Is my hubby wrecking my gym efforts?
Seriousmom3
Posts: 164
Ok, I just recently joined a gym. My husband was against it. To begin with it was money. That issue has since been resolved. Turns out, the trainer at the gym is also a client at the vet clinic I work at. He offered to be my trainer for FREE. He is doing this because I'm the only person that can handle his chow chow (a very mean dog). So, I've been going to the gym for 3 days, after work, and my husband is complaining that it is keeping me too late at night. Now I usually get off at 4pm, but this week we had a girl quit and I've been having to stay late. I stay at the gym for 2 hours, getting home at about 7pm. I tried to tell him this wasn't going to always be the case, but he wants me to go in the morning before work. Which would have me getting up at 4am, and still getting home late because now that I don't have to leave work to go to the gym, my boss will want me to stay at work until we get a new girl. Am I just being over insensitive? Or is my husband being unreasonable? I've asked him to come with me, but he doesn't want to, not that he needs to.
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Replies
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Marriage is about compromise.
You probably need to find a way to meet him in the middle.
And.....you don't need to be at the gym for 2 hours/visit to get fit.0 -
Marriage is about compromise.
You probably need to find a way to meet him in the middle.
And.....you don't need to be at the gym for 2 hours/visit to get fit.
all of this!0 -
It only takes 2 hours because I have to wait for some of the machines to be available. I assume it won't always take that long once I get use to using the machines myself and I don't have to have my trainer spot me on them, I had neck surgery so he needs to help me until my neck muscle's are strong enough.0
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It only takes 2 hours because I have to wait for some of the machines to be available. I assume it won't always take that long once I get use to using the machines myself and I don't have to have my trainer spot me on them.
Yeah.....
Still - compromise.
How would you (and your 3 kids) feel if your husband suddenly found a hobby that kept him away from home 6 extra hours a week...espeically since those hours occur during the evening, which is typically prime family time? I doubt you'd bee too thrilled about having to do dinner, dishes, clean up, bathtime, and bedtime by yourself. Just saying.0 -
you definitely need to find a compromise..I love working out early but so does my hubby and he leaves for work before I do so i usuallu end up coming home after work(which can be anytime from4-6) make dinner, get everyones lunches ready for tomorrow, put the baby to bed and head to the gym around 7:30 at night..usually get home around 9:30..Luckily my husband is super supportive of this and wants me to be happy. Good luck...hopefully you can work out something so you get time for the gym and have tiome for your family.0
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I feel like he should be more supportive. If you get up at 4:00am then you'll have to go to be at 9:00pm, so you would be taking time away from him anyway. Why doesn't he go to the gym with you? You could make it something you do together.0
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you definitely need to find a compromise..I love working out early but so does my hubby and he leaves for work before I do so i usuallu end up coming home after work(which can be anytime from4-6) make dinner, get everyones lunches ready for tomorrow, put the baby to bed and head to the gym around 7:30 at night..usually get home around 9:30..Luckily my husband is super supportive of this and wants me to be happy. Good luck...hopefully you can work out something so you get time for the gym and have tiome for your family.
For the time being we live with his parents as we remodel the house next door, they serve dinner at 4:30, so when I get home the kids are already fed and I usually bathe them, get them ready for bed and play with them until 9. Then we go work on the house until midnight or later.0 -
With three small kids and you being at the gym until 7 pm, is your husband now solely responsible for getting them fed and ready for bed? Is this new for him?
I'd say get up at 4am. You'll get used to it. Or go for an hour and an hour only. But yeah, you need to compromise.
ETA: Never mind. I see above where you live with his parents and they do all that for you. But I'd still say compromise.0 -
With three small kids and you being at the gym until 7 pm, is your husband now solely responsible for getting them fed and ready for bed? Is this new for him?
I'd say get up at 4am. You'll get used to it. Or go for an hour and an hour only. But yeah, you need to compromise.
No, we are living with his parents for a while as we remodel the house next door. He doesn't have to do anything different except one night he had to bathe them. We have a large extended family right there and there are plenty of people who enjoy watching the kids while we work, so he isn't alone with the kids.0 -
Going after the kids go to bed isn't really an option because the gym is close to where I work, not where I live. Which is why we decided on this one to begin with, so I could go when I got off of work, now I have a 2 year contract with this place.0
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He might not intentionally be trying to make you feel guilty but he is. I don't really have a suggestion on what to say or do to make him change...3 nights a week until 7pm is not really that much extra time. I think it's good for husbands to be responsible for the kids like this; they often take for granted all their wives do. Sounds like you would be home for bedtime anyways, so if he can make the kids dinner 3 days a week, why not! He should anyways!0
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I wonder if he might be feeling a bit insecure? It's a big thing to suddenly be 'missing' for six hours a week and getting 'physical' without him? Just a thought. Worth a chat to try and suss out how he is really feeling about it all I would say.0
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It only takes 2 hours because I have to wait for some of the machines to be available. I assume it won't always take that long once I get use to using the machines myself and I don't have to have my trainer spot me on them, I had neck surgery so he needs to help me until my neck muscle's are strong enough.
So what are you doing while you're waiting for some of the machines to become available?
Is there any way you can get your husband to go to the gym with you? It really is about compromise and I think you need to sit down with him and explain the importance of going to the gym and tell him that even if you go at 4 a.m. that you'll probably still have to stay late at work for a while until you get a new person.0 -
Oh for goodness sake, it's only 3 days a week. If I were you I would nicely tell him to deal with it.
Or you could find some other form of exercise, like a DVD, that you could do at home. But I bet he would want you to stop that too.0 -
It is about compromise, but it may be the fact of you having that man train you and not the point of you actually working out, that may upset your husband. Try to do it on your own if you can and have a plan B when the machines are being occupied. Once you get use to who does what on certain days, you can then change the days you workout your body so the machines are more available. I get a great workout between 60-90 mins. Good luck!0
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It only takes 2 hours because I have to wait for some of the machines to be available. I assume it won't always take that long once I get use to using the machines myself and I don't have to have my trainer spot me on them, I had neck surgery so he needs to help me until my neck muscle's are strong enough.
So what are you doing while you're waiting for some of the machines to become available?
Is there any way you can get your husband to go to the gym with you? It really is about compromise and I think you need to sit down with him and explain the importance of going to the gym and tell him that even if you go at 4 a.m. that you'll probably still have to stay late at work for a while until you get a new person.
usually get on the elliptical or stationary bike until the machines are ready, he is slim and fit and doesn't really want to go to the gym because it is really out of his way, he spends all of his free time working on the new house. he said he may come work out with me on a non member pass once the house is done.0 -
It is about compromise, but it may be the fact of you having that man train you and not the point of you actually working out, that may upset your husband. Try to do it on your own if you can and have a plan B when the machines are being occupied. Once you get use to who does what on certain days, you can then change the days you workout your body so the machines are more available. I get a great workout between 60-90 mins. Good luck!
The trainer is 64, he is like my grandpa I've know him so long. So I don't think he is worried about him. My husband did jokingly say something about waiting until some guys started hitting on me, but I told him it was all old people in that place. Literally, a bunch of old people go when I do. I don't think he could be insecure.0 -
I think he really ought to be more supportive. Its not like you are hanging out at Happy Hour after work. You are trying to get/be healthy. You are working mother that needs to have time to herself and to be able to improve herself. If he is insecure about you going to the gym and working out with your client/trainer then he really ought to go with you. Your husband may not need it, but doing activity especially with his wife, never hurts.0
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If my fiance complained because I was going to the gym too much, I would be shocked. I am trying to better myself so we can live a long happy life together, if he finds that to be a problem, he is being selfish. But as someone else said...2 hours a day is alot...you could probably shorten some of your sessions
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Thanks for all the suggestions, we will work something out...i will go in the mornings and by the time i do get home all my horny workout energy will be gone and he will be begging me to go back after work :laugh:0
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It only takes 2 hours because I have to wait for some of the machines to be available. I assume it won't always take that long once I get use to using the machines myself and I don't have to have my trainer spot me on them, I had neck surgery so he needs to help me until my neck muscle's are strong enough.
So what are you doing while you're waiting for some of the machines to become available?
Is there any way you can get your husband to go to the gym with you? It really is about compromise and I think you need to sit down with him and explain the importance of going to the gym and tell him that even if you go at 4 a.m. that you'll probably still have to stay late at work for a while until you get a new person.
usually get on the elliptical or stationary bike until the machines are ready, he is slim and fit and doesn't really want to go to the gym because it is really out of his way, he spends all of his free time working on the new house. he said he may come work out with me on a non member pass once the house is done.
Could he maybe not be happy that he's working on the new house in his spare time while you're off at the gym (and I mean this in a non snarky kind of way)? Could it be a matter of him wanting to see you more and spend more time with you? I'm just throwing things out there.0 -
Do you spend both hours with your trainer at night? Why don't you split the time and do an hour on your own before work and be with the trainer for an hour after work?0
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Ok, I just recently joined a gym. My husband was against it. To begin with it was money. That issue has since been resolved. Turns out, the trainer at the gym is also a client at the vet clinic I work at. He offered to be my trainer for FREE. He is doing this because I'm the only person that can handle his chow chow (a very mean dog). So, I've been going to the gym for 3 days, after work, and my husband is complaining that it is keeping me too late at night. Now I usually get off at 4pm, but this week we had a girl quit and I've been having to stay late. I stay at the gym for 2 hours, getting home at about 7pm. I tried to tell him this wasn't going to always be the case, but he wants me to go in the morning before work. Which would have me getting up at 4am, and still getting home late because now that I don't have to leave work to go to the gym, my boss will want me to stay at work until we get a new girl. Am I just being over insensitive? Or is my husband being unreasonable? I've asked him to come with me, but he doesn't want to, not that he needs to.
I think you both need to compromise. Start going in the morning 3 days a week and then continue going after work 2 nights a week or something. And it's none of your bosses business whether you're going to the gym after work or before work. If they're willing to let you off on time to go to the gym, you should be able to get off on time to see your family. But if it's going to be an issue, don't even bring up the fact that your gym schedule has changed. It's irrelevant to your job.0 -
Marriage is about compromise.
This^^0 -
Divorce.0
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I may get the smackdown for this but I see all women posting so maybe you need a mans perspective.
1.) You stated that you live with his parents while you fix up the house next door. I am guessing that it's so your family can move into it. With that in mind, you are leaving your husband 2 hours a night, 3 nights a week to work out. I appreciate your dedication but have you thought of how he may see this. His wife is at a gym with her personal trainer (another man, more on this later) for 2 hours at night while the husband is working on preparing a home for his family.
2.) You have a FREE personal trainer of the opposite sex who you met outside of the gym. Personal trainers get paid very well. For him to give you 2 hours a nght, 3 nights a week free service takes a nice little chunk of money out of his pocket. Unless he is the Dali Lama or Ghandi, I would seriously question his motives and I'm willing to bet your husband does as well. There are a lot of nice people in the world but there also a lot of people who play nice to get what they want.
3.) Your husband may be feeling insecure about himself. Telling him you want to spend that time in the gym (with said FREE personal trainer) is not condusive to making him feel secure.
4.) You may need to reevaluate your relationship. If your priorities aren't something your husband can live with you both need to know it sooner rather than later.
5.) Lastly, for those of you who are suggesting compromise, THANK YOU. A marriage cannot survive if either partner has the attitude of, "My way or the highway." I have a feeling that your spouses/partners appreciate you more than you know.0 -
Sounds like you both work and with three kids, you both have limited free time -- plus you have a new house that needs work. What are your priorites as a couple/as parents/as individuals? While I am all for parents having individual time, how do you balance those 6 hours with your family needs? That is not to say don't work out, or don't make time for yourself, but how much time, and when to take it -- at what cost (money/time/family obligations)?It only takes 2 hours because I have to wait for some of the machines to be available. I assume it won't always take that long once I get use to using the machines myself and I don't have to have my trainer spot me on them, I had neck surgery so he needs to help me until my neck muscle's are strong enough.
Or maybe you switch to working out at the gym to 2x a week, and exercise in the AM or at home 1x. Or maybe you forget the gym for now and work out at home. Because I'm all for putting your health first, but that doesn't mean that everyone/everything else in your life revolve around your fitness schedule -- it means you make it important enough for YOU compromise, make changes and YOU make the sacrifices to make it happen. It shouldn't mean putting the burden on your spouse.0 -
This is just me, but that sounds like a lot of time away from the family. You are a very busy woman, with work, kids, husband, and house re-model. You should be congratulated for taking fitness seriously in the middle of all that. I have 3 little kiddos, too, and I try to make my exercise time fit around the time available with them. Usually, that means I exercise at 5 in the morning. (You might find the gym less busy in the early morning, which will mean you won't have to go as early.). If I skip the morning and work out at night, I do it after 8:00 bedtime for kids. It isn't ideal, but it works. When I work out on the weekends, I get the kids fed and settled in an activity, and then leave it on autopilot for my husband. We have exercise equipment at home, which takes commuting out of the picture (wasted time, unless you can't avoid it). Sometimes on the weekend, I sneak in some active video games with the kids. That way we are playing together and I get a little cardio.
Just keep in mind, that even though fitness is a fabulous goal, your husband will see it at "you" time, not "we" time, even if you are doing it for him, too.0 -
3 nights a week is nothing. And like you said, you'd be staying at work late if you go in the morning. The logical solution is to keep going at night and for him to suck it up for 3 nights a week. Of course you don't say "suck it up!". Just explain to him how it doesn't make sense for you to go at 4am.0
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Two hours a night with 3 young ones is a bit much. Can you split it, do Cardio in AM, you can run or walk in your neighborhood to cut down the PM time. Family time is precious, and fitness is important. So you need to find a way to
make it work for your whole family. Be flexible with how your are working out and when, this way everyone is happy. Happy Wife, Happy life and Happy Hubby, Happy Home.
When my hubby is not traveling and the kids can be home for dinner, I work out at lunch or cut it short at the gym, when kids were younger I worked out in the morning at home via DVD. I agree alot with mum1970. A trainer is great, but you could do a 30 day challenge at home on your own. Pick up a Jillian Michael's DVD. A trainer is nice, but for long term fitness you are going to need to figure out how to fit this in long term anyway.0
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