how do you deal when people try to sabotage you ?

2

Replies

  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Every has their own idea of what the right way to lose weight is. And different things work for different people. Explain this to your mother, thank her politely for her advice but tell her what you're doing now is working and you're enjoying it so you'll just keep on for now. As others have said, I'm sure it's coming from a good place, she's just not expressing herself well.

    My mother and husband both used to say things like "can you eat that?" or even "you can't eat that on a diet". At first I corrected them and said something like "I'm not on a diet, I can eat whatever I want within reason". Now I just look at them and shake my head because I'm not going to waste my breath. Plus I think I've proven by now that I know what I'm doing...

    And maybe that's what it'll take for your Mom to get off your back OP - keep doing what you're doing and eventually she'll see the changes in you and realize you're doing just fine without her help.
  • purpleipod
    purpleipod Posts: 1,147 Member
    People only "sabotage" you if you let them.
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    Sabotage. It does not mean what you think it means
  • Gramps251
    Gramps251 Posts: 738 Member
    Sabotage. It does not mean what you think it means

    Inconceivable!
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    Make yourself scarce for a while. When she sees how great you look tell her you stopped eating fruit and started using meth. Honestly though, moms can be the worst. Ignore her. Live your life. Get healthy.
  • OliveRiver
    OliveRiver Posts: 81 Member
    I find it funny that pretty much everybody giving the best advice on here is a guy.

    Seriously, toughen up. Even if my mother failed to teach me anything else with her barbed tongue, I did learn to form a tough skin and find a pair.

    As they say, opinions are like ***holes, everyone has one.
    Doesn't mean you have to listen to it.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    I have nothing else to add to this thread except for what is now stuck in my head:


    I can't stand it,
    I know you planned it,
    I'm gonna set it straight,
    this Watergate.


    So thank you for that. =\
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
    jof, i was listening to beastie boys this morning!!

    no one can sabatoge you without your permission.
  • LetsMakeupXtina
    LetsMakeupXtina Posts: 627 Member
    Haters gonna Hate!!!! bottom line.
  • MommaKit79
    MommaKit79 Posts: 852
    I'm sorry but some of you are being extremely insensitive. Just because her mother isn't physically forcing food from her hands or "tackling her" doesn't mean that it is not sabotage and certainly isn't behavior that helps someone who struggles with their weight. If you don't have anything helpful or nice to say, move on. To the OP, I think the person that said just politely decline your mother's input is the best advice. Let her know that different things work for different people and you've found what works for you and you don't need her advice but you will ask her when you do. I know it's tough, I'm close with my mom and we both struggle with our weight and we just don't talk about it at all anymore. I hope you can come to a place where you can still have a good relationship with your family and continue to take care of yourself. Good luck!

    ^^Totally Agree!! I dont understand why people have to be so harsh. So of us have learned to respect our elders and it is hard to "not listen" to them or take what they say to heart. It takes some time but, we eventually learn.

    I think if you Respectfully sit down and talk with your mom, that should work. If not, one thing to do is make a deal with her. Tell her to give you a couple months doing things YOUR WAY and THEN you can sit and talk about it. Tell her you are 27 yrs old and you want her to trust your judgement as to what you think is best for you.

    GOOD LUCK!!!! :-)
  • queenbear5
    queenbear5 Posts: 76 Member
    Give your mom a hug and tell her that you love her and appreciate her concern. Then walk away if you must, or change the subject. Don't let diets, fitness, or anything else get in the way of an otherwise close relationship. You won't always have your mother. Appreciate her while you do.
  • more_laur
    more_laur Posts: 3
    I don't think she is trying to sabatoge you .... she probably thinks she is truly helping. It is the same when my boyfriend tells me to get up and exercise .... even though I know I want to, the fact he is asking / telling me to makes me not want to.

    Keep up doing what is working for you. It will be the greatest feeling when you get to flaunt your own success :)
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
    while my family encouraged me to get healthier not much was done in way of support or motivation. YOU have to do it, dont worry about what anyone else says

    the road to hell is paved with good intentions fits here. Shes your mother, and unless she is super evil she is trying to find a way to motivate you so that you can be healthier and therefore feel better about yourself.

    my mom was actually pissed after a checkup that all my tests came back in the very normal range. Cholesterol, blood, urine everything was fine despite the fact i was 290+ and only 6ft tall.

    My mother lived to see me start to make the change and drop 30lbs. that was 3 months ago and i know she is smiling down seeing i have almost doubled that. that in and of itself is my motivation to continue this trek.

    bottom line is, let her know you appreciate her "help" but that it is negatively affecting you. sit down and tell her this is what YOU want to try and what she can do to help you achieve this. it sounds like she hops on any fad diet that comes along and works for her cause of her metabolism.

    the problem is not everyone has the same genetics despite the blue print we all get ours from
  • sicilysclover
    sicilysclover Posts: 173 Member
    yes in fact she is, she pushes me and then harps at me when i fail she dosnt trust me enough to do this on my own..

    Is she tackling you when a piece of fruit approaches your mouth? Is she taking food off of your plate and measuring it for you?

    Sabotage would be more like pouring regular soda into your diet soda bottle or mixing lard into your dinner without you realizing. She's not sabotaging you - she wants you to do it her way. That's a control issue. There is nothing much you can do other than say i'm doing this my way. If you dont respect that then you won't see me very often.
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,333 Member
    Time to redefine your relationship with your mom and family. Time to grow up. These changes take place in all families. Tell mom you love her but would like her to respect that you have a mind of your own and that you appreciate her support in your self improvement efforts and don't mind her overall opinions..but you want to make your own decisions and your own mistakes..you want control of your own life. She still looks at you like a little girl..many moms do this. Do it with love..and be firm.. and stop blaming mom for being a mom.

    Good Luck.
  • sugarxmexsweet
    sugarxmexsweet Posts: 44
    Just tell her your doing it your way.
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    Tell her some variety of:
    I got this!
    I have a plan.
    I have to follow a plan that I can stick with.
    Why don't you follow your suggestions and let me know how it works for you.

    I've always been free with my "helpful" hints when it comes to my children, and my son used to tell me "stop right there; I already have a plan."
  • homerjspartan
    homerjspartan Posts: 1,893 Member
    Sabotage. It does not mean what you think it means

    I can't stand it. I know you planned it. I'm gonna set it straight, this Watergate.
  • homerjspartan
    homerjspartan Posts: 1,893 Member
    I have nothing else to add to this thread except for what is now stuck in my head:


    I can't stand it,
    I know you planned it,
    I'm gonna set it straight,
    this Watergate.


    So thank you for that. =\

    Poop. i was too late.
  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
    I so know how you feel. My FIL saw me for the first time after I had lost the first 40 pounds and was saying wow you look fabulous etc. etc.... and then that word "BUT" flew out of his mouth. That's when I tuned out to everything he said after that. I heard that charlie brown school teacher voice in my head as he spoke. lol NOT kidding you!! waaa waa wa waa wa wa Once the subject changed I tuned back into the conversation. Some people can't help themselves. They're supportive one minute then putting you down the next. You need to learn to tune it out and just nod your head. Don't listen to a darn thing she has to say about your weight/diet etc. Just listen to your own voice in your head. Its easy for me to do since I have 2 teenagers and been married 20 years so I have lots of experience lol
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
    You may need a break from your mom. Sometimes it feels really hard to break away, but maybe you need to go to once a week phone calls for awhile. Both my kids have done this off and on.
  • fit4lifeUcan2
    fit4lifeUcan2 Posts: 1,458 Member
    She's not sabotaging you - she wants you to do it her way. That's a control issue. There is nothing much you can do other than say i'm doing this my way. If you dont respect that then you won't see me very often.

    I agree! This is a control issue. She is pushing her views on you and thinks she knows best and what is best for you and you don't have a clue.
  • TeddieK
    TeddieK Posts: 10
    You have found something that works for you so go for it. Just listen to what she has to say and then do your own thing. I'm happy you have found something that works for you. Keep on track with what your doing.
  • lbesaw
    lbesaw Posts: 267 Member
    Your journey is YOURS----if you're happy with your results stay the course and let the results "silence" your nagging mother and everyone else. I have a history of severe food "issues" pencil thin mother bent on starvation diets and never feeling adequate. I have turned the page and tuned out all the "food noise" in my life and I am the happiest ever. If I ever knew losing weight could be so enjoyable and nonrestrictive my journey would have happened years ago.......listening to too many "well intentioned idiots" will get you nowhere fast and keep you imprisoned in a body that makes you feel bad. Take the reins you know what you need to do. Being healthy feels wonderful and you should take ALL the credit thats coming. Good luck. :smile:
  • DoingitWell
    DoingitWell Posts: 560 Member
    i live close to my parents and my mother has tried everything in her power to get me to lose weight shes tried giving me tae bo tapes ( how retro is that?) shes told me about exercise routines you name it but as time wore on and i wasnt getting the results SHE wanted from me she resorted to drastic measures she has invited over my brothers skinny friends and invited me over as well so ill feel insignificant next to them, she has pressured me into restrictive diet after restrictive diet and has all but demanded i try the recent crash diet shes wetting herself over.. now i've found a meal plan that works and i have confidence in myself for the first time ever and shes trying to sabotage me again by saying i cant eat fruit when every diet shes ever given me ever says i can..
    and that ill have to do dozens or crunches a day because running on a tredmill wont give me abs according to her... im realy close to my family and i don't want to have to cut ties with them for me to succeed in my efforts to lose the weight i've been carrying around for years but how can i do that when i have someone giving me unsolicited fitness advice and telling me to weigh my food or use a measuring cup to does out my food before i eat it? i know it sounds like im whining and im sorry if i offended anyone i didn't mean to if anyone out there has any advice about this it would be greatly appreciated thank you very much :smile:

    Stop being weak, only weak people allow themselves to be sabotaged

    nice abs *touch*
  • Spokez70
    Spokez70 Posts: 548 Member
    I have nothing else to add to this thread except for what is now stuck in my head:


    I can't stand it,
    I know you planned it,
    I'm gonna set it straight,
    this Watergate.


    So thank you for that. =\

    lol- I was just about to post "Listen all y'all, it's a sabotage"
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    Stop being weak, only weak people allow themselves to be sabotaged

    I like this quote.

    I love that. So putting that as a motivational quote for me :)
  • SilverLotusGirl
    SilverLotusGirl Posts: 537 Member
    If you live in your own place just don't talk to her as much and ignore her a bit when you have to. Don't answer her calls, or go to her house, or talk about food/diets/exercise/weight if she tries to bring it up. She may be chipping away at your self esteem but you said you're feeling good now so stick with that and cut out what gets in the way of that.
  • hannahcall2
    hannahcall2 Posts: 175 Member
    Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
    Maybe tell her you're taking the best of her advice over the years and putting it to good use.

    (I figure there had to be some sane stuff in all the things she's pressured you with over the years.)

Categories