Boyfriend help please
skyttles
Posts: 33 Member
I'm having a hard time. I have a lot going on right now and i've been really depressed lately. I'm an emotional eater and my bf is making life difficult for me. He doesn't mean to, I doubt he's even aware it bothers me but I don't know what to do anymore.
My boyfriend is one of those guys who eats whatever he wants and stays thin. He eats out (McDonalds Jack-in the Box etc) at least once a day. I'm ok with this. I'm even ok with him asking me if i would like something even though he knows i'm trying to eat healthy. I'm even ok with him waving the french fry in front of my nose and trying to convince me to have some. I have horrible self control but i know what i want and i can say no.
But then i cook, and he tells me he doesn't understand why i cook because McDonalds is healthier... after all he eats it and doesn't have to watch his weight (and before you ask yes i'm cooking healthy). To make matters worse he won't touch the food i cook, he's a very picky eater, which again is fine to each there own, but he'll wrinkle his nose when i'm cooking, open the window and spray freshener and then look disgusted. He does have a very sensitive nose so i tend to ignore this, but he did this to me when i made eggs w/ turkey bacon and spinach... Its not like i put onion or garlic in it, its as simple as it gets....
He also only eats 1 meal (very big meal ) a day... I eat 5-6 much smaller meals... but about the 2nd or 3rd time i go into the kitchen he'll start going what are you eating now... didn't you just eat... etc.... every single freaking time. This is the only aspect of my life that he does this in, he's not a meddling guy usually.
It makes it really tough. I eat less calories than him, i eat healthier than him, my food costs less than his and we're on a tight budget, yet i don't complain or judge his choices yet i feel like that's all he does to me. Its making sticking to a healthy lifestyle feel unhealthy which is really hard.
I know my actions are my own, but i could use some advice. Should i ask him to back off. Should i just continue to try to ignore it and figure once life gets a little better i won't be so sensitive and this won't be so rough. Anyone in a similar situation? How do you keep your sanity!
My boyfriend is one of those guys who eats whatever he wants and stays thin. He eats out (McDonalds Jack-in the Box etc) at least once a day. I'm ok with this. I'm even ok with him asking me if i would like something even though he knows i'm trying to eat healthy. I'm even ok with him waving the french fry in front of my nose and trying to convince me to have some. I have horrible self control but i know what i want and i can say no.
But then i cook, and he tells me he doesn't understand why i cook because McDonalds is healthier... after all he eats it and doesn't have to watch his weight (and before you ask yes i'm cooking healthy). To make matters worse he won't touch the food i cook, he's a very picky eater, which again is fine to each there own, but he'll wrinkle his nose when i'm cooking, open the window and spray freshener and then look disgusted. He does have a very sensitive nose so i tend to ignore this, but he did this to me when i made eggs w/ turkey bacon and spinach... Its not like i put onion or garlic in it, its as simple as it gets....
He also only eats 1 meal (very big meal ) a day... I eat 5-6 much smaller meals... but about the 2nd or 3rd time i go into the kitchen he'll start going what are you eating now... didn't you just eat... etc.... every single freaking time. This is the only aspect of my life that he does this in, he's not a meddling guy usually.
It makes it really tough. I eat less calories than him, i eat healthier than him, my food costs less than his and we're on a tight budget, yet i don't complain or judge his choices yet i feel like that's all he does to me. Its making sticking to a healthy lifestyle feel unhealthy which is really hard.
I know my actions are my own, but i could use some advice. Should i ask him to back off. Should i just continue to try to ignore it and figure once life gets a little better i won't be so sensitive and this won't be so rough. Anyone in a similar situation? How do you keep your sanity!
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Replies
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You're probably going to continue to be annoyed and frustrated by it if you ignore it. I would ask him politely not to comment about food -- maybe say that for one week you don't want to say anything about food and see how it goes.
you can also show him your food diary and explain to him how it works. if he gives you trouble for eating "too much" just show him that you are on track with calories and weight loss. he can't argue with that.
bottom line, he should be supportive of you in your goals!0 -
I'm having a hard time. I have a lot going on right now and i've been really depressed lately. I'm an emotional eater and my bf is making life difficult for me. He doesn't mean to, I doubt he's even aware it bothers me but I don't know what to do anymore.
My boyfriend is one of those guys who eats whatever he wants and stays thin. He eats out (McDonalds Jack-in the Box etc) at least once a day. I'm ok with this. I'm even ok with him asking me if i would like something even though he knows i'm trying to eat healthy. I'm even ok with him waving the french fry in front of my nose and trying to convince me to have some. I have horrible self control but i know what i want and i can say no.
But then i cook, and he tells me he doesn't understand why i cook because McDonalds is healthier... after all he eats it and doesn't have to watch his weight (and before you ask yes i'm cooking healthy). To make matters worse he won't touch the food i cook, he's a very picky eater, which again is fine to each there own, but he'll wrinkle his nose when i'm cooking, open the window and spray freshener and then look disgusted. He does have a very sensitive nose so i tend to ignore this, but he did this to me when i made eggs w/ turkey bacon and spinach... Its not like i put onion or garlic in it, its as simple as it gets....
He also only eats 1 meal (very big meal ) a day... I eat 5-6 much smaller meals... but about the 2nd or 3rd time i go into the kitchen he'll start going what are you eating now... didn't you just eat... etc.... every single freaking time. This is the only aspect of my life that he does this in, he's not a meddling guy usually.
It makes it really tough. I eat less calories than him, i eat healthier than him, my food costs less than his and we're on a tight budget, yet i don't complain or judge his choices yet i feel like that's all he does to me. Its making sticking to a healthy lifestyle feel unhealthy which is really hard.
I know my actions are my own, but i could use some advice. Should i ask him to back off. Should i just continue to try to ignore it and figure once life gets a little better i won't be so sensitive and this won't be so rough. Anyone in a similar situation? How do you keep your sanity!
It sounds to me like your boyfriend is suffering from a condition known as "HesanAsshole" basically it causes him to do things that a normal person would think very rude but for him it seems normal.
No matter what course of action you choose you should definitely tell him to back off.
I think your best option is a jerkectomy. What this does for you is relieves the stress by removing the cause. It basically takes your boyfriend and relocates him to a different place where he will be free to suffer out his condition in solitude. The main advantage to this one is it actually results in you being single which frees you up to find a guy that is more supportive and deserving.0 -
If you're not happy in your situation now and are getting angry and frustrated with your boyfriend, then I would suggest you say something to him. Otherwise you will begin to resent him and your relationship will suffer.
Good luck with your goals and stay strong!0 -
To be honest, it sounds like you are dating a big baby.
People like that do not change. If you don't want to deal with that then kick him to the curb now.0 -
:brokenheart: Find a new boyfriend....take it from someone who will be married 30 yrs. this Valentine's, sweetie....:flowerforyou:
I just recently joined MFP advice from surgery consultant, I need to loose 20 lbs. before surgery. My husband loves his fried, fatty foods, and his Bud....but I weighed 270, down to 258.3, I joined MFP 12-27-2012 and I will never see 270, 260 AGAIN...my husband still eats his way but in NO way would he ever think of making fun or ridiculing me for doing this, suceed or fail I know have his support 100%....you need support....if your boyfriend doesn't provide it...get a new one before you make him your husband....
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He's a wonderful guy in a lot of ways but he can be horribly insensitive. He was an only child and his people skills aren't that great.. obviously. Usually when somehting bothers me i let him know and then he realizes and changes, he's always been really good about that, i think this is just hitting me harder than usual... usually he doesn't hurt my feelings. I guess my thing is, I don't' want to make him feel bad by saying something... i know he supports my goals and doesn't have a clue he's hurting me and i think i'm overly sensitive right now due to stress, but yea i need to suck it up and just say something. Its frustrating and thats not healthy, for either one of us. I'll let him know its bothering me, thank you for the advice0
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Sounds like an immature jerk who doesn't respect you.. why are you together again?0
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I would say this... in a relationship both people need to support each other in what ever they choose to do n life. This includes trying to better yourself. If a person finds themslf in a situation where their significant other is not supportive then maybe they should end the relationship. Now, that would obviously come after making sure the boyfriend is aware of how you're feeling.0
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Tell him to cut it the frick out or you're going to stand over his meals and complain about the stench. Then follow through.
I can relate because I love sweet and sour beets, and when I would make it, my husband and son would complain that it smelled like I was boiling dirty socks. I told them they best stop complaining and go somewhere else or I was going to serve up nothing but for the rest of their unnatural lives.0 -
DROP THE ZERO AND GET WITH A HERO!!!
Um, yea, divorce and kicking em to the curb are always the answer. Before asking him to please stop of course!
To the OP, take the fella aside, and explain that he needs to not talk to you about your food timing and choices.0 -
I'm having a hard time. I have a lot going on right now and i've been really depressed lately. I'm an emotional eater and my bf is making life difficult for me. He doesn't mean to, I doubt he's even aware it bothers me but I don't know what to do anymore.
My boyfriend is one of those guys who eats whatever he wants and stays thin. He eats out (McDonalds Jack-in the Box etc) at least once a day. I'm ok with this. I'm even ok with him asking me if i would like something even though he knows i'm trying to eat healthy. I'm even ok with him waving the french fry in front of my nose and trying to convince me to have some. I have horrible self control but i know what i want and i can say no.
But then i cook, and he tells me he doesn't understand why i cook because McDonalds is healthier... after all he eats it and doesn't have to watch his weight (and before you ask yes i'm cooking healthy). To make matters worse he won't touch the food i cook, he's a very picky eater, which again is fine to each there own, but he'll wrinkle his nose when i'm cooking, open the window and spray freshener and then look disgusted. He does have a very sensitive nose so i tend to ignore this, but he did this to me when i made eggs w/ turkey bacon and spinach... Its not like i put onion or garlic in it, its as simple as it gets....
He also only eats 1 meal (very big meal ) a day... I eat 5-6 much smaller meals... but about the 2nd or 3rd time i go into the kitchen he'll start going what are you eating now... didn't you just eat... etc.... every single freaking time. This is the only aspect of my life that he does this in, he's not a meddling guy usually.
It makes it really tough. I eat less calories than him, i eat healthier than him, my food costs less than his and we're on a tight budget, yet i don't complain or judge his choices yet i feel like that's all he does to me. Its making sticking to a healthy lifestyle feel unhealthy which is really hard.
I know my actions are my own, but i could use some advice. Should i ask him to back off. Should i just continue to try to ignore it and figure once life gets a little better i won't be so sensitive and this won't be so rough. Anyone in a similar situation? How do you keep your sanity!
It sounds to me like your boyfriend is suffering from a condition known as "HesanAsshole" basically it causes him to do things that a normal person would think very rude but for him it seems normal.
No matter what course of action you choose you should definitely tell him to back off.
I think your best option is a jerkectomy. What this does for you is relieves the stress by removing the cause. It basically takes your boyfriend and relocates him to a different place where he will be free to suffer out his condition in solitude. The main advantage to this one is it actually results in you being single which frees you up to find a guy that is more supportive and deserving.
^^^LOL Great answer:laugh: And I agree - sounds like your boyfriend is very immature and insensitive. And I'm sorry but what moron actually thinks that McDonald's is healthier than a home cooked meal?! Sound like he may have some underhanded sabotage going on. Tell him grow up or get out.0 -
1 - break up
2 - stop focusing so much on what he's doing and worry about committing to what you're doing. You're using his lifestyle as a crutch and an excuse. If he's "waving french fries" in your face constantly tell him it's a-not funny and b-disrespectful . . . consenting to the french fry is consenting to the behavior.
My husband eats 1 or 2 large meals a day, I graze my way through the day. I focus on my thing, he focuses on his, it works for both of us.0 -
I would say this... in a relationship both people need to support each other in what ever they choose to do n life. This includes trying to better yourself. If a person finds themslf in a situation where their significant other is not supportive then maybe they should end the relationship. Now, that would obviously come after making sure the boyfriend is aware of how you're feeling.
Totally agree! I too have a boyfriend that can eat whatever he wants and not gain a thing, i on the other hand have managed to pack on almost 50lbs in the span of our 6 year relationship. He is very supportive and if I cook something healthy he will eat it.
To be fair to your boyfriend I think it is important that you say something and that it gives him the chance to change his ways. If you cant be supported after that it might be time to look for support else where. He just cant change something that is bothering you if he doesnt know its bothering you to begin with (even if it is something that should seem so obvious).0 -
It sounds to me like your boyfriend is suffering from a condition known as "HesanAsshole" basically it causes him to do things that a normal person would think very rude but for him it seems normal.
No matter what course of action you choose you should definitely tell him to back off.
I think your best option is a jerkectomy. What this does for you is relieves the stress by removing the cause. It basically takes your boyfriend and relocates him to a different place where he will be free to suffer out his condition in solitude. The main advantage to this one is it actually results in you being single which frees you up to find a guy that is more supportive and deserving.
What he said! LOL to Jerkectomy! I had to get rid of my guy when I made my lifestyle change. He just didnt fit with the new me...but the NEW guy does!0 -
Your problem is the turkey bacon. There is no bacon on a turkey. Eat real bacon and everything will be better for you.0
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He sounds like an insensitive ****. I'd reconsider my relationship with a guy who didn't seem to give a **** about my feelings. He might eat fast food all the time and never gain weight but I'm sure he's incredibly unhealthy....tell him that!0
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I must say, the fact someone is skinny doesn't mean they're healthy, and eating junk will, at some point, start to wear on your body.
But to the point, have you told him what's bothering you?0 -
My kids do the same thing. And, no, I'm not trying to call him a child LOL It's just that sometimes it's hard to entice picky eaters into trying new things. My BF is the same way as far as eating out at least once a day and still managing to stay trim. I've found that including him on the prep/cooking of meals has helped tremendously! We make it a part of our "date night". We go to the store and pick out foods we can make together at home. I've gotten him to try new foods he'd otherwise not touch. When he tries to tempt me into eating things that aren't so good for me, I remind him that I'm trying to get healthy for me and sexy for him. He's all about being supportive when I put it like that!0
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So tell him everything you just posted.
1. If you don't like the smell, get out of the kitchen.
2. If you don't like what I cook, feed yourself.
3. You are never allowed to comment on what, when or how frequent I eat.0 -
Honestly - you're in control of yourself. You control your emotions, and you control what you eat.
Make it a personal goal to eat healthy.
Everytime someone (including your bf) attempts to get you to eat unhealthy, just stay strong and continue to eat healthy. You will feel like you accomplished a goal every single time this happens, which will keep you motivated in the future.
Good luck on being healthy - and remember - you're in control0 -
Just break up.0
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:brokenheart: Find a new boyfriend....take it from someone who will be married 30 yrs. this Valentine's, sweetie....:flowerforyou:
I just recently joined MFP advice from surgery consultant, I need to loose 20 lbs. before surgery. My husband loves his fried, fatty foods, and his Bud....but I weighed 270, down to 258.3, I joined MFP 12-27-2012 and I will never see 270, 260 AGAIN...my husband still eats his way but in NO way would he ever think of making fun or ridiculing me for doing this, suceed or fail I know have his support 100%....you need support....if your boyfriend doesn't provide it...get a new one before you make him your husband....
This... FIND A NEW BOYFRIEND. Why stay with THAT?0 -
Sounds like many here are saying what I am thinking about this. Honesty is the best policy and if he doesn't choose to support you then you have a decision to make.
And in my personal opinion and experience I can tell you having an unsupportive know-it-all as your significant other is extremely taxing to both your body and emotions and when you are working on you... what you need is support and not criticism. And he certainly sounds like he's been more critical of you than supportive.0 -
rent the video "supersize me" and watch with boyfriend.
Stick to your healthy cooking and eating, and you will out live McBoyfriend.
(that sounds cruel, I mean him no harm, I just hope he figures it out before high blood pressure, diabetes, gout and heart diseas set in)0 -
Sweetie.... you are completely fooling yourself if you think how he is acting is ok... he has a nasty case of *kitten*! As hard as it, is you need to tell him to support you, love you and treat you with respect or... well, F**K OFF. You deserve better.0
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This sounds like a pretty significant lack of understanding and respect on your boyfriend's part. I've been there. I am lucky to have someone way more supportive now.
McDonalds is healthier because he isn't gaining? Sit him down to watch Super Size Me or something like that, just to give him something on the other side of that spectrum. Skinny doesn't mean automatically healthy if that's what he is eating all day.
You sound like you know what you are doing, and could really use some positive support. I'd suggest looking for support elsewhere, and consider if you find it worth taking the time and effort to educate your boyfriend about the food he is eating.
Keep cooking for yourself, don't worry if he eats it, and portion it out in to small lunch sized containers for later, immediately. Get a food scale and be aware of how much you eat, and look up the nutritional values of your recipes. Keep it up! Don't get down!0 -
You said he may not be aware he is making you feel this way? How can he know if you don't tell him. Everyone is quick to say get rid of him, but if you don't communicate with him then it isn't all his fault.
Talk to the man, then, if it doesn't get better then you can kick him to the curb. But at least give him a chance to fix it.
Just my opinion.0 -
It sounds to me like your boyfriend is suffering from a condition known as "HesanAsshole" basically it causes him to do things that a normal person would think very rude but for him it seems normal.
No matter what course of action you choose you should definitely tell him to back off.
I think your best option is a jerkectomy. What this does for you is relieves the stress by removing the cause. It basically takes your boyfriend and relocates him to a different place where he will be free to suffer out his condition in solitude. The main advantage to this one is it actually results in you being single which frees you up to find a guy that is more supportive and deserving.
Well, I have to agree with the above. I wouldn't have said it so "eloquently" though, but you hit the nail on the head there.
My wife had a roommate with a boyfriend like yours and they "were" engaged. We couldn't stand watching him run her down. She finally wised up and dumped his *kitten*! I don't think any relationship is worth the emotional distress he is causing you.
Good Luck.0 -
You're afraid of hurting him by telling him he's hurting you? If it's bothering you so much, you HAVE to say something. Simple.0
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sit him down and tell him everything you just wrote down and demand more support from him.0
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