Spouse/partner etc, is paranoid
Replies
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It's because your probably looking so damm fine lol0
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I think those people on the thread who have noted this is an insecurity issue on your partner's part are dead on. It's difficult for one half of a relationship to be into fitness and not the other half.
When I started going to yoga at the studio ALL THE TIME my husband made some little jokes about me having an affair (I won't even tell you the comments I've received about my upcoming yoga retreat in Costa Rica) but the reality is, he really appreciates the hard work I put in and the body that is the result of that hard work. So results over time are usually the best proof that you're doing something for YOU and not for someone else.
Sorry you're going through this. It's hard when you don't have the support you'd like or need. But the bottom line is that your health and fitness are yours to own... so you'll have to figure out how to handle the paranoia and make sure you stay on track.0 -
My boyfriend doesn't worry about that, but he gets kind of "jealous" of the time I spend there, since sometimes it's a while. He wants me to spend that time with him. He's been informed that it's happening anyway.
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I ad this issue two years ago when I first started losing weight. Mind you I am not a big girl to begin with, but something made my husband snap. I lost 15 pounds and other men were starting to notice and of course would hit on me when we were out. My husband got to the point where he was convinced I was having an affair. So after I fell out of habit and gained all my weight back, it is now getting back to normal. Of course I am afraid this will happen again with me trying to lose weight, so I have convinced him to lose with me. Maybe if I make it an activity we both do, he wont get so jealous.0
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That sucks. Have you offered to have him go to therapy so he can work out his trust and insecurity issues ?
^ This....another reason it is good to be single.....lmao!
hmmm.
A simple conversation and/or inclusive gesture could cure the issue. No need to suggest the guy needs therapy.
No it doesn't. Then you are behaving only because he or she is there.
I can't figure out what you are saying...0 -
lol no. he's more worried about the faculty members who hit on me at work :P then again he does accompany me to the gym sometimes and we flirt in between sets0
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That sucks. Have you offered to have him go to therapy so he can work out his trust and insecurity issues ?
^ This....another reason it is good to be single.....lmao!
hmmm.
A simple conversation and/or inclusive gesture could cure the issue. No need to suggest the guy needs therapy.
No it doesn't. Then you are behaving only because he or she is there.
I can't figure out what you are saying...
I think they are saying is that if you go to couples counseling, that everyone acts perfect so the therapy, basically, might not work.0 -
My husband can get a little insecure sometimes. But recently his best friend told him to be careful or I might trade him in for a better model since I'm losing weight. What a *kitten*.0
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I deal with this DAILY. I just ignore him. He can be as insecure, paranoid and miserable as he wants, I still feel good ... and I feel even better after 2 hours at the gym!
He's gone with me a couple of times, followed me around like a puppy dog, puffed his chest out all caveman-like (can you say moobies and beer gut?) and gets upset that I want to work out with earbuds instead of his oh-so-stimulating conversation.
Mine is terrified I'm going to get "hot" and leave. I tell him to stop being an *kitten*. Kids are still too young for me to kick him to the curb :bigsmile:0 -
That sucks. Have you offered to have him go to therapy so he can work out his trust and insecurity issues ?
Fixed.
^YEP.
And the day that my husband started questioning my motives when I have never, ever done anything in our marriage, ever, to have to mistrust me.... there would be a nuclear junk-punch heard 'round the world. Have you ever given him a reason to think you're like that?
nucleur junk-punch heard 'round the world...omg..I am stealing this line from you....EPIC
haha I really would.. and that's probably an understatement. I could not be with or married to someone who was jealous/insecure/paranoid, etc. I'm way too chatty and friendly (with everyone!) and love people too much. To have someone questioning my motives for existing........ stab to kill.0 -
That sucks. Have you offered to have him go to therapy so he can work out his trust and insecurity issues ?
^ This....another reason it is good to be single.....lmao!
hmmm.
A simple conversation and/or inclusive gesture could cure the issue. No need to suggest the guy needs therapy.
No it doesn't. Then you are behaving only because he or she is there.
I can't figure out what you are saying...
I invited my ex to the gym and was told I was only behaving because he was there. As soon as he left, I'd be back to flirting with all the men. I invited him tanning because he was sure I only went to flirt with the guys who worked there. The entire staff was women but I still never heard the end of it.
Including an insecure person does not make them any more secure.0 -
That sucks. Have you offered to have him go to therapy so he can work out his trust and insecurity issues ?
^ This....another reason it is good to be single.....lmao!
hmmm.
A simple conversation and/or inclusive gesture could cure the issue. No need to suggest the guy needs therapy.
No it doesn't. Then you are behaving only because he or she is there.
I can't figure out what you are saying...
I think they are saying is that if you go to couples counseling, that everyone acts perfect so the therapy, basically, might not work.
Yeah but I was speaking against counseling though0 -
I think when one person is getting serious about health and fitness and the other is not, there are some insecurities that come to the surface. There are dots being connected here, even if they're just imaginary dots...i.e. you become healthier and more fit, you become more attractive...you become more attractive and obviously other people will be attracted to you...one things leads to another and bada bing! There's also probably a component in there of feeling that the more attractive you become, the less attractive/appealing he may be and basically that you'd be too attractive for him.
I have a feeling that it might have something to do with this kind of insecurities. I workout at home, I have 2 little kids so there is no chance for me to go anywhere else. However the more I get into fitness and healthy living, the more opposition I find from his side. In a way I feel he is trying to drag me down. And if he succeeds he will feel safe, IMO I think it is better for them to complain about how fat you are becoming than facing their insecurities if you get fitter and fitter while they are just lying on the couch.0 -
That sucks. Have you offered to have him go to therapy so he can work out his trust and insecurity issues ?
^ This....another reason it is good to be single.....lmao!
hmmm.
A simple conversation and/or inclusive gesture could cure the issue. No need to suggest the guy needs therapy.
No it doesn't. Then you are behaving only because he or she is there.
I can't figure out what you are saying...
I invited my ex to the gym and was told I was only behaving because he was there. As soon as he left, I'd be back to flirting with all the men. I invited him tanning because he was sure I only went to flirt with the guys who worked there. The entire staff was women but I still never heard the end of it.
Including an insecure person does not make them any more secure.
You do realize that not every guy in the world is like your ex, right ?0 -
Husband has said this many times as I am kissing him goodbye when I'm off to the gym: "if you cheat on me I'll kill you." LOL He doesn't mean it...he used to go to the gym with me so he knows what I do. Only guys I talk to are the employees in the front and my instructor.
I know I don't go to the gym to hook up with hotties...I do check some of them out though.0 -
He's insecure.
Nothing can change that but him, and the more touchy he gets, the more puny he becomes.
If this guy does not toughen up, he might just make his nightmare reality.0 -
That sucks. Have you offered to have him go to therapy so he can work out his trust and insecurity issues ?
^ This....another reason it is good to be single.....lmao!
hmmm.
A simple conversation and/or inclusive gesture could cure the issue. No need to suggest the guy needs therapy.
No it doesn't. Then you are behaving only because he or she is there.
I can't figure out what you are saying...
I invited my ex to the gym and was told I was only behaving because he was there. As soon as he left, I'd be back to flirting with all the men. I invited him tanning because he was sure I only went to flirt with the guys who worked there. The entire staff was women but I still never heard the end of it.
Including an insecure person does not make them any more secure.
You do realize that not every guy in the world is like your ex, right ?
Never said they were. My ex was a paranoid, insecure person. Many men I know are confident.0 -
yes mine does....I mean really I go to the gym I come home sweaty and nasty (even my clothes are sweaty and nasty) so?????
Such insecurities....0 -
ok, i gotta say, that is extremely unhealthy! he either has some major esteem issues or has a guilty mind, himself... thats just that. i would set boundaries asap. you need to let him know that he is 100% in the wrong, and that you will not tolerate this type of treatment, because if you think about it, he is basically saying he DOESNT TRUST YOU! you need to make it clear to him that he has 2 choices, either he can go with and get fit, or, he can sit at home while you go, and keep his untrusting or guilty mind out of the gutter.0
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Does any else husband/wife etc, feel when you head to the gym that you may meet the man or woman of your dreams there and then you will want to leave them?
its so frickn stupid but mine thinks so.
im heavily into fitness my partner is not .
<sigh> mine. A few months ago he said something to the effect of "I almost wouldn't mind you staying fat so I wouldn't have to worry about who you might be meeting".
I am very careful when I mention anything about the gym. Around Thanksgiving I told him something about some 80yo guy complimenting me on my biceps definition and he got all pouty. He would really freak if he knew the trainer I mention from time to time is a cute 20 something guy that I chat with pretty much daily ( the kid does know that I am married).0 -
ok, i gotta say, that is extremely unhealthy! he either has some major esteem issues or has a guilty mind, himself... thats just that. i would set boundaries asap. you need to let him know that he is 100% in the wrong, and that you will not tolerate this type of treatment, because if you think about it, he is basically saying he DOESNT TRUST YOU! you need to make it clear to him that he has 2 choices, either he can go with and get fit, or, he can sit at home while you go, and keep his untrusting or guilty mind out of the gutter.
The bottom line is... a discussion needs to happen. He can't change unless he knows his suspicion Is wrong and it makes her uncomfortable.0 -
i go to the gym everyday mon-fri. my husband has zero issue with it. he knows that im a good woman, a good wife, a good mother, and he knows that I WOULD NEVER RISK DAMAGING MY MARRIAGE OR MY FAMILY... my husband trust me, he knows im not a trollup... husbands should have complete trust in thier wives, otherwise, what are they saying about thier true thoughts on thier wives? you need to let your husband know that you dont appreciate the fact that he doesnt have trust in you. you need to let your husband know that jealousy is not a good quality in a person, and is a huge red flag for you...
i actually come home and tease my husband... "you better watch out brad... guys are starting to look at me when im working out..." his reply? "ahhhh, they cant afford you..." and we laugh it off... i guess jealousy is just foreign to us... we are both very open and honest with eachother... i feel like, if my husband is going to cheat on me, then why would io want him anyways... i shouldnt have to babysit him and keep my eye on him... i want a husband that has no desire for another woman, and he wants the same... if someones going to cheat, they are going to cheat, and that just shows wh they really are... the gym doesnt make a cheater, the person does...0 -
I'm honestly kinda questioning this myself. I don't go to the gym. I bought all the equipment to do things at home. This was for my own benefit because time isn't my friend. However I get mixed feelings about my husband's "encouragement & excitement" in my quest for a healthier/fit me. Sometimes he seems excited and on board making comments on how well I've done, or how he has a hot wife. Othertimes he seems to not be, whether it's like WTF is HER reason for wanting this, or trying to sabotage me by offering me things I don't want/shouldn't have.
I have the same issue with my boyfriend, it's he wants to support my goals, but loves me the way I am and actually prefers my body type as a chunky monkey.0 -
If my husband ever did have those kinds of thoughts when I first joined the gym they were quickly quashed when he saw the sweaty, red faced and crazy frizzy haired mess I get myself into at the gym. He has never wanted to join me in getting fit and I do sympathise with the OP not feeling she has the support she deserves as mine is also a bit useless in that he just doesn't "get it" and generally can't see why I enjoy exercise so much. My advice is to just keep going to the gym and enjoy doing something for yourself, he'll get over his pointless insecurities and realise he is the only man you're interested eventually.0
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My husband doens't go to the gym nor does he want to. Yesterday, he accompanied me and the kids for a swim. During this time I met two professional rugby players in the hot tub and sauna. He was where he could see me. I asked them to say hi to my son who is a big fan of the team they play for. My husband was chuffed, laughed at how giggly I got in front of these two hunks and was 100% ok with me swooning over them. No more than if he got chatting to a few bikini models I'd not be jealous. First of all, I know he loves me and would never do anything to hurt me. Second of all, he didn't have his eyes or his sex drive removed when we got married!
In the end, I love my hubby and tho he may not be 6'5" and built like a brick ****house, it's him I want to come home to every night. He knows that!
Maybe your fella doesn't feel that way? Jealousy within reason is ok. Jealousy is a sign of other problems either in his head or in your relationship so you should talk about it!
I probably would have went home with one of them... OMG...
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When I was going to the gym by myself, he got seemingly jealous of the time I spent there, but never seemed to suspect any unfaithfulness. He actually started going with me for the past six months and there haven't been any issues since.
If your spouse is constantly accusing you of cheating and has trust issues, you might want to consider counselling.0 -
My wife and I go to the gym together, most days. I don't think that's not why it bothers me. I think it is because from time to time, I notice someone cute and figure she does the same. I also think my catching the site of an attractive woman is going to ause me to betray my wife and don't think, like me, this will happen with her either.
But occasionally we get jealous of each other, never with a big argument. We actually bring it up and in the open and say dumb things like, "I'm feeling a little insecure and jealous, you still love me and are faithful, right?" The other laughs and reassures the other, know we each are going to have those days. It isn't often or regular, but it is reassuring and acknowledges that we're not 100% strong 100% of the time and allows us to be vulnerable with each other.
Not every couple is the same, but maybe if you all can just be honest and humorous about someone's insecurities, maybe it is easier to deal with?0
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