Need opinions...my friend and I are debating...
Replies
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Yes, it is possible to really fall in love with someone that quickly. That doesn't mean, though, that they should act on it that quickly. He should see how the relationship develops before he has his job transfer him and moves away from his high school aged daughter. Just because teenagers don't want to hang out with dad, doesn't mean she'd be okay with him moving to another city/state.0
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The fact that he flew in from out of state to visit her for 5 days means they must have been talking prior to the visit.
Could it be love? Sure. Can you tell in 5 days if you can make a long-term relationship work? Hell no.
And I can’t imagine ever wanting to be in a relationship with someone who’s willing to move states away from a son or daughter who is not yet an adult. That’s just plain wrong.0 -
No..
And I always make it a rule but never trust a man who will easily abandon his children (at any age). He sure as heck won't stick with you if he won't stick with them. Responsibility is a big part of relationships & commitments. Love is the stupid talking before you actually get to know the person you're with. Real love is when all the 'beginning' fake stuff is washed away and you still have those feelings.
I should clarify the part about abandoning his kids....they will have the option of moving down with him OR staying with their mom. He is a great father. (I know "Matt" as well)...his girls get everything they need, he spends more time with them than most fathers do, they go hunting together, takes them shopping, supports their dreams and goals....
She has talked to the girls as well. They want there father to be happy. His oldest is moving to NY after graduation to attend FIT. THe younger of the 2 seems very excited to possibly have a "Florida" home...lol...
She is welcoming with them and also knows his ex-wife. I think that may make it more comfortable for all of them...but he is NOT abandoning his children.
Right now they live with their mother....but they are old enough to choose.
When they're still under age they shouldn't have to choose to live states away from either parent.0 -
I think there is a difference between infatuation and love.
Infatuation is that nearly-insane feeling you have early in the relationship. That wears off. There may still be moments of it from time to time, but if the relationship is legitimate, it probably won't be all the time.
I believe that love happens when the practical and impractical are balanced, and time has emphasized both the good and the bad.
Awesome!!!!!!!!!! you nailed it babycakes!!:bigsmile:0 -
We don't know details...he could have had a terrible accident and be head-count limited. Just sayin'.NOPE!!!! Im just keepint it real......dude is just thinking with his other head right now!!!
Thats true..his Kielbasa might be out of order!0 -
Parenting differences I suppose - One you shouldn't make your kids choose between parents. They shouldn't have to choose at any age. They shouldn't be placed in that position in the first place unless one parent is detrimental to their development. And then the courts would choose in the perfect world right? (sarcasm spot there)
Saying it's okay to put a burden like that on a kid's shoulders is negligent parenting in my book.
Two - in my experience and my parents and their parents and other parents - teen years are the IT years when they're more apt to go down the wrong roads. When any child would need guidance and emotional support from an 'adult' parent who isn't on the verge of checking out because they're following their penis and the belief that a job that's 75% done is done enough. People ask what's wrong with the youth today and I see this sort of thing as what is wrong with parents today.
I'm glad my parents never 'checked' out of my life nor out of my concern as I grew up.0 -
Whether anyone thinks it is a good idea or not, they are adults and will experience the consequences of their choices.
The teenagers don't sound like they are being "abandoned", my husband and I moved out of state when one of our teenagers entered college, effectively "leaving him behind" but he was absolutely fine, and he didn't even have another parent around him. completed college, bought himself a home, and is getting married soon. Independence can be a gift for your young adult children.
Love is hard to find. When you find someone who lights up your world, it's worth it to try to make that grow.
The type of solid, comfortable love that develops over a long relationship can't be forged in 5 days, but the beginning of something special can be.0 -
This really irks me now. How do the children feel about this? Why did things not work out with the ex wife?
I need answers!
The ex wife cheated on him...(like I Said I know all of the parties involved personally).
The girls want their dad to be happy and actually told him "it's about time you found someone...you dserve it"....they are sweet girls.
We all have known each other since high school...Matt, Dot, and me....0 -
it is totally possible to fall in love with someone after that amount of time, they had not just met on the street, they talked and knew each other, the being togther for that time was just the icing on the cake.0
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The girls want their dad to be happy and actually told him "it's about time you found someone...you dserve it"....they are sweet girls. We all have known each other since high school...Matt, Dot, and me....
Well, then I see no problem. It's not like he just met some random stranger on the internet, fell in love in a few days and is leaving his job and family for her.0 -
Even considering the length of time they've known each other, I wouldn't call this love. Of course I don't know them either. I'd call it infatuation. That's not to say that it couldn't lead to love.
Love is pretty darn complex, and it usually makes us feel like crap just as much as it lifts us up. If all someone is feeling is the warm and fuzzy happiness, then that someone may be in for a rude awakening when real love hits.0 -
Your concern is well-founded, but it does work out on occasion.
Dated my wife for 11 days and we decided to get serious. Been married 25 years now. It is a matter of kissing a lot of frogs prior to meeting each other.0 -
This!
No..
And I always make it a rule but never trust a man who will easily abandon his children (at any age). He sure as heck won't stick with you if he won't stick with them. Responsibility is a big part of relationships & commitments. Love is the stupid talking before you actually get to know the person you're with. Real love is when all the 'beginning' fake stuff is washed away and you still have those feelings.0 -
It happened to me so yes, it is possible. I met my partner on May 10, 2005. We were officially dating by May 20. By May 31, we were living together. We've been together ever since. We're registered as domestic partners since 2008 and with a new law that has been enacted in our state, we'll be married in June of this year.
All that aside, I would be very hesitant to get into a relationship with a guy that would be willing to move away from his children, particularly the 16 year old. That is a clear sign of irresponsibility in my opinion.0 -
She had "Matt" visit her for 5 days and he went back home to his home state....he says that he is in love with her. They have known each other for 20 years, went to high school together, his brother and her sister are friends etc...but they hadn't spent any quality time together until his recent visit.
They have known each other for 20 years, not 5 days. It isn't like they are total strangers.0 -
I knew on my first date with my hubby that I was going to marry him. Within the week we had declared our love for each other. After both coming out of divorces where we were the ones left, we understood full well what rushing into a relationship could do and what it could look like to others. We married 8 months after our first date, only because I wanted to wait until a full year from my divorce date had passed. I would've married him within just a few months. Has it been total sunshine and roses, no. But, have I ever doubted my love for him, NOPE! We've been married almost 9 years and looking forward to the next 50 years!
My experience. Someone else's may be completely different. That's why life is so exciting! Ya' just have to play the cards in your hand and see how things go.0 -
Definitely possible, but not for everyone.
Met my wife for the first time. A month and a half later asked her out. Engaged 2 weeks after that. Married 6 months later. Married now for 13 years. Not saying we haven't had challenges, but she is still my best friend.0 -
No..
And I always make it a rule but never trust a man who will easily abandon his children (at any age). He sure as heck won't stick with you if he won't stick with them. Responsibility is a big part of relationships & commitments. Love is the stupid talking before you actually get to know the person you're with. Real love is when all the 'beginning' fake stuff is washed away and you still have those feelings.
THIS!!!! THIS!!!!! THIS!!!!!0 -
No..
And I always make it a rule but never trust a man who will easily abandon his children (at any age). He sure as heck won't stick with you if he won't stick with them. Responsibility is a big part of relationships & commitments. Love is the stupid talking before you actually get to know the person you're with. Real love is when all the 'beginning' fake stuff is washed away and you still have those feelings.
I should clarify the part about abandoning his kids....they will have the option of moving down with him OR staying with their mom. He is a great father. (I know "Matt" as well)...his girls get everything they need, he spends more time with them than most fathers do, they go hunting together, takes them shopping, supports their dreams and goals....
Right now they live with their mother....but they are old enough to choose.
You know 'Matt' as well huh?
Hmmmm... O:-)
Totes still asking for a friend....0 -
Definitely possible, but not for everyone.
Met my wife for the first time. A month and a half later asked her out. Engaged 2 weeks after that. Married 6 months later. Married now for 13 years. Not saying we haven't had challenges, but she is still my best friend.
DUDE!!!?!??!!? You married a chick you met at 19 years of age? missed out on alot of possibilites. just sayin0 -
yep totally possible,
I met my husband on a wednesday and that friday we were married. no joke 3 days we knew each other, this weekend is our 10 yr annivsary and we have 3 boys together.
Love it... Yep completly possible... we had quick but not as quick at the above. We meet and 9 weeks later we were married... 13 year later, still married with 4 more kids to the one he had before.
It's totally possible, you fall in and out of love in your own marriage the important thing is to fall back into love with the same person. This year I have totally found an new love for my husband in our weight loss journey. Where as in previous years I have hated him while I was trying to lose weight, he would bring treats in just to tempt me. This time he has reached his goal weight and is not going to celebrate until I reach mine... (mine is double his). And he is totally content to not eat cake at our childrens birthday or christmas candy because he is 100 percent committed to me.0 -
Yes, it's definitely possible.
Less than three weeks after our first date, my husband moved in with me. That was 23 years ago this month. We both just knew we were right for each other and were in love. It worked for us.0 -
Yep. I talked to the guy, Jerry, on the phone 2x, shared a few emails. Jerry was living with a friend of mine. Then I flew out to visit this friend and Jerry. We spent the week - Jerry, me, our mutual friend and another friend - sight seeing and hanging out. Jerry asked me to marry him at the end of the week. I told him no and flew home. We traded some more phone calls and emails. He went out to sea (they were all in the Navy) for 6 months. We emailed and I sent him packages. We didn't get many phone calls. He kept asking me to marry him the entire time. I kept saying no. When he got out of the navy (after the 6 months was up) he moved to live where I live (and gave up all his friends and family to be with me). I told him he had to wait 6 months to propose so he did. He put 6 months to the day in his geek watch, put a ring on laway and waited. We've been married 11 years.0
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Everything's possible. I met my husband on 28th November, we were engaged on 14th February (romantic huh!!) the following year and were living together a week after that. We were both 16 when we met and celebrated our 25th anniversary last summer.0
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Of course it's possible. The real question is how likely will the relationship be a success, right?
You've clarified about the "abandoning the kids" aspect. Sounds like "Matt" is already divorced and participates in the lives of the children he had in his previous marriage. It also sounds like "Matt" and "your friend" have known each other for awhile - the five days spent together was in a new context, perhaps. But they weren't strangers.
I know it's not in line with Hollywood or Hallmark, but I think LOVE is much more cerebral than many people care to realize. I understand it's a feeling, but as others have said, the whirlwind, shortness of breath, light-headed stuff is infatuation. That stuff feels good, no doubt. But I wouldn't call that love. I think love evolves and grows and has to do with decisions and actions. We may feel love, but it has meaning when we show love.
I suspect "Matt" and "your friend" may be caught up in infatuation. That's not wrong or right, good or bad. I think someone in "Matt's" situation (as you've described) might be susceptible to an infatuation-based fantasy - in particular with someone he has known for awhile but more recently decided to view in a different light. We tend to remember people we like fondly, and if the opportunity for romance is there, it can feed the fantasy.
All of that to say "Matt" and "your friend" don't have any better or worse chances than most people. We all bring our own set of baggage into every relationship we engage in. They may grow to truly love each other.0 -
I have been in a long-distance relationship with my middle school sweetheart for the past 4 years (4 years this February). When we saw each other for the first time in 20-odd years it was as if time had stood still. He even said, "It feels like we've been dating for months and just haven't seen each other for a few weeks." Some days it's harder to make it work than others...but, most days our relationship works just like anyone elses. I knew, after spending that weekend with him that it was something that doesn't come along every day....and something you do not turn your back on. After going another 4 mos without seeing each other, I knew as soon as I saw him again that I was in love with him.
So, is it possible? Yes. But, you should proceed with an open mind and heart and a clear head (easier said than done, I know).
Of course my bf and I want to be together on a more "regular" basis...but, right now it's just not in the cards. I stay where I am because I will not take my boys away from their dad. He stays where he is because his job isn't one that you can just transfer around (he works for the electric company and runs the power grid - can't just show up at the utlilities doorstop and say "hey!" lol). Ideally, we both want to wind up together in about 5 years or so...my boys will be a lot older then and they will be "of age" to decide what they'd like to do or try. I wouldn't consider it forcing them to pick one parent over the other. They both see the sacrifices I make in my life now to keep them with their dad.0 -
I think so. I am now dating a man that I went to high school with. We knew of each other but were not friends. We reconnected through mutual friends and we both had a feeling before we actually met. We met on 11/9/12 and we have been together ever since. We have already talked marriage.0
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Keep in mind he is willing to have his job transfer him to her location, move away from his kids (one of whom is going away to college in a few months anyway) the other is 16....
I understand they do know each other, even know quirks about each other, that my annoy otger people....but is it possible???
I want to believe it is... my gut tells me it isn't. I just dont want her to get hurt...
While I think that's totally possible to fall in love so fast... a red flag would be going off in my head about any man who is willing to leave his kids and move far away. Even older teenagers need their dad around. Putting his new love before the kids he's raised for how many years seems like a really bad move and one that would make me question his ability to commit to any relationship, and the wisdom of getting into a serious relationship with him.The fact that he flew in from out of state to visit her for 5 days means they must have been talking prior to the visit.
Could it be love? Sure. Can you tell in 5 days if you can make a long-term relationship work? Hell no.
And I can’t imagine ever wanting to be in a relationship with someone who’s willing to move states away from a son or daughter who is not yet an adult. That’s just plain wrong.
^^ Exactly.0 -
It's possible. No reason to rush things though. IMO0
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Happily married to someone I loved from the second date on. First date on a Tuesday, second date on a Friday. I know it is possible.0
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