A Miscarraige and Evil Doctor

ashesmf
ashesmf Posts: 100 Member
in Introduce Yourself
February of 2012 I should have been celebrating my 29th birthday and Valentine's Day, but instead I was going through the most heartbreaking thing to have ever happened to me. I wan't feeling well so I went to the Doctor for an antibiotic. The next day he called. I was pumping gas and he told me to sit down. I did and he said, "Congrats! You're Pregnant!" Already having a 4-year-old, my husband and I had been trying since about 3 months after he birth to get pregnant again. It just never seemed to happen. I was elated!! He said the pregnancy hormone was so low I must have come to him just 6 or 7 days pregnant. I immediately made an appointment with the OBGYN. I know people don't usually go for 3 months but I'm overcautious so I told them about my HBP in my first pregnancy to get me in early.
I went for my appt. and he assured me I was pregnant. He said the numbers were kind of low so com back in a few days because the number should double daily. Three days later I went back. My husband and I waited for the results nervously. The doctor returned and said, "The numbers are so low, you must be having a miscarriage. It's no big deal. Just about everyone has them." The lump in my throat grew and the tears began to well. The Doctor said, "You know you probably won't be able to have kids, because you're so big. How many calories do you usually eat?" I had just started a diet, and although those words felt like a truck just smashed into my chest, I muttered, "1500." "Well that's too much for you. If you ever want to lose that fat and have a baby, you're going to have to commit to eating a lean cuisine everyday. 250 calories should do you, since what you're doing isn't working. I'll call in some Phentermine for you so it'll help you not eat."
That day my husband and I struggled to stand and make it home. We laid in bed crying for the day. It seemed like an eternity. My heart was broken. My baby was gone and I was told it was because I was too fat. I've since gained 20 lbs. This time I'm getting my life back. I'm taking control. I'm ready to face the fact that I'm overweight and do something about it. I'm finally over what that Doctor said to me and I'm going to use it for motivation. He's an idiot who made me feel less than human, and 2 feet tall in front of my husband, who wants another child as much as I do. I have more than 100 lbs to lose and it's getting done this year. I've wanted to write this down forever it seems. Thanks for reading if you did.
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Replies

  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    The ****? I will happily beat that doctor in with a sledgehammer for you if you'd like. :explode: I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I really hope you find the support you need here.
  • Ghkffb56
    Ghkffb56 Posts: 263 Member
    My heart goes out to you doll :(... Im sorry this all happen to you! hugs!!!
  • maryannsaunderspreston
    maryannsaunderspreston Posts: 26 Member
    I am so sorry for the ordeal you have to go through! I know what it is like to have a miscarriage, but at least I didn't have such a rude doctor!!! My heart goes out to you. I don't know you, but I am praying for you and that you reach your goal and dreams.
  • twinkychops
    twinkychops Posts: 228 Member
    What an absolute d*** of a doctor!! I would so make a formal complaint that's absolutely disgusting! I've had a similar experience with a doctor and like you I used it as fuel to keep me on track but we shouldn't have to be made to feel that way! Gawd i wish i could go and slap him for you babe x x x Good luck with the weight loss and with having a new bubba x x x
  • surromom2010
    surromom2010 Posts: 457 Member
    that doctor is stupid, 250 cals is a no...just exercise and keep at your 1500. Starving yourself isn't going to make you healthy, you need exercise to help your metabolism, and eat at a reasonable deficit. Increase exercise and food when you hit a plateau, and eventually you will be at numbers you can maintain your goal weight at.
  • nguk123
    nguk123 Posts: 223
    If you have seen a doctor that gave you a medical opinion that you should adopt a 250cal diet... I think that should be reported as he may be unfit to give care. I would consider it a wonderful civic service on your part for flagging such behaviour.
  • ctgirlscout
    ctgirlscout Posts: 90 Member
    Wow, how insensitive! I'm so sorry for you loss. You've taken the first step in taking your life back...just know that you CAN do it and be successful. Sometimes, unfortunately, it takes a traumatic event to push us in the right direction. But it can be done and you will be victorious when you are motivated. I had way over 100 lbs to lose also...still about 60 to go. I never thought I could come this far, but I have and so can you.
  • kelsully
    kelsully Posts: 1,008 Member
    That doctor is an asshat. If he said what you said he said, not what you understood, but if he said those things, he needs to be reported to his medical group. Suggesting you get healthy is one thing, dismissing your feeling about losing a child, and telling you dangerous diet advice is entirely another I suffered 2 miscarriages. People say really really stupid things. They do not understand the grief that goes along with a child dying. I am not comparing a miscarriage to a family losing a child to cancer, I know that is different, but the instant I discovered my pregnancy on I loved those children. I still have them in my heart and love them and think of who they might have been in our lives. I lost them and cannot hug MY kids so do not let anyone diminish your experience.

    I hope you found a new doctor and reported this asshat.
  • JustLindaLou
    JustLindaLou Posts: 376 Member
    My dear!! I hope you know what that doctor told you about how much you should be eating is total BS!!! Study all you can about healthy eating, because an underfed skinny body isn't going to produce a healthy child either. I truly hope you find the right balance for your body, and if you do the right things to take care of it in a sensible, steady weight loss manner - 1-2 lbs a week, not trying to crash off 30 lbs a month or whatever this week's diet fad will tell you - I should not be surprised to find you can become pregnant much sooner than you think. Kids - having them or trying to have them - can be a greta motivator and sustainer for the journey, think of the great example you will set for your children with your healthy eating habits! Drink lots of water, load up the veggies and lean protein, whole grains and some fruit, nuts and olive oil, and do some walking, maybe lift some weights - That is all I am trying to do, that is enough to focus on for now. Wishing you all the best and may a healthy little baby be in the near future for you!!
  • amber1533
    amber1533 Posts: 117 Member
    I am in a similar boat, I found out I was pregnant last Feb and was so ecstatic! It was our second baby and my son was about 18 months. I was about 8 weeks and I had some cramps, but I knew from the beginning that something "wasn't right" and I told my husband that I was afraid, when I started bleeding (it was light at first) everyone even the nurses said it wasn't uncommon to bleed a little in the beginning of a pregnancy but it didn't stop and when I went to the ER they were very rude, they were harsh and the exams were cold. FInally after 4 hours they said you are having a miscarriage. Then the ER doc came in and must have noticed I was upset or whatever and said, "It wasn't really a baby."

    They can be so cold! Although when I went to my actual doctor he told me that since I had a healthy baby before it was likely that I could have one again but getting my weight down and my health issues in check was a top priority so that's a reason I am here today logging and exercising!
  • eruditejaz
    eruditejaz Posts: 2 Member
    I had a miscarriage in May 2012 and I know it completely sucks! Let me know if you need to pray or vent! God Bless you as you grieve, heal and work through your weight loss journey.
  • sarahmichelle91xx
    sarahmichelle91xx Posts: 113 Member
    I'm really sorry to hear that, but that doctor is a complete a**hole! 250 calories? You would be severely ill on a diet like that there's no way you could get enough nutrition.
  • slindsey130
    slindsey130 Posts: 8 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss and shame on that doctor for belittling it. Good luck on your weight loss journey and congrats on taking the first step to health and a second chance at motherhood.
  • bdenitto
    bdenitto Posts: 210 Member
    You have a mission. I am sending you a friend request and maybe the support you find on here will help you achieve your goal!
  • jennileeb1680
    jennileeb1680 Posts: 73 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss, That dr is a douchenozzle. I can rel;ate to what you arfe feeling...My husband and I are also TTC our 2nd child, my daughter is 2 now and we have been trying since may and have suffered losses.My obgyn (also male) told me I need to lose weight in order to concieve.

    We can do this! Add me if you want for support :flowerforyou: :heart:
  • andrear714
    andrear714 Posts: 4 Member
    I too have experience the same thing but 3 times and it is not easy!! I am with you girl... lets beat the odds and get this done!!
  • Kaathmandu
    Kaathmandu Posts: 129
    You poor thing *hug*
    I am so sorry for your loss and having to deal with Dr @sshole on top of that.
    Don't beat yourself up - you don't have a miscarriage because you are overweight.
    There are things that cause them, like overheating, but mostly they don't know why it happens.
    Being overweight makes it more difficult to get pregnant, I'm guessing that is what Dr Idiot was probably trying to get at - in the ignorant, out-dated, last-century theory of "oh well, having another baby will make you 'get over' losing your baby".
    Find another doctor!
  • jilliankristina
    jilliankristina Posts: 10
    I am sorry you had to experience that, even more sorry you didn't have a doctor who was empathetic. I am with you in this journey to loose weight! Thank you for sharing your story with us!
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
    I am so, so sorry you went through that. That's absolutely awful, and you have all my sympathies. I hope sharing your story helps you get closer to closure; I know talking can be a vital healing tool.

    I'm also glad you can recognize how awful that doctor is; I would recommend IMMEDIATELY getting another doctor, and a nutritionist if you can. You might have have a big number to lose, but 1200 is generally the "go to" because it's generally much closer to a BMR. At 250 calories, your body would legitimately have nothing to function on after a few weeks. You can lose sustainable weight at a much higher number.
  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
    Ugh. Maybe he misunderstood and thought you had been constantly eating 1500 not just starting a diet?? I hope. As far as I know doctors receive little to no nutritional education, but I would hope that most have more common sense than to recommend 250 calories a day!!!!
  • rlshopp6
    rlshopp6 Posts: 31 Member
    I am so sorry, that is heartbreaking. To be told what you were in such an insensitive manner, and the timing to hear that when you were dealing with the passing of your baby is that much worse.

    Good for you that you are moving past the hurtfulness of what he said, and good luck with all the things you'll do this year to be healthy, for yourself, and for your family.
  • crudd123
    crudd123 Posts: 244 Member
    I'm so sorry this happened to you. Get a new doctor right away! I always go with a female doctor! They are more understanding! Good luck to you!
  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
    OMG that is disgusting. I hope you wrote a letter of complaint. Advising someone to eat only 250 calories is ridiculous and dangerous - where did he do his medical training? Very sorry about your miscarriage too. Were you bleeding then?

    Try to put what he said behind you and lose weight for you and your future children.
  • Emeraldmist20
    Emeraldmist20 Posts: 2
    You are such a strong woman! Dont' let anything, weight, or stupid doctor get in the way of your goals of holding your new baby.
  • neon7girl
    neon7girl Posts: 230 Member
    I'd file a formal complaint with the state medical board. If nothing else..it will cause him some pain. Sorry to hear he was a jerk to you...unfortunately many are.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    OK, for health reasons, of course you should lose weight. And it is better to be a healthier weight in order to have a healthy pregnancy.

    HOWEVER, since you were so early in your pregnancy, there is a very good chance the baby just wasn't viable and it had NOTHING to do with weight. It's extremely common to miscarry in those early days before even knowing you're pregnant. I read that something like 75% of pregnancies go that way. All you notice is that you have your period. It happens to fat women, skinny women and everyone in between.

    Plenty of overweight women have healthy pregnancies and babies. The fact that the doctor told you to eat 250 calories a day and take a dangerous drug shows you how much what he says should mean to you.

    I'm very sorry for your loss.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    My heart just broke for you. There is something severely wrong with that doctor. Beyond unprofessional. I am so sorry this happened to you.
  • Cindym82
    Cindym82 Posts: 1,245 Member
    Most doctor's don't have bed side manor, let alone know how to speak to a woman. Sorry you had to deal with that on top of the loss of a child. I wish you the best and you can do it!
  • Donica_Marie
    Donica_Marie Posts: 64 Member
    Im so sorry that happened to you that doctor is an *kitten* and very unsensitive ... This year will be your year good luck!!
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    I'm sorry that your doctor was such an *kitten*, especially at such a tender time. There was so much wrong with the way he treated you. He should have never been so callous about your loss, that's a terrible thing. He should have never recommended consuming only 250 calories per day, that's insane. I'm so sorry you went through that, and hopefully as you reclaim your life after that terrible experience and you shed the pounds (and the doctor) you will find your efforts to add to your family successful.

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