My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday
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Never acceptable, even in anger. I find that in anger I say things I feel are true, I refrain because I am an adult. If that is how he feels then you need to have some serious work done on your new marriage. I suggest counseling.
As far as fasting/detox. It's not going to help and it doesn't work. Your liver is your detoxer and fasting is just going to make your retain water and gain when you DO eat again.
I went through that same kind of name calling. He said the most disgusting and hurtful things about my weight because of control. It worked for so long that I was afraid to leave him. He has not seen his son in almost two years now since I left him, and he lives a few miles away on his dad's couch. Men like that are pathetic!0 -
I WENT THROUGH THAT FOR EIGHT YEARS AND IT JUST GOT WORSE AS TIME PASSED, HE'S IS NOW MY EX THINK SERIOUSLY ABOUT THIS..MAKE A GOOD DECISON, I HOPE THINGS WORKOUT.0
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AndWhen people start calling names, it's usually because they're frustrated about something and resort to that, when it isn't called for - and it's usually because of their own insecurities or because they just don't know how to handle themselves in what they consider to be a combative situation. Whatever the reason, there's still no excuse for it.Sit down with him and speak with him about it. See what he says. If he doesn't seem to be sorry I would be showing him the door. He needs to realize what he did.0 -
that is not a good example to set for the kids. He should not be calling you anything but beautiful, especially out of anger.0
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4 months and he's already talking to you like this ? phew :-/0
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So, do you need help burrying the Body? It would be justified (LOL).
And we'd all burn calories doing it!!
Seriously though, there are no excuses for what he said to you. It was just mean and so very hurtful. You need to tell him how badly that injured your heart and soul. Here's hoping that NEVER happens again.0 -
THATS WHY U SHOULD NEVER MARRY YOUNGER ..SORRY0
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I can't believe how many responses I've received. I'm totally shocked. I knew it was a touchy subject but... I will do my best to work this out, I'm no angel either. I called him a name too "an idiot" for doing something really what I thought was dumb but I'm not better. But I would never comment on his small uhh hem. Did I just say that? Nah, I'm kidding.
You guys are making me feel better, thank you. I was crying at work all day until now.0 -
That's awful. I recently dealt with something similar when my boyfriend told me to "get on the elliptical or get a hobby to lose some weight".
I'll send you a friend request - we can keep eachother motivated!
Ashley0 -
You deserve to be treated better. And I'm sure he knows this. Obviously you are an amazing woman or else he wouldn't be with you. It's good y'all are getting counseling and I hope the both of you stick with it because it will be hard.
That being said, weightloss is difficult as well. If you are doing this for JUST him then it will not stick, in my opinion.
You have to do this for YOU and you only. You've got to put yourself first. Make yourself a priority when no one else has and show others (including your husband) that you are worth treating right. Once you start feeling better about yourself inside and out you will start to respect yourself and demand respect. I would never put up with hateful comments like that from my SO. Never.
I wish the best for you in your new healthy lifestyle change and in your marriage.
I really hope things work out. Keep strong and don't give up.0 -
DIVORCE! That's my answer. Or talking to him. You get only one put down and you already used it. Tell him never again will that be tolerated.0
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So, do you need help burrying the Body? It would be justified (LOL).
It isn't very nice what he said, and he was def. going below the belt, pun! We start counseling on Thursday, pray for us! I don't want this marriage to fail but I refuse to be treated this way. I'm better than this!
I was with a man that treated me that way before I met my husband. I tried everything in the world to make him happy, he would just find another reason to be angry at me. After I left him I realized it was not me that was the problem.
My husband now never once called me anything but beautiful when I gained 40 pounds after we got together. The first 20 pounds were in the first 7 years we were together, the last 20 were in 2 before I changed my lifestyle. He was always kind to me and never once treated me any other way than with respect. I did not know that such a man existed, or if he did, I did not feel I was worth of him, this was due to the bullying and abusive behavior of my previous relationship.
I am so glad that today I know that I am worthy. I hope you find this to be true for you one day soon as well. :flowerforyou:0 -
I gotta agree with these two... hurtful words are damaging, hurtful words are quite hard to forget. It's not something I could get over too easily, I can understand what you're saying about now feeling insecure around him. He's told you how he feels about you, in anger or not. Consider if this is the guy for you if he's chopping your self esteem to pieces that's not cool, building a partner up, now that's what a healthy relationship is all about.28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
I concur. Proving to him that you lose the weight or whatever has nothing to do with it. Fat or thin, he should be your biggest supporter and uplifter, not the opposite.
You're ONLY 36, that's quite young...you have a very long life ahead of you, never never allow ANYONE to tear you down and continue to take it! You have more control over this situation than you may realize, don't allow this verbal abuse, it's hurtful, certainly not loving, done in anger or not! He tore into something he knows would hurt you most, your self esteem, your insecurities.
Think about a girlfriend that called you and told you this was happening to her, how would that make you feel? What would you say, how would you help her get through this? That person is you, be extra kind to yourself and really think about if being with a 28 year old that you're worrying if he'll get with a younger girl is worth it.
I'm not saying run out the door and leave this moment, but if you're worrying that he's gonna head out and find someone younger, that could be several issues. Could be words he's spoken, actions he's done or it could be simply your low self esteem that you're not good enough and he'll leave you.
YOU are the most important part in this equastion... that's simply all their is to it!
We can change only our own behavior, we teach ppl how to treat us, then they follow, if we allow it to continue than we are at fault for not taking good care of ourselves.
Sending you some hugs today!!:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: 0 -
LEAVE THE A HOLE0
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28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
Can't say it better than this. This is spot on0 -
Let me explain, children are from a previous marriage and my "new" 4 month husband is with us now. I haven't updated my profile in a while.
1) You don't have to explain yourself to anyone (on this site or otherwise!)
2) Words spoken in anger can do irreparable harm...and so can what you put yourself through replaying it in your head. My suggestion would be to talk to him, ask for an apology, and forgive him and try to forget. If you don't think you can do that, it may not be a bad idea to seek some counseling together, or on your own.
3) Don't ever let someone else's opinion be your driving force. If you want to lose weight, do it for you. You need to be ready.
Feel free to message if you ever need to talk xx0 -
Kick him in the taint. Problem solved.
Problem solved...0 -
Sounds like you need to lose 200lbs (or however much that *kitten* weights).0
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oh also my husband and I have said the most hurtful things to each other, its all about if he makes it up to you and makes you feel better, I have been married almost 6 years.
so honestly just get over it (that's what my mom always says)
I told my husband before we wed if he ever makes fun of my weight I was out of here, cause I was made fun of soo much while growing up, and a couple months ago HE DID! and I was shocked by the fact I didn't really care, I know he loves me and I love him so sticks and stones, we are working for a greater purpose then our egotistical emotions, soo it just kinda didn't really matter and we made up its like whatever..0 -
If he talks to you like this four months into your marriage, what will happen after you've been married for four years?
While I am divorced, I do not believe divorce is something to be taken lightly. I truly believe that people should work hard to save their marriage. But I do not believe that marriage should be a shackle that binds us to someone who is abusive (physically or emotionally) or neglectful.
You two need to talk. You need to find out what you can do to prevent him from becoming so angry. And he needs to learn how he can support you in your weight loss and in life.
If that doesn't work, you need to get professional help. And if that doesn't work, you need to make some very hard choices--for the sake of you and your children, who deserve to have good relationship role models.0 -
When my husband and I first moved in together 23 years ago, he called me a psycho ***** when we were having an argument. I knew he and his ex girlfriend would fight dirty and call each other names. I told him I didn't fight that way and if he wanted to be with someone who fought like that, he'd have to look elsewhere. He's never called me a name again. I just set the boundaries and let him know what was/was not acceptable to me and he respected that.
I am so sorry he hurt your feelings like that. It is acceptable for him to say something like that to you. I hope your counseling will help both of you.0 -
Every now and then, we all say things thats not good, however, we all know that once said, its done, and you can never take it back. With that being said I just want to encourage you to not let this destroy your beauty on the outside and well as in. You are a beauiful person you have to be ok with you, then have an honest conversation with your husband about what he said, this next part is easier said than done, forgive and move on. You need to do whats in your power to gain strength from this and let it be a motivator for you to excel in whatever it is you want to do.
Blessings Carla
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THIS response (quoted below) is one of my favorites as is the one right before it.
Please remember how lovely you are. Go see a therapist and learn to take good care of your mental health. All the best, A28 or 8?
*********Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.***********************
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is *********************** abusive & manipulative*********************** -and its working.***********************
*********************** The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.***********************
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with CONTROLLING you.0 -
I would say it is time to have a heart to heart with him. Sit down and tell him how it made you feel when he spoke that way. Is this a new development or has he always calle names when a fight occurs? I'm not saying divorce him because obviously couple will fight and that shouldn't be your first solution to the problem but you definitly need to speak to him about it.
Either way I agree with the other posters. You can't lose weight for someone else. I'm not saying it isn't possible because it is- but you won't get the same satisfaction that you would otherwise and the odd's of you being able to maintain may be lower. You can do it! And for yourself, not anyone else. :happy:0 -
Lose weight only if YOU want to! You can't do it for anyone but yourself!0
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28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
Ah yes the armchair psychoanalysis begins. We do not know what was said by her, what caused the fight, etc., but clearly he is "abusive & manipulative". And of course it has nothing to do with weight loss, because nothing men say ever have to do with what we say, right? Men should accept their wives no matter what the wives do to their bodies, right? And the women should manipulate and push their husbands to lose weight, right? There's two sides to every coin but the advice on here to women by other women about men, never fails to amaze me.
Two words: Grow Up. If the OP is hurt then she needs to talk to her husband about it. The marriage is between the two of them. Period. If that doesn't work then she should seek counseling where both of them can be heard and they can work through their issues. Otherwise, break up and move on.
Actually, calling your spouse names is verbal and emotional abuse, and it is them being manipulative. Doesn't matter if they are a man or a woman. No, we don't know if she called him names back, but she asked for our thoughts based on the information she gave us.
And there are better ways to tell your wife you are unhappy with her weight and appearance that are not abusive.0 -
You two need to talk. You need to find out what you can do to prevent him from becoming so angry. And he needs to learn how he can support you in your weight loss and in life.
This line really does not sit well with me.0 -
My husband and I have been in several arguments over the past 10 years, and NOT ONCE has the thought ever crossed my mind to insult him, nor has he ever insulted me. I have had hurtful things said about me by other people in past relationships, and let me tell you, those words still haunt me to this day. Words cannot be taken back, and you will always remember what he said to you, and it will never be the same between you and him. It's disgusting and nobody should put up with insults, especially by their spouse, who is supposed to love you, and be supportive. I agree with a previous poster that you may want to reevaluate the relationship you are in. If he treats you that way, he will probably treat your children the same eventually. As far as losing weight, you will never succeed until you decide to do it for yourself, and yourself ONLY! You can use his words as fuel for your fire, but make sure you are doing it for yourself. He definitely does not deserve you, skinny or not.0
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Did you call him an ambulance or just let him lie there?0
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Let me explain, children are from a previous marriage and my "new" 4 month husband is with us now. I haven't updated my profile in a while.
Ah, I see. Maybe this is how he really is? Now that he's 'got' you he thinks it's safe to show his behind. I would not suggest divorce at this point, but you MUST nip this in the bud now. Verbal abuse is a terrible thing to endure...if he's willing to call you this now it's only going to get worse unless he knows up front you will not tolerate it.0
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