Not diet related...

♥seoid♥
♥seoid♥ Posts: 476
edited September 20 in Health and Weight Loss
So, I have a bf and I'm not getting what I need out of the relationship. Half the time he acts like I don't exist. He barely calls/texts; I'm always the one reaching out to him. I lived with him for one year and then he kicked me and my three girls out. We are now (my girls and I) renting a house. He wants to date for a year and see where things go. He has never mentioned marriage or committment. I'm scared I am wasting my time with this guy. I'm almost 40 and afraid to start the dating scene again, I'm also afraid to be alone.

On the other hand I've met this fabulous guy, but he lives on the other side of the world and we've only talked on email. I know nothing will come of this....but I feel somehow he and I were meant to be.

I am very upset over this and it's causing a horrible emotional toll on me.

Any advice?
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Replies

  • Cassaaaaandra
    Cassaaaaandra Posts: 184 Member
    Recommended Reading: He's Just Not That into You

    It's hilarious, short, and has some awesome advice on dating and relationships.

    If be blows you off - he's not the one for you. Period.
  • Cassaaaaandra
    Cassaaaaandra Posts: 184 Member
    Do you really want to raise your girls in an environment where they learn that it is okay for the man in their life to kick out his better half, not ever return phone calls and in general doesn't repect them. They learn all of that from watching you and your relationship. Set them up for success in their future relationships and have a zero tolerance policy for the men you bring into their lives. Children rarely do as they are told - but almost alway imitate.
  • AliceLMS
    AliceLMS Posts: 2,425 Member
    He kicked you out! You still refer to him as your boyfriend! WOW
  • foxxybrown
    foxxybrown Posts: 838 Member
    Never be afraid to be alone!!! Why stay in an unhappy relationship just for the sake of saying you have a boyfriend?
  • sportygal
    sportygal Posts: 221 Member
    He's not worth it. I wasted my life on a "part time" situation and it ended up being 20 years with no commitment!! There are better fish in the sea and take alone time to regroup, spend time with your kids and enjoy life! :)
  • ♥seoid♥
    ♥seoid♥ Posts: 476
    IDK.....this is why I'm asking for advice. I know he loves me, but not that way I need to be loved. :sad:
  • PureAndHealthy
    PureAndHealthy Posts: 539
    There are worse things than being alone. Don't be in unhealthy, emotionally-devastating relationships... your girls deserve better than being drug along for that ride. Have you thought about looking into some counseling? We all could use some help from a good Christian therapist. I could recommend a great one in the chattanooga, tn area! :smile:
  • mommamills
    mommamills Posts: 437
    So, I have a bf and I'm not getting what I need out of the relationship.

    I am very upset over this and it's causing a horrible emotional toll on me.


    This is the only part of that post that you should need to hear! If he doesn't care enough to let you know up front what he wants out of this and has the nerve to kick you and your girls out on the street THEN turn around and ask you for another year of your life then he's def not worrying over!!! Do what makes you happy! Life is too short! Relationships are happier when your EMOTIONAL needs are met than when your PHYSICAL needs are met. If this guy across the world makes you happy just by talking to him...what more do you need?? He acknowledges you, right? That's already one step up from the current situation. You deserve more! Relationships should NEVER be one-sided! Show your girls that in life, you should be with someone who makes you happy! PERIOD!!!!!

    Good luck, sweet girl! I know you will make the right decision. Just pray on it!
  • Jennplus2
    Jennplus2 Posts: 984 Member
    Dump the first dude. If you were living together and now you are not my question would be why does he not want you to live together anymore? Is he seeing someone else also? Not worth your time IMO. The other thing you should do is work on you. You said you are scared of living alone and dating. You live with your girls already, the most important thing is you and them. So don't date for a while. Think of what you want and be happy with yourself and your life. You don't need a man! Then when the time is right Mr perfect will come along and fine you.
    If the other guy is the one it will all work out for the best.
    :flowerforyou:
  • Crickks
    Crickks Posts: 94
    IDK.....this is why I'm asking for advice. I know he loves me, but not that way I need to be loved. :sad:

    Check your Email.........
  • PJilly
    PJilly Posts: 22,170 Member
    I think you said it all in your first sentence: "I'm not getting what I need out of the relationship." I know it's hard, but I think it's time to move on. I'm sorry! :flowerforyou:
  • xecila
    xecila Posts: 99
    So, I have a bf and I'm not getting what I need out of the relationship. Half the time he acts like I don't exist. He barely calls/texts; I'm always the one reaching out to him. I lived with him for one year and then he kicked me and my three girls out. We are now (my girls and I) renting a house. He wants to date for a year and see where things go. He has never mentioned marriage or committment. I'm scared I am wasting my time with this guy. I'm almost 40 and afraid to start the dating scene again, I'm also afraid to be alone.

    On the other hand I've met this fabulous guy, but he lives on the other side of the world and we've only talked on email. I know nothing will come of this....but I feel somehow he and I were meant to be.

    I am very upset over this and it's causing a horrible emotional toll on me.

    Any advice?

    First off, I've been with my hubby for almost five years.. and we met online. It can happen.

    Second, nobody wants to be with someone who doesn't make them feel wanted, which is what it seems like is happening with you. I had that "absent" boyfriend for a few years, and eventually broke it off after he called out of the blue after a month. A MONTH! They're not worth your time, in my opinion. All or nothin', I think.
  • ♥seoid♥
    ♥seoid♥ Posts: 476
    You're all making me cry. Thank you......any more advice would be great. Everything has been great so far. :sad:
  • Crickks
    Crickks Posts: 94
    Dump the first dude. If you were living together and now you are not my question would be why does he not want you to live together anymore? Is he seeing someone else also? Not worth your time IMO. The other thing you should do is work on you. You said you are scared of living alone and dating. You live with your girls already, the most important thing is you and them. So don't date for a while. Think of what you want and be happy with yourself and your life. You don't need a man! Then when the time is right Mr perfect will come along and fine you.
    If the other guy is the one it will all work out for the best.
    :flowerforyou:

    EXACTLY!!
  • cdavis1126
    cdavis1126 Posts: 302 Member
    I'm married and wish I wasn't. Seriously, my husband pays no attention to me at all, does not support me in losing weight and doesn't even like to touch or be touched. We cannot have a conversation without an argument. We've tried counseling and the guy told me to divorce my husband. How many marriage counselors do you know that would say that? You know my husband is the worst just from that.

    I would so much rather be alone and concentrate on ME. Why am I still married you might ask? Well, financial reasons. House, bills, etc. If I could just hit the lottery and pay off my debt, I would be outta here in a flash.

    I think it's so much harder to be in a bad relationship that to be in no relationship. You need to have some respect for yourself and your children and end it with this loser. It's ok to be alone, what you have to figure out for yourself is how not to be lonely.

    Christine
  • hamiltonba
    hamiltonba Posts: 474 Member
    You answered your own questions. I know it sucks and can be lonely being alone, but don't you think you deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them? Can you try to find things to keep you busy? Perhaps join a karate class or adult education type class? Something to get you mingling with other adults?
  • khloe
    khloe Posts: 5
    I dated a fabulous guy half way around the world and we've now been married for 10 years this July, and it is still amazing! If you are nearly 40, dump him, you are running out of time. He's just waiting for something better to come along. C'mon, do you really need that! Get out, and get strong. By the way, just you doing that will make him want you as you'll seem strong and lovely instead of insecure and weak. Don't give in him, stay away. Whilst your picking up his sloppy seconds the TRUE love of your life may be passing you bye! Say goodbye and see what else is waiting for you in life.

    XX:glasses:
  • 8turboturtle8
    8turboturtle8 Posts: 239 Member
    You (and your girls) deserve more...short and sweet.

    {hugs}
  • Crickks
    Crickks Posts: 94
    So, I have a bf and I'm not getting what I need out of the relationship.

    I am very upset over this and it's causing a horrible emotional toll on me.


    This is the only part of that post that you should need to hear! If he doesn't care enough to let you know up front what he wants out of this and has the nerve to kick you and your girls out on the street THEN turn around and ask you for another year of your life then he's def not worrying over!!! Do what makes you happy! Life is too short! Relationships are happier when your EMOTIONAL needs are met than when your PHYSICAL needs are met. If this guy across the world makes you happy just by talking to him...what more do you need?? He acknowledges you, right? That's already one step up from the current situation. You deserve more! Relationships should NEVER be one-sided! Show your girls that in life, you should be with someone who makes you happy! PERIOD!!!!!

    Good luck, sweet girl! I know you will make the right decision. Just pray on it!

    EVERYTHING SHE SAID!!! this situation is pissing me off:mad: :angry: :mad:
  • 8turboturtle8
    8turboturtle8 Posts: 239 Member
    You (and your girls) deserve more...short and sweet.

    {hugs}

    PS ~ I am "alone" with my three kids...and yes it was a transition, and yes there are good days and bad...but all in all...I CHOOSE not to date right now. It's not all bad :)
  • vrdz3215
    vrdz3215 Posts: 493
    like everyone else said, you answered your own questions, dont let life pass you by while being unhappy!
  • Cassaaaaandra
    Cassaaaaandra Posts: 184 Member
    No, he doesn't love you. And if you stay with him, you don't love you either.
  • jlewis2896
    jlewis2896 Posts: 763 Member
    Chin up, kiddo! Ditch the first guy, it's hard to let go of things sometimes, even when they are unhealthy...... but sometimes things fall apart so that even better things can fall together.

    As for your man halfway 'round the world, sounds like a fairytale in the making. You never know!!!!!!!
  • iwantthis
    iwantthis Posts: 15 Member
    Maybe someone already said this, but if he's not meeting your needs, what's the point.

    Don't waste your time.
  • Granny2b
    Granny2b Posts: 91
    You are not happy at all in this relationship........and this is not good for your health or that of your family either. Find someone new you are not too old !!! I hope things work out well for you X:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • val226
    val226 Posts: 1
    sorry to say "HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU"!!!!! cut your losses and move on it sounds like you want to and already have emotionally, set an example for your daughters, if you asked your girls they would probably say "why are you still with him after all he puts you through". kids are smart and have a sense of right and wrong if you keep overriding what you know needs to happen then your girls will do the same when they get into relationships. never negate your feelings just so you are not alone. better to be alone and happy than with someone and miserable. best wishes for life ahead of you and your girls
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    I think it's so much harder to be in a bad relationship that to be in no relationship. You need to have some respect for yourself and your children and end it with this loser. It's ok to be alone, what you have to figure out for yourself is how not to be lonely.


    It is harder to be in a bad relationship. In a relationship you have expectations of the other person. When you are single you don't. When my ex-husband said he needed time to think about the marriage ( after 10 years) I contacted a divorce lawyer the next day. You should respect yourself and your kids enough to let that relationship go. It sounds like he wants to play it his way and what you want or need does not matter.

    As to the fellow on line...he could be the catalyst you need to get rid of the scuzzy boyfriend or he could be the real thing. I met my husband on-line - He lived near Atlanta and I live near Toronto...two different countries. We have been married for over 5 years and I wouldn't trade him for anything.
  • littletiger972000
    littletiger972000 Posts: 159
    I personally have been through this situation. Not identical but pretty darn close! I found out after getting out of the relationship that he was cheating on me and had gotten back w/ his ex! I think a relationship is a 2 sided thing! If he isn't contributing then he doesn't give a S***! And believe it or not, I ended up talking to a guy online and just realizing that "I AM WORTH IT" to someone made me dump my ex! Fortunately for me, the guy I was talking to lived fairly close to me and we have now been a REAL relationship for 1 1/2 yrs! I wasted 2 yrs on the other guy that I can't get back and in the process, my self esteem was shattered and I put my son through all that insanity! I really think you should look at it from the perspective of "What if this was happening to my best friend? What would I tell her to do?" and then follow your own advice!! When we are in the situation we don't want to see or accept what is happening, but when you look at it differently you see it! Being in an awful relationship is MENTALLY damaging as well as EMOTIONALLY! I'm sure you could do better and you certainly deserve better! And what everyone is saying is right! Don't worry about being single, take time for you and your kids, and when the time is right, the right guy will come along! I mean think about it...I know some people that are in their 80's that just recently got married! I guess what I'm saying is...IT'S NEVER TO LATE FOR LOVE! Good luck on whatever you decide to do!
  • Sandra9551
    Sandra9551 Posts: 4
    Sounds to me you've already made your decision - why else would you be contacting anyone else (albeit the other side of the world) and thinking them wonderful when you've never even had the chance to meet him. Your girls need you ...... and if 'Mr Right' does come along they need to know that he loves you and them 'just the way you are'. Your priority is them - they learn from you - would you like one of your girls treated this way? So why tell them (by your actions) that it's ok to be ill-treated. Your decisions effect not just you but also your family.
  • JodyDodd
    JodyDodd Posts: 2
    Ditto on "He's just not that into you". Great book.

    Sometimes it isn't what you want to hear, but most of the time it's exactly what needs to be said.
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