

Follow your dreams!

Hi, I just read an artical in opra`s Jan, magazine, you have to read it, I'm kinda in the same boat as your self,I read it and high lighted so key frazes in the inter view, the woman she is inter viewing talks about your gut feeling, I will read it every day( the stuff I hight lighted ) I got very inspired from it, Its going to change my life.