Is my hubby wrecking my gym efforts?
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It only takes 2 hours because I have to wait for some of the machines to be available. I assume it won't always take that long once I get use to using the machines myself and I don't have to have my trainer spot me on them, I had neck surgery so he needs to help me until my neck muscle's are strong enough.
So what are you doing while you're waiting for some of the machines to become available?
Is there any way you can get your husband to go to the gym with you? It really is about compromise and I think you need to sit down with him and explain the importance of going to the gym and tell him that even if you go at 4 a.m. that you'll probably still have to stay late at work for a while until you get a new person.
usually get on the elliptical or stationary bike until the machines are ready, he is slim and fit and doesn't really want to go to the gym because it is really out of his way, he spends all of his free time working on the new house. he said he may come work out with me on a non member pass once the house is done.
Could he maybe not be happy that he's working on the new house in his spare time while you're off at the gym (and I mean this in a non snarky kind of way)? Could it be a matter of him wanting to see you more and spend more time with you? I'm just throwing things out there.0 -
Do you spend both hours with your trainer at night? Why don't you split the time and do an hour on your own before work and be with the trainer for an hour after work?0
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Ok, I just recently joined a gym. My husband was against it. To begin with it was money. That issue has since been resolved. Turns out, the trainer at the gym is also a client at the vet clinic I work at. He offered to be my trainer for FREE. He is doing this because I'm the only person that can handle his chow chow (a very mean dog). So, I've been going to the gym for 3 days, after work, and my husband is complaining that it is keeping me too late at night. Now I usually get off at 4pm, but this week we had a girl quit and I've been having to stay late. I stay at the gym for 2 hours, getting home at about 7pm. I tried to tell him this wasn't going to always be the case, but he wants me to go in the morning before work. Which would have me getting up at 4am, and still getting home late because now that I don't have to leave work to go to the gym, my boss will want me to stay at work until we get a new girl. Am I just being over insensitive? Or is my husband being unreasonable? I've asked him to come with me, but he doesn't want to, not that he needs to.
I think you both need to compromise. Start going in the morning 3 days a week and then continue going after work 2 nights a week or something. And it's none of your bosses business whether you're going to the gym after work or before work. If they're willing to let you off on time to go to the gym, you should be able to get off on time to see your family. But if it's going to be an issue, don't even bring up the fact that your gym schedule has changed. It's irrelevant to your job.0 -
Marriage is about compromise.
This^^0 -
Divorce.0
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I may get the smackdown for this but I see all women posting so maybe you need a mans perspective.
1.) You stated that you live with his parents while you fix up the house next door. I am guessing that it's so your family can move into it. With that in mind, you are leaving your husband 2 hours a night, 3 nights a week to work out. I appreciate your dedication but have you thought of how he may see this. His wife is at a gym with her personal trainer (another man, more on this later) for 2 hours at night while the husband is working on preparing a home for his family.
2.) You have a FREE personal trainer of the opposite sex who you met outside of the gym. Personal trainers get paid very well. For him to give you 2 hours a nght, 3 nights a week free service takes a nice little chunk of money out of his pocket. Unless he is the Dali Lama or Ghandi, I would seriously question his motives and I'm willing to bet your husband does as well. There are a lot of nice people in the world but there also a lot of people who play nice to get what they want.
3.) Your husband may be feeling insecure about himself. Telling him you want to spend that time in the gym (with said FREE personal trainer) is not condusive to making him feel secure.
4.) You may need to reevaluate your relationship. If your priorities aren't something your husband can live with you both need to know it sooner rather than later.
5.) Lastly, for those of you who are suggesting compromise, THANK YOU. A marriage cannot survive if either partner has the attitude of, "My way or the highway." I have a feeling that your spouses/partners appreciate you more than you know.0 -
Sounds like you both work and with three kids, you both have limited free time -- plus you have a new house that needs work. What are your priorites as a couple/as parents/as individuals? While I am all for parents having individual time, how do you balance those 6 hours with your family needs? That is not to say don't work out, or don't make time for yourself, but how much time, and when to take it -- at what cost (money/time/family obligations)?It only takes 2 hours because I have to wait for some of the machines to be available. I assume it won't always take that long once I get use to using the machines myself and I don't have to have my trainer spot me on them, I had neck surgery so he needs to help me until my neck muscle's are strong enough.
Or maybe you switch to working out at the gym to 2x a week, and exercise in the AM or at home 1x. Or maybe you forget the gym for now and work out at home. Because I'm all for putting your health first, but that doesn't mean that everyone/everything else in your life revolve around your fitness schedule -- it means you make it important enough for YOU compromise, make changes and YOU make the sacrifices to make it happen. It shouldn't mean putting the burden on your spouse.0 -
This is just me, but that sounds like a lot of time away from the family. You are a very busy woman, with work, kids, husband, and house re-model. You should be congratulated for taking fitness seriously in the middle of all that. I have 3 little kiddos, too, and I try to make my exercise time fit around the time available with them. Usually, that means I exercise at 5 in the morning. (You might find the gym less busy in the early morning, which will mean you won't have to go as early.). If I skip the morning and work out at night, I do it after 8:00 bedtime for kids. It isn't ideal, but it works. When I work out on the weekends, I get the kids fed and settled in an activity, and then leave it on autopilot for my husband. We have exercise equipment at home, which takes commuting out of the picture (wasted time, unless you can't avoid it). Sometimes on the weekend, I sneak in some active video games with the kids. That way we are playing together and I get a little cardio.
Just keep in mind, that even though fitness is a fabulous goal, your husband will see it at "you" time, not "we" time, even if you are doing it for him, too.0 -
3 nights a week is nothing. And like you said, you'd be staying at work late if you go in the morning. The logical solution is to keep going at night and for him to suck it up for 3 nights a week. Of course you don't say "suck it up!". Just explain to him how it doesn't make sense for you to go at 4am.0
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Two hours a night with 3 young ones is a bit much. Can you split it, do Cardio in AM, you can run or walk in your neighborhood to cut down the PM time. Family time is precious, and fitness is important. So you need to find a way to
make it work for your whole family. Be flexible with how your are working out and when, this way everyone is happy. Happy Wife, Happy life and Happy Hubby, Happy Home.
When my hubby is not traveling and the kids can be home for dinner, I work out at lunch or cut it short at the gym, when kids were younger I worked out in the morning at home via DVD. I agree alot with mum1970. A trainer is great, but you could do a 30 day challenge at home on your own. Pick up a Jillian Michael's DVD. A trainer is nice, but for long term fitness you are going to need to figure out how to fit this in long term anyway.0 -
Compromise: 3-4 days a week take 2 hours at the gym, and the other 3-4 days a week take 30-60 mins, or skip a few gym days and workout at home - everyone wins!0
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I may get the smackdown for this but I see all women posting so maybe you need a mans perspective.
1.) You stated that you live with his parents while you fix up the house next door. I am guessing that it's so your family can move into it. With that in mind, you are leaving your husband 2 hours a night, 3 nights a week to work out. I appreciate your dedication but have you thought of how he may see this. His wife is at a gym with her personal trainer (another man, more on this later) for 2 hours at night while the husband is working on preparing a home for his family.
2.) You have a FREE personal trainer of the opposite sex who you met outside of the gym. Personal trainers get paid very well. For him to give you 2 hours a nght, 3 nights a week free service takes a nice little chunk of money out of his pocket. Unless he is the Dali Lama or Ghandi, I would seriously question his motives and I'm willing to bet your husband does as well. There are a lot of nice people in the world but there also a lot of people who play nice to get what they want.
3.) Your husband may be feeling insecure about himself. Telling him you want to spend that time in the gym (with said FREE personal trainer) is not condusive to making him feel secure.
4.) You may need to reevaluate your relationship. If your priorities aren't something your husband can live with you both need to know it sooner rather than later.
5.) Lastly, for those of you who are suggesting compromise, THANK YOU. A marriage cannot survive if either partner has the attitude of, "My way or the highway." I have a feeling that your spouses/partners appreciate you more than you know.
:drinker:0 -
Thanks for all the suggestions, we will work something out...i will go in the mornings and by the time i do get home all my horny workout energy will be gone and he will be begging me to go back after work :laugh:
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
That should work lol0 -
I understand the compromise aspect but I think it's more about his insecurities. Seems like every time I try to get back into shape, my husband orders take out Chinese food or pizza at 10:00 at night. I have absolutely no will power when it comes to food. I think he likes me the way I am because if I get back into shape I will get all the attention I used to get from men. Being on this site is my support. Being able to see what I'm eating and the calories keeps me more accountable for what I'm eating. I haven't made my calorie goal of 1410 calories per day yet, but I'm still trying. Usually I'm over by amost 300 cals.
I would say talk to him and let him know that you're doing this for yourself so you can feel good. He also needs to be understanding and should be supportive.
Good Luck!0 -
Two hours a night with 3 young ones is a bit much. Can you split it, do Cardio in AM, you can run or walk in your neighborhood to cut down the PM time. Family time is precious, and fitness is important. So you need to find a way to
make it work for your whole family. Be flexible with how your are working out and when, this way everyone is happy. Happy Wife, Happy life and Happy Hubby, Happy Home.
When my hubby is not traveling and the kids can be home for dinner, I work out at lunch or cut it short at the gym, when kids were younger I worked out in the morning at home via DVD. I agree alot with mum1970. A trainer is great, but you could do a 30 day challenge at home on your own. Pick up a Jillian Michael's DVD. A trainer is nice, but for long term fitness you are going to need to figure out how to fit this in long term anyway.
I like a lot of these suggestions. Maybe at night take the kids with you for a walk around town. My kids are teens now so I ask them to go with me. We walk the dog and always see someone they know along the way, window shop etc. Its a great time to get the kids to talk to you as well.0 -
Compromise! When I did work and we had our first child, I got up at 4.30 am and was at the gym by 5 am, did a 45 minute to an hour workout which included my strength training and cardio three times a week. Then in the evenings when it was possible, we as a FAMILY went for a walk with the dog. I had lost 25 lbs doing it that way.
Now, as a SAHM I am able to go during the day. I am fortunate that my gym has a great childcare center there that also keeps the children active as well. My kids and I are able to hit the pool together, wear ourselves out then come home to their dad.
And now, that I am getting more active my husband is going to the gym himself. We used to do it together but we find it harder now with kids and I have the day open to do it. He comes home and then goes to the gym and I WANT him to do it. I want our kids seeing us being fit even if we are not going to the gym together we are going. And once the weather warms up, we will be taking walks as a family with the dogs again.0 -
I may get the smackdown for this but I see all women posting so maybe you need a mans perspective.
1.) You stated that you live with his parents while you fix up the house next door. I am guessing that it's so your family can move into it. With that in mind, you are leaving your husband 2 hours a night, 3 nights a week to work out. I appreciate your dedication but have you thought of how he may see this. His wife is at a gym with her personal trainer (another man, more on this later) for 2 hours at night while the husband is working on preparing a home for his family.
2.) You have a FREE personal trainer of the opposite sex who you met outside of the gym. Personal trainers get paid very well. For him to give you 2 hours a nght, 3 nights a week free service takes a nice little chunk of money out of his pocket. Unless he is the Dali Lama or Ghandi, I would seriously question his motives and I'm willing to bet your husband does as well. There are a lot of nice people in the world but there also a lot of people who play nice to get what they want.
3.) Your husband may be feeling insecure about himself. Telling him you want to spend that time in the gym (with said FREE personal trainer) is not condusive to making him feel secure.
4.) You may need to reevaluate your relationship. If your priorities aren't something your husband can live with you both need to know it sooner rather than later.
5.) Lastly, for those of you who are suggesting compromise, THANK YOU. A marriage cannot survive if either partner has the attitude of, "My way or the highway." I have a feeling that your spouses/partners appreciate you more than you know.
The personal trainer is 64, I've known him through work, when he was over weight, for years. He is giving me the hook up because I take excellent care of his dog when no other vets in the area will touch it. He is an animal lover, and has the meanest dog ever, I have a soft spot for chow chows. That is the only motive for the free training. I've put in my fair share on the house, scrapped all the old paint, re-painted everything, sanding floors, grouting tile. I also work on the house with my husband from 9-12 at night once the kids go to bed. Right now my husband is putting in hardwood floors, not a whole lot for me to do at this point in the house. My husband is hot, fit and I'm over weight and no-one is going to hit on me at the gym, not even my 64 year old trainer so I don't think he has to worry about that either.0 -
I get up at 4 a.m. to train before work because I want to be able to spend time with my husband and kids. Two hours at the gym is excessive, go at 4 a.m. and you will wait for nothing to be available.0
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Try the morning thing, and don't be a pushover at work.. Either don't tell your boss that you already worked out in the morning...or just tell them that you have some obligations at home and can't stay that late every night.0
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Try the morning thing, and don't be a pushover at work.. Either don't tell your boss that you already worked out in the morning...or just tell them that you have some obligations at home and can't stay that late every night.
My boss is my best friend and we just had our night girl quit so I may need to stay and do surgeries at night. I would do it without him asking. Plus everyone waits to bring in their sick or injured animals at 5 or 6 and it would not be fair to the Doc,or the animals, to leave them here in a tight spot while we are short staffed.0
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