Is my hubby wrecking my gym efforts?

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  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
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    I get up at 4 a.m. to train before work because I want to be able to spend time with my husband and kids. Two hours at the gym is excessive, go at 4 a.m. and you will wait for nothing to be available.

    In which case the OP can wait until 5.

    If you are spending two hours at the gym, are you leaving any time to work on the house? Construction work can be pretty intense. I know if I really pushed myself at the gym, it would be hard to lift my arms even for something low key, like painting. If you made the house a priority together, and now you are focusing more on your own priority, I can see where that would put stress on the relationship.

    Also, spending what some might consider frivolous money while you are living in someone else's house can be another stressor. Most think that getting out of that dependency should be a priority.

    It sounds like you have done a good job of letting him know what you need, but have you discussed the actual goals and other ways to achieve them, or just told him that you are going to do X, Y and Z?
  • CarmenSRT
    CarmenSRT Posts: 843 Member
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    OP, looking at this from your husband's perspective I see you getting personal time (at least 6 hours a week) without having to worry about housework and kid duties. Time all to yourself. Where is HIS personal time? He spends his time on the house and the kids, he may need recharge time too - but isn't getting it.

    My husband and I have been happily married for over 25 years. Marriage has to be about compromise. Compromise means EVERYONE sacrifices something, and everyone gets something. Figure out how he can get private time too, because resentment is toxic to relationships.
  • thekub
    thekub Posts: 1 Member
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    A guy response:Guys kinda of think a different way... he is jealous that you are spending so much time with another guy doesnt matter what he looks like or how old he is) give him some special time when you get home and he will come around. Tell him you feel sexy from working out and you would love to show him what you mean....LOL
  • Angie__1MR
    Angie__1MR Posts: 388 Member
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    Try the morning thing, and don't be a pushover at work.. Either don't tell your boss that you already worked out in the morning...or just tell them that you have some obligations at home and can't stay that late every night.

    My boss is my best friend and we just had our night girl quit so I may need to stay and do surgeries at night. I would do it without him asking. Plus everyone waits to bring in their sick or injured animals at 5 or 6 and it would not be fair to the Doc,or the animals, to leave them here in a tight spot while we are short staffed.

    All I hear is one excuse after another...
    b79531a5.jpg
  • vicrandom
    vicrandom Posts: 80 Member
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    If you're going to bed at midnight, you can't be getting up and 4 and expect to lose weight or gain overall health. That's an uninformed expectation on your husband's part. While I agree that 2 hours at the gym is not really needed, it sounds like you're already working on that. The kids are looked after. You're putting in work on the house. It doesn't sound like you're depriving him of excessive amounts of time. Your husband needs to figure out what actually bothers him about the situation. Is it that you get me-time and he doesn't? Is it that your looking as fit as he does will cause a perceived loss of power in the relationship? Does he just miss you? Does he feel overwhelmed with his perceived responsibilities? Some reasons have room for compromise; others would require him to admit to himself that he's being a **** and needs to fix it. Either way, you're prioritizing your health and if he's got something he'd like you to prioritize instead then he needs to make a much better case than he's making now, at least based on your description.
  • ClosetGuru
    ClosetGuru Posts: 2
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    Great idea!
  • BCSMama
    BCSMama Posts: 348
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    I agree with compromising. How would you feel if he decided he had somewhere to be 3 evenings a week for 2 hours? I would think if you went in the mornings, you wouldn't have to spend as long since it likely wouldn't be very crowded. Your boss doesn't need to know what you do outside of work; just tell him you can't work late and leave it at that. Are you getting off early to go workout now? If so, does that effect your income?

    I will say my husband used to bowl many years ago. It was something he really liked and he was on bowling leagues with his friends and family literally about 3 nights a week. I could have joined or gone there, but it wasn't my thing and I just preferred him to be home with me. I was honestly a little resentful at the situation and we had a discussion about it. He agreed to compromise and did it just 1 night per week.

    Would you be willing to workout at home some? What about during your lunch break or before work some? What about going for a run instead of the gym one night; you can get in a good cardio workout running 30-40 minutes.
  • Seriousmom3
    Seriousmom3 Posts: 164
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    I get up at 4 a.m. to train before work because I want to be able to spend time with my husband and kids. Two hours at the gym is excessive, go at 4 a.m. and you will wait for nothing to be available.

    In which case the OP can wait until 5.

    If you are spending two hours at the gym, are you leaving any time to work on the house? Construction work can be pretty intense. I know if I really pushed myself at the gym, it would be hard to lift my arms even for something low key, like painting. If you made the house a priority together, and now you are focusing more on your own priority, I can see where that would put stress on the relationship.

    Also, spending what some might consider frivolous money while you are living in someone else's house can be another stressor. Most think that getting out of that dependency should be a priority.

    It sounds like you have done a good job of letting him know what you need, but have you discussed the actual goals and other ways to achieve them, or just told him that you are going to do X, Y and Z?

    Well, I discussed joining a gym with him and he said we didn't have the money for it. So, I told him I would my lunch money, which is about $80 a month, to use as my gym membership. My dad, who loves the idea of me getting in shape, loaned me the $100 for the enrollment fee. Since we are almost finished with the house we both agreed now was a good time for me to start going to the gym. So, no new expense's have came up because of me joining the gym. Now is a good time, because all of the hard work on the house is done. Just the floors are left to do. I have to paint a couple of floors, but that can be knocked out in a weekend.
  • SuperSnoopy
    SuperSnoopy Posts: 3,464 Member
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    A guy response:Guys kinda of think a different way... he is jealous that you are spending so much time with another guy doesnt matter what he looks like or how old he is) give him some special time when you get home and he will come around. Tell him you feel sexy from working out and you would love to show him what you mean....LOL

    I kind of agree with this comment at least about the jealous bit, I certinally would be, but hey thats just me.
  • dorianaldyn
    dorianaldyn Posts: 611 Member
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    I wake up just after 4 am in order to fit my exercise time in. I'm lucky in that I have a gym in my basement - but for the most part, the family has felt no ill effects from my workout schedule - everyone else is asleep and is none the wiser!
  • bbgughj
    bbgughj Posts: 219 Member
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    Make it work ! Get up and going at 4am ! How bad do you want to get in shape ?
  • Seriousmom3
    Seriousmom3 Posts: 164
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    Make it work ! Get up and going at 4am ! How bad do you want to get in shape ?

    Since I've been doing it on my own for 5 months I'd say pretty bad. I have no problem getting up at 4 am to be there by 4:30, except that I will be losing my trainer
  • bbgughj
    bbgughj Posts: 219 Member
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    Maybe your trainer can create a plan for you to follow on your own for the time being?
  • TerriAnne53
    TerriAnne53 Posts: 197 Member
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    I totally agree. he needs to deal with it. you need to do this for you and your health.
  • ahamm002
    ahamm002 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    This thread is just bad humor. How can a parent with 3 young kids honestly not understand why their spouse doesn't want them getting home two hours late 3 times per week? If I tried doing something like that, my wife would flip out and with good reason! And what the heck is with spending two hours at the gym? Seriously? It's like you're not even trying to get home at a reasonable time, which is probably why your husband is appropriately unhappy with your behavior.
  • SyllyThings
    SyllyThings Posts: 15 Member
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    There still must be an underliying reason why he is against going ot the gym. It's probably something he doesn't even realize. You'll both figure that out at some point.

    From my limited experience, gyms are busiest in January and starts slowing down thereafter. By the end of March or sooner, you will see what the really nature of the gym is. Hopefully by then you won't be spending 2 hours in there. For your own sake.
  • Seriousmom3
    Seriousmom3 Posts: 164
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    This thread is just bad humor. How can a parent with 3 young kids honestly not understand why their spouse doesn't want them getting home two hours late 3 times per week? If I tried doing something like that, my wife would flip out and with good reason! And what the heck is with spending two hours at the gym? Seriously? It's like you're not even trying to get home at a reasonable time, which is probably why your husband is appropriately unhappy with your behavior.

    He isn't alone with the kids, his parents are there so it isn't like he has to watch them by himself, and it was only 2 hours because it takes me 30 minutes to drive home
  • MaryB2
    MaryB2 Posts: 331 Member
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    This thread is just bad humor. How can a parent with 3 young kids honestly not understand why their spouse doesn't want them getting home two hours late 3 times per week? If I tried doing something like that, my wife would flip out and with good reason! And what the heck is with spending two hours at the gym? Seriously? It's like you're not even trying to get home at a reasonable time, which is probably why your husband is appropriately unhappy with your behavior.

    He isn't alone with the kids, his parents are there so it isn't like he has to watch them by himself, and it was only 2 hours because it takes me 30 minutes to drive home

    That's even worse. His family may feel taken advantage of. Not only do they provide y'all with a place to stay and make dinner every night but they watch the kids extra while you're taking more time than necessary away from home.
  • bekool
    bekool Posts: 9
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    Marriage is about compromise.

    You probably need to find a way to meet him in the middle.

    And.....you don't need to be at the gym for 2 hours/visit to get fit.

    I totally agree. I usually go to the gym for an hour during lunch M-F. After hours is family time.
  • zCarsAndCaloriesz
    zCarsAndCaloriesz Posts: 348
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    I feel like he should be more supportive. If you get up at 4:00am then you'll have to go to be at 9:00pm, so you would be taking time away from him anyway. Why doesn't he go to the gym with you? You could make it something you do together.

    I agree with everything said here. This is something that in the long run could better your life and health, maybe he should take part in it with you.

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