My Husband called me a fat @zz yesterday
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It's ok to air dirty laundry, I havent seen anyone who judges on here. Sounds like you need to let him know how much those comments hurt you. I've never been called fat in an argument by a decent guy before, so I havent been down that road myself. Change your weight because you want to, not because your husband wants you to lose weight. And if he really thinks that he can get any girl he wants just because hes younger, then Im sorry but hes an arrogant sleaze. Maybe it's just you who thinks he can get anyone he wants though :P About the fasting: I have done this a number of times for about a day on the rare occasion that I cannot stop eating. It helps me get back on track but I never do it for more than a day.0
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I don't think I could ever be married to someone who spoke to me like that. Get a divorce. It's not good for you or for your kids to be around that.0
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Did you call him an ambulance or just let him lie there?
oh my god. this made my day! XD :laugh:0 -
I think everyone has probably said things they don't mean but that doesn't make it o.k. for any of us. My Ex used to say the nastiest stuff to me when she was mad. No, I'm not perfect and treated her badly at times but she always took things to a much higher (and more personal) level. There are certain things you can't take back or just apologize for especially if you keep saying them over and over again. Ya'll need to establish some guidelines for arguing or it's not going to work.0
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4 months into marriage and he's calling you names? WTF?
I'd suggest marriage counseling. And he needs to be informed that he is NEVER allowed to name call again. And neither are you, by the way.
And maybe some personal counseling for you to help your sense of self-worth. My first response would not be to starve myself for 24 hours or worry about the young girls he could get.
Bingo. My wife and I almost called it quits 9 months in to our marriage (we've been together nearly 9 years now). We actually talked about divorce and decided we wanted to make it work.
No matter how bad the arguing got, not once did I even consider personally attacking her like that. That is not something you just accidentally do once. It is hateful and I simply can't understand what in the hell people are thinking to say things like that.
Hell, my wife needs to lose a good 60 pounds right now (says she wants to, but can't get motivated) and we had a massive blowout fight this last weekend (we are allll better ty). BUT, there is NO freaking way I would have said anything about her weight even in a heated argument. Its just wrong.0 -
Also super well said. There are lots of types of abuse and this is one of them!!!!
A (a therapist - not your therapist but a therapist nonetheless!!)My ex-husband used to call me a b!tch, tell me how awful I was...etc. After 10 years of that, I believed him.
If you allow him to talk to you like that without addressing it with him, you will believe it in yourself. Speak to him about what he said, how you feel about it and how it has affected you.
Don't allow him to talk to you that way again. This comes from over 12 years of trying to prove to myself that I am not a horrible person.
Starving yourself is not a good thing to do. Standing up for yourself is
This. I believed every bully in HS and now am a lot heavier than when I was in HS. I used to think I was horribly fat than and would kill for my HS weight now. He is being a bully. Get to marriage counseling. This is not one of those "we can compromise" behaviors. Either he stops or you leave. Abuse can be emotional not just physical.0 -
its all about if he makes it up to you and makes you feel better
This is how women in physically abusive relationships justify staying in those relationships.
A diamond ring does not make up for cheating. A concert does not take away the hurt of name calling. And a new car does not fix the fact that he gave you a black eye. That type of thinking is just not healthy.0 -
28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
I concur. Proving to him that you lose the weight or whatever has nothing to do with it. Fat or thin, he should be your biggest supporter and uplifter, not the opposite.
^this^ I was going to put that I could not comment anything more to this then... "You don't talk to anyone this way let alone your significant other....."0 -
4 months in eh... not a good turn of events. Some say that words are just that and they don't hurt or matter, but from what you are saying they clearly do. Even if not meant fully, once out there - they are always there. Talk to him about this seriously. It needs to get nipped in the bud now and classified as "unacceptable." Not in my first bad marriage or now my second "great" marriage did I resort to the basic namecalling area. I got past that when I was about 12. Seriously, you are an attractive woman at the weight you are. If you want to lose, do it for you and your health and discuss the issues here with your husband now. Hoping things get better.0
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He needs to learn to control his tongue. Proverbs has a lot to say about the dangers of the tongue. In my case, my husband never called me fat, but I could see him "thinking" it. Of course, I was thinking it about myself, too. I lost the weight, and we're both happy. Marriage can be tough. I wish you well. If you're going to fast, I suggest you use it as a time to pray.0
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You two need to talk. You need to find out what you can do to prevent him from becoming so angry.
lol WUT. What in the actual eff??? It is not her responsibility to prevent him from becoming angry! It is HIS. He is a grown man and responsible for his own emotions and controlling himself.
He can be angry, he can feel angry all he wants but what he cannot do is take his anger out on her!0 -
Dont be depressed by his being angry at u ..... He must hve said it all in anger ... He wouldnt have meant it .... Nd fasting wouldnt do u any gud ... It just slows ur metabolism nd increases more fat0
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He must've forgotten that I lift weights plus I do have a knife. Heh.0
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tell him that when he can comb his hair, he can comment on your weight.0
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You two need to talk. You need to find out what you can do to prevent him from becoming so angry.
lol WUT. What in the actual eff??? It is not her responsibility to prevent him from becoming angry! It is HIS. He is a grown man and responsible for his own emotions and controlling himself.
He can be angry, he can feel angry all he wants but what he cannot do is take his anger out on her!
Yep0 -
I have just one question. You say you got married four months ago, and you also said you have gained about 40 pounds since you got married.
40 pounds in four months is a lot. Have you considered going to a doctor?
That's not to say his comment isn't hurtful, but that's a fairly rapid weight gain, and it's possible he's concerned about you and doesn't know how else to say it.0 -
its all about if he makes it up to you and makes you feel better
This is how women in physically abusive relationships justify staying in those relationships.
A diamond ring does not make up for cheating. A concert does not take away the hurt of name calling. And a new car does not fix the fact that he gave you a black eye. That type of thinking is just not healthy.
your just supposing I mean making it up by buying things, I am talking about him saying he was sorry and talking about how he didn't mean that. in my case my husband and I can both be verbilly abusive to each other lol, but we have thick skin, also for the record I don't cry I get pissed and yell so pleas don't imagine me this frall poor little girl, cause I am far from that
and as far as phisically abusive PLEAS if he ever hit me (which he would never ever do) we would both beat the **** out of each other lol, I am not some weak little girl! nah ah!0 -
So far, my favorite bit of advice on here is to "kick him in the taint" although I don't necessarily recommend it. I agree with what others have said about how you need to talk to each other about mutual respect, etc., and if he doesn't understand, he may not be worthy of your time. If you're going to lose weight, do it for yourself, not for/because of him, or anyone else for that matter. External motivation can only last for so long, but intrinsic motivation is typically the best. If you want to lose weight so that you feel better physically and mentally, then by all means, get started. However, I highly recommend fasting for entire days. You can do a 12 hour fast if you want, but after a certain amount of time, your metabolism begins to slow down because your body goes into "starvation mode." Do some research, or talk to a nutritionist if you can, and determine the best way for you to lose weight if you would like to do so. Most importantly, take care of yourself. At the end of the day, that's all that really matters.0
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Hi
Sometimes its hard to hear things but you could turn it to motivation. Firstly im sure he loves you and is not going to try and find anyone else but wanted to hurt you, but you yourself said you have put on 40lb so maybe you needed to hear it in a different way?
I had a very frank conversation with my partner the other night, i like you have put on 20lb since we met over the years and he said he has noticed, he still loves me and finds me attractive but doesnt want me to be unhappy.
Whilst i am still confident and we have agreat relationship in my mind i knew i was uncomftable and hearing him say it was a reality check but a needed one.
Maybe tell your husband he upset you but that you would like his support. DO NOT STARVE YOURSELF your body will go into starvation mode and store all fat not burn it.
Look at it as your gaining fitness and health not loosing weight... be positive and set realistic goals, dont set yourself up to fail!
I have just found this site and love the tracker it really helps keeps things in perspective!
Good Luck!0 -
Your a beautiful women in your own way. Keep your head up and lose the weight for YOU & YOU ONLY. Yes we do say things out of anger but we also have to learn how to hold our tongue. Because once you put it out there you can't take it back. Good luck on your weight loss journey.0
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Let me explain, children are from a previous marriage and my "new" 4 month husband is with us now. I haven't updated my profile in a while.
4months and this is how he talks to you?
No....HELL NO! That's unacceptable.
Normally I would say try and save the marriage but this douche isn't worth it
And what makes you think he could get any woman he wants? I'm sorry but he's not an attractive man and with a sh!tty attitude like that, no self respecting woman would put up with his crap. If my new husband said anything like that to me, angry or not, I would have attacked him. I wish I was joking but I'm not. I would have literally tackled his stupid *kitten*. Then I would have kicked him out or moved out and gotten my marriage annulled.
You're a beautiful woman and you have little girls who deserve a strong role model.0 -
I'd say he just hung up any chances in the bedroom for a while. Jerk. I'll hate him for ya. Does HE still look the same? I think not. Jerk. As a side note, domestic violence usually begins with verbal abuse. Most times it never graduates higher than that, but one in five households, it does. If you have no self defense training in your background, get it NOW. Contact your local recreation center or police department. There are usually classes that start either free or for next to nothing.0
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28 or 8?
Calling someone names isn't acceptable, ever. Even in anger.
Your husband sounds like he has some issues of his own. What he is doing is abusive & manipulative-and its working.
The only advice I can suggest is to see a counselor/therapist-even if its on your own. You do not deserve that treatment.
And if you'll notice, I haven't mentioned anything about weightloss. There's a reason for that. His comments have NOTHING to do with your weight, and everything to do with controlling you.
Ah yes the armchair psychoanalysis begins. We do not know what was said by her, what caused the fight, etc., but clearly he is "abusive & manipulative". And of course it has nothing to do with weight loss, because nothing men say ever have to do with what we say, right? Men should accept their wives no matter what the wives do to their bodies, right? And the women should manipulate and push their husbands to lose weight, right? There's two sides to every coin but the advice on here to women by other women about men, never fails to amaze me.
Two words: Grow Up. If the OP is hurt then she needs to talk to her husband about it. The marriage is between the two of them. Period. If that doesn't work then she should seek counseling where both of them can be heard and they can work through their issues. Otherwise, break up and move on.
Actually, calling your spouse names is verbal and emotional abuse, and it is them being manipulative. Doesn't matter if they are a man or a woman. No, we don't know if she called him names back, but she asked for our thoughts based on the information she gave us.
And there are better ways to tell your wife you are unhappy with her weight and appearance that are not abusive.
Not saying that what he did was optimal. Just saying that you weren't there and the OP didn't share enough information to be playing armchair marriage counselor. Good luck with that.0 -
He needs to learn to control his tongue. Proverbs has a lot to say about the dangers of the tongue. In my case, my husband never called me fat, but I could see him "thinking" it. Of course, I was thinking it about myself, too. I lost the weight, and we're both happy. Marriage can be tough. I wish you well. If you're going to fast, I suggest you use it as a time to pray.
Yes my church is fasting and it just happened to start yesterday of all days.0 -
"Saying things in anger" is different than "bullying your spouse". He called you a fatass, AND mocked uou. ("you're so fat how can you even see your feet?" WTF) This isn't the right kind of motivation.0
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He does NOT need to learn how to control his tongue. He needs to learn how to NOT even think those sorts of thoughts about his own WIFE. We kidding???0
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Men can be cruel during a fight and will throw everything out you that he knows will hurt you the most. Don't lose weight because of what he said, loe it because you want it for yourself and only for yourself. Don't ever give a man that kind of power over you.
Be strong and know that you have friends here!0 -
No, don't starve yourself. Use it as motivation, but do it for YOU not him. He was totally being a *kitten*...yeah, even good ones can be douches occassionally..but that was beyond the pale.
As for the age difference, yeah I get it, my bf is 15 years younger...so effing what? I understand the insecurity, but there was a reason he chose to be with you, and who gives a sh** about his age, I'd say given his mean streak he's damn lucky you didn't see the door close in his face.
Feel free to send a fr, I'm supportive, but I won't let you starve yourself...just USE it...motivate to move more, eat cleaner, and you know what, maybe he has some room for improvement in the fit department himself...I'd guess that would be a big YES!0 -
Respect yourself enough to hold him accountable and take it VERY seriously that he could use words to hurt you that badly.
I would not be able to trust him enough again without some apologizing and make up behavior.
I would find some activities you enjoy and take some time and make yourself a priority for YOU! Find some active fun things, meet a few new friends and join some classes (healthy cooking, yoga, zumba), self improvement is the best way to get revenge, but it usually ends up making yourself more happy and ends up not being about revenge but about self in the end. Work on liking and learning about yourself
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Mine did the same, he is now my ex-husband.
BOOM! :drinker:0
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