Jealous friends?

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Replies

  • christy3565
    christy3565 Posts: 349
    Thanks everyone. I DO have many friends and family that are extremely supportive of me and I treasure them. As well as all the friends I've made here :) These two in particular are childhood life long friends and it's a hard pill to swallow. We are in our mid 40's for crying out loud, this isn't high school lol. I think maybe the next time I have an issue I'll confront them. I've always been the one to back down and laugh at my own expense. Time to get a backbone right?



    Your in your mid 40's??? Wow!! You look amazing! I would have guessed early to mid 30's!!

    Reeny I could kiss you right now lol
  • Will_Thrust_For_Candy
    Will_Thrust_For_Candy Posts: 6,109 Member
    I have also considered that maybe some people in my life get tired of hearing me talk about my newly found passion.....but then I think why the heck should I stop talking about it? I don't ask them to stop talking about how often their baby poops or what kind of vomit they experienced that afternoon or their endless scrapbooking tales? That's just all part of being a friend.....but maybe I'm just being selfish lol
  • Ashleyyyb93
    Ashleyyyb93 Posts: 71
    If you ask me....they aren't friends at all. I have been in the same boat...my "friend" would constantly put me down and could never say a good word about me or what I did. I think she loved the fact that she was making me feel bad.

    I don't know why people are like that....find yourself some friends who appreciate you!! x x x
  • lwagnitz
    lwagnitz Posts: 1,321 Member
    Thanks everyone. I DO have many friends and family that are extremely supportive of me and I treasure them. As well as all the friends I've made here :) These two in particular are childhood life long friends and it's a hard pill to swallow. We are in our mid 40's for crying out loud, this isn't high school lol. I think maybe the next time I have an issue I'll confront them. I've always been the one to back down and laugh at my own expense. Time to get a backbone right?



    Your in your mid 40's??? Wow!! You look amazing! I would have guessed early to mid 30's!!

    Reeny I could kiss you right now lol

    I second that. I thought you were like 28-30
  • J_sparkle
    J_sparkle Posts: 19 Member
    I have this problem....only the jealous person is my Mom. I am an only child but it seems she can never just BE happy for me. It's always about her. Like, I haven't been kicking my A_ _ for a year (I've lost over 50# so far). I just don't bring up my wt loss, or exercise, or what size I wear or that I need new clothes, etc. It's frustrating but I can't sever the relationship w/ my mom over this.

    A 'friend' I wouldn't hesitate. What kind of friend isn't happy for you?

    J
  • txbelle01
    txbelle01 Posts: 35 Member
    I am experiencing this now at work. It is a hard pill to swallow at times. I am very proud of myself for almost losing 50lbs. (I have 30lbs to go-YEAH) I began to notice a change in my appearance at the 25-30lbs mark. Then people started to notice at the 40lbs where my whole physique really changed. At first it was what are you doing! You look Great! Then there were those that did not say anything at all. I was like really, I look different and I can tell when I look in the mirror and I see myself like I was in the old day, 16-18yrs old. Seriously you can say job well done. Then it hit me. Self reflection is an ugly thing. I then realized that my success was their downfall. It's not a competition at all, but they choose to make it one b/c they lack the motivation to change their lifesyle and their choices. I for one know what it is like to be thin and to be deemed obese. It's not a fun feeling. It's depressing being fat and out of shape, the main reason is the health risks. I have learned one thing in this journey of mine. If your happy then that's all that matters. Chances are that you are a compassionate person, and have a healthier diposition to yourself and they are just threatened that the attention will be on you and that's something that they want for themselves. Being healthy isn't easy. It takes a lot of courage and strength. Everyone has the possibility to change, to accomplish anything. But only the strong prevail! Sounds like your a strong, positive woman! Congrats and keep looking forward and if they are your true friends, eventually they come around, or you leave them in the midst. p.s. I thought u were in ur late twenties! :)
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    if they were related then there would be a different solution.....

    but you dont HAVE to be around these people and they arent your friends, so tell them they are voted off the friend island. go directly to somewhere else. don't pass go. don't collect $200.

    life is too short to surround yourself with people who dont wish you well
  • joelthecannon
    joelthecannon Posts: 23
    I know how you feel. The best way to handle it, is keep staying positive about your weight loss. It is their issue and insecurity not yours.
  • goody2shews
    goody2shews Posts: 129 Member
    OHH YES...

    There is a book called The Dream Giver, Bruce Wilkenson I believe.

    One point in this very cute book is some people define who they are or aren't by who you are or are not. They may define their success by your failures. When you have a break through or dream they have to " whack a mole " it to keep you in your place.
  • Ghkffb56
    Ghkffb56 Posts: 263 Member
    Screw em.. Take all the Progress pics you want post, how good you feel after you workout, how good you feel to eat healthy. and How happy you feel that you took over your life and are in control of it.. If they are "friends" they will stay around.... if not.. oh well happens.. we all grow apart.
  • mitch356356
    mitch356356 Posts: 55
    Haters gunna hate. Simples.

    A couple of my boys flatly refuse to acknowledge my weight loss, which is fine, I'm doing it for me anyway.


    Good luck , keep doing it for you!
  • snaithrichard
    snaithrichard Posts: 10
    you dont need friends like that simply get rid..............

    good luck keep push to reach your target weight.

    Rich
  • christy3565
    christy3565 Posts: 349
    if they were related then there would be a different solution.....

    but you dont HAVE to be around these people and they arent your friends, so tell them they are voted off the friend island. go directly to somewhere else. don't pass go. don't collect $200.

    life is too short to surround yourself with people who dont wish you well

    To funny!! Yes I've decided I'm keeping these two at arms length. I was posting updates on facebook but apparently they have an issue with that so I think I'll keep to finding my support here, which has been incredible!!

    Thank you all so much for your advice. MUCH appreciated
  • psmith64
    psmith64 Posts: 102 Member
    I tend to keep away from Negative people and surround myself with as many positive people as possible when I am in weight loss mode.

    Stay away from them I would say they seem jealous and those are not the type of friends anyone wants.

    That is what I like about this place, there are so many positive and encouraging people around.

    Paul
  • FitbeTMF
    FitbeTMF Posts: 251
    Pretty much any of my friends are like this when it comes to a health discussion. I think they are probably a little self conscious about their own appearance, and envy my balls to get off of the fricken couch! Lol I love all my friends, but none of them are into fitness or healthy eating and constantly ask why I place such emphasis on it, since I'm "already so skinny"
    No, I have a muffin top, cellulite and flabby belly. I'd like to replace with muscle! It's probably insecurity, but I don't love them because I love their bodies so I just keep my fitness talk to myself and my fitness friends.
  • Bobby__Clerici
    Bobby__Clerici Posts: 741 Member
    "A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him." David Brinkley
    Failure hates success.
    Are others jealous of your progress toward achievement?
    Be aware of this proclivity among the mediocre, and take their derision as a compliment.
    They want to be YOU...:drinker:
    All Is Possible!
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
    My father used to say "with friends like that you don't need enemies". Just break up
  • fihealth
    fihealth Posts: 165 Member
    Life is too short to waste time with negative people and repeating negative experiences. Ask them if they would like to hear about why your feelings are hurt by some of the things they're saying -- if they're up for a chat, communicate honestly without being accusatory (I feel X when you say or do Y...). Ask THEM what they recommend to make the whole friendship dynamic more constructive and positive for everyone. And then come up with a system of helpful reminders for when someone forgets and goes negative. Whoever doesn't change with the rest will find s/he spends a lot less time with you guys. Surround yourself with bright lights, people who encourage you to be your best, and love you unconditionally even when you make mistakes. :)
  • abrewer563
    abrewer563 Posts: 122
    I had this same problem the first time I started losing weight, it was more family than friends who actually went around telling everyone in the family I was anorexic and was losing to much weight when in reality I was eating 1800 calories a day and working my butt off to lose weight. Unfortunately I let all the negativity discourage me and have since decided to start back up for myself. I also had family members saying I was ruining their self esteem by exercising and working on improving myself because they weren't going to the gym.

    My best advice to you is to not even discuss your weight loss goals with them, as unfortuate as that is, a lot of times they just don't understand it. Reach out to your supportive friends on here when you need motivation. Or eliminate them from your life, surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people will make you much happier.
  • daisycaterpillar
    daisycaterpillar Posts: 12 Member
    We are in our mid 40's for crying out loud

    Not to derail the topic.. But.. you're in your mid 40s?

    Holy God, I really really REALLY thought you were maybe 25, maybe.

    Let the haters hate, you're better off with positive people who are there for you.
  • Pamsa74
    Pamsa74 Posts: 11
    Me too!
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    It is kind of sad that this tends to be the case with lifelong friends. Let me guess, of this group, one of them always expected to outdo you at everything, right? The other is sort of the follower and goes along with whatever the other says. This animosity is because the one who has always viewed herself as the leader sees her shortcomings in your success. You've aged remarkably well, you're healthier, and your life just looks better. She, on the other hand, has given up entirely and would be happier if things were the way she had always imagined, with her being the fit woman with the handsome husband and kids, and you being the failure that in her mind you should have been.

    She's not sabotaging you. She's further sabotaging herself. When you're not with them, you go back to healthy and working to be the best you can. She goes back to not being anywhere near as great as she had envisioned.

    Painful, but true. These people can fix themselves, but don't feel it is a shortcoming of yours or that they're out to get you. They're just really unhappy with their lack of progress.
  • christy3565
    christy3565 Posts: 349
    It is kind of sad that this tends to be the case with lifelong friends. Let me guess, of this group, one of them always expected to outdo you at everything, right? The other is sort of the follower and goes along with whatever the other says. This animosity is because the one who has always viewed herself as the leader sees her shortcomings in your success. You've aged remarkably well, you're healthier, and your life just looks better. She, on the other hand, has given up entirely and would be happier if things were the way she had always imagined, with her being the fit woman with the handsome husband and kids, and you being the failure that in her mind you should have been.

    She's not sabotaging you. She's further sabotaging herself. When you're not with them, you go back to healthy and working to be the best you can. She goes back to not being anywhere near as great as she had envisioned.

    Painful, but true. These people can fix themselves, but don't feel it is a shortcoming of yours or that they're out to get you. They're just really unhappy with their lack of progress.

    I think you've just hit the nail on the head with at least one of them. Always thinking she was better than me, still does. If succeed at anything she can't handle it and now that I'm smaller than she is? I think it's that she can't do anything about it but I know they are both waiting for me to fail. That is NOT going to happen
  • jeannetteglime
    jeannetteglime Posts: 10 Member
    My friends are very supportive of my lifestyle changes, however I get the most flack at my workplace. The lunchroom has become a source of anxiety as everyone always seems to have a comment about my food choices - especially when I committed to being vegan for a year (that was a looooooong year). It was almost as if they were insulted. It doesnt help that im also head of our wellness committee so having a staff of 75% or more overweight/obese is kind of a struggle. I try to remind them that ive lost 80 lbs and am familiar with their struggles.... I still feel as though im seen and regarded as fake and overly cheery when in actuality im just happy all the time because im incredibly healthy and it has a positive affect on my mood.... Keep up the good work and just respond to your friends with positive remarks like "im feeling great - i want to stick with it." Keep it positive. Negativity breeds negativity.
  • sakuragreenlily
    sakuragreenlily Posts: 334 Member
    How often do you talk about it? It could be that they are a bit sick of hearing you discuss your fitness, what you are eating, and your physical appearance. Try to put yourself in their shoes. When people are constantly going on about something (anything!) it can become annoying.

    I do have to say... on the side of the "jealous friend." I have a friend who started exercising and losing weight and she looked and felt good! When she went from 190 down to 115 (she's 5'6") and then started complaining and sending mass text messages about how she needed to go to the gym every time the scale went to 116 - 120 I got really concerned.

    I started thinking she had gone overboard and was perhaps developing an eating disorder. I mean... 115 is a little underweight for her height and frame... plus she started giving me snobby looks if I ordered pasta or at a cookie (even in moderation!). At one point I just flat out asked her, "Do you even care about your HEALTH or is it just the number on the scale that you're working to maintain?"...

    She got really mad and told me I was jealous of her success and discipline. We did have a falling out over that even though I was really just concerned about her health... mental and physical.

    On the other hand... I have had my sister try to feed me pints of ice cream even when I tell her that a spoonful is all I wanted... Soooooo... if you have THOSE types of friends then just ditch them ;)

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