Talking to a friend considering Gastric Bypass?

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RekindledRose
RekindledRose Posts: 523 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
My best friend is considering Gastric Bypass Surgery. She is 5'4", about 265#, in her 40's and has a bit of knee and back pain. I'm concerned because she is considering GB as a way to alleviate the weight and hence her pain, but my concern is that she won't be able to maintain the weight loss or get good health results.

I know many people have had good results with lap bands and GB, but the three people I know of who have done this have either 1. died, or 2. have very poor muscle tone, low bone density, thin hair, and pale, sickly looking skin after losing their weight.

My friend hasn't had the self-discipline to stick to a diabetic diet, use MFP, or do light daily exercise. I'm concerned that she won't have the discipline to make healthy choices if she does this surgery. She spends a lot of time running around shuffling her kids to activities and rarely cooks meals. When she does it's boxed food. I'd like to encourage her to try a lifestyle change and maybe slow down... have more time for healthy meals, and do healthy activities with her two kids rather than go for the surgery, but I don't want to isolate her or make her feel like I'm being 'judgemental'. Can't I be observant of the patterns I see and concerned about her without being 'judgemental'?

If you have had GB and you don't regret it, can you tell me what has made it a good decision for you?

If you have had GB and wish you had chosen another path, what would you tell your 'old' self if you had a chance?

Does anyone have a good website to share?

...and please, don't say "Why don't you print out this post and show her?" I'm planning on talking to her about this. She's very tender-hearted, and is likely to see any discussion counter to her desire as being condemning of her as a person. I want her to know that I will not cease being her friend and supporting her if she does have her surgery, but I want her to be absolutely sure that there is not other, healthier, option.

Thanks for your time.
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Replies

  • justsmiling
    justsmiling Posts: 6
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    Talk to her and do whatever you can to convince her not to do it. I am a nurse who worked many years on a surgical floor and saw many people die from that surgery. It is not the way to go.
  • Tanja_CHH
    Tanja_CHH Posts: 216 Member
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    My best friends mum had this many years ago and has had many problems with it, most recently she could not get food down (it just simply would not enter her stomach) and her only option was to "cough it up" which was what it sounded like! Also she had weight loss success, but only when she started dieting healthy, and not due to the operation she had several years ago as she only just started lossing a year ago. It basicly was a horrible choice for her to have the sugery.
  • zombiesugar
    zombiesugar Posts: 3 Member
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    I would check out the website www.obesityhelp.com and post the same question there. The bulk of the forums are for people considering/ going through/ living with WLS and REAL info on the different types, the benefits etc...

    It's a choice that some people have to make to be healthy. I chose to have it and don't regret it or think there's anything wrong with it as long as you use it as a tool. The death rate or re-gain rate is very very low. Read some real articles before you talk to her - don't just tell her not to do it.

    Hope your friend can come to the right decision FOR HER.
  • nccutieonduty
    nccutieonduty Posts: 3
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    My sister had this surgery a while back and it was very touch and go in the beginning, she was deathly ill. She is now doing much better but still has health issues from the surgery. She has lost weight and looks good and she is no longer on medicine for HBP and DM, but she has other health problems due to and stemming from the surgery.
  • PlunderBunneh
    PlunderBunneh Posts: 1,705 Member
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    It is very important that she attends support groups and informative meetings to gather all of the facts that she can. Sometimes, GB can be a really good starting point for a healthier lifestyle, but she needs to understand everything she is committing herself to. If I were you, I would do some research and offer to join her in attending these meetings until she gains a foothold in the community.

    GB is not always a bad thing, but when the recipient misunderstands the procedure and the rules of lifestyle that one needs to follow, it can be very dangerous.
  • Firefox7275
    Firefox7275 Posts: 2,040 Member
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    Can she eat healthily and cook more for the sake of her children if not herself? They need a nutritious balanced diet just as much as she does, more than they need to go to all the activities on offer.
  • mncmom3
    mncmom3 Posts: 42 Member
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    I was considering surgery myself in December. I attended two seminars on the procedure by two major clinics in MN. I have decided to try this first. I am 5'2" and 245 with 3 kids. I did extensive research on all three procedures offered in my state and they did have many risks. I know people that have had successes and failures with various procedures also. Can you encourage her to go on walks with you (just to start)? Has she exhausted all other options? I am not opposed to it entirely but this is a major, life changing decision that takes a lifetime commitment of doctors visits, vitamin supplements and strict diet changes. If these things are not followed, she could face malnutrition or gaining it all back. Either way, if she wants to lose the weight, she is going to need to make significant changes in her life.. these procedures are not a quick fix and I would recommend doing a lot of research. Best of luck to you both!!
  • rmsrws
    rmsrws Posts: 639 Member
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    I am 28 months post surgical.

    There are complications with any surgery, or being over weight.

    I was 4'11 252lbs. I am now 105 lbs. I have great muscle tone, I don't look pale and my hair is all intact.

    I was very ill prior to by-pass. I had NO quality of life.

    People forget that it is only a tool. You need to relearn your eating habits and combine exercise in order for it to be effective. Many people told me I'd regain the weight, I have not thus far nor do I plan on it. If your friend is approved for this surgery than the Doctors must feel she is a good candidate. In my case I had to see many doctors and even have a psychological evaluation. By-pass is not an easy way out it does involve work. I have had my share of complications after surgery but I knew the risks, I also knew the risks if I continued being morbidly obese.

    Yes, I would do this again. I have no regrets.
  • joleciamichelle
    joleciamichelle Posts: 139 Member
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    I want to preface this by saying I don't mean to bash the surgery or anyone who has had it. It is a viable and sometimes the only option for some people. However, I know several people who have had it and none except for one have been unable to maintain the weight loss. The one that has maintained his weight loss suffers from sagging skin (face and body) and looks somewhat sick and struggles to maintain appropriate levels of essential nutrients in his body. My family friends that have had it have ended up back where they started or even worse off after this surgery. It's also a costly procedure, even if it is covered by insurance, the labs/testing and visits before hand can add up. Be sure to tell her that either way, she will have to change her lifestyle to have lasting, meaningful results and it will be much easier for her in the long run if she foregoes the surgery. Good luck to you both!
  • ynsurf
    ynsurf Posts: 12 Member
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    I got into a program that GB, Lap band/sleeve was an option. However, the program was a wake up call. I learned how to eat, I met with a psychologist, NP, and nutritionist during the first few months of the program. One of the nice things about this program through Kaiser is that you have to lose weight before you can have the surgery and you have to meet with a psychologist to make sure you are mentally ready for the huge changes you have to do. I am in month 5 of the program and could of had surgery 3 months ago, however, since I lost 130 lbs so far, and I am better educated about food, and I have MFP; I am going to keep doing this and see how far I can get. I don't think I will need GB/Lap surgery. Losing weight and maintaining weight loss isn't easy and GB/Lap isn't a magic fix. If you are eating for all the wrong reasons, it won't help. She needs to look at the reasons she is over-eating/ eating poorly and address them before she can even consider surgery. GB will make you feel full sooner, but it won't help if you are not mentally ready to commit. There are also huge changes in how and what you can eat. If she continues to eat dead calories, and boxed/fast food, she will gain the weight back and have a host of other health issues related to the surgery. That said, some people need GB/Lap to address the physical issues of their weight so they can be fit enough to maintain the weight loss.
  • Ralphrabbit
    Ralphrabbit Posts: 351 Member
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    I am 28 months post surgical.

    There are complications with any surgery, or being over weight.

    I was 4'11 252lbs. I am now 105 lbs. I have great muscle tone, I don't look pale and my hair is all intact.

    I was very ill prior to by-pass. I had NO quality of life.

    People forget that it is only a tool. You need to relearn your eating habits and combine exercise in order for it to be effective. Many people told me I'd regain the weight, I have not thus far nor do I plan on it. If your friend is approved for this surgery than the Doctors must feel she is a good candidate. In my case I had to see many doctors and even have a psychological evaluation. By-pass is not an easy way out it does involve work. I have had my share of complications after surgery but I knew the risks, I also knew the risks if I continued being morbidly obese.

    Yes, I would do this again. I have no regrets.

    Me too no regrets!

    However, I would also say that you need to get your head around why you eat the way you do & understand that you will not be able to live the same way!! My training as a counsellor & need to address my own issues of life coincided with my decision to have surgery. It has to be her decision & nobody else's & it needs to be well researched - it is NOT an easy option out!!
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    In my opinion, most of the time Gastric Bypass is for people who want to lose weight but don't want to put any effort in. They would have BETTER results from proper diet and exercise. There is one exception I know of and she is here on MFP and WORKED HER *kitten* OFF in a gym and by eating clean. She's lost over 230lbs.

    GB teaches them nothing about being healthy, good food habits and exercise. Every person I have known to have it has either died as a result of over-eating post op or gained back ALL of their weight.

    Bad Choice, in my opinion...
  • pawoodhull
    pawoodhull Posts: 1,759 Member
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    I had the gastric sleeve in July 2011. I chose that over Bypass, the Band and the other 2 (there are 5 in all) because this surgery simply took away the stretchy part of the stomach, nothing disconnected, rerouted or left behind to move/slip. It felt most natural. Having said that, all of these surgeries are nothing more than tools. Yes you will lose weight with all of them, but getting it all off and keeping it off requires eating healthy and exercising. These are lifelong changes, or the weight will come back (just like people who have never had the surgery).

    I started this at 5'7" and 386 pounds. At that level of obesity, diet and exercise no longer work. And my mobility was so severly limited, exercise was beyond me. I researched it all for 2 years before I made the decision for the gastric sleeve. You can see my results here, but I'm no where near done. I still have another 93 pounds to get to what I should weigh for my age and height. I may not get that far down, but I consider anything below 200 pounds to be a success for me.

    If your friend is on MFP, feel free to have him/her message me. I don't mind talking about this at all. It's not for everyone and again, it's just a tool, no magic bullett. Lifestyle changes are required for life long results.
  • zaithyr
    zaithyr Posts: 482 Member
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    I would never recommend that surgery! My mom almost died from it and to survive she has to taken a bizzillion pills now and has very serious health issues. It's always good for the first couple of years, but it's when you get a few years out that they problems really start to arise and you have issues with malnutrition and such because your body cannot absorb nutrients like it used to.

    Also, you can regain weight after you've had the surgery. Gastric bypass will NOT fix the reason you gained weight in the first place. If there's an issue with overeating, you will still struggle with that even if you have the surgery (your stomach can be stretched back out) and if you have thryoid issues, ect the surgery won't fix that either. It's a quick fix but not healthy in the long term.

    My mom now does advocacy for this issue. She has a blog and has uploaded several vlog entries explaining her experience with this. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0WKELsCr2w is one of her more recent videos).
  • loadsandloads
    loadsandloads Posts: 353 Member
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    I didn't read all the responses but would offer this information albeit secondhand. My daughter had GB and has kept most of the weight of for over 2 years now. We had great differences of opinion about it and at one point we had a conversation and the "easy way out" analogy was brought up and she let me know it was everything but the easy way out. It is very difficult. It is hard to maintain and she is always worried about gaining it back. She lost over 130 lbs. She is 36.

    I had scheduled to have it done about 13 years ago. I had all the pre-testing even a surgery date. Part of the pre-op was going to counseling classes. I could never get anyone to tell me about the eating regimen after surgery and was getting discouraged. I went to final class and there were 4 people in the room including myself. Of the other 3 all of them were on their second time of doing it. I cancelled my surgery. I was looking for a more permanent fix. And if this was representative of the percentages - I needed to find another way. MFP is the my answer finally!.
  • BeingAwesome247
    BeingAwesome247 Posts: 1,171 Member
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    She doesn't weight much more than what my sister weighed when she decided to take back her health. (Yes, they're the same height)
    My sister lost 90lbs on her own while raising two children.

    If she's not even willing to TRY to lose the weight without surgery than it's just a cop out
  • JimLeonardRN
    JimLeonardRN Posts: 296 Member
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    Talk to her and do whatever you can to convince her not to do it. I am a nurse who worked many years on a surgical floor and saw many people die from that surgery. It is not the way to go.


    I am a nurse who has had GB and is married to a nurse that has had GB. We dont regret the surgery at all. I work in a very busy trauma center in Memphis,TN. I have seen many people die from car wrecks. I'm not on here telling people to not drive cars due to my work experience.
    My advice to your friend is to allow her to make a well informed knowledgable decision on the procedure. You can be a friend and be supportive of her. After doing the research and doing the workup she may decide not to have the surgery.
  • vanillasiren
    vanillasiren Posts: 2
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    My boyfriend's brother's ex girlfriend did this.

    The most important thing to remember, aside from the grave complications that can arise from the surgery itself, is that if your friend does not have the willpower to lose the weight without the surgery, then in no way, shape, or form, should she consider this as an easy out.

    The fact is losing weight takes a complete change in lifestyle to do properly, and this goes for conventional weight loss, and the surgery. Just because her stomach is the size of a walnut does *not* mean that she can continue to live the same way. If she eats the wrong things, overeats, forgets to take her supplements, etc. she will become extremely ill. This means constant vomiting, diarrhea, losing her hair, and other medical complications that will make her wish she'd never done it at all.

    I'm hopeful her doctor will tell her to lose the weight naturally instead. Laziness and lack of willpower will potentially kill her if she goes through with the surgery.

    That being said, I'm sure most of us on here have considered the surgery at one point or another. Now that I've seen what it's actually like, I'll suck it up and eat properly instead. It's an attractive option because she's not willing to put the work in, but she's not realizing just how much her life will need to change afterwards. If I knew her, I would stress the massive changes she'll need to make after it's done - Buffets? Forget it. Fast food? Nope. Sitting down to a meal with your family or friends? Yours will be done in two bites so brush up on those conversation skills. Accidentally overeat during a meal? Better have a bathroom nearby, because it's coming back.

    Chances are she's already got it into her head that this is a done deal and unfortunately, there's nothing anyone can do aside from her, and maybe her doctor. My fingers are crossed he or she sets your friend straight. :\
  • Da_Big_Kahuna
    Da_Big_Kahuna Posts: 117 Member
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    I had a different surgery called the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG) about 15 months ago and I'm happy with the results. Unlike the bypass, it is not dependent on malabsorption for weight loss, just restriction. Side effects have been minimal. I've lost over 100 lbs.

    She will have to change lifestyle and I think that's where a lot of people that turn to weight loss surgery fail. It's just a tool but it can't be the whole toolbox.

    It's the second best decision I've ever made. (First was marrying my wife :wink: )

    The best website I've been to has been www.obesityhelp.com. You'll find discussions of all the popular WLS there and can talk to real people that will share with you real expectations, problems and solutions.
  • aylajane
    aylajane Posts: 979 Member
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    Definitely no one should get surgery until they have tried EVERYTHING else, at least twice... But for some, it is what they truly need to be successful (willpower alone is not a guarantee of success in losing weight or fitness). But as someone else said, it is NOT the easy way out. It will help someone who is committed to a lifestyle change achieve their goals, but it is not a miracle cure or a way for you to continue your current lifestyle and still lose weight.

    That being said, there are several kinds of surgery. Some work by restriction (reducing the amount you can physically eat), some by malabsorption (basically the food goes through you too fast to get any calories - or nutrients - from it), and some by both.

    GB is pretty extreme. A lifetime of vitamins, food issues etc. Lapbands are horribly prone to slippage and other issues and just dont always work. Gastric Sleeve (Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy) is a fairly decent middle ground... It works pretty much by restriction only like the lapband, and doesnt mess with your intestines like GB - so none of the absorption (or resulting bathroom) issues... Suggest she be sure she researches all choices, and make the one she can live with, not the one that promises the fastest/most dramatic results.

    And definitely - attend the support groups for the surgery she chooses BEFORE she has the surgery. Ask a ton of real, even embarrasing (i.e. bathroom related!!) questions and be absolutely sure... most of these are not reversible.

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