Major anxieties regarding failure... what to do?

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  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
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    brett said it GREAT. but i have this up where i see it EVERY day:


    watchme_zps90b021e4.jpg


    *edited b/c MFP doesn't like how i name subfolders.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,081 Member
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    How did I not marry Brett?

    You could maybe start with a friend request? Romance a guy a little would ya? Geez...

    I was born in New Castle.

    But, no matter, you areen't taking any new friends, so - CB.

    perv.gif
  • halagr
    halagr Posts: 10 Member
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    I'm exactly the same as you - with everything in my life. I'm convinced I'll fail so i never put my all into it.
    but I admit that what I do. And i'm really trying not to.

    You can't honestly say you've tried your hardest and still failed that's just not possible. But no one is perfect. So maybe you have the one day when you feel like you've had a bad day - does that mean all your other hard work doesn't count? No.
    Every day is a new day, Just wipe the slate clean and start again.

    At the end of each day try writing down (in pencil) everything bad you did that day. Then before you go to sleep. Rub it out and write over it in pen everything your going to do better tomorrow.
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
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    i want you to know that i failed my *kitten* off at the gym today. so i leave you with this.

    http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2012/02/01/5-steps-after-failing/

    http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/10/17/fail-more/

    sucking-at-something-adventure-time.jpg
  • princessd84
    princessd84 Posts: 121 Member
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    If you're going to succeed, you need to abandon the "all or nothing" approach.

    Say, for instance, you went out with your friends for lunch and they all wanted to have McDonalds. Even if you weren't planning to have a Big Mac and fries, you might give in to temptation and have one because your friends are and you don't want to feel left out.

    Having scoffed the Big Mac and fries, there are now two ways you could view this:

    A - "I had a McDonald's and I feel really bad. I've failed today so I might as well have pizza for tea and some chocolate while watching TV" (all or nothing approach)

    or

    B - "I had a McDonald's today and I really enjoyed it. I'm going to have a bowl of low-cal soup for my dinner and stick to my calorie goals for the rest of the week"

    If you choose A, then you are more likely to fail long-term as you are allowing one unexpected "slip" to throw you off the rails.

    If you choose B, then you're more likely to succeed as you are actually adopting a more "normal" approach to eating. Even skinny people eat junk food from time to time. They just don't then have a massive binge because they feel bad about it. You might see a slim girl eating a bar of chocolate, but the likelihood is that she doesn't eat five bars a day, or she works out a lot.

    There is only you, ultimately, that can retrain your thoughts. It's took me a long time to address this hurdle so I know how hard it is. Now the easiest way that I explain my change in thought processes to people is that "I eat like a human being, not a pig at a trough!".

    You CAN do this and you WILL do this. You just need to banish the negative thinking and cut yourself some slack from time to time.

    Good luck :)
  • mfoy94
    mfoy94 Posts: 228 Member
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    I'll take the pressure off you.

    You're going to fail.

    You're going to fail dozens if not hundreds of times. In big ways and small. You'll spend too many days eating too little and then too much. You'll try to exercise with bad form. You'll have rotten, no good days where all you want to do is bury your face in ice cream. You'll do too much cardio or not enough cardio. You'll refuse to lift. You'll start lifting but they'll be light weights. You'll lift heavy and have an irrational fear of getting bulky. You'll run in the wrong shoes.

    And so long as you never give up, every one of those failures will lead to your success.
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
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    Please understand that every single successful person failed miserably at some point.

    Walt Disney - Told he had no imagination! Walt Effing Disney!

    Prince - Booed and heckled when he first went onstage, in his hometown no less!

    Marie Curie - No one in the science world took notice when she first published world-changing information about radiation. Can you imagine?? Her sense of doubt, of failure, of disappointment? She kept going though!

    The Wright Brothers - Do you really think the first time they put an airplane together it flew?? or the second, or the third? or the fourth? NO not even close. It took them many many tries, and many many years, to make a successful flying machine. So great was the burden of all their failures, one of the brothers, Wilbur, told the other that someday people would fly but not in their lifetimes. Still, he found the inner strength to keep on trying!

    Albert Einstein - Failed the entrance exams of many subjects when he tried to get into college!

    Milton Hershey - Had 2 failed candy businesses under his belt when he became determined to make and sell the perfect candy bar. It took many years and it is said to be at least 1,000 failures before he perfected the recipe for Hershey Kisses/Hershey bar!

    and so on and so on and son on. EVERYONE FAILS. It's part of being human. What separates successful people from failures is that successful people pick themselves up and keep it moving. They learn from their mistakes and try again. Whether your goal is huge or your goal is small, your goal is IMPORTANT and you owe it to yourself to try.

    It's all any of us can do. Keep trying.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    There's freedom in failing.

    It releases you from the fear of it happening. It happened. Now you can sink your teeth into getting what you really want.

    You're gonna fail all the time and it's good. You can't evolve if its not difficult. You wont get stronger if you're perfect. You wont improve if you're already efficient.

    I fail and its humiliating. But i'll be damned if it doesn't make victory that much sweeter.
  • reminahl
    reminahl Posts: 5
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    I just wanted to thank all of you for your comments, and especially want to thank Brett. These are the exact things that I needed to hear! Thank you.

    I'm gonna give it my best and see what happens!
  • jordean22
    jordean22 Posts: 3 Member
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    :smile:
    I'll take the pressure off you.

    You're going to fail.

    You're going to fail dozens if not hundreds of times. In big ways and small. You'll spend too many days eating too little and then too much. You'll try to exercise with bad form. You'll have rotten, no good days where all you want to do is bury your face in ice cream. You'll do too much cardio or not enough cardio. You'll refuse to lift. You'll start lifting but they'll be light weights. You'll lift heavy and have an irrational fear of getting bulky. You'll run in the wrong shoes.

    And so long as you never give up, every one of those failures will lead to your success.



    Love it
  • CalJur
    CalJur Posts: 627 Member
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    Add a positive network of friends around you in life and on MFP. Real friends support one another no matter what. You can add me as well as I strive to motivate in some fashion every day.
  • harvellglover
    harvellglover Posts: 1
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    Another way to describe failures is "lessons learned". When you think of it that way, everything everyone has said makes sense...you keep on learning from failures / lessons and every one of them brings you that much closer to something you can recognize as success.
  • Softrbreeze
    Softrbreeze Posts: 156 Member
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    I know it seems oversimplified. But it is SO true! Your brain is conditioned to respond negatively right now. Maybe you've had some disappointing experiences in the past and started to think "I can't" as an avoidance mechanism (Why try if you can't?). What you have to do TRULY is EVERYTIME your brain sends you the message "I can't", PAUSE and very deliberately tell yourself "I can and I will".. Seriously, it takes time, but it works. TRAIN YOUR BRAIN :wink:
  • NZhellkat
    NZhellkat Posts: 355 Member
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    Better to try and fail then never try at all. But seriously without failure we do not learn. Every time I make a mistake I as myself what the hell am I supposed to learn here. Most of the time it comes back to trusting my "instincts." That first gut reaction you have to something that makes you think yes!!! or Hell No!!!. Listened to mine this weekend and managed to not buy a lemon of a car. Today I got something that will last me a while.

    The lesson I'm learning this time round is one step at a time but keep moving. I've shed over 50 lbs in 2012 a lone. Need to shed 50 more. Notice I say shed. They are not lost as I never want to find them again. You are worth this journey. And best of all you are not travelling alone. We are here to help and support you, kick you in the butt if you need it and most especially to celebrate all your future successes. And there will be many of those. Welcome to the start of your new lifestyle. :happy: :flowerforyou:
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
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    We sound quiet similar
    I'm scared of failure to the point where I think I may have stopped trying for a LONG time (this is with everything, school, life, friends)

    the first thing I also do is whats the worst that could happen ?
    what are my options is the worst does happen ?
    How do I cope with the worst possible thing happen ?

    so for example my exams

    worst that could happen is I COMPLETELY fail (for me thats anything under 3Cs is fail)

    what happens next ? I'd have to either go clearing, or fast track the year again..okay that's like taking a gap year
    how do I cope ? I have the numbers to all the necessary organisations already ! I speak to all the necessary people

    weight loss

    whats the worst that could happen - you put on weight
    what are your options - give up ? or pick yourself up and try again ?
    how do you cope - Join a gym (yes it'll cost money, but thats an incentive NOT to miss at training session) and train hard and remember how it felt to feel that failure.


    This is pretty much the 'game' I played with myself as a child, and what I was going to recommend, but I used to string together my 'what's the worst thing that could happen' into the absolute worst case scenario: 'I could die, and then there's nothing more to worry about.' I think I taught myself that there are always options and as long as you always believe there are options, failure is not final.

    I've also found little mantras can help. I went to a Japanese exam once, and as I waited for it to start, a complete stranger tried to convince me I was sure to fail. I told him why I wasn't about to, but I was still very shaken. Before the exam I held my boyfriend's dog tag and sang myself a song he sang me, and my confidence came back. More recently, I was feeling so stressed about something that I couldn't sleep, so saying 'Rise above it' again and again helped bring me back to normal. Maybe you could find tricks like this that work for you too.

    Remember too that the bitterest regrets are often for what you DON'T do. :flowerforyou:
  • tallvanurse
    tallvanurse Posts: 55 Member
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    I'll take the pressure off you.

    You're going to fail.

    You're going to fail dozens if not hundreds of times. In big ways and small. You'll spend too many days eating too little and then too much. You'll try to exercise with bad form. You'll have rotten, no good days where all you want to do is bury your face in ice cream. You'll do too much cardio or not enough cardio. You'll refuse to lift. You'll start lifting but they'll be light weights. You'll lift heavy and have an irrational fear of getting bulky. You'll run in the wrong shoes.

    And so long as you never give up, every one of those failures will lead to your success.


    I LOVE THAT...and it's absolutely true! Until you stop trying, you're not failing permanently. If you have a friend, parent, loved one, significant other, etc...anyone you care about...talk to yourself the way you'd talk to them. You'd never tell your friend that they're a failure. You'd never tell your friend that they can't succeed. You'd encourage them, pick them back up when they fell. YOU.DESERVE.NO.LESS. Please remember that.
  • Erica262
    Erica262 Posts: 226 Member
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    The ONLY way you can really fail is to just not try. But you are going to fail. LOTS. Someone else posted this quote in the forums earlier...

    "I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

    Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

    So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work, or family or life.

    Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

    Make your mistakes, next year and forever." -- Neil Gaiman

    There's nothing wrong with making mistakes. You're going to make lots of them. Just have a positive attitude. Be able to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes, then move on and keep trying.

    Check out operationbeautiful.com and other motivational sites. Go to the health & fitness section on pinterest. "Like" health and fitness pages on Facebook and check them everyday. Befriend people on this site! People on MFP are the best. Sending you a friend request now :)
  • ChelseaM18
    ChelseaM18 Posts: 303
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    I get that too, for me it's when I start just focusing on the overall end picture, my final goal, instead of the smaller goals I need to achieve on the way, completely ignoring them and not acknowledging that it's the small goals that make up the success. Take everything one step at a time, make tiny goals and just focus on those ONE at a time, looking too far ahead then reaching the end of your deadline not where you wanted to be is just going to make you feel depressed, confused and will give you no clear path or guideline on how to reach your personal success. The success will come, I wish you every luck :)<3

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