Need "marital" advice ASAP!
Replies
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I don't think I have ever in my life said no to sex.
Wait.....
Nope. not ever.
Seems to me like you have more of a communication/intimacy issue especially seeing as how you are out here on a public forum airing out things that should be discussed with your husband. Sorry.0 -
If you don't give it to him eventually someone else will. You are in the habit of saying no and putting your needs before his - stop telling him no!0
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If you're thinking about it during the day, it doesn't sound like you've checked out - just that it's not as important for you, and you're finding it hard to schedule in with your tiredness.
So schedule it! (some people don't like it, other people find it gets them going and back in the mood. it can't hurt at this point)
Have some couple time as soon as you get home, instead of leaving it for after everything else.
Hire a babysitter once a week for a month - maybe even at someone else's home, so the two of you can have the house to yourselves.
Really, tell yourself that it is critically important to you because it is important to your husband (even if he is nice enough to not make it a big deal), and then find ways to fit it into your schedule by treating it as a priority instead of an "if I'm still up and we get around to it" option.0 -
My hubby and I would try to have sex right after work so that nothing got in the way, or to tired etc. It works great for us.0
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My best advice is you better stop saying no because if you don't someone else will. You need to figure out why you are so tired. I have twins so I dont want to hear the work and baby routine. I am not trying to be mean but I can tell you from experience that once sex leaves a marriage so many marriages dont work.
Good Luck and maybe see a doctor because it could be hormonal stuff as well.0 -
Rule 1: Stop saying no.
Rule 2: Repeat Rule 1.
Tired is tired, but is anyone ever really too tired? Even when I'm barely awake, I don't say no when I'm in bed with my husband.
That. Or sit down and tell him that if he wants to have sex he needs to come to bed when you go to bed. Also, you need to sexy things up, get some foreplay poker cards and some sex position cards. If you're not really in the mood pull out the poker cards. If you (or he) are in the mood have one or the other leave the position they'd like to try that evening from the other deck on the bed. Sometimes even when you're not in the mood something to signal your partners desire and give you some advanced time for anticipation will increase your desire as well.0 -
I remember that so well. It seemed that the hormones involved in taking care of a new baby were completely anti-sex. I'd want to be in the mood and really try, but there was just nothing there. Touches that would have excited me before just irritated me after.
By the time baby was 2 or 3, I got my sexual feelings back. Before that, I just gritted my teeth and tolerated it as often as I could, pretty much.0 -
I don’t mean to sound like an as*. I went through the same thing after my son, esp. after gaining 80 pounds. (You will find most women do)
But, I found some great ways to overcome this issue.
1. Sex is great cardio-just think of it as a late night work-out
2. You can build up great flexibility
3. You will sleep better-or have more energy to do what-ever (In my case homework and work stuff).
4. Afraif of your body? Just turn off the light if needed, men are visual light a candle.
I understand the sleep issue but, most nights don’t need to be a marathon.
Here are some facts.
Having sex three times a week burns around 7,500 calories per year roughly the equivalent of jogging 75 miles, or about 1.4 miles per week
kissing for 15 minutes could burn as many as 30 calories
Add some “sexercise” to your regular routine and enjoy burning calories, that is why you are here right....... get fit and frisky.0 -
Step 1: dont ever let him find out you talk to strangers on the internet about his private bedroom business and any problems related to it.
Step 2. don't talk about your marriage problems in writing on the internet.
yeah, forgot to say this in my post. Thanks for doing it Yoovie
Seriously...I know sometimes you need someone to talk to..but....a bunch of strangers on the internet is not the way to go.
Seek marriage counseling if you really feel things are going that downhill.0 -
i think it's sad that people make it out like you gotta put out or it's your fault if he cheats, etc.
funny how "marriage" means a woman has to do what she doens't want to do, but a man should never have to take care of himself to keep himself faithful.
That being said, a relationship is a give and take. If he isn't as exhausted as you, perhaps he should participate more in the housework and childcare. Perhaps then you'll have more energy to please both of you in the bedroom.
I know. I'm horrible to think like this.0 -
Don't say no. Not that you have to say yes 100% of the time, but saying no all the time will cause problems in any relationship. Good luck.:smokin:0
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When is the last time you had a day off, from work and the baby? Get a sitter, book a room, go to a nice dinner and hump like bunnies.
This! Somewhat ironically, kids cause more strain on a relationship than anything else (at least in my experience). There's so much more to be done and all of your priorities change. Before I got married, my (now ex) wife and I went to a class for couples that was required by our church. The class leaders talked about "filling each other's emotional buckets". It was all about figuring out what your spouse needs and providing enough of it to "keep their bucket full". This may be sex, or could be a lot of different things. Trust me though - once a person's bucket is empty, it can go downhill in a big hurry!0 -
Step 1: dont ever let him find out you talk to strangers on the internet about his private bedroom business and any problems related to it.
Step 2. don't talk about your marriage problems in writing on the internet.
yeah, forgot to say this in my post. Thanks for doing it Yoovie
Seriously...I know sometimes you need someone to talk to..but....a bunch of strangers on the internet is not the way to go.
Seek marriage counseling if you really feel things are going that downhill.
also, I third yoovie's comment.
Do you know this stuff comes up on google searches???
and since when has it been wise to ask such a personal question of a bunch of strangers????
NEVER.
That's when.0 -
Go ahead and keep saying no, IF you want to give him permission to get sex from someone else. If you don't want that, then stop saying no.
Simple as that. Tired? Well suck it up and give the guy attention he needs, or nobody will blame him for "working late" with some hot young secretary, intern, bargirl, whoever. Nobody wants a frigid wife.0 -
You're on a fitness site, so...
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1. Blow him.
2. Make him a sandwich.
3. Hand him the television remote.
or...
2. Make him a sandwich
3. Hand him the television remote
1. Blow him0 -
You have to make time for each other especially with a baby. The patterns you establish now will set the trend for any future you have together. Make dates. Don't say no. You don't skip workouts because you are tired? Don't skip sex either. Your baby will make it 5 minutes without you.0
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1. Blow him.
2. Make him a sandwich.
3. Hand him the television remote.
or...
2. Make him a sandwich
3. Hand him the television remote
1. Blow him
Sorry, got them out of order!0 -
i think it's sad that people make it out like you gotta put out or it's your fault if he cheats, etc.
funny how "marriage" means a woman has to do what she doens't want to do, but a man should never have to take care of himself to keep himself faithful.
I agree too. Fear of cheating should NOT be motivation. Yeah, that really doesn't get me hot.
BUT you know it's an important part of your relationship. You know you get along better with sex. You want sex, and you enjoy sex. It'll only take a few times of "just doing it" to get back into things.0 -
I didn't have time to read the entire thread so please forgive me if this is a repeat answer but. . . . since having your baby are you on any type of birth control? That can really affect your sex drive. If you are currently on a pill of some sort you should consult your doctor about switching to another brand.0
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LOL I got straight out rejected last night. It's hard when he has no sex drive. Well I guess its not really hard, LOL! I've heard No from him more times than I would like to count. Sigh.0
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You have to make time for it. I read somewhere that guys physically need sexual release about every 72 hours to keep everything in balance, so commit to that (more if possible!). I'm pretty sure you can find 15 minutes every 3 days to get down and dirty.
If you're feeling it during the day, can you have a lunch break rendezvous? Or first thing when you both get home from work. Also, help him help you get in the mood - tell him some specific turn-on to do that when he wants to get things going. But really, the important thing is to stop saying no... Rejection really hurts. =(0 -
My best advice is you better stop saying no because if you don't someone else will. You need to figure out why you are so tired. I have twins so I dont want to hear the work and baby routine. I am not trying to be mean but I can tell you from experience that once sex leaves a marriage so many marriages dont work.
Good Luck and maybe see a doctor because it could be hormonal stuff as well.
are you fking kidding me? what a joke. and good for you having twins and thinking you know it all, as if somehow twins is a higher standard than just having one child
if your man cheats on you it has nothing to do with you turning him down and everything to do with him -- because you know, theres clearly no way out like a divorce, or break-up and all that **** you should do, instead of step out on your wife.
this issue is really got a lot with your hormones and you having a baby, more women go thru this than admit it. talk to your doctor abt it.. there are lots of ways to help. maybe some pmd is going on here too.. team effort this out.. snuggle.. go to bed at the same time.. do it in the am (wake him up since you get up early) but never feel like somehow you are "crazy" or "different" bc this is VERY common after kids.0 -
I haven't read all the comments so someone might have already said this but if you are on birth control pills some of them decrease your sex drive......it happened to me and it really put a strain on my marriage. Hope that helps and you figure something out soon. And even if you don't feel like doing it don't say no.....usually very damaging to a man and you don't want him to find it somewhere else.0
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Hormonal birth control can hurt your sex drive, sometimes you can change pills and it will resolve. Some of the best sex I've had has been when I've had to be convinced to get in the mood. Men (and some women like me) view sex as an expression of love and desire, and take it personally if consistently refused.
And? You need to tell him how hot only he makes you to alleviate any insecurities he has right now. We all go through dry spells, but you can't let life get in the way all the time.:flowerforyou:0 -
What you need is some serious down time. It's quite natural to loose your sex drive after pregnancy, that coupled with the stresses of life, sex is the last thing you desire. Saying that though, you have to try and make an effort otherwise you will get nowhere fast and having some sort of a sex life is an important part to any relationship.
See your GP check your lack of sex drive isn't down to any hormonal imbalances, contraceptive medication, or even post natal depression etc
If all those scenarios are ok, then try building it back up slowly, get a sitter, go and unwind with your partner, have a date, a few drinks and recreate some special time.. or go away for the night.
If this doesn't help then you just have to go for it, and put up with your lack of desire and see if anything improves.. failing this then you will need to look deeper as to what emotionally has changed if you have improved all the physical matters.
I myself got diagnosed with ME 2 years after my son was born. My pregnancy was hard and this set off a chain reaction of ailments that still plague me now. I am tired pretty much all the time, also I found the contraceptive Jab hindered my sex drive non existent.
Me and my husband try to make a date night once a week, we get our son to bed and watch some dvd's, get a take away in and have a few drinks.. we relax and have cuddles/chat and this helps us reconnect.
Sometimes I would rather have gone to sleep than have sex but I try and make an effort and more often than not I am glad I have. The monotony of day to day life can also make sex seem like a chore, so try and spice it up, do something a little out of your comfort zone, like taking a bath or a shower together etc
Also, communicate. Talk to your partner about these things, he might have some helpful suggestions or may even surprise you!
Good Luck
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Rule 1: Stop saying no.
Rule 2: Repeat Rule 1.
Tired is tired, but is anyone ever really too tired? Even when I'm barely awake, I don't say no when I'm in bed with my husband.
Okay. I'm very happy with the forums again.0 -
1. Blow him.
2. Make him a sandwich.
3. Hand him the television remote.
or...
2. Make him a sandwich
3. Hand him the television remote
1. Blow him
Sorry, got them out of order!
As long as you blow him....the order won't be important. I suggest doing it to wake him up in the morning.0 -
1. Blow him.
2. Make him a sandwich.
3. Hand him the television remote.
or...
2. Make him a sandwich
3. Hand him the television remote
1. Blow him
Sorry, got them out of order!
As long as you blow him....the order won't be important. I suggest doing it to wake him up in the morning.
Remember, "Nothing says 'I love you' like a *kitten* in the morning."0 -
Here's some motivation:
If you don't give it to him, he'll get it somewhere else.0
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