When Anorexics Try to Add You

Options
2

Replies

  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,735 Member
    Options
    i actually think this thread is useful.

    alot of people don't know how to deal with friend requests like these. reading this thread will serve a purpose by giving them a way to respond that is both helpful to the person with the ED, while also not causing any self-esteem issues to the person with the ED.

    if we can get this thread to be about the GENERAL case of such requests, instead of about this specific individual, then this thread serves a purpose.
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
    Options
    You could have been the help she needed.
  • Anitas_bones
    Anitas_bones Posts: 2
    Options
    I developed anorexia at age 11, and then bulimia at 21. Your posting is pretty triggering. It isn't that someone WANTS to live that way - eating disorders are a serious illness that nobody asks for. It literally almost killed me, and believe me I never WANTED to live that way. And just so you are aware, my life WAS so terrible that I developed an eating disorder. Life really can be that bad. I won't go into it here, but I just wanted you to be aware that your message was very triggering for me (I am still in recovery and use MFP to make sure I'm getting ENOUGH nutrition), and I'm sure it will be triggering for anyone else struggling with an ED. I've been to treatment twice now, and still there is no cure. Just wanted you to be aware.
  • bauer1971
    bauer1971 Posts: 70 Member
    Options
    How would you handle it if one of your kids had an issue with something and reached out to someone and that person not only dismissed them but reported them and then publicly posted their business? Just awful
  • jmxxiiii
    jmxxiiii Posts: 231 Member
    Options
    This is the rudest thing I've read on this site in a long time.

    Eating Disorders are an illness, she is sick. Would you ever make a post that says "When chemo therapy people try to add me?" NO.

    If you could only know the pain and depression that comes with an ED.
  • mc1217
    mc1217 Posts: 108 Member
    Options
    Please get educated. It's not "intentional." Eating disorders are mental illnesses, and in fact, Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any other mental disorder.

    **jmx - didn't see your post until after i posted mine! thank you! glad there are some individuals who understand!**
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
    Options
    i actually think this thread is useful.

    alot of people don't know how to deal with friend requests like these. reading this thread will serve a purpose by giving them a way to respond that is both helpful to the person with the ED, while also not causing any self-esteem issues to the person with the ED.

    if we can get this thread to be about the GENERAL case of such requests, instead of about this specific individual, then this thread serves a purpose.

    OK I will play nicely. When I get these requests, I send a polite note saying that judging from their profiles, their goals are not in alignment with mine, and I can't be supportive to those people who are, in my opinion, intentionally hurting themselves, but that I would be happy to support them in their recovery, if at some point they choose to take that path, and they can feel free to request me again and I will accept when that time hopefully comes.

    (apologies for epic run-on sentence)
  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,735 Member
    Options
    i actually think this thread is useful.

    alot of people don't know how to deal with friend requests like these. reading this thread will serve a purpose by giving them a way to respond that is both helpful to the person with the ED, while also not causing any self-esteem issues to the person with the ED.

    if we can get this thread to be about the GENERAL case of such requests, instead of about this specific individual, then this thread serves a purpose.

    OK I will play nicely. When I get these requests, I send a polite note saying that judging from their profiles, their goals are not in alignment with mine, and I can't be supportive to those people who are, in my opinion, intentionally hurting themselves, but that I would be happy to support them in their recovery, if at some point they choose to take that path, and they can feel free to request me again and I will accept when that time hopefully comes.

    (apologies for epic run-on sentence)

    this sounds reasonable to me. :)

    one thing that i think is important is to NEVER just decline the request without comment. i'd write the girl by PM explaining that i'd be happy to help if i could, but that i'm not equipped with the knowledge to assist somebody with an ED and that only professionals can help. and i'd also give her lots of encouragement in that PM. in this way, she would know that declining the request was in no way a reflection on who she is as a person. it was simply that i literally wouldn't know how to help somebody suffering from an ED.
  • 92_sweetheart
    92_sweetheart Posts: 131 Member
    Options
    I developed anorexia at age 11, and then bulimia at 21. Your posting is pretty triggering. It isn't that someone WANTS to live that way - eating disorders are a serious illness that nobody asks for. It literally almost killed me, and believe me I never WANTED to live that way. And just so you are aware, my life WAS so terrible that I developed an eating disorder. Life really can be that bad. I won't go into it here, but I just wanted you to be aware that your message was very triggering for me (I am still in recovery and use MFP to make sure I'm getting ENOUGH nutrition), and I'm sure it will be triggering for anyone else struggling with an ED. I've been to treatment twice now, and still there is no cure. Just wanted you to be aware.

    I knew it would trigger someone!
  • Emma_Problema
    Emma_Problema Posts: 422 Member
    Options
    i actually think this thread is useful.

    alot of people don't know how to deal with friend requests like these. reading this thread will serve a purpose by giving them a way to respond that is both helpful to the person with the ED, while also not causing any self-esteem issues to the person with the ED.

    if we can get this thread to be about the GENERAL case of such requests, instead of about this specific individual, then this thread serves a purpose.

    I disagree. If you would like to start a new thread about educating people, it would be fine by me and I do think it would be useful. However, no matter how you might try to turn it around, this post started as a rather triggering and uneducated attack on people with severe EDs. I think it should be deleted by the OP before it is deleted by the mods, as I've already reported it.
  • Subowski
    Subowski Posts: 71
    Options
    i actually think this thread is useful.

    alot of people don't know how to deal with friend requests like these. reading this thread will serve a purpose by giving them a way to respond that is both helpful to the person with the ED, while also not causing any self-esteem issues to the person with the ED.

    if we can get this thread to be about the GENERAL case of such requests, instead of about this specific individual, then this thread serves a purpose.

    I agree. Let's not give the OP a hard time. Personally I might have accepted the request, kept an eye on what she had to say, and offer some gentle encouragement to get help if I could without preaching, dictating, criticising or triggering......she wouldn't be hurting me by being on my list, but maybe I could help her.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
    Options

    OK I will play nicely. When I get these requests, I send a polite note saying that judging from their profiles, their goals are not in alignment with mine, and I can't be supportive to those people who are, in my opinion, intentionally hurting themselves, but that I would be happy to support them in their recovery, if at some point they choose to take that path, and they can feel free to request me again and I will accept when that time hopefully comes.

    (apologies for epic run-on sentence)

    This is the right answer, IMO. (And I am in recovery from bulimia, so my opinion means a lot. Lol)
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
    Options
    Terrible thread. People suffering from eating disorders do need help, and definitely don't need public shaming. It's certainly your choice whether you choose to add them to your network here, but this post is uncalled for.

    This. The op clearly needs an education. People with eating disorders are people first and this shaming is pure stupidity. Do you also unfriend people that are obese in real life? We all have our dysfunctions and diseases and someone with an eating disorder is caught up in something very unvoluntary. It's your choice if you want to be there to support or not and help but actually shaming is counter-productive and creates a wall of us/them.

    Shame on the op for her thread.
  • 92_sweetheart
    92_sweetheart Posts: 131 Member
    Options
    Terrible thread. People suffering from eating disorders do need help, and definitely don't need public shaming. It's certainly your choice whether you choose to add them to your network here, but this post is uncalled for.

    This. The op clearly needs an education. People with eating disorders are people first and this shaming is pure stupidity. Do you also unfriend people that are obese in real life? We all have our dysfunctions and diseases and someone with an eating disorder is caught up in something very unvoluntary. It's your choice if you want to be there to support or not and help but actually shaming is counter-productive and creates a wall of us/them.

    Shame on the op for her thread.

    This!
  • PetulantOne
    PetulantOne Posts: 2,131 Member
    Options

    OK I will play nicely. When I get these requests, I send a polite note saying that judging from their profiles, their goals are not in alignment with mine, and I can't be supportive to those people who are, in my opinion, intentionally hurting themselves, but that I would be happy to support them in their recovery, if at some point they choose to take that path, and they can feel free to request me again and I will accept when that time hopefully comes.

    (apologies for epic run-on sentence)

    This is the right answer, IMO. (And I am in recovery from bulimia, so my opinion means a lot. Lol)

    IMO as well. I went down both roads as a teenager. So I understand where they are coming from, but at the same time cannot support someone who isn't actively trying to change.
  • BriannaBanana831
    BriannaBanana831 Posts: 5 Member
    Options
    dont judge us and we won't judge you. mmkay thanks.
  • BriannaBanana831
    BriannaBanana831 Posts: 5 Member
    Options
    Please get educated. It's not "intentional." Eating disorders are mental illnesses, and in fact, Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any other mental disorder.

    **jmx - didn't see your post until after i posted mine! thank you! glad there are some individuals who understand!**


    THIS!!!!!!!!!
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Options
    OK I will play nicely. When I get these requests, I send a polite note saying that judging from their profiles, their goals are not in alignment with mine, and I can't be supportive to those people who are, in my opinion, intentionally hurting themselves, but that I would be happy to support them in their recovery, if at some point they choose to take that path, and they can feel free to request me again and I will accept when that time hopefully comes.

    (apologies for epic run-on sentence)

    This is how I handle requests from ED folks who are not interested in recovery. I thank them for their interest and tell them that unfortunately I can't be in contact with them. It's often triggering to me. I let them know that when they are ready to seek help and need support with that, I'll be there for them. I have several friends on my list who ARE in recovery - I don't let the fact that they have an ED be an all-encompassing blanket reason to not friend them.

    There's no need to be rude or brusque. They are suffering, too.
  • Lady_Bane
    Lady_Bane Posts: 720 Member
    Options
    Try to give them advise.
    I used to be anorexic and bulemic.....I still have the pants that I wore when I was.
    I tell people that I find are starving themselves about my past.....
    the most interesting part about all of it is:

    I eat a lot....and lift.....I was 125 when I was starving myself, I bounce around 130 currently, and my anorexic pants are super baggy on me. Thin does not equal fit.....I am fit and look better than those that don't eat, and not eating was much harder work than spending an hour lifting and eating like a beast :P
  • annwyatt69
    annwyatt69 Posts: 727 Member
    Options
    OMG some child starving herself to death tried to add me. I say child because she's only 18. Current weight is only 87 pounds!!!! Goal weight 80 pounds!!! What in the actual eff! And she has a pic up, she is rail thin and bony, this is not a very short person! Of course I declined, and reported the profile using the contact form on the site. I feel awful. I have a child that's 18, (my kids are 23, 18, and 15) and I would be so terrified and heartbroken if they wanted to destroy themselves. My goodness. What on earth could be so wrong with your life that you would intentionally do this to yourself??

    This is a HORRIBLE post! As a person who personally battled EDs for many, many years, you are certainly very judgmental. These young people (and adults) who suffer need guidance and friendship, encouragement and understanding, NOT to be criticized and ridiculed. I agree that this should not be dealt with in the forums!!!!!!
This discussion has been closed.

Categories