Anyone deal with an unsupportive partner?

I then told him that a friend of mine was giving me a treadmill for free (which is nice because money is tight right now due to me starting college in January) and his response was "oh good, another piece of junk for me to throw out that you'll never use."

Is anyone else dealing with this?

Oh wow, I have soooo gone through this! The moment you mentioned the treadmill, and his comment, I'm sorry I couldn't help but laugh not because I'm making light of your situation, because WOW It's one of those things I thought only I had been dealing with and it's a relief to hear that someone else's husband makes comments like those!!! Sometimes I wonder if it's just me.

My husband is the type that can be sooo pessimistic at the time, he'll "Believe it when he sees it" And whenever I bring back something I think might help me.... he instantly dismisses it with those *exact* words.... he can't ever picture me committing myself to things, and he just waves it off as just "More junk" or "More money wasted" etc...

I used to get those passive remarks you mention too.... So many times I would try to put effort into something, and he would say things like "Well good luck with it......" in a way that let me know he thought I'd probably fail.... Or say things like "heh, lets see how long it takes for you to quit this time" Not just with dieting, but almost any self-improvement goals, or anything I wish to do "Better" on, its an instant "I've heard that one before" or "Yeah, like you can really keep this up" (in addition to the good luck wishing that is...)

I have let this bother me and have made it reason to quit many times before... I thought "If he doesn't think I can do it, well I guess I can't" or "Okay, he sees me as such a failure, fine I'll just make him happy and quit trying!"

But things have really had a turnaround with us.... and I have some things I would really like to share with you.... I don't know if they will be of any help, but they are things I've done that have helped me, along with things that I had come to learn...

~~~ First of all..... please please please!!! I know when you're living with someone you love so much and important to you, their thoughts and opinions of you, and the things you do mean so so much to you, and it often feels like it's their opinion that matters.... But in this case please, even though it's hard, surround yourself by those that encourage you and make you feel good!!!! If this is an area he's not supportive with, then you can't allow yourself to be pushed by his words, if they don't push you in a good direction, then don't let them push you at all... Find outside support first and foremost, listen to other friends who make you feel good.... No matter how much you love him, if it's discouraging and bringing you down, for your own sake you need to turn off your ears and distance yourself from his disparaging remarks...

~~~ There are a few possibilities to how he may be feeling and what may be going on in his head... For all the complaints guys have about women playing "games" and never saying what they "really mean" guys do it too.... Guys can be insecure, imperfect, and they can do things in roundabout ways just as much as women do... There might be a chance it is as simple as the fact he doesn't believe in you, or think you can do it, and he means just what he says, that is possible... but it's *also* possible, that he could be feeling insecure..... He may feel insecure seeing you put forth all this effort, and maybe it bugs him somehow because he knows he isn't doing anything.... He might feel insecure because maybe you're doing this off on your own and he hates being left out.... There's a chance he really does worry about whether or not you'll achieve your goal, but maybe he just doesn't know how to be supportive..
My husband likes to label himself an "Optimistic pessimist" He likes to expect the worst, plan on everything failing, so he'll never be disappointed.... though it makes so little sense to be this way when it comes to a loved one, it could even very well be that he's trying to save you from getting your hopes up, and figures if you make it, it'll make you happier in the end if you didn't think you can do it, or if you don't make it, you won't be so upset.... Or then again knowing how weird and roundabout even guys can be.... he could mean it as a "Challenge" not as a discouragement... maybe taunt you a bit, and make you want to somehow prove you can do it, that might be his way...
Basically... Anything is possible, don't try to over analyze it, or worry too too much about , and don't automatically assume that he just doesn't care for you or wants to support you... guys can be weird and complex sometimes =x

~~~ There are a few things you can try doing, and maybe even rule out some of those possibilities at the same time... You can gauge his responses to see what he's feeling, or what helps the situation.... Try slowly to involve him... If he's feeling insecure, well guys sometimes need to have their egos fed a bit... Ask him what he thinks, ask him for ideas and suggestions , *slowly* you're still gauging reactions... if he seems interested, and suddenly starts spouting off his ideas, it may have just been that, if he totally seems uninterested or doesn't want to be involved, well I guess it rules out some of the insecurity options

~~~ If it is indeed as simple as him not believing you'll stick to this, or wanting to dismiss it as a "phase" of some sort... Well, I don't know how your conversations go.... for me I found I used to talk a lot about my worries and stresses and how I couldn't do stuff, I'd mention my failures mostly , sometimes what I *planned* on doing, but I never really mentioned my successes...
You can try placing a greater emphasis on your successes or hold off until you can start showing some numbers... If you can keep at it, without letting him get to you too much, wait until the results start coming in, and make them well known... bear with his remarks a short while, until you can say things like "Wow! This treadmill is great! I've been using it x amount of times this week!" "It's been a month since I got this treadmill, it's really paying off!" lol, if you have to make a show of it go ahead and do so =p LOL plan a work out shortly before he comes home from work, so he can walk in the door and see you going at it! boast about your calories burned, sound energetic!
But give it some time first =x enthusiasm that lasts a week or a month, results that come that long will speak louder than what is shared over the first 3 days... Before all my husband heard was the negative... Once he started seeing things in action, seeing my ongoing enthusiasm, he began to take notice...

~~~ You can try carrying on a playful attitude or challenging him back.... If he says you can't do it... you can try something like "Oh yeah?! We'll see about that!" ^_~ or "Wanna bet?!" You can try just being sincere and honest, yet optimistic "You know what? Either way I'm going to give it my all! I'll see just what I can do!"
Whatever the case, don't cave in, don't feed the negativity, don't let it bring you down, and if you can shrug it off, smile or be playful about it, if you can act positive in an outward way during these times, it'll affect you inwardly as well....


Sorry this is so long, I'm trying to be helpful but I tend to get carried away... Im hoping some of these suggestions can be of some use, they worked for me, but everyone is different.... So I'd just like to end this by once more saying that guys can be complex, just as women can be, we don't know what's going on in their minds, and they sometimes have funny ways of showing they care..... Focus on the other things he does that lets you know he cares about you, focus on all the positive you can, don't take his disparaging remarks too much to heart, and when it comes to this stuff, until he pulls through , lean mostly on outside support...... Hang in there, and eventually he should end up pulling through....

It took a lot of effort for us, my husband went from being a cynical skeptic that was like a cloud of gloom hanging over my efforts, and now he's my biggest support o.O; but we've been married 6 years, and it certainly wasn't always this way! things only recently had a turn around... It's not that he's drastically changed, a lot of it has been my coming to realize and accept that we don't think the same, what is encouraging for me, isn't encouraging for him... my idea of support isn't the same as his, and it took time for me to finally figure out his intentions and way of thinking, and also be able to pick up on the times he shows his love for me, in ways I never noticed before... And being able to rely on others and not focus so much on his thoughts had helped in the process...

I know Partners can be unsupportive with things like this.

I feel lucky when it comes to this topic, as me and my partner are losing weight at the same time, so can support and motivate each other and i find this really helpful and important