Boyfriend help please

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  • GretchenReine
    GretchenReine Posts: 1,427 Member
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    It sounds to me like your boyfriend is suffering from a condition known as "HesanAsshole" basically it causes him to do things that a normal person would think very rude but for him it seems normal.

    No matter what course of action you choose you should definitely tell him to back off.

    I think your best option is a jerkectomy. What this does for you is relieves the stress by removing the cause. It basically takes your boyfriend and relocates him to a different place where he will be free to suffer out his condition in solitude. The main advantage to this one is it actually results in you being single which frees you up to find a guy that is more supportive and deserving.

    Well said!!!
  • TriShamelessly
    TriShamelessly Posts: 905 Member
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    Sounds like an immature jerk who doesn't respect you.. why are you together again?

    From a guy, this!
  • LPJackson76
    LPJackson76 Posts: 67 Member
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    It sounds to me like your boyfriend is suffering from a condition known as "HesanAsshole" basically it causes him to do things that a normal person would think very rude but for him it seems normal.

    I think your best option is a jerkectomy. What this does for you is relieves the stress by removing the cause. It basically takes your boyfriend and relocates him to a different place where he will be free to suffer out his condition in solitude. The main advantage to this one is it actually results in you being single which frees you up to find a guy that is more supportive and deserving.

    THIS IN SPADES!!!
  • PayneAS
    PayneAS Posts: 669 Member
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    Not reading anything other than the first post and my advice is to kick him to the curb.

    Spraying air freshener for cooking? Really? He needs to grow up. What did his parents do when he was a kid? Did he have the disrespect to spray air freshener when either parent cooked for him? Ridiculous.

    Ask yourself... do you really want to put up with this for the rest of your life (or however long the relationship lasts). He's not being supportive *at all* and it is unacceptable.
  • jello1369
    jello1369 Posts: 36 Member
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    Honey, I don't know how old you are nor how long you've been with this guy, but I can tell your writing from the heart.
    It's easy for just about all of us to recognize that your relationship is one where if you a family member, you would look at it and say "He's bad for her" and want to tell her to get out...NOW.

    Emotions aside, you need to do some deep down soul searching to determine if this guy (whom you're not legally bound to..thank goodness) is supportive of you and your goals as much as you are of his. A boyfriend/husband is supposed to be a team mate. A team mate who's on your side.

    Think about it.

    And by the way...don't fret about his "he can eat what he wants and never gain weight." Eating all the McDonalds you want and not gain weight in no way makes you healthy. Nor does it make you a healthy person if you can't support your girlfriends aspirations.

    It may be a new year and a time for a new life that is focused on you and your wellbeing in more ways than one.

    Good luck!
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    I cant understand what happens to a girl when she gets a boyfriend that makes her unable to make decisions for herself as an individual and then turn around and make like its all his fault when she is the one that changed, not him.

    I can't understand when people - men or women - think that it is a good idea to get advice from people they don't know about their relationships, especially when they haven't really had a serious convo with the SO.

    I cant believe women think its ok to go on the internet and bad mouth their man in writing about private relationship business!!! hahahaha
  • emyishardcore
    emyishardcore Posts: 352 Member
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    1 - break up

    2 - stop focusing so much on what he's doing and worry about committing to what you're doing. You're using his lifestyle as a crutch and an excuse. If he's "waving french fries" in your face constantly tell him it's a-not funny and b-disrespectful . . . consenting to the french fry is consenting to the behavior.

    My husband eats 1 or 2 large meals a day, I graze my way through the day. I focus on my thing, he focuses on his, it works for both of us.
    This
  • lilmisfit
    lilmisfit Posts: 860 Member
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    You want my advice? Break up with him. He's a loser.
  • dawnp1833
    dawnp1833 Posts: 264 Member
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    Your boyfriend sounds like an immature d**k.

    You don't want to hurt his feelings by saying something to him, but it's OK for him to hurt your feelings by being so un-supportive and juvenile? You are just allowing him to continue to treat you this way.

    Get rid of this guy and find yourself a grown up relationship.
  • Bobby__Clerici
    Bobby__Clerici Posts: 741 Member
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    I cant understand what happens to a girl when she gets a boyfriend that makes her unable to make decisions for herself as an individual and then turn around and make like its all his fault when she is the one that changed, not him.

    I can't understand when people - men or women - think that it is a good idea to get advice from people they don't know about their relationships, especially when they haven't really had a serious convo with the SO.

    I cant believe women think its ok to go on the internet and bad mouth their man in writing about private relationship business!!! hahahaha
    ^^^^^^
    THIS
    The whole world does not change just because I decided to eat healthy and try to live better.
    I don't make my problems other people's problems.
    Buck up!
  • SusanRenee35
    SusanRenee35 Posts: 182 Member
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    anyone who says mcdonalds is healthy needs their head examined...sorry :(
    Take him to the curb
  • Bea2Beautiful
    Bea2Beautiful Posts: 5
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    He sounds like a jerk and my first advice would be to break up with him, but he MIGHT change. Three things:

    FIRST-- Ask him to quit being a jerk (perhaps not quite as bluntly...)
    SECOND-- If he refuses to be nice and support you, break up with him.
    THIRD-- Do not EVER marry him. If you do, you will be miserable for the rest of your life.

    Also, anyone who says Mcdonalds is healthy AT ALL, let alone healthier than a home-cooked meal is obviously nuts. I'm sorry, but its true, and all that junk food is going to come back and bite him in the ***, whether or not he is skinny.
  • merzback
    merzback Posts: 453 Member
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    One of my BIL (early 60s) is literally is dying from a lifetime of eating Micky D's and Burger King stuff. He was skinny in his 20s too.


    exactly- my dad ended up with heart failure due to poor eating habits but assumed that since he was thin, he could EAT ANYTHING as many thin people think until it bites them in the *kitten*.
    I don't want to tell this woman what to do but her boyfriend sounds childish, non supportive and immature.
  • Bobby__Clerici
    Bobby__Clerici Posts: 741 Member
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    What's wrong?

    Woman: "He just wont change!!"
    Man: "She changed."

    ROFLMAO
    Right, and just what is he really guilty of?
    He's thin and can eat what he wants. Yeat, break up...:laugh:
  • skyttles
    skyttles Posts: 33 Member
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    Iron lately we have been tight on money so he stops and gets one big meal that consists of whatever he likes. Even when we weren’t he still usually only ate once but that one meal consists of whatever he wanted (4 double cheese burgers, chilli fries etc…) Does that make more sense?
    Allabtm reread my post… Telling me I’m using his lifestyle as a crutch and an excuse implies that I’m giving in or using it as a way to avoid dealing with my problems directly. I don’t eat the French fry unless I had already decided it would be part of my day. His behavior isn’t effecting my actions just my emotions…. But let me guess nothing should ever bother someone right?
    Auroranflash I do tend to agree turkey bacon is rather blasphemous…. However I grew up on it and am kind of partial to it… go figure. But yea real bacon makes everything better :)
    To everyone, thank you for the responses. I know his way of eating isn’t healthy but you can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change. He also agrees that when we have kids they will eat what I cook because he doesn’t eat that healthy… go figure. (Yes that’s a complete contradiction to what he’s been saying to me recently, i think maybe he intends it to be funny)
    I’m not leaving him. Our relationship is pretty healthy outside of this. He can be insensitive but it’s always been due to lack of understanding before and he changes immediately once he knows its bothering me. I have my faults too.

    Don’t judge him harshly, that wasn't the intention of this post, this was just a rant. I'm confused and trying to find clarity. I’m having a pretty rough month due to unrelated issues. I’m sure at one time or another we could all post some way that our SO has been insensitive or lacking in some way, but that doesn't define who they are or whether or not the relationship is healthy. I don’t think leaving is always the answer, you have to grow together in a relationship to make it work. (That being said I do feel that if the relationship is unhealthy and hurtful you should get out and run as fast as you can and not look back.)

    When it comes down to it I guess was asking if I was being overly sensitive or if it was as big of a deal as I felt it was. When it comes down to it I have to talk to him either way. Otherwise I’m making our relationship unhealthy by allowing problems and frustration to fester. Thank you for all the advice it’s greatly greatly appreciated.
    And a special thank you to those of you who didn't put him or me down and recommended communicating and then acting as needed, I’m trying to make being healthy a lifestyle change which touches more than just diet... thanks for the reminder.
  • djshari
    djshari Posts: 513 Member
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    What you could do is bore him to death with details until he stops asking ;) if he asks what you are eating or "eating again?" say that yes ,you need this meal of xx calories which will contribute to your daily goal of xx calories. Go on and on about carbs and proteins and how these details will help you reach your goals. Annoy him with your healthy foods like MMMM BROCCOLI... want some??? he may feel bad that you are making an effort and he doesn't want things to change so keep it positive and light as much as possible.

    I also had a picky eater boyfriend... he didn't like things I made and had a lot of fast food. He didn't argue with me about what I ate but I often nixed certain dishes because I didn't want to make it for just me. Then his mother actually said *I* was making him fat... I said "no, your son is making himself fat, I cannot control what he puts into his mouth". I feel for ya!
  • littlewhittles
    littlewhittles Posts: 402 Member
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    To quote Dan Savage, "DTMFA."

    Okay, maybe not that, but he is WAY out of line. Not supportive, rude... you need to tell him to back off, knock it off, and respect you.
  • believe22
    believe22 Posts: 210 Member
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    I'd definitely say something to him. He probably doesn't even know that he's being annoying. And don't worry about him not wanting the food you cook. My boyfriend goes hungry or makes his own food 5 or 6 days a week. I make a healthy meals and if he doesn't want to eat that, then oh well. He's the pickiest person ever, the only veggie he'll eat is corn, and it has to be drowned in butter and salt, he hates fish, barely eats chicken, doesn't like anything whole wheat/grain. So we cook at eat our own foods, and it's fine with me.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    Sounds like you guys are a poor match to me. If you've never been with the right one, you don't know how a good relationship is supposed to feel. When you're with the right person you'll know it. You feel safe, respected, complete. You shouldn't be with someone who makes you feel insecure, unhappy or annoyed. The longer you string this relationship out, the more time you are wasting...Good luck!
  • Cazra84
    Cazra84 Posts: 6
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    I agree with a whole bunch of people here. Your boyfriend doesn't sound particularly supportive about something that is very important to you. Perhaps he's being insensitive or perhaps he doesn't want you to lose weight because it will make you more attractive and he has his own self confidence issues relating to that.

    Whatever the reason I think you really need to take a good look at your situation and ask yourself if he is condusive with your happiness. If he is not willing to compromise or at least help you out then I think you need a good talk. Weight loss can only happen with a strong will and good support. If you can't get it from him and want to stay with him then you need to find another group of people who will support you.

    And, in agreement with another post, he can get out of the kitchen if he doesn't like the smell and he can keep his comments about 'healthy' to himself. Take out food is not healthy and one day it will catch up with him in some way or another!

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