Constructive criticism, please! Sheesh!

If I knew this website was going to be so stressful I wouldn't have posted.

Making a post about a post brcause you didn't like tHe response is lame. There's a message in it, a lesson to be learned, did you learn it???

Improvements can be made. Just because your nutritionist for $200 didn't break it to you gently doesn't make it less true. Take it on board.

You asked a question. Now handle the answer.

Harden up.

^^^This

I don't need nice-nice, and I don't need rude either. This entire website is everyone attacking everyone in this forum. Not just mine, but many others I've seen. Not really sure why people can't be a LITTLE nicer when delivering information.

I think that comes from a number of things.
A glut of "attention" seeking threads where people either boast about eating below 1200, hence much flaming, or... statements that they are not losing, and with diary open, sometimes results in flaming.

None of this is an exact science, but there is a lot you can do to make it more so.
A little research into things like your Total Daily Energy Expenditure (TDEE) & Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) will help you understand broadly what you should eat each day, and what you can eat at a deficit to help with losing weight,
Logging as accurately as you can is half the battle

I have someone on my friend list cheering me on/nagging me about my water intake, for example.
What they don't realise is that before I came on here, I was terrible, TERRIBLE about drinking water - so managing 4-5 cups a day is a HUGE thing for me - so do I get irritated when they are all "hey drink more"? No - they are trying to encourage as best they can based on what little they know about me.

Perhaps maybe only have your diary open to people you choose to friend, and ask for opinions among a smaller group.

But above all - this takes LOTS of tweaking and adjusting... it's not a sprint...
It took me two weeks before I even really got to grips with the whole logging, and getting over the horror of what I was putting away.
It took a good month to learn what worked for me - some weeks I gained, some weeks static...
It took me 4 months before I was even ready to get my head around the effects of BMR, TDEE and deficits and how that might work for me...

Please.. be patient, and find a way to make the site work for you. As blunt as people are in the forums, that is the nature of the internetz... I find them a great source (sometimes) for information, I do my own research, and I tweak my own goals and above all - you need to be on here for YOU, not for the virtual support you think you're gonna get!
Build up a small but decent bunch of similar goaled friends and work within those parameters... that may well work better for you.

Good luck with your journey.

Well frankly the truth hurts and if you post being upset about not losing weight then you need to expect any and all forms of criticism. If you choose to put yourself out there then these are the chances you take. I went back and read that thread and like with others I fail to see the rudeness in it.

Best of luck and listen to Robin she knows what shes talking about :flowerforyou:

agreed..

Seriously? This is the internet. People come from every country, culture, and language. This is a public forum. Inflection and body language cannot be transmitted digitally. Every person has a unique approach to communication, and not all of them translate well into a typing-only medium. Take a step back and breathe.

How you respond to such communication methods without the accompanied physical cues is your own responsibility, and a skill that has to be cultivated when you deal with people online. People on the whole actually DO care about others, and mostly want to help, and that is why they say the things they do when YOU ask for help on a public forum. Being blunt is NOT the same as being rude. Being honest is NOT the same thing as being rude.

Telling you only what you want to hear in only the way you want to hear it is what's rude, in my opinion, as well as disingenuous, and frankly the people that want to sugarcoat and bubble wrap and rose-colored-sunglass life are the ones who don't truly care about the welfare of others.

Some are blunt and honest in their approach, some take a softer, gentler approach. Appreciate and be thankful for any and all responses that you asked for, because they took the time and genuine care to answer you, whether they told you what you want to hear in the way that you wanted to hear it or not.

And maybe you need to take a good hard look at why you are needing to play the victim here. Maybe, just MAYBE, it's because you already know what you need to change, but would rather get a pat on the head and a cookie for knowing that rather than a kick in the pants. And that's OK, but if you prefer the pat on the head, and that works better for you, maybe you should think twice before posing a question on a public forum where all kinds of people who want the best for you, however they may express it, will answer you.

I would ask when you QUOTE in the forum would you mind writing your response underneath rather than on top? Maybe it's just me but it seems thats how most people do it and I think it's a bit easier to show your response beneath?*

*Not criticising

"Bawwww, the FREE advice I'm getting from people who know more than me (who have given the same FREE advice on this FREE website a hundred times before FOR FREE) wasn't wrapped in a pretty pink bow and people told me I didn't do perfect, bawwwww."

If people seemed direct/rude it's because every single day there are tens of posts all saying the same thing...

"I'm doing everything PERFECTLY, but it's not working... WHAT'S WRONG WITH MEEEEE"

And then they get butthurt when they're told that actually, no, they didn't do everything perfectly.


TLDR; This is the internet. People will talk to you however they like. They are offering you free advice. Man up or go pay some nutritionist to sugarcoat it for you.

Saved me writing this. Think you're being a little defensive....

I have not been on this website very long, but after the few posts I recently made and the very frank and hurtful ways people responded I am disgusted. I thought this was a website to encourage one another. If someone is misinformed, inform them. In a nice way. Give them a pat on the back and another try.

I was in fact NOT spot on with my eating. What I was spot on with was logging everything I consumed and holding myself accountable, because it was there, black and white, out in the open, for the entire website to read and shove in my face. I can honestly say I had no idea how much sugar and sodium I was actually consuming, so thank you for letting me know what YOU saw. It was helpful. Cutting out sugar is hard, cutting out sodium is even harder, as some of you will know.

For those of you that said "hey, you gave a good try, but I would do this differently" I greatly appreciate your ideas, suggestions, support and kind words.

For those of you that gave me a snotty "excuse me honey but your diet sucks" response, go shove it! With that attitude you may lose weight, but your personality will always make you ugly.

We're not perfect, and we're all here for similar reasons, just remember that.

I totally understand where you're coming from. I have come to realize, some people just dont know any better. Especially over the internet, people can really be tough and mean typing on the keyboard but in person, most of those people wouldnt have the same input. If anyone should come down hard on us for mistakes we make regarding eating and exercise habits it should be family or a doctor. Who needs to be beat up on when we are already so hard on ourselves for what we stuggle with day to day? So I totally understand how your feelings would be hurt.

I agree that constructive critisism is needed, the problem comes from people being rude while giving it. Noone has that right!! I have been reading some posts on here lately that I was thinking to myself, "What are wrong with these people? Were they not taught to use their manners??" As a mother I raise my children that they can speak their mind in all situations, they just have to do it with respect!! If you can't have respect for the original poster and give advise without being rude then DO NOT RESPOND!!! Negativity could cause someone to decide they don't want to continue working through this site! People should really think before they say stuff, everything you do and say has consequences. I am not saying that it needs to be sugar coated, but it can be said in a way that shows respect and isn't rude!! By the way awesome job at keeping track of your food, that is half the battle