My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday
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So, do you need help burrying the Body? It would be justified (LOL).0
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Your profile says that your husband tell you you're beautiful everyday; so it sounds like this is not something that has happened before. Sounds to me like you two need to sit down and talk about this incident so it doesn't happen again. Also, I noticed your profile says, "If it's important you'll find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse". That tells me that you do know how to work through this!!0
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F him!!!0
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28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
I concur. Proving to him that you lose the weight or whatever has nothing to do with it. Fat or thin, he should be your biggest supporter and uplifter, not the opposite.
Agree. It is NEVER ok to talk this way to your spouse. He needs to learn right now that his words are unacceptable. They're incredibly damaging to you and your relationship, and if you expect to have a quality marriage then you both (since you said you're no saint either) need to find another way to express anger. It sounds like neither of you understands the severity of the damage caused by actions like this.
Your marriage should be your safe-haven from the crap that you get elsewhere in life. You two need to be a team and support each other.
Also, a fast is probably not a good idea. You're going to get even more emotional and have more difficulty dealing with the situation. Eat well, get some exercise in. I find that exercise gives me a bit of a mood boost and helps put things in perspective.
Best of luck to you both. I hope you can both work on it and make each other happy.0 -
so he is still alive? you didn't kick his *kitten* ? I am sorry the people that love you lift you up - not treat you like *kitten*0
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Mine did the same, he is now my ex-husband.0
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Sounds like retaliation. do not matchh his childish behavior. Argue constuctivly and get things resolved. neither of you should name call, even in anger. practice, it helps. dont starve yourself. thats pointless.0
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I shouldn't be airing my dirty laundry out for everyone to see however I am so hurt by this I don’t know how to handle it all. We got into an argument and it escalated fast where he told me to "waddle your fat @zz in the bedroom" and "You're so fat how can you see your feet?" and a few other hurtful things.:brokenheart: (I have gained 40lbs since him and I met.) I know he said this out of anger and we all say things that hurt, (I'm no saint) but it has completely changed me over night."
THIS PROBLEM IS NOT ABOUT YOU. YOU CANNOT FIX THIS PROBLEM BY LOSING WEIGHT.
This problem is about your husband, who feels like he doesn't have to show you love or respect. This problem is about your husband who verbally attacks you and says things in the most hurtful manner, and acts as if he has the right to do so because your appearance has changed.
You deserve respect (at any size). You deserve to be treated with love (even if you've changed your appearance). You deserve to have your partner argue in a manner that is fair (not ambushing the arugment with hurtful personal comments).
The problem isn't what do you eat or how to do you lose weight to prove him wrong-- he was wrong to begin with. The problem is -- if you speak to him about how unfair his comments were , how hurtful they were, and how belittling they were -- will he see that, will he realize that?
Ask yourself -- "How much weight do I have to lose to deserve respect?"0 -
Let me explain, children are from a previous marriage and my "new" 4 month husband is with us now. I haven't updated my profile in a while.
We all don't know your relationship at heart, like how long did you know each other before marrying- but 4 months you should still be in honeymoon stage. Talk to him about what he said hurt your feelings; UNLESS he has used hurtful words against you in the past. If you can't talk to him than something is definitely wrong. If you have a wonderful sex life than what he is saying is BS.
Best Wishes!
Cathi0 -
My hubby and I have been married 26 years. In all that time we have gotten really mad, I left him for 3 months, and got back together. Never once in all that time have we resorted to name calling. That is something you cannot fix or take back. People like that are self-centered, childish, immature and will never love you and your children the way you deserve. I had a step-father like that and it was not a healthy environment. How would you feel if he called one of your children a name like that or worse? The verbal abuse is a precursor of physical abuse. I speak from experience and not a book. My suggestion is confront him on it immediately and if he tries to laugh it off or say your overreacting. Tell him to kick rocks and don't let the door hit him as he leaves!!!!!!0
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Feel free to friend me if you want :flowerforyou:
And make sure your husband knows how much that hurt you >:| It really isn't cool to say that kind of stuff to anyone, especially the person you're married to. But good for you to come here, anyway!
And a fasting really won't do much, from what I've researched. What you want to do is jumpstart the metabolism, not deprive it. So instead of fasting, eat a lot of good food and drinks lots of water! It's hard at first, I know. But a good jumpstart will do wonders!
And if you can't make yourself eat nothing but good food today, that's okay. When I get started on this, I have to focuse on how much I eat, before I focus on what I eat.
Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling lol. I wish you luck! :drinker:0 -
He sounds like a thoughtless idiot to me.
My EX... EX... used to be horrible - started with words and went on to fists. He became my EX immediately in my head - but physically I filed for divorce within 6 months of the abuse - We were separated longer than we were married before he eventually agreed to divorce!
You know... no matter how great your relationship is at the beginning... if it becomes so bad that you feel like you are useless and nobody loves you (coz he may say things like that... ) Look in the mirror... get your old family photos out... and realise - there were more people loving you before he came along AND THEY STILL DO!
Sorry I may have gone off on a tangent but I hate abuse in any form!0 -
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. You're a newlywed, for crying out loud!
My husband and I never call each other names. There's no excuse for that, I don't care how angry you are. He is the ugly one in this scenario.
As far as weight loss goes, I hope that you can find a healthy place to find motivation. Don't do it for him, he doesn't deserve it. YOU deserve it.
Also, you have two children who get to see how he treats you. Keep that in mind when you decide how much you're willing to take.0 -
So, do you need help burrying the Body? It would be justified (LOL).
It isn't very nice what he said, and he was def. going below the belt, pun! We start counseling on Thursday, pray for us! I don't want this marriage to fail but I refuse to be treated this way. I'm better than this!0 -
Divorce the f*cker!0
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This is very hurtful speech, and being in the heat of an argument doesn't excuse it. In fact, in many respects it makes it worse, since it makes you wonder if the intensity of his emotions is loosening his inhabitations and making him say what he 'really thinks.' I totally agree with others who advised you to set boundaries and refuse to deal with this sort of name-calling.
My husband and I have a blunt way of communicating, but we reserve it for neutral times. My fat @ss does come up for discussion, but in a humorous way, and I participate totally in the joke. My husband really doesn't like my actual weight, but I have a fat @ss at any weight, and I've made peace with it. I've convinced myself I like it, and it's rare that anyone can make me feel bad about it. Working on your self-confidence is a good defense.0 -
Don't do that. Get some exercise in and eat some good food. Starving yourself will not help. Doing a "cleanse" will only make you more miserable and drain your wallet.I haven't eaten anything in over 24 hours but it's okay because I have decided to fast and detox my body. :drinker: Anyone experience this with positive results?0 -
4 months into marriage and he's calling you names? WTF?
I'd suggest marriage counseling. And he needs to be informed that he is NEVER allowed to name call again. And neither are you, by the way.
And maybe some personal counseling for you to help your sense of self-worth. My first response would not be to starve myself for 24 hours or worry about the young girls he could get.0 -
Omg I have a friend that was in the same situation, but he didn't say that to her in close doors, but in front of everyone... don't listen to him honey, I know it must be hard he's your husband... I think you need to talk to him...0
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Mine did the same, he is now my ex-husband.
Hmmmm, touche!0 -
28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
Ah yes the armchair psychoanalysis begins. We do not know what was said by her, what caused the fight, etc., but clearly he is "abusive & manipulative". And of course it has nothing to do with weight loss, because nothing men say ever have to do with what we say, right? Men should accept their wives no matter what the wives do to their bodies, right? And the women should manipulate and push their husbands to lose weight, right? There's two sides to every coin but the advice on here to women by other women about men, never fails to amaze me.
Two words: Grow Up. If the OP is hurt then she needs to talk to her husband about it. The marriage is between the two of them. Period. If that doesn't work then she should seek counseling where both of them can be heard and they can work through their issues. Otherwise, break up and move on.0 -
That isn't any way to speak to somebody you love.
1. Stand up for yourself and let him know he isn't to speak to you that way. It's bad for your self esteem and bad for your children to see as an example.
2. do your homework with diet and exercise on MFP, with or without him. DO THIS FOR YOU!
3. Document EVERYTHING he says or does that is verbally abusive. If things continue to go haywire have a lawyer in mind and on hand and a great network of friends and family who care.0 -
With all due respect to you, "Opie" over there doesn't have much room to talk about someone's appearance. He's got great abs, but you're still WAY out of his league. Pay him little attention when he talks to you like that.0
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28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
I concur. Proving to him that you lose the weight or whatever has nothing to do with it. Fat or thin, he should be your biggest supporter and uplifter, not the opposite.
I agree. I've gained 140 lbs since my husband and I met and he has never disrespected me like that. He is supportive regardless of my choices. I wish that for you.0 -
Don't ever base your worth on what you suppose others think of you, and you will never be hurt by this again.0
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Love yourself.0
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Sorry you had to deal with that, you must address this with him if you don't NOW the next time he will do it again and worse. Don't hold anything back either let him know that you will not tolerate him talking to you like that argument or not. 'we all' teach others how to treat us so by not saying anything to him you are allowing him to say this to you and its not ok let him know this asap. He is still a child, a grown mature man does not say or act in this manner. good luck
Michelle:)0 -
I am a newlywed so we all say things out of anger...
I'm also a newlywed, and no, we don't ALL say things like that. I've never once verbally attacked my husband (nor he I) and I always take care to express myself with "I feel" statements. Yeah, maybe it sounds a little 'Dr. Phil' but it works.
Sorry to move slightly off topic, but my point is that someone who really loves you wouldn't even have those sorts of thoughts in their mind, IMO.0 -
I'm so sorry; I know how much things like that can hurt.
In our marriage, I'm the one who would occasionally resort to adolescent behavior and scream things that I didn't mean, like "I hate you!" After a cooling-off period, I did apologize for my behavior. I'm so glad my husband didn't leave me over things like this. We have a good marriage now.
I sincerely hope that your husband realizes how hurtful that was and apologizes. Maybe you do need to lose weight, but you deserve support, not ridicule. Changing bad habits is hard!
As for fasting, if you don't feel like eating, then don't. But be aware that fasting usually produces a rebound effect - bingeing. You don't want that! So try to ease into appropriate meals and let the past go.0 -
Him calling you names is a sign he isn't mature enough to be your husband. Children call others names when they're frustrated because they don't have the proper vocabulary or manners to express themselves. What he just did is verbal and emotional abuse. If this is an ongoing thing, ditch the loser. That's about 200 pounds of dead weight you'll lose right there.
And please don't starve yourself, not even to "detox". Fasting doesn't work, and you'll end up overeating next time you do eat because you're going to be sssoooo hungry, and then you'll feel even worse.0
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